Afraid to Fall

by Nicole Douglas

  "It's okay, Jessie." He breathed in her ear so softly he wasn’t sure she was able to hear him over her own sharp breaths.

  She stilled, trying to process the meaning of his words and recover from the light-headedness she was experiencing. Everything was happening entirely too fast. She wondered if she misheard him entirely. Kyle continued to hover over her but no longer moved, aside from occasionally shifting his weight from one knee to the other. When the haze in her mind began to clear and she settled in place, she noticed that he seemed to be...stalling.

  It suddenly occurred to her that he seemed to be making a production out of overpowering her more than anything else. She was well aware that from the view Alex had in the doorway it looked like Kyle was doing a lot more than just sitting there whispering comforting words. Yet even in the charged position they were in, he hadn't violated her in any way, shape or form.

  The slam of the door after a long sigh of boredom pierced her concentration on solving the puzzle. She nearly leapt out of her skin in surprise. Kyle also was startled by the noise but quickly was flooded with relief when he realized that they were finally alone.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  At the click of the lock he immediately released Jessica’s wrists and shifted off her body, lying limply on the bed. He took a deep, steadying breath. Still crying, she scrambled away from him quickly, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

  "I'm so sorry." He urgently apologized, reaching for her in what he intended to be comforting. Her breath hitched fearfully and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She didn't answer but rather sat with her legs drawn up to her chest at the corner of the bed, shielding her body from him defensively. His heart ached in response as he retracted his hand midair.

  "Jessie, please." He choked out, his voice thick with sincere emotion. "Let me explain-"

  “‘You're on your own’, ‘don't worry, she'll put the weight back on’, ‘I wish I never came after you’.” She hissed mockingly, repeating some of the hateful things he had said. He cringed at hearing his own words. "I think you've explained more than enough."

  "I have a plan to get us out of here." He confessed in a whisper on the off chance that someone was listening through the door. "I didn’t mean any of that. It was all just part of my plan, I swear."

  "Well thanks for letting me in on your little plan, asshole." She shot back resentfully, sounding angrier with each word. "I've been terrified for hours and you didn't think to say anything? Has it all just been some big joke to you?"

  "A joke?" He asked, clearly offended at the suggestion. "You want the truth? I'm trying to save you from watching Rodriguez set me on fire in a few minutes and then getting sent home with some dirty old pervert later tonight when everyone’s done watching the show. How is that a joke?"

  He knew he had been blunt. More so than he intended to be. He wanted to shelter her from the truth at least long enough to get her to safety. But her accusation that he was enjoying himself sent him over the edge.

  She sat stunned at his words, refusing to look at him and wanting nothing more than to cry at the scene he painted for both of them. They were going to kill him. She had suspected as much but hearing it confirmed sent her head spinning. He was going to be dead and she was going to be wishing she met the same fate soon enough when she was under the ownership of that sick old man. She felt an undertone of irritation toward him for leaving her in the dark, not trusting her with the truth.

  "Maybe you could be a little happy one of us has a fucking plan, even if you don’t like how I went about it." He continued with anger rising, careful not to raise his voice.

  "Oh, thank you Kyle, for talking shit about me." Her sarcastic attitude made his blood boil. "And then making me think you were going to-"

  "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really think that low of me?" He interjected before she finished saying the words.

  Finally she lifted her face and looked him straight in the eyes. Despite still being in a dangerous predicament, her eyes suddenly showed no sign of fear. It was as if the heat from her burning anger had melted all terror and concern away momentarily.

  "Maybe I do." She answered, eyes glaringly locked on his and venom in her voice

  She knew she didn't mean what she was saying. Despite everything, she knew he always did what he thought was right; knew he was trying to do what was best for her first and foremost. That was just Kyle. It was what he had always done for her and she had been foolish to think even for a second that this situation had been any different.

  A lot could change in six years but that was one thing that she was certain would always remain a constant. Still, her anger at being treated like a child that needed to be lied to in this so-called plan of his made her see red. Words of anger seemed to just slip from her lips at that point, with her unable to stop; unable to stuff them back where they came from. Her distasteful attitude was bringing out an equally unpleasant attitude from him. Proving this, he scoffed incredulously and shook his head.

  "That's real great." He whispered dryly as he scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

  "It sure is." She shot back, still incapable of biting her tongue. Her brain begged her to stop but she was on a roll. "Really glad I came on this trip and ran into you again."

  "Oh yeah, me too." He equally matched her sarcasm, much to her annoyance. "It's turning out to be just as good as all our other times together."

  Ouch. That hurt.

  She did always have a habit of irritating him to no end, battling him over every disagreement they encountered. But he never showed any resentment over that dynamic before. In fact, as teenagers he seemed to feed off of it, pressing her buttons purposefully when they had gone too long without a debate.

  "I guess that's why you left me, then."

  "We really don't have time for this right now." Sounding agitated, he glanced toward the door as if anticipating Rodriguez’s return.

