Leaning down, he kissed her cheek, desperate for more but not under the passing glances of the people wandering through the lounge. Later, they’d be alone in their room, the two of them snuggled together in the king-size bed. He wasn’t so presumptuous that he thought they might make love tonight or anytime during this cruise, but he hoped they would become close enough that their evolving relationship would lead to that soon. While Haven had made the conscious decision to stay celibate for the last six years, his heart told him that it was time to bring love into his journey. Having sex without his heart being in it would only provide physical pleasure, not the emotional connection he had promised himself to wait for. He’d indulged in his share of physical gratification in his younger years, but ever since turning to the path of enlightenment, he hadn’t needed to indulge those physical impulses, at least not with random women. Yes, he succumbed to his need for release on occasion, but only by his own hand and not the meaningless encounters he had known all too well.
He still reflected on that time on occasion. It wasn’t a dominant part of his mindful practice to dwell on the past, but sometimes a mindful reflection of the path behind him was required to stay the course, to remind him how close he’d been to toppling over the edge of self-destruction. With his parents’ help, Haven had pulled himself from the proverbial cliff, realizing before it was too late that he couldn’t continue to use people and abuse his relationships. It was at that point that he had cut ties with everyone and moved to Lilac Ridge to start new. He’d grown up a bit of a gypsy, his parents moving whenever they got antsy, but they’d settled in Lilac Ridge at the same time Haven had hit rock bottom. It had been the right move for him as it had given him time to recover from his break-up with Carrie and time to figure out what he was going to do with his life.
It wasn’t until he met Heather four months ago that he started opening his heart to the prospect of love again. So far it looked promising, as long as he could keep his self-destructive tendencies — jealousy, possessiveness, ego, all of it — under control.
“I missed you,” he told Heather when he sidled up next to her on the bench.
“You are very sweet. I missed you too. I hope you don’t mind that I ordered us wine.”
Her nervousness melted his heart. Haven wrapped one arm around her, picking up the glass of wine with his other hand. Heather picked hers up too and he tapped her glass. “Here’s to the journey,” he said. “May we always be mindful in our purpose and open in our practice.”
They each took a short sip. Haven returned his glass to the table, but Heather continued to grip hers as if it was a lifeline. “Do I make you nervous?” he asked.
Shaking her head, she finally put the glass down. “A little, yes,” she said.
“Good nervous or bad nervous?” he prodded.
Heather released a nervous laugh. “Is there a good nervous?”
“Of course. I prefer to call it anticipation. Tell me, Heather, what are you anticipating tonight?”
Her eyes widened, surprised by the question. “I don’t know,” she breathed.
Haven didn’t buy that. She was confident and bold, always speaking her mind. “You do know. Tell me. Communication is important if we are going to continue on this path together. Do you trust me?”
This time she nodded. “Of course I do.”
“Then tell me, what are you anticipating?”
She blushed, a charming trait Haven like more each time her cheeks changed color. “I’m hoping to pick up where we left off this morning,” she admitted.
Haven wanted that too, but it was important to take things slow. He’d learned things came together better when you took the winding path rather than the speedway.
“I want that too, but how about we talk for a while, get to know each other?”
“I’d like that,” she said, reaching for her glass again. “We should talk about your meditation app, too. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“Our destiny,” he muttered, remembering when Heather told him that she was a software engineer. “I have to be honest, I haven’t thought about it much. Between getting ready for this retreat and being so busy since we landed, it hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind.”
“Well, I’m sure you had a vision for it before this trip. Tell me about that.”
Haven didn’t want to talk about this out in the open lounge, competing with all the noise and distractions. “Let’s move this to our balcony,” he said. The space outside their room was small, but it would give them privacy and open air.
“Don’t want to risk anyone stealing your ideas?” she chuckled.
It had happened before, a long time ago, before he’d started the journey into mindfulness. It wasn’t anything like this, more of a get rich quick scam, but Carrie had taken the idea and run with it, betraying Haven and claiming the idea as her own.
Heather was nothing like Carrie, so Haven wasn’t worried about sharing his dream with her. He really wasn’t even worried about people overhearing it. It’s not like he was the pioneer when it came to meditation apps. There were lots out there and all of them had great features, but none of them delivered all the things he thought an app should include.
“I’m still surprised that you write software. I know I’m stereotyping here, but you don’t look like a computer nerd,” he said as they approached the elevator.
“I think that’s a compliment,” she laughed.
Haven pulled her to him and held her firmly in his hands. “It is. You’re beautiful, Heather. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
The blush returned and Haven realized going to their cabin, even if on the balcony, may not be a good idea. It would be a test of his willpower, to stay the course, not stray from his mindful path.
“You’re very sweet,” she said, licking her lips as her gaze dropped to his mouth. The temptation to toss aside his discipline and push her against the wall between the elevators took a firm hold on him. Instead of acting on the impulse, he brushed a stray hair from her face, using the softness of her skin under his fingers to ground himself.
“Elevator,” he said, when the door behind her dinged. Luckily a crowd of people joined them inside the small space, so Haven had no other choice but to keep a safe distance between his body and Heather’s.
Exiting at the fifth floor, Haven took her hand and led her down the narrow hallway to their room. He pulled up short when he opened the door.
“What’s wrong?” Heather asked.
“Heather, Haven, so good to see you my friends,” Alessandro boomed from behind them.
Haven turned to find Heather already face to face with the handsome steward. “Hello, Alessandro,” Heather said in a voice that held a little too much flirtation for Haven’s comfort.
“My apologies for the beds. I was called away on an emergency last night and one of my partners assured me they would be separated. I was shocked when I came by this morning to tidy up.”
Haven had been grateful for the joined beds, but now, he was ready to strangle the steward.
“Is something wrong? You no want the beds separated?” Alessandro asked.
Heather shot a quick glance at Haven before turning back to the steward. “Uh, no, it’s fine, really. Thanks, thank you so much for taking care of it.”
Pushing down his disappointment with a couple deep breaths, Haven reasoned in his mind that separate beds was safer. He’d enjoyed waking up with Heather in his arms, but he was only a man, not a saint, so how many nights could he handle that before giving in to his desires. He was determined to take the slow path with her, to be mindful of his feelings and respectful of hers. They couldn’t just fall into bed with each other and expect their relationship to grow into something true.
“Enjoy your evening,” Alessandro said before stepping away from the door. Heather turned, the smile dropping from her face when she locked eyes with Haven.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, this time the question filled with
so much more concern.
“Nothing. I just thought we had enjoyed the sleeping arrangements last night.”
CHAPTER 8
O nce again, Heather had turned into a bumbling idiot and put a kink in her plans. “I’m, I, ugh, I’m not like this around anyone but you.”
“Like what?” Haven asked through a smile.
“Indecisive, hesitant.”
“No? How are you usually?” He seemed amused, a complete contrast to her frustration, but it made her chuckle.
“I’m the type of person who goes after what I want,” she admitted.
His beautiful smile stretched, lifting his cheeks and narrowing his eyes. “What do you want, Heather?” There was no amusement in his voice now. It was almost raw, a gravelly sound that sent a rush straight to her core.
Now was not the time to hesitate. She’d been doing that with Haven all along and it just wasn’t working. She’d wasted months hoping he would make a move, but now she knew he was interested and she couldn’t continue to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. “I want you.”
She closed the distance between them as she spoke the words, her palms landing on his firm chest, her eyes focused on his.
“I want you, too,” he said, however, she could tell he had more to say.
“But?” she prodded.
“I wanted to take things slow.”
“Wanted?”
His hand brushed her cheek, the caress so tender it melted her heart. “You tempt me, make me feel things I haven’t felt in years.”
“What things?” she asked, sticking with the boldness she’d always known.
His other hand now covered hers, the one that rested over his heart. “I dare not say love, not yet, but it’s stirring. Other things are stirring too. I wasn’t always a good man. I’ve had to work at it, for a very long time, and with you, I can see I don’t have control of the negative vibes.”
“What negative vibes?” Haven had been caring, affectionate, and yes, he’d run that first night after kissing her, but then he’d found her and he hadn’t backed away, not even when she had a panic attack on the island.
“Jealousy, possessiveness, you’re not mine, but on the island today, when you were flirting with Chris, and just now with Alessandro, I get this swirl of emotions in my chest that I can’t…I wanted to tell Alessandro to put the beds together, that you are mine, but I had to keep my distance because that man I used to be, he’s not someone who deserves you.”
Heather couldn’t believe that Haven had ever had to battle negative feelings. He was so grounded, so balanced in every way. His level-headedness inspired Heather, gave her hope that someday she could find that same balance and be happy in the life she’d chosen. “I don’t see it,” she said, squeezing his chest. “You are kind and mindful and sweet and sexy…so sexy,” she chuckled at the end. “Whatever kind of man you used to be, I don’t see it in you now.”
“The kind of man I used to be would take you to bed right now, make love to you all night long without considering the consequences.”
Smiling, she kissed him lightly, a simple press of her lips to his. “That sounds divine.”
“Heather,” he growled, the warning clear that his control was about to snap, and that intrigued Heather more than anything ever had. Haven always had such great control. What would he be like when he lost control, in bed, with her?
“We’re on this cruise, and your Greater Spirit seems to be pushing us together. Why fight it? If we both want this, why wait?”
Haven swallowed hard, as if he was trying to keep the words from passing his lips. Heather pressed herself against his body to further entice him to cross the line he kept himself behind.
“Haven,” she whispered, her hand sliding out from his before she slid both hands around his back and held him tight. “I am yours. There is no one else I want.”
“Heather,” he whispered back, no gravel this time, but resignation, the good kind, the kind that told her the fantasy she’d been clinging to for months was about to come true. When his hands moved to her back, firmly holding her at the curve just above her butt and he started stepping backward, Heather realized it wasn’t resignation at all, but surrender. She breathed a sigh of relief that danced with a dose of anticipation.
She wanted him to kiss her, but worried if she waited, he’d find some sort of resolve in his hesitation, so she once again pressed her lips to his. Haven’s tongue pushed passed her lips, a little moan as his tongue found hers and the vibration exploded throughout her body. He dropped onto the bed, pulling her down so she straddled his legs.
“I want this, you, but I don’t have a condom, so we can only take it so far.”
“I have condoms,” she said. After all, she’d manipulated this situation; it would have been foolish to come aboard unprepared.
“Well, okay, then I need to be honest with you,” he said, his hands moving to her butt and pulling her center against his erection.
He’d always been honest and she could tell from the abundant bulge that he wasn’t going to admit to having erectile dysfