Heather’s excitement had been contagious since the moment they left the ship. Haven hoped part of that excitement was memories from waking up together and anticipation of the evening ahead. He had been distracted the moment she stripped out of her beach dress, revealing a bikini that didn’t qualify as skimpy, but revealed enough of her soft, creamy skin to leave little to the imagination. Four strings stretched across her hips, at the front connecting to turquoise spandex that formed a V as it dove down to hide her mysteries. The back was full, covering her sweet curves, but clinging to them in a way that inspired his imagination. The top comprised of two triangles of fabric held together by strings knotted at her neck and back. Haven could picture himself tugging on the ends to release the knots and letting the pieces fall to the floor.
One of the most enticing parts of her body was the navel piercing. The blue crystal butterfly covered her belly button, with jewels dangling even lower, inviting his mouth to come and explore.
“You ready to take the dive?” she asked as he waddled up next to her. The diving equipment now covered her torso, but Haven still took in her long legs and pretty toes, her nails painted the same color as the swimsuit. A gold toe ring graced the second toe on each foot, and a turquoise ankle bracelet decorated her right ankle. It wasn’t warm enough in New Hampshire for sandals, so it wasn’t until they reached San Juan that Haven got the first glimpse of her foot jewelry. He’d never had a foot fetish, but everything about Heather fascinated him, from her sandy blonde hair, to her gray eyes, to her warm smile…all the way to her turquoise toes.
He was ready to take the dive, not just into the Caribbean, but with the woman smiling next to him. Yes, she threw him off balance, but he’d been comfortable for too long and needed someone who challenged him to be a better man, to strive for more than the easy life he’d settled into.
The clear water kissed their feet, the cool waves inviting them in. Chris, one of the four scuba instructors leading their group, came up on the other side of Heather. Jealousy surged through Haven as Chris smiled at Heather and talked about the next steps. The instructor had flirted with her from the moment they arrived. Haven hadn’t felt the pang of jealousy in years, not since his last relationship. That time with Carrie had been the most tumultuous of his life, the most self-destructive, but it had set him on this journey, so Haven reflected on it with grace rather than resentment.
Not wanting to fall under the talons of jealousy, he chalked Chris’ friendly behavior up to customer service rather than romantic interest. Haven also reasoned that they were only there for the day and would be back on the ship by five, so the opportunity for this guy to take the flirting further didn’t exist.
Under Chris’s direction, they headed into the water. Once they were comfortable breathing with the mouthpiece, they had to practice taking it out, then clearing it and breathing again. Haven had always been comfortable in the water. He’d learned on his journey that water was his element, so it made sense that it had such a strong grounding effect on him.
The water was so clear, he could see fish as they skittered by, as well as the other divers. Heather was just feet away, shaking her head and signaling that she was going to go up. He followed, as did Chris. When he broke the surface, Heather had her mask off, struggling to catch her breath.
Haven tore his mask off and waded over to her as fast as the water and equipment would allow. “Are you okay? What happened?”
She just shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
“Deep breath in, Heather, four counts,” he encouraged. “Hold it. Count with me. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and out through your mouth, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight.”
He repeated this two more times until the tears stopped and she nodded that she was ok.
“What happened?” he asked again, Chris standing next to Heather in the waist deep water, his hand on her shoulder. Haven breathed through the jealousy again, focusing on Heather and what she needed to get through whatever had caused the panic.
“I can’t do this, it’s not good, I don’t like it.”
“There’s no rush. We can go back under and try again, take as much time as you need to get settled.”
Heather shook her head with vigor. “No. I’m done.”
“Then I’ll stay with you,” Haven insisted, stepping toward her.
Heather held up her hand in protest. “No. You paid for this, you love the water, go. I’ll be fine.”
Fine was Haven’s most despised word. No one who said they were fine were ever actually fine. When he did coaching sessions with clients, he explained that fine stood for fucked-up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.
“I’m not leaving you alone,” Haven insisted, cupping her face and forcing her to look at him. “Diving is nothing. You are important.”
“I won’t be alone. Brandon and Tamarra, and Clark and Tony, and Marie are all on the beach. Please, Haven, go. I know how much you wanted to do this. Go and take pictures and tell me all about it.”
He pressed his lips to hers to try and stop the tears that were once again spilling down her cheeks. With anyone else, he always knew just what to say or do to help them find their ground, but somehow he seemed to be falling short with Heather.
She sighed as she pulled back from the kiss, far too soon, but probably a smart move given the effect she had on him. “It’ll make me happy if you go. I want to know how great it is and you are the only one with an underwater camera.”
Haven was reluctant, but it was clear she didn’t want him near. While he wanted to understand, because he didn’t like anyone in his space when he was dealing with erratic emotions, he wished he could be the rock she needed to work through it.
“I’m going to return the gear and catch some sun. I’ll see you when you get back.”
Chris flagged another of the guys over to help Heather with the equipment. They got the air tank off her before she got out of the water and carried it off. Haven watched her disappear up the steps, probably retrieving her things from the registration shack.
“You looked like you had everything under control,” Chris said as they headed deeper into the water.