  "Well we sure as hell won’t have time later. You know what? You might as well just leave and forget about me, for old time's sake. Don't worry Kyle, at least this time I can see it coming." She forced her voice not to wobble as she looked in his eyes challengingly.

  His body language instantly changed, the anger turning to what looked like sad regret in the blink of an eye. He shifted his eyes to the ground and his shoulders slumped. She had obviously hit a nerve.

  "That's not what happened." He answered in a softer tone, no longer struggling to hold back his rising voice.

  "Really? Could've fooled me." She mumbled.

  "I loved you then. And I still love you now."

  She froze. Half of her was purely satisfied and content while the other half was more scared by his admission of love than by Alex Rodriguez and his sadistic crew. She didn't want to be, couldn't be, hurt again by revisiting those feelings. She had gotten dangerously close to caving in at the airport. If she were being honest, it was the cause of her missing her flight and wandering into the scene at the parking lot.

  When she was a teenager she felt as if she needed his love the way a flower needed the sun. She had always felt it simmering between them unspoken. In the end, she tried to tell him and just ended up crushed. Many times since then she had found herself being chased after by a guy but was too fearful to give anyone a real chance. She had kept up walls and ended relationships as soon as they started to become anything remotely close to serious.

  She often wondered if Kyle Winters had permanently ruined her, stunting her ability to accept love. She was barely able to start to overcome the issue in recent months. She had naively dived head first into their love, not thinking about the possible consequences. Every instinct inside of her told her to resist doing the same this time. Getting tangled up in love with him again could be the emotional death of her.

  "We don't have time for this." She weakly repeated what he already pointed out.

  They both knew she hadn't considered this fact when they were arguing, only when things became too deep for her
comfort. He sensed her reservations but couldn't keep what he had to say bottled inside another moment. Especially considering he may not ever get the chance again if shit hit the fan.

  "No." He gently put his hand on her arm. "Listen to me, dammit. You’re the one that started this conversation. This is important and it might be the only chance I have to finally say it." He paused until she looked at him. "I love you Jessica. It's really hard for me to admit when I'm wrong-"

  "I remember." She assured him following a snarky breath. Deciding to stop antagonizing him and cut him some slack, she gave a hint of a smile.

  "But…I was." He smiled for a split second but it faded away as he continued. "I thought I didn't belong in Riverdale. I may not have…but I belonged anywhere you were. And by the time I realized that I was already shipped off to boot camp."

  Her resolve began to melt away as she waited patiently, sensing he had more to say.

  "Straight up, I made a huge mistake. I love my job but I love you more. I wish I had stayed with you. When I saw you last week I was right back where I was the day I left; scared and completely in love with you. You said too much time has passed and you're probably right. But for what it's worth, I've missed you. The first time I got deployed I wrote you this letter, just in case I didn't make it back. I made sure I didn’t forget it in the pocket of my old clothes at the hotel."

  He reached his hand in a pocket and pulled out a slightly dirty, folded envelope and handed it to her. It was addressed to her with her parents address on the front. A tear of regret for all the time they had lost rolled down her cheek. It didn't have to be this way. The past six years weren't supposed to happen the way they did. He wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb.

  "Whether I die today or eighty years from now, I can't do it without you knowing the truth. It was going to be mailed to you if anything ever happened to me. I've been carrying it around for about four and a half years now. I still want you to have it.”

  She looked down at the envelope in her hands and made a move to open it right then and there. His hand stilled hers.

  “Reading material for your flight home."

  He flashed that cocky smirk of his that she had missed seeing for far too long and she was unable to hold herself back from what she had been aching to do since the moment he walked out her door six years ago. Lunging forward, letter tightly in hand, she wrapped her arms securely around his neck and pressed her lips to his. After recovering from the shock of her sudden passion, he gripped her hips firmly and pulled her waist flush against his hips.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Not having the time to be able to get lost in their kiss, Kyle reluctantly pulled back just as footsteps echoed through the hallway. He let go of Jessica’s hips and motioned for her to get behind the door for cover.

  They had to do this. It was now or never.

  When Alex Rodriguez swung open the metal door to retrieve Kyle, hoping he didn't miss the good part of the show, he was immediately knocked a step back by a blow to the face. Pain radiated from his nose. It took him a while to recover from the shock and realize that he had, in fact, been punched.

  "What the-" He spit out, only to be cut off by another punch that knocked him completely off balance and sent him stumbling into the hallway.

  Kyle took advantage of this disorientation and grabbed Rodriguez by the shirt collar, slamming him as hard as he could into the cement wall behind him. Dazed from the impact to the back of his head, Kyle was easily able to throw another punch that was effective in knocking the man unconscious. He crumpled and slid to the floor. Jessica, who had been standing several feet behind Kyle during the altercation, ignoring his request for her to stay behind the door the second she heard a scuffle, rushed forward at the sight of Alex’s body falling to the ground.

  "Oh my God! Is he dead?!"

  "No." He grabbed Rodriguez's gun from his hip, checked the clip and turned off the safety.

  Turning around he reached for Jessica and, after signaling for her to be quiet, grabbed her hand. He began leading the way down the hall at a brisk pace, gun confidently in hand. Aside from the soft hold he had on her trembling hand, he was in complete soldier mode, focused entirely on his mission to get them out of the building. She felt like a mouse in a maze, searching for a scrap of cheese, but kept quiet and followed his lead.

  Kyle took his time to check out their surroundings, cautious about the potential of crossing paths with someone on the way to any prospective exits. She tagged along, her hand clinging to his, as she nervously looked around in all directions. She was terrified of what would happen if they were to get caught. If Alex were to wake up and call everyone together to search for them. Kyle had mentioned that they planned on burning him alive. She shivered at the thought and fought to keep up with his long strides.

  He seemed to know where he was going and she wouldn’t have been surprised one bit if he had been mentally mapping out their walk when they were led in. After what seemed like an eternity, they turned a fourth corner and saw a tall steel door. He recognized it as the door they went through after they left the garage when they first arrived in this hell hole. To his relief when he turned the handle the door opened and he realized he was absolutely right. They were back in the garage.

  The two sped through the doorway and a rush of excitement flooded her as they headed down the dark tunnel the van brought them in through; the one they both knew led to the outside world. Kyle led the way, following the hint of light at the other side. He knew it was too soon to feel relief just yet. They weren’t completely home free until they were on a plane headed for the United States. Jessica stayed close behind, hanging onto his hand.

  The circle of bright yellow sunlight at the end of the tunnel grew larger with every step. The chirping of birds in the jungle traveled down to them, bringing a new sense of exhilaration to Jessica. A gentle breeze wisped through her hair and she took in a deep breath of clean air, thankful to smell the earthy scent instead of the stale mildew she had been imprisoned with.

  As they passed the threshold to freedom through the tunnel entrance and Kyle's boots hit soft dirt a shot rang out, echoing through the tunnel and hitting the cement above their heads. Pieces of cement chipped off and showered them. Ducking down reflexively, Kyle put a hand on Jessica's head, forcing her to do the same. He pushed her ahead of him, putting his own body between her and the general direction of the shot.

  "Run." Kyle commanded.

  Despite his urgent tone, she wavered. It was then that another shot rang out much closer than the first. Kyle raised the gun he had taken from Rodriguez, aimed it blindly down the tunnel and pulled the trigger once. He turned his head to glance back at her after the deafening blast, his body still tensely facing the tunnel.

  "Jessica! Run!" He shouted at her more forcefully than before, frustrated by her lack of cooperation. “Now!”

  Kyle reached for her and spun her shoulders around so she was facing the jungle, gave her another, less gentle, shove in the right direction and ducked around the corner of the tunnel. He turned his full attention back and returned another steady shot. He was prepared to stay behind and stand their ground while she made a break for it. The only problem was she didn't seem as if she was going to take advantage of the opportunity he was allowing her.

  She realized he was covering her so she could make it to the trees. If he didn't engage the shooter she would likely never make it without getting shot along the way. He knew that. At this she began walking shakily toward the trees, turning after several steps to see Kyle peering around the corner of the tunnel and firing twice in a row. At this, she ran as fast as her feet would carry her.

  When she reached the trees that lined the jungle she turned back to the gunfight and was grateful to see Kyle standing around the edge of the tunnel, same as he was when she left him. Still too loyal to leave him by continuing to run as he had ordered, she crouched down behind a tree trunk and looked on. Her heart raced with fear for him and anx
iety at the distance between them.

  She contemplated whether she should try to run off to find help, which she immediately deemed as foolish considering there was no one around for miles, or if she should go back to Kyle when he suddenly released a guttural shout. The hand holding the gun dropped to his side as he looked down at his leg. The gun slipped from his grip and clattered on the ground. Jessica saw the deep red spot growing on his thigh and traveling down to his knee.

  Blood.

  Sluggishly, she put the pieces together. He had been shot in the leg. Her insides turned to ice as she helplessly watched him slide to the ground, clutching his leg with both hands and scrunching his face in pain. She forced her mind not to drift back to the previous week when she watched her co-worker die from a gunshot wound.

  It was happening all over again.

  Time began to pass in torturous slow motion. A man she didn’t recognize strolled out of the darkness, clearly having heard Kyle's moaning and taken it as a confirmation that he hit his target. He approached Kyle with a cold grin that sent pure dread coursing through her veins. Standing directly over him, the man pointed the gun down as Kyle sat helplessly pressing his palms onto his thigh in a futile attempt to staunch the blood flow.

  Jessica could do nothing but look on at the scene ahead that seemed to be stolen straight from a horror film. As she readied herself to run toward Kyle, all common sense and self preservation completely silenced by her sheer terror, a set of hands grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth to stifle the piercing scream she was prepared to let out.