Afraid to Fall

by Nicole Douglas

  She thought back seconds before to the moment Kyle took in a sharp breath of air and jerked away from her. She cursed herself for wishing he hadn't; for wanting to feel his lips against hers. His moment of clarity and good judgment had saved her a mess of trouble. That's exactly what it would be to fall in love with him again; pure trouble and a twice broken heart.

  As she contemplated how close she was to almost making the same mistake twice she felt the jeep rock, signaling that Kyle had climbed back into his seat. She was pulled back from her deep thoughts. He turned the key in the ignition and to both their relief the engine started on the first try. Without waiting another moment, he gently pressed the gas and they were back on course.

  Jessica listened to the sound of Kyle’s rhythmic breaths and the crunching of the tires on the dried mud and leaves as they twisted with the turns of the narrow road. She decided shortly after their awkward moment that she wouldn't look at him for the rest of the trip. It seemed reasonable enough. She maintained a gaze on the passing trees, becoming enthralled with the occasional wildlife she saw.

  Over an hour into the ride she began to feel fidgety. Fiddling with the radio, she found a station with minimal static. She didn't let the fact that there were no English stations and she couldn’t speak Spanish stop her from softly singing along with the catchy songs and the random lines she actually could pronounce, although she had no idea what they meant. Singing led to her bobbing her head and dancing to the beat in her seat.

  Kyle grinned. Although he had kept his eyes on the road thus far, he could make out her dance moves from the corner of his eye. It was far more entertaining than she had intended it to be. Before he knew it he was laughing out loud at her musical antics and singing right along with her.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Several hours into the trip, Jessica simply couldn't hold it another minute.

  "I have to pee." She stated bluntly. Kyle drove on for another few seconds with not much of a response beyond a sideways glance. He just continued to drive.

  "It’s an emergency!"

  On that note, Kyle hurriedly tapped the breaks. No sooner than the jeep came to a complete stop she jumped out and headed deep into the trees. Their scenery was identical to when they began their trip and Jessica was beginning to wonder if they were just going in circles. She heard another door shut behind her and turned on her heel.

  "No." She stated simply. There was no way in hell he was going to follow her on her bathroom break. Kyle apprehensively let her turn back and wander out of his sight, giving her the shred of privacy he knew she desperately wanted.

  "Don't go too far." He shouted when he lost sight of her. He wasn't much surprised when he didn’t get a response. He leaned against the side of the jeep and waited for her to come back.

  Jessica rolled her eyes at his demand and continued into the woods until she was certain he couldn't see or hear her. Once she was finished she promptly returned to the jeep, certain he would come looking for her like a worried mother hen if she took too long.

  As their trip continued, Jessica silently enjoyed the scenery more and more. She had to admit that the woods and wildlife that lived there were absolutely beautiful. Especially now that she wasn’t trekking through it on blistered feet. A small black monkey with shaggy fur swung from a tree branch, looking curiously back at her as they sputtered down the road.

  Lushness surrounded them, greener than anything she had seen back home. The thought of home reminded her that this misadventure with Kyle was near the end. They couldn't be far from town at this point in their drive and once they reached it she would promptly be on the next flight home. And he would be...gone from her life again. There was no telling where. She didn’t have the faintest guess where he would be next and he wouldn’t tell her even if she asked. That sent a twist to her stomach that almost surprised her.

  Almost.

  He always did have a way of bringing out feelings in her. Regardless, she had done a decent job of convincing herself she was indifferent about him thus far in this journey and couldn't wait to part ways. All things considered, she knew goodbye was for the best.

  The best for both of them.

  She gave him yet another sideways glance from her side of the jeep only to find he was doing the same to her. They both quickly jerked their eyes away from one another but it was too late. The awkward tension and distance between them dissipated as she let out a smooth laugh. This earned an identical laugh from him.

  Their eyes met and held for a mere three seconds. But three seconds was more than enough time to communicate the fire that had been simmering since they saw each other again. It was the same fire that had always burned between them. This insight was followed quickly by the knowledge that his time with her was short. Kyle reached across the drink holders to where her hand rested on the warmed plastic.

  She had been looking out the window and was surprised by his touch. She flashed him a hesitant smile. Before she finished wondering what it meant he gave her a full smile of his own. It was the first she had seen in the days he had been back in her life.

  The gesture meant something to him. And that was enough for her at the moment. To have made up and found peace with the man that had taken off without so much as a goodbye was certainly more than she had expected to accomplish on this trip. They had finally found peace. Peace would help her finally be able to set this aside and move on.

  To forget about him.

  That's the mantra she kept playing in her mind as they held hands, his thumb lightly tracing circles on top of hers. The pads of his fingers were rougher, more calloused than they had been the last time they were touching her so intimately. Still, they felt familiar and comfortable as if no time at all had passed since they last held hers. Her heart sped up a pace at the sensation she thought she would never feel again. Deep, deep inside she had the inkling that maybe it wouldn't be as easy as she hoped to put these new memories behind her.

