Enticing the Weary Warrior

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “Edward! Edward Southerby, where are you?” his wife demanded in her thick Scottish accent. She was, in deed, extremely angry.

  “In here, love,” he said, not getting up from his chair. He watched her enter the room, her red hair piled on top of her head and green eyes sparkling with rage.

  “Do you know what an arse our son-in-law is?”

  “I have my suspicions.”

  “Do you know that Megan has cried so much, she’s made herself physically ill?”

  “Shall I challenge him to a duel?”

  “Be serious,” Maureen stopped in front of him, her hands fisted on her curvaceous hips.

  Even after all these years together she still excited him like no other woman. He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her so that she landed securely in his lap. “Be still,” he growled playfully against her ear.

  “Edward, our daughter’s happiness is at stake.”

  “I know, love, believe me. I feel responsible for this. I should never have forced them into this marriage. I should’ve let it happen naturally, but what’s done is done and nothing can change their future now. This is something they are going to have to work out between them.”

  “They’ve already been through so much.”

  “I know, love, I know. We must have faith that they will turn to each other. Do you remember how many times you packed a bag the first year we were married and threatened to go home to your parents? And our only issue was trying to learn to live with someone that was a stranger to us. Megan and Liam have much more to work through than we did, but I believe in them.”

  “Twelve.”

  “What?”

  “I packed my bag twelve times. That last time you told me if I packed it again to leave and not bother coming back. That’s when I knew I’d pushed you too far.”

  “I’m glad you heeded my warning. Now, let’s turn our mind away from things that are out of our control and more towards what we can control.”

  “Oh, and what would that be?”

  “Well, we could work on giving Justin and Megan a little brother or sister.”

  “Edward, you know those days are behind us,” Maureen slapped playfully at his chest.

  “But we can still try, can’t we?” he asked huskily, nibbling on her earlobe.

  Maureen threw back her head in laughter before twining her arms about her husband’s neck. “You’re still quite the rogue, my love.”

  “A rogue in love,” he corrected.

  Chapter 28

  Megan stood at the window and watched her mother berate her husband in the middle of the square for all of London to see. And what did the big man do? Hang his head in shame. Megan felt a hysterical laugh bubble up the back of her throat. She quickly covered her lips in an attempt to hold it in. The only other female that would be able to do that would be Grandmother. After her mother continued on to her house, Liam stood in the center of the square for a moment. He looked up at her. Megan refused to step away from the window, refused to allow the drape to fall between them, to separate them.

  She watched him until she heard the front door open, and his familiar gait sounded below. Only then did she let the curtain fall, causing the room to dim. She turned around and waited for him. She knew he would seek her out. A soft tap sounded on the door.

  “Come in,” Megan called. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath as the door opened until her lungs screamed at her for air. As she took a deep breath, there, on the other side of the door, stood her husband. The man was too bloody handsome for his own good, scars and all.

  “Your mother said you were ill.”

  “Aye.”

  “How are you feeling now?”

  “I’ve been better,” she answered. “I’ve also been worse,” she rushed to say when she saw the look that crossed his face. Why did you have to make him feel better? she questioned herself. He deserves to feel bad.

  “Meg, we need to talk.”

  “I agree.”

  “Please, sit down,” he indicated a chair for her to sit on. He then dragged another one close and sat next to her. He gently lifted her hand in his and laced their fingers together. “May I?” he asked permission afterwards. Liam watched her nod her head in agreement. “Everything is my fault.”

  “Pardon?”

  “All of this and everything that happened in the past. All of it’s my fault.”

  “And just how did you decide this?”

  “Well, your father helped me see some of it.”

  “Da’? Tell me, Liam, how many more people are you going to discuss our relationship with?”

  “One.”

  “Who?”

  “You.” He squeezed her hand gently, and then used his thumb to caress her knuckles. “From now on, you and only you deserve to know my thoughts and feelings.”

  “That sounds better. When does this sharin’ begin?”

  “Now. All those years ago, I was scared.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of marriage. Of being a husband. Of starting a family. Of being responsible for someone other than myself. I wanted freedom. I wanted to live. You have to understand, I loved you, too. None of that was a lie. The passion I felt for you. It was all true. But then your father made me realize something, not then, but now,” he quickly clarified. “Hiding our relationship from Justin and your family made it more intense, more passionate. It was this illicit treasure that only you and I knew about. It was exciting.”

  “What happened? What made it stop being exciting for you?”

  “Nothing. But then I asked you to marry me in that moment of passion and all of a sudden I was a frightened little boy. It seemed as if the weight of the world had suddenly settled about my shoulders. I panicked.”

  “Did you not think to tell me that? That maybe I was just as frightened as you were? More frightened because I knew a bairn was on the way?”

  “No, none of that occurred to me. I wasn’t exactly thinking with my mind at that point in time.”

  “I see.”

