Enticing the Weary Warrior

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Mack and I talk…about everything. He tries to hide things from me, to protect me, but we almost lost one another by doing that. We will never do that again.”

  “What if Liam doesn’t want to talk? He feels like I shouldn’t be subjected to the things he lived through and witnessed. He’s told me some things, but not everything. I feel like he’s slipping away from me all over again.”

  “I don’t know, Megan. I wish I could help you, I really do.

  “I wish you could, too.”

  “Come, let’s go relieve your husband’s mind that all is well with you.”

  The women entered the library and both men stood in greeting. For the very first time in her life, Megan got a good look at the Director of the War Office. The man that had ruined her life was handsome with dark hair and broad shoulders. He stood almost as tall as Liam. He and Cassie complemented each other very well.

  “Mack, I’d like for you to meet my wife, Megan. Megan, this is Mack.”

  “It’s a pleasure, Megan,” Mack took her hand and bent over it.

  “You may call me Lady Brookdale,” she said coldly, and slipped her hand free of the Director’s.

  “Megan,” Liam chastised her in front of the couple.

  “You may forgive him for the hand he played in what happened to us, but I cannot. Cassie, I’m sorry. Thank you for your kindness. I had truly hoped we could be friends, but I can’t do this. I cannot play merry with the man who destroyed my life.”

  Chapter 27

  “Megan!” Liam called after her. He stood rooted in the middle of the room, unsure as to what to do. Did he go after his recalcitrant wife and drag her back here? Did he make their apologies to this couple that had somehow become his friends? Or did he go after his wife and accompany her to their home, never to return here again?

  “You’re extremely lucky. If our places were reversed, I don’t know if the man that kept me from the love of my life would still be breathing,” Cassie said.

  “You realize you are talking about your husband?” Liam asked.

  “No. I said, ‘if our places were reversed’. I’m talking about you. If you were the Director and Mack were an agent who had been thought dead for five years, I don’t know that I simply could have walked out as she did. She’s angry and hurt and has every right to be.”

  Liam stood there a moment, internalizing what Cassie just said.

  “Shouldn’t you be going after your wife?” Cassie asked, her arms crossed beneath her bosom.

  “I don’t know,” Liam offered, truly confused. He heard Cassie mutter something about imbeciles and men before she swept past him. “Mack, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect her to act this way.”

  “Did you expect her to welcome me with open arms?”

  “I suppose I did. War is part of life. I did my part. I have come to terms with that.”

  “Evidently she hasn’t. I’m sure we will all be friends eventually, but perhaps it would be best if you brought her over for her treatments when I’m not home, or we could send Mingzhu to you.”

  “I’m truly sorry.”

  “I would’ve been surprised if she had acted differently. You could take some lessons from her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know if you have come to terms with everything as well as you believe you have.”

  “I’m talking to someone.”

  “Hmph,” Mack said.

  “You’ll let me know if you find out anything about the attacks on Megan?”

  “Of course, I will.”

  “Thank you, Mack.”

  “Oh, there is one more thing.”

  “What is that?”

  “Don’t introduce her to Wulfe anytime soon. He might not come out of the meeting alive.”

  Liam left the library and entered the foyer to see Cassie holding Megan as his wife cried. “Megan,” he groaned.

  “I’m ready,” she pushed away from Cassie. “Thank you for being so nice to me. I suppose I’ll see you in a few days.”

  “Yes, unless I come by to see you first.” Cassie said. “Liam, take care of her.”

  “I thought I was,” he said, still dumbfounded by Megan’s behavior. He helped her into the carriage and soon they were on their way. He continued to watch her, trying to figure out the woman who sat across from him.

  “Why do you continue to stare at me?” Megan sniffed.

  “I thought this was behind us.”

  “It is behind you, Liam McTavish. I’ve never said anything about it being behind me. Have you never stopped to think that our lives would’ve been different if that man hadn’t become involved?”

  “Megan, that’s enough. It was my decision. Do you know how badly you just embarrassed me?”

  “Embarrassed you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine. You can live in your little delusional world all that you want and choose to believe that Mack did not have a hand in our past. I choose to live in reality. I like Cassie, but I don’t know that I will ever be able to like her husband.”

  “That’s just too damn bad, because he is my friend, and we will be doing things with them in the future.”

  “Are you ordering me about?”

  “I’m letting you know how this situation is going to be carried out. You need to come to terms with whatever it is that has you so angry all the time. Mack and Cassie are my friends. Do you understand that? You’re my wife. You’ll do as I say and you will be polite to Mack.”

  “Go to hell.” The coach lurched to a stop. “Where are we?”

  “Our townhouse.”

  “I will stay with my parents. I’ll not stay under the same roof with a tyrant.”

  “The hell you won’t. You are my wife and you will stay with me whether you like it or not.”

  “I hate you, Liam McTavish.”

  “Good.” He jumped down from the coach, took her arm, and unceremoniously pulled her from the carriage. “At least we have some sort of emotion tied to this relationship.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” She swung around and confronted him on the walk that led to their house.

  “Inside,” he grated.

  “What was that?”

  “Inside,” he repeated.

  “Oh, that’s right. We wouldn’t want all of London to know that your wife has an opinion, would we?” she shouted.

  “That’s enough, Meg.” He gripped her arm and propelled her up the steps to the front door. With his free hand, he pounded on the door until it was opened by a startled butler.

  “Lord Brookdale, I didn’t know you were arriving.”

  “I didn’t send word, Thornton. This is Lady Brookdale. We are not to be disturbed.”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Megan asked as Liam tried to drag her towards the stairs.

  “We are finishing this argument,” he swung her around to face him.

  “There’s nothing to finish,” she countered.

  “I beg to differ,” he countered. He bent low and threw her over his shoulder. He climbed the stairs while her fists pounded into his back the entire way up. Liam entered the master’s chamber, locked the door and pocketed the key. He tossed Megan on the bed then crossed to the connecting door, locked it and slid the key under the door. There was one key to get them out of this room and it was on his person. She would have to come close to him to get it from him.

  “What game are you playing, Liam?”

  “That’s just it. I’m not playing any games. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of the back and forth and the arguments. I’m tired of us not talking. I’m thoroughly sick that the only person keeping us together is a little boy that truly belongs to neither of us except by a piece of paper. Now it’s your turn.”

  “I’ve said everything Liam. I have not hidden how I felt or what I thought. You say it was your choice and that I shouldn’t hate Mack. Fine then. I hate you. I despise you for what you stole from me, from us. I desp
ise myself for becoming this weak woman,” she spat, “that cries more since you came back from the dead than I have my entire life. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I hate my husband and at the same time I want you to take me in your arms and love me? I hate myself for that. That I can feel so strongly in two very different ways. I feel like there is a constant battle being waged within my heart and my head.”

  “Megan, I didn’t realize…”

  “Of course you didn’t, because we never talk! We hide from one another, afraid of what the other might say. Afraid that it might just be too real to deal with. You turn to everyone else. A vicar with war experience, an editorialist, and a Director. But you do not turn to me. I’m your bloody wife, Liam McTavish,” she pounded her fist against her chest. “Does that not count for anything?”

  “I suppose—”

  “You suppose?! What a bloody laugh that is. You suppose it should count for something. Well, let me help you out, Lord Brookdale. Until you figure out that I should be more important to you than all those people combined, you can have no part of me. Do you ken?”

  “Surely you’ve talked to people. Your mother, Clarissa, or Jacqueline.”

  “You would be wrong. Other than the sketchiest of details, in an attempt to help you, I have not spoken to them of your physical problems, or of this that is going on between us. I considered it private and our problem to deal with, together. Evidently you didn’t feel the same. Now, I’d prefer to not even breathe the same air as you, but that’s rather difficult. If and when you are ready to fully commit to this marriage, to me, and to our future, let me know. Hopefully, I’ll feel the same way. If not, I wish you all the best on your future. I would like the key.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll not embarrass the great Lord Brookdale. We wouldn’t want to tarnish your newly created reputation would we?”

  “Megan, that’s not what I meant.”

  “I highly doubt that, my lord. The key,” she held out her hand, staring at him mutinously.

  “I do lo—”

  “Stop, Liam. Just stop,” she held up her hand and let out a deep sigh. “Don’t say anything that you do not mean. I would much rather go on as we have been than have you make false promises to me and get my hopes up about a nonexistent future.”

  He placed the key in her hand, his fingers caressing her palm. She fisted her hand and jerked it away. He watched her walk to the connecting door and jam the key into the lock. He held his breath as she twisted it, fearful she would break it off in her fit of anger, but she didn’t. She jerked open the door, crossed through, and slammed it shut behind her. He saw a bit of her skirt underneath the door and knew she had slid to the floor, too upset to even make it to the comfort of her bed. Then he heard the sobs.

  “What the hell have I done?” he questioned the empty room.

  * * *

  At some point Megan found her way to bed. It was dark outside when she did. The only indication she had of time passing was the clopping of hooves outside her window as people went to parties. As time passed, the clopping slowly faded for a short period of time, until it picked up once more with the passing of the heavy dray wagons. She could hear servants calling cheerfully to one another as they began their morning duties.

  Her stomach churned sickeningly. She had to stop this incessant crying or she would remain sick for the rest of her life. She rolled onto her back and her stomach protested. Megan clamped her hand over her mouth as she slid from the bed and reached for the chamberpot beneath. She heaved, but she had not eaten any food since they arrived in London. Her stomach merely twisted and spasmed and she wished very much for someone to put her out of her misery.

  Her bedroom door opened and she stiffened, expecting to hear her husband’s heavy footfalls, but instead she heard a much lighter step. She saw a skirt floating above the floor and a scant few moments later felt a cool, wet cloth pressed against her heated skin. Megan inhaled and recognized her mother’s scent and soon she was cocooned in a familiar set of arms and crying again.

  “My poor baby girl,” her mother cooed. “Shhh, now, everything will be fine.”

  “No, Mama, it will never be fine.” Megan promised herself this would be the last time she cried over Liam McTavish.

  * * *

  “You must have truly made a mess of things to find yourself here,” Megan’s father said.

  “I think we’re both responsible for the situation I currently find myself in, Lord Southerby.”

  “Are you trying to lay this at my door?”

  “Not entirely.”

  “Well, that’s… What did you say?”

  “I said, ‘not entirely’.”

  “Perhaps you had better start from the beginning.”

  “There is no need. If I hadn’t allowed you to push Megan and me into this marriage, well, perhaps she would be happy.”

  “She was miserable when she thought you had died.”

  “Now she’s even more miserable, and sometimes I think she may be plotting my demise.”

  “What in bloody hell did you do?”

  “I did not want to get married. I did not want to burden someone with my problems. But then you came along and forced us into it.”

  “I was doing what I thought was right for my daughter.”

  “Your daughter is twenty-two and a widow. Trust me when I say she can take care of herself and make her own decisions.”

  “Of course she can. I’ve never had any doubts about that. It was you that needed prodding.”

  “Pardon me?”

  “You are the one that ran all those years ago. You promised Meggy the moon and gave her nothing but misery. You were young and everyone around you was living an adventure. I understood that. Meggy would have understood that if you had been honest with her. Oh, she would have been angry, but she would’ve appreciated your honesty, and we’d have taken care of her and the babe. We aren’t harsh parents as some are. My wife and I remember what it was to be young, foolish, and in love. But you got scared, did you not?”

  “Yes,” Liam said, finally admitting the truth to himself.

  “I don’t doubt for a moment that you loved her. Hell, I even believe you wanted to marry her. But because of everything going on with my sons, you had to hide your relationship because Justin didn’t approve. Keeping it secret was part of the romance, part of the passion, part of the excitement, was it not?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Then, when Justin found out and tried to keep Meggy from ever seeing you again, you saw it as your opportunity to go away for a few weeks, just until things calmed down. Then you promised you’d be back to marry her.”

  “Yes.”

  “But then reality interceded. Being a spy was no longer a game you were playing at. It was real. They faked your death, they taught you how to be anyone but a Scotsman, and you were let loose to infiltrate Bonaparte’s organization. Then you got cocky and they caught you. You were tortured and just as they were ready to kill you, because you would not give up any information, you somehow managed to escape. But you were no use to our battle in Europe anymore. You’d been exposed. So you were sent to America, where you stayed until that ridiculous excuse for a war was over. There was nothing else you could do for our country, so you were cut loose.”

  “She lied to me. She told me she had spoken to no one.”

  “Oh, come now, son, do you really think I didn’t know any of this? Do you really think I would hand over my only daughter to a man that had disappeared for the last five years, supposedly dead, only to reappear? Meggy deserves to be happy, and for some god-forsaken reason, you are what she believes her happiness is built on. She told me nothing. She has always kept your secrets. We didn’t know for any certainty about the bairn until we found her that day. We suspected, but she refused to talk about it.”

  “How do they just decide you are no longer needed after all you have sacrificed for them? Edward, I gave up everything. Even
before I left for London. I was already working for the War Office.”

  “I know, son. War is hell, and we haven’t been fighting just one devil.”

  “I don’t know where I belong anymore. Becoming part of Parliament has helped, but how long can I fight for soldiers and veterans? What am I going to do with myself? I want to be someone my family can be proud of, but how do I do that? Sometimes I feel like this country stole my soul and I don’t know how to get it back, or if I can. Megan wants me to be the man I was, but I’m no longer that man. How can I get her to understand that?”

  “Have you told her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you told her what you told me? Just now.”

  “Not in so many words.”

  “Have you told her at all?”

  “No, all right. No, I haven’t told her. I don’t want to be less of a man in her eyes.”

  “But you’ll tell her father these things.”

  “It’s different. I spent so much time at your house growing up, in many ways you’re like my father, sir.”

  “Your father was a good man.”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “He would be proud of you, of the man you’ve become.”

  “You suppose? Even after all this madness?”

  “Yes. However, he would want you to fix this between you and Meggy. Your parents loved her like she was their own daughter. It was their greatest wish to see our two families joined in marriage somehow. I think they always knew it would be you and Meggy.”

  Liam’s throat felt thick with unshed tears as he thought of his parents. He stood and crossed his father-in-law’s study when he was halted by the man calling his name. He turned to look inquiringly at the silver-haired man.

  “When you’re ready, come see me. I have some thoughts as to how you can occupy yourself and support your family.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “You’re welcome, son.” Edward sat staring out the window when he saw his wife crossing the square and exchanging words with their son-in-law. Edward winced as he saw the poor boy hang his head and his wife pointing her finger at him, then in the direction of the townhouse he shared with Meggy, and back at him. He could see her flushed face from here and knew that her red hair and Scottish temper were ruling her at the moment. Her baby was hurting and she saw Liam as the culprit. He was surely getting a tongue lashing that he would never forget. He watched Maureen straighten her back and continue marching across the square. The front door clicked open, but slammed shut with such great force that it vibrated in the doorframe for several seconds.