Haven had nothing under control. He didn’t consider himself to be an A-type personality, but he didn’t like being in a situation he couldn’t contribute to in a positive way. He’d done nothing to help Heather, and she’d retreated as fast as she could.
He supposed that was karma coming back to balance things out after he’d run off on her last night.
“You ready to head out to the reef?” Chris prompted.
Haven gave one last glance over his shoulder, but when he didn’t spot Heather, he decided it was best to just follow through with the plan, finish the dive, and hope that she was grounded by the time he was back. He didn’t want to throw her off balance further.
CHAPTER 6
Heather didn’t tend to drink when she was under duress, but when Brandon offered her a Caribbean beer, she thought it was just the thing to bring her back from the storm. She wasn’t claustrophobic, was a strong swimmer, and had been excited about the dive, but there was something about being under water and not being in control of anything that terrified her and stirred up the panic attack. She had tried to breathe through it while under water, but somehow counting the four-seven-eight breaths only made the panic worse.
Now she was four beers in and not feeling any stress, but dancing with a little bit of guilt about getting drunk during a mindfulness retreat. What would Haven think?
If she could head back sooner, before he came out of the water, she would just to avoid the disappointed look on his face. Heather was sure he expected more from her, to be able to work through panic using the mindfulness techniques he had taught in class. That was the whole purpose of this trip, to embrace and celebrate what they’d learned over the last three months. Heather had failed in the water.
After returning the equipment, she had taken a seat on the beach with the
others who had opted out of the scuba diving adventure. Brandon and Tamarra had already bought a bucket of beer and had offered one to Heather. Now they were on their second bucket.
Heather relaxed in the chair, petting the stray pup who had joined her and not left her side since coming back to the beach.
Haven was the first of the divers to emerge from the water. He removed the mask immediately, then took off the vest and tank as he came closer to shore. The diving instructors who stayed on shore helped with the equipment and whisked it away, leaving Haven standing alone, ankle deep in the water, scanning the beach. Heather’s heart kicked up a few beats with hope that he was seeking her out. He looked like a god, his fair skin still untouched by the sun, his blond hair shining under the bright day, his body not chiseled, but toned in a way that invited appreciative glances and made Heather tingle from head to toe. His shorts sat low on his hips, his natural Adonis belt diving down below the shorts to his impressive goodies. Remembering their encounter that morning, Heather groaned a little, the memory of his large erection pressed against her butt causing her to clench her own goodies.
When his gaze found her, he smiled and stepped out from the water, walking with all his grace across the sand. He appeared to move in slow motion and Heather held her breath, continuing to pet the dog beside her. When Haven reached them, he crouched by her legs, his gaze moving to the dog. “Who is this little guy?”
“A stray, according to our server. She said there are lots of strays on the island, most of them friendly. I’ve been calling him Vishnu.”
“Vishnu?” Haven asked, his smile showing approval of the name.
“He found me as soon as I hit the beach and hasn’t left my side. After my little episode in the water, I think he’s trying to protect me.”
“Vishnu is a great name, and a great protector.” Haven’s hand slid from the dog to Heather’s leg. She allowed the shiver to travel through her and once again squeezed her thighs together to try and keep her desire grounded. “How are you? Enjoying the beach?”
Heather nodded and curled her lips in to keep her tongue from darting out and wetting them. “Tell me about the reef,” she encouraged, hoping to gain some balance before her desire for this beautiful and thoughtful man threw her off center more than she already was.
“It was beautiful. I snapped lots of pictures with the GoPro. I can’t wait to show them to you. How much time before we have to head back?”
Heather glanced at her watch, surprised how quickly the day had passed. “An hour and a half. You’ve got time to grab lunch. You must be starving.”
“I am. Have you eaten?”
Shaking her head, Heather just now realized she hadn’t eaten anything. She’d been too worried about how Haven was going to look at her when he returned from dive. Heather should have known he would handle it with grace, just as he did with everything.
Haven gave her leg a squeeze before moving his hand back to Vishnu. “You protect our lady, Vishnu. I’ll grab us some lunch.”
He disappeared, heading to the hut behind them to get some food. “Are you two…um, you know?” Marie asked, waggling her brow.
Heather shook her head, embarrassed the other mystics had witnessed the exchange with Haven. It was innocent enough, but now knowing they’d had an audience, Heather felt like they had invaded an intimate moment. “Just friends,” Heather insisted, though after their kiss last night and their morning make-out session in bed, she was sure they’d crossed the line to something else. She just didn’t know how to define what that something else was.
When Haven returned some time later, he dragged a lounge chair over, leaving enough space not to crowd Vishnu. “Darlene told me there is a program through the Humane Society for visitors to adopt stray dogs,” he said, settling in and petting Vishnu. The dog seemed to sigh, which Heather could appreciate since Haven’s touch had the same effect on her.
“That has to be expensive,” Heather said, trying to squash the hope bubbling up. She’d been wanting a dog for a while, but she was on such a limited budget because of this trip and her low-paying job, adopting a dog hadn’t been feasible.