  Suddenly the jeep came to a screeching halt, abruptly jolting her out of her thoughts. What she saw when her eyes darted to the road made her gasp. Slowly ambling in front of them, no more than four feet ahead of the jeep, was a leopard.

  Before disappearing into the trees, the leopard turned his head in curiosity and continued on his way, nonchalant about the vehicle five times his size that nearly ran him over. When she could no longer see the beast Jessica loosened her death grip on Kyle's hand. She didn't realize how hard she was grasping it until the image of being mauled by a set of five inch claws left her mind.

  She knew the dangers they faced in the jungle were far greater than just the cartel that was hunting them down. Seeing the sleek bundle of muscles that worked every step the leopard took as it casually made its way across the path reiterated that. To think that they had been walking around in the open the day before was enough to send chills down her spine.

  "He can't get us in here." Kyle reassured, noticing Jessica was visibly unsettled. "Didn't really look like he was interested in trying either."

  She released a nervous laugh. "You're right. I've just never seen a leopard before…except at the zoo."

  With a smirk on his lips he continued driving. Not long after they moved on past the leopard her mind drifted to darker thoughts.

  “Do you think Amy and Danielle are okay?”

  “I’m not sure.” He decided to say after a pause, not wanting to lie to her.

  “This guy you were searching for…how terrible is he?”

  “Pretty terrible.”

  “What if he killed them?”

  “He wouldn’t.”

  She slid him a disbelieving look.

  “Not that he wouldn’t kill anyone. He would. But he doesn’t typically do his own dirty work.”

  “That doesn’t exactly make me feel any better.” She felt her stomach churn. Could her friends be in the hands of such a monster or one of his henchmen at that very moment?

  “I’m not trying to make you feel better. I’m tryi
ng to be honest.”

  “Why is the military searching for this guy?”

  He let several more seconds pass before he answered. “Trafficking.”

  His tone made her blood run cold. “What kind of trafficking?”

  “Mostly drugs.”

  “Mostly?”

  He chose not to respond, letting silence fill the interior of the jeep. She sat quietly thinking about the information he revealed, knowing he said more than he should have. She didn’t want to imagine what her friends would go through, what she would go through, if captured by a man like that. She was growing tired of feeling like a criminal on the run.

  It turned out they weren't very far from the city when they had their encounter with the leopard. It only took another thirty minutes for them to pull off the dirt path and onto the smooth concrete of a paved road. An involuntary sigh of relief escaped Jessica. She suddenly felt safe in light of all that had happened to them. It seemed that they were leaving those dangers behind them, deep in the forest.

  Kyle's tense shoulders marginally relaxed at the knowledge that they were another step closer to safety. Still, he wasn't fooled into thinking they were in the clear. He was well aware that the city posed its own set of dangers and didn't let down his guard completely. Anyone could be the enemy. He visually scanned the street as well as the people walking around the markets that lined the sidewalk.

  When he thought of how close they were to saying goodbye again, it hit him hard. He knew he would be dropping her off at the airport within hours, staying behind in Colombia himself to face the consequences of his decision. His job, or more likely former job, required him to stay behind. Yeah, goodbye was inevitable. But as he turned the jeep down the main road he had the overwhelming urge to delay it. Against his better judgment, he spoke up.

  "You still want to get some new clothes?"

  Jessica looked down at her tattered, mud caked jeans and a shirt that didn't look much better. With a cringe at what she must look like she nodded.

  "Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

  She slid a glance to Kyle and noticed that while his clothes were just as dirty as hers he was just as attractive as usual. She doubted she could say the same of herself at the moment. She needed a long hot shower and a nap in a soft warm bed before she could feel good again. Maybe even a deep tissue massage.

  As she daydreamed of hot meals, massages and showers, Kyle pulled the jeep to the side of the street and parked behind an old white Honda that had several patches of rust spread across its dull paint. They both climbed out and Kyle walked to Jessica's side, sticking close to her while keeping a watchful eye on people lingering in front of stores. The moment she saw a store filled with Americanized clothes she grabbed his arm and excitedly steered him across the street.

  "This place is perfect." She beamed. "We have to find something for you too, you're just as dirty as I am!"

  He smiled and agreed, warmed by her burst of happiness. He wasn't sure what was so ‘perfect’ about the unlit, grubby place they just entered with a dilapidated cloth roof flapping in the breeze but he supposed she was just relieved to be around anything civilized. He already knew he needed new attire and it wasn’t just because he was dirty. Camo uniforms stood out like a sore thumb around here and he was trying to keep them off the radar.

  Jessica sifted through shirts that were hanging on a rack in the middle of the store and quickly found one she could live with wearing. She knew time was still of the essence by the way Kyle seemed to be gently rushing her so she didn't treat this as a normal shopping trip. If she did, they could be here for hours.

  She pulled the simple blue v-neck shirt off the hanger, checked to make sure it was a size small and hung it over her forearm. Her eyes ventured to a stack of jeans laid out on a long table beside the wall. With the sweltering heat she had been experiencing, she had no desire to continue wearing pants and moved to the table behind it that was piled with shorts.

  Kyle walked to the men's shirt rack, found a plain white one that looked like it would fit him and pulled it from the hanger. He was sure to keep Jessica in his sights as he pulled a pack of socks from a hook and headed to the men's jeans table. After several minutes of checking tags he found his size and pulled the pair from the bottom of the pile, knocking over the stack and earning a scowl from the young woman walking around the store straightening up.

  He gave her an apologetic smile that seemed to immediately ease the woman's frustration with him. She smiled back coyly. Feeling uneasy at how she seemed to misconstrue the smile, he grabbed a pair of boxers off a rack on his way to the ancient cash register. It looked to him like if by some miracle the thing did still work, it was on borrowed time. He laid down his clothes on the counter and spotted Jessica heading toward him.

  She laid hers down on top of his and looked at the sunglasses displayed on the counter. She tried on two pairs of glasses before deciding on a jet black aviator style. Kyle couldn't help but notice that the faded jean shorts she chose didn't look long enough to cover much of anything. Peeking out from beneath them was what appeared to be a bright yellow thong.

  Seeing him noticing the underwear she had tried to cover up with the shorts, her face heated. She quickly pulled the shorts to cover them completely and set the folded glasses on top of the stack of clothes.

  "I don't think those are going to match the red bra." He whispered jokingly as the flirtatious sales girl approached the register. Jessica let out a laugh and, to his surprise, affectionately circled her arm through his in a natural motion.

  The woman behind the counter seemed suddenly less friendly as she rang up their items and announced their total. Kyle reached in his right pocket with his free hand, unwilling to break contact with Jessica, and pulled out a handful of pesos. The woman bagged the clothes and handed them to Kyle. Jessica brightly thanked the girl as they turned to leave.

  She pulled the glasses from the bag and slid them on as soon as they reached the sidewalk, shielding her eyes from the blinding sun. When they reached the jeep she let her arm gracefully slide free from his. Despite the beating summer heat, the absence of her touch left him feeling somewhat cold. Not seeming to have the same problem she walked to the jeep vivaciously and swung open the door. Shaking off the strange feeling, Kyle did the same.

  "Do you think we could we get a hotel room to shower and change?" Jessica asked in a hopeful tone when they pulled up to a stop sign minutes later.

  Kyle hated that he agreed to it faster than the blink of an eye. He knew it was stupid and dangerous to keep allowing all the delays. He also knew damn well he wouldn't be agreeing if it were anyone else asking. But he told himself that another hour or two wouldn’t hurt and they both needed to clean up. By the time they left the hotel, he would finally be prepared for her to go home. He recklessly ignored the inner voice that told him another hour could be deadly and that if it were he would would have no one to blame but himself.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Thirty minutes later Kyle was sliding a key in the door of a rundown motel that offered hourly rates. Jessica had a creepy feeling about the man at the front desk who openly eyed her up and down, zeroing in on her chest more than once, after hearing that they only needed a room for a couple hours. Assuming she was a prostitute, no doubt.

  She had voiced to Kyle how sketchy she thought the place was on the walk from the office to their room. He whole-heartedly agreed, but in this area they didn't exactly have an abundance of four star hotels to choose from. Or the pesos to pay for one.

  He swung open the door, flipped on the light, and took a step back, giving Jessica space to precede him into the room. She peered inside, spared him a reluctant look and slowly stepped forward. He followed and promptly locked the flimsy door before joining Jessica in looking around the room. The beige paint Kyle suspected had once been white was bubbling up and peeling from the heat in the un-air-conditioned room. A fan rattled in the corner, circulating the warm air and stale smell. He set thei
r shopping bag on the dusty dresser.

  Jessica looked at the bed with obvious disgust as if she suspected a deadly disease was crawling beneath the sheets. To be fair, it was a strong possibility. She doubted the blankets, or anything in the room, was ever cleaned and felt insanely relieved they wouldn't be sleeping there.

  "Ladies first." He chimed as he opened the creaky bathroom door and flipped on the light.

  "How polite of you." She replied sarcastically.

  It didn't look much better than the rest of the room but she yearned for a shower so badly she gathered her new clothes, found a towel that she soon decided was not a good idea to use and locked herself in the tiny bathroom. Laying her clothes on the toilet seat, she peeled away her filthy clothes, tossing them on the floor. She turned the water on and a cold stream sprayed out. When it warmed to about room temperature she stepped in and let the mud, dirt and sweat wash away.

  ***

  Completely worn out, Kyle sat hunched over on the edge of the bed. He didn’t dare lie down on the blanket. He scrubbed his hands over his face when he heard the water turn off. Not long after that the door squeaked open and Jessica strolled out in a snug shirt with shorts that allowed little for the imagination as far as her toned legs went. She was raking her fingers through her dripping hair in an attempt to comb out tangles. Heat entered his chest at the sight of her. Then it slowly traveled to his stomach and much lower.