  “You don’t, but I understand.”

  “No, Liam, you’re wrong, I understand perfectly. I was always involved in this relationship with my heart. You, on the other hand, were merely involved because of the physical aspect.”

  She tried to tug her hand free of his grip, but he held on tight. “I did love you,” he said.

  “Physically, yes, but emotionally? If I had turned you away and demanded we wait until we were married before I gave myself to you, what would you’ve done?”

  “I don’t know, Meg.”

  “I can hazard a guess that we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. That you would’ve ended it then and there and moved on.”

  “Do you think so poorly of me?”

  “No, just men in general.”

  “So, instead you gave yourself to me and I ruined your life. How do you not hate me? You lost so much because of my choices.”

  Now her hand was cupped in both of his, but she managed to break free of his hold. She stood and paced several times before she turned on him, her eyes sparkling brilliantly with her anger, and her hands fisted on her hips. “Dammit, Liam, when are you going to realize this isn’t a you and me situation. I chose to give myself to you so I could keep you. I made choices, too. Now, we are married. This is about us, we, our. We are a couple now. We make decisions together. If something happens to one of us, it happens to both of us. Do you ken that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you certain, because I feel like I’ve said this a hundred times since we said our vows.”

  “You won’t have to say it again.”

  “Good.” An awkward silence settled between them as they warily watched one another. She relaxed her stance a bit before continuing, “We lost so much because of our choices. I could’ve very easily told my parents that I was in love with you and we were going to be married no matter what. I could’ve snuck away and followed you to London. I was not known for my staid b
ehavior, if you remember. Perhaps, I too, took the path that was the easiest to tread. Maybe I was scared, too.”

  “Meg—”

  “Go on,” she said, swiping at tears she had been fighting since their conversation began, damning herself for not being strong enough to keep them at bay.

  “I still don’t think I can tell you everything that happened to me in the wars. Everything that I witnessed. Everything that I endured.”

  “Fine,” she said shortly.

  “No, Meg, it isn’t fine. I want to share every part of my life with you, but I can’t. Have you noticed that I’ve begun to keep the guns locked in a safe?”

  “I guess not. Why?”

  “Because of the nightmares.”

  “I still don’t see what nightmares have to do with keeping the guns locked up.” She stood there and watched as Liam now paced the bedroom in agitation. He tunneled his fingers through his thick, black hair. Just as she started to say his name, he began to talk.

  “One night I was having a nightmare. I didn’t realize it at the time. I was reliving one of the battles I’d been caught in. You see, being a spy is not this elite life as many go in believing. As I went in believing. It is dirty and dangerous. Most of the time I was alone with no one to rely on but myself. The rest of the time, I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t in an attempt to find out any information to help our side. One night after we were married, I was having one of my nightmares, but something jarred me awake. I thought there was a gun being pressed to my side, and my instincts took over.”

  Megan watched him as he, too, stood and walked to the second window and stared outside. She could tell he was lost in his memories and that they were not good ones. She remained where she stood, her arms crossed beneath her bosom and waited for him to speak, knowing that he would when he was ready and not before. When he finally did, she wished he hadn’t.

  “When I woke up, I had a pistol in my hand and I was pointing it at your head. My finger was already squeezing the trigger. If I hadn’t woken up, you might very well be dead, and I would be hanging from the end of a noose, if I’d left them anything to hang.”

  “Liam,” she whispered. “What have you been through?” She cupped her right hand and quickly covered her mouth, unsure if she was holding in a sob or trying to keep from being ill.

  “Even now, you think of me? The very sight of me should turn your stomach. I almost killed you. My God, Meg, If I had pulled that trigger I would have saved the hangman the trouble. I would have put a bullet in my brain right then and there. And you know what the gun in my ribs turned out to be? Your bony elbow. I almost killed you, because your elbow had jabbed me in the side. Now, do you see why I had to leave you alone?”

  “When did this occur?”

  “The last night we were at the rented hunting lodge.”

  “Is that why you haven’t shared a bed with me?” Megan crossed the room and laid her hand on his arm. “Liam, look at me.” When he did, her heart ached for him. Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. She took both of his hands in hers, locking their fingers together.

  “I couldn’t do it anymore. I locked up the guns and removed myself from your bed. I couldn’t trust myself.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Why did you talk to Cassie and the Director? Why did you turn to the vicar, but not me?”

  “Because they expected nothing of me!” he yelled in frustration, jerking free of her grasp and distancing himself from her. “Don’t you understand? They didn’t know me before I left. They had no one to compare me to. I knew you would always compare me to my old self. You would look at me as if I were a monster, and I couldn’t stand that.”

  “Is that how I’m looking at you now?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Look at me, Liam. Really look. Do I appear to be a woman horrified by what I see?”

  “I don’t suppose so.”

  “Because I’m not. Liam, I can only imagine what you suffered. You’ve told me some, remember? I shudder to think about the rest if it’s worse than what you’ve already shared. We both made choices and we must both live with the consequences. Your nightmares will get better. And if we need to keep the weapons secured to make you feel better, then so be it. If you need to continue visiting the vicar, I think you should do that as well. It is selfish of me to want you to talk only to me when I have no idea of what you’ve lived through. If he can help you, then I will give extra tithings.”

  “Meg, you do realize you’re taking a chance on me.”

  “It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

  “Your mother scolded me fairly well.”

  “I saw,” Megan wiped away the traces of his tears. Never again did she want to see this man of hers cry.

  “She also said you were physically ill. I was wondering…”

  “No, I just had my courses.”

  “Oh. I thought it would be too much to ask for. A miracle I…we probably don’t deserve.”

  “Liam, I—”

  A knock sounded at the bedroom door.

  “Who is it?” Megan called, resting her head against Liam’s chest and swiping at tears she hadn’t realized were falling. She watched Liam attempt to get himself under control.

  “Thornton, my lady. Two urgent messages just arrived by courier. I was instructed to bring them to you right away.”

  “All right.” Megan answered the door and took the messages from the butler. “Thank you, Thornton.” She gave him a smile in hopes that he would overlook how awful her appearance must be.

  “My pleasure, my lady,” the man bowed low.

  “One is from the Jockey Club and the other is in a handwriting I don’t recognize,” Megan said.

  “Give me the one from the Club and you read the other one.” Liam took the letter out of her hand. The sound of it being ripped open reached her ears.

  “Well, that’s that,” he said.

  “What?”

  “We’ve been suspended from English racing for three years.”

  “Three years?! They must be mad. They wouldn’t have even known I was racing if not for the accident.”

  “Regardless, they believe that ‘we’ve made a mockery of racing’ and that ‘we need that amount of time in order to learn and understand the rules that govern England’s fine racing tradition’,” he mockingly quoted.

  “Pompous old men,” she muttered.

  “Perhaps, but we have to follow their rules. Now, your turn.”

  An uneasy feeling made itself known deep in the pit of her stomach. She tore open the envelope and scanned the contents of the letter. She felt the color leech from her face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She waved the letter at Liam and he took it from her limp fingers. She watched him scan the letter. Watched as he grew pale.

  “This has to be a lie,” he said, hitting the letter with his opposite hand.

  Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought about Jacqueline’s letter. Paddy and Hamrick both lost to her now in a terrible accident. It was too much to bear.

  “I’ll have the coach readied immediately. Do you want me to tell your parents?”

  “Not until we know for certain.”

  “Do you have any reason to doubt Jacqueline?”

  “No,” she said on a whisper.

  “Meet me downstairs as soon as you can be ready.”

  * * *

  Liam prayed the entire trip from London to Newmarket that the letter had been wrong. They stopped twice to change horses, and each time seemed like a lifetime had passed. What had happened? Hamrick was an expert horseman. What other type of accident could they had been involved in? He tried to imagine every scenario, but none of them seemed plausible.

  As they rounded the turn and charged up the drive, Liam looked out the carriage window.

  “Bloody hell,” he said.

  * * *

  “What? What is it?” Megan joined Liam and trembled.

  Half of the house was charre
d ruins. It looked as if there were only a shell left on the end that contained the kitchen. Paddy’s rooms were located above that area and looked to be the most affected.

  “No!” Megan wailed.

  The carriage came to a halt and Liam jumped out before turning to help Megan down. He ran into the house, but something at the stables caused Megan to stumble to a halt. “It can’t be,” she said. She picked up her skirts and ran towards the stable. Halfway down the lane, a man with a piece of cloth covering the lower portion of his face stepped out from behind the trees. Megan tried to run from him, but he was quicker than her. He knocked her to the ground and covered her nose and mouth before she could scream for help. Soon darkness greeted her as she lost consciousness from lack of air.

  Chapter 29

  “What happened?” Liam asked the butler as he barreled through the door.

  “My lord, we didn’t expect you back so soon.”

  “Didn’t expect me back?! After the letter we received. Where are they? I want to see the bodies.”

  “What bodies?”

  “Papa!”

  Liam stumbled to the staircase, certain he was hearing things. But then his arms were full of little boy. A puppy bounced around his feet, nipping at his ankles. “Oh, Paddy, I’ve never been more glad to see anyone in my entire life.” He dropped kisses all over the boy’s face.

  “Papa, stop!” Paddy tried to squirm free of Liam’s arms.

  Liam collapsed on the bottom step, still holding Paddy. “Meg! Meg, come in here. Paddy’s fine! What happened? We were told…”

  “Told what, my lord?” Angus asked.

  “We received word that Paddy and Hamrick were killed in an accident.”

  “Who would send you such a note? We had a fire, but that only happened last night. We haven’t had time to do much of anything except account for everyone.”