“I’m going to look into it,” he said. “Seems such a shame for such a nice protector like Vishnu not to have a home.”
Heather agreed and would love to make this little guy hers, or to even see him at Haven’s studio. He was thin, but not sickly, and his tan coat was surprisingly soft. She loved how his tail curled and how he just seemed so happy despite his circumstances.
Darlene, their server, delivered lunch, which comprised of seasoned chicken wraps, fries, and two large cups of lemonade. “Thank you for this,” Heather said, feeling a little awkward that Haven had bought her lunch.
“My pleasure. Bon appetit.”
When she finished eating, she left Vishnu in Haven’s very therapeutic hands and went for a swim. The water was so incredibly clear, turning a brilliant color of turquoise as it got deeper. Since turquoise was Heather’s favorite color, she’d been enjoying her time on the beach, just taking in the vibrant color and sound of the waves coming to rest on the shore before receding back into the quiet bay.
If she’d stayed in software engineering, she could have saved money and moved to an island like St. Thomas, taken a second career as a tour guide to make a living. Or maybe even continued to work as a software engineer as a virtual employee. She couldn’t do that in defense, but there were plenty of companies now that didn’t require you to be on site to do your work.
Of course, if she’d stayed in software, she’d have had the life sucked right out of her and no island getaway, no matter how long, could have saved her.
The water was cool as it ebbed and flowed. She swam out, not too far, and treaded leisurely, taking in the sights and sounds, watching the fish swim by her feet. Heather avoided looking at Haven because she wanted him to be watching her, and didn’t want to face disappointment if he wasn’t. Knowing the man, he was engaged in a thoughtful conversation with Marie and anyone else who had joined them after the scuba adventure.
When her arms tired, Heather headed back, making eye contact with Haven as she came out of the water. It felt like a scene from a movie and she couldn’t help the thrill rushing through her as he smiled and kept his gaze fixed on her. He still rubbed Vishnu’s head and neck and the dog looked so content lying there in the sand next to Haven’s chair.
Grabbing her watch, she realized they needed to get packed up. The van that would take them to the ship was probably already waiting in the parking lot.
“I hate to drag you all from the beach,” Heather said to her travel partners, “but we have to get back to the ship.”
There were some playful groans, a few people saying they’d like to stay on the beach forever, before Haven’s mindful words cut in. “Friends, remember we are on a journey that must continue, but you can come back here in your mind during your meditations. Let’s take a moment to do a mindful body scan, remembering the sun kissing our skin, the warm, soft sand soothing our toes, the cool, clear water, caressing our souls.”
Heather kept her eyes closed, envisioning each element on her body with Haven’s words and knowing that she would visit this place in her mind any time she needed to ground herself in the moment.
After a few minutes of peaceful meditation, Haven brought them back, everyone calm and smiling as they gathered their things and headed to the parking lot.
Taking a few moments to say good-bye to Vishnu, Heather wished she could bring him back to the ship. “You keep protecting those who need it, Vishnu. Be a good boy. I love you.”
Haven also bid the dog a fond farewell, whispering something against his head that Heather couldn’t hear.
She kissed Vishnu’s head and stepped off, but the dog didn’t stay on the beach. He followed Heather and Haven to the parking lot and jumped in the van.
“No dogs!” The driver yelled, trying to wrangle Vishnu in the back seat.
Vishnu whined, soaking up the a
ttention that Heather and Haven showered upon him. It broke Heather’s heart to say good-bye and leave him behind, but adopting a dog wasn’t part of this journey.
Thankfully, Chris came out from the equipment shack and wrapped his arms around the dog. “I’ll take good care of him, don’t you worry,” he said, giving Heather a wink while crouching with the dog.
Heather watched them as the van left the parking lot, and did the four-seven-eight breathing exercise as they rounded the corner and the dog disappeared from sight. Heather sent up a prayer that he’d find a good home sooner rather than later.
CHAPTER 7
In his mindful practice, Haven had learned to calm anxious thoughts rather than drown in them, but none of his techniques worked once they got back on the ship. With Darlene’s help, he’d already put the pieces in motion to try and rescue Vishnu. It was crazy and impulsive, but it felt good and right in a positive way, so Haven chose to embrace the impulse rather than fight it. He was eager to spend the evening with Heather, and now that dinner with his other mystics was wrapping up, he could focus on her rather than fight the distracting thoughts.
He had planned to meet Heather in the same lounge where he had so recklessly kissed her their first night on the ship. She was already waiting, two glasses of wine sitting on the table in front of her. Haven was grateful they could take the wine with them anywhere on the ship, because he wanted to find a quiet place under the stars where they could breathe in the sea air and talk without competing with music and passers-by.
Heather smiled when she spotted him, the sweet curve of her lips sending a jolt of awareness straight to his groin. Haven had always loved her smile, so kind and genuine, but now it held a shyness that intrigued him. The woman was bold, confident, but he’d had the pleasure of seeing her vulnerability earlier in the day. He hadn’t wanted to take advantage of that and hoped that whatever had sent her into a panic under the water was well behind her now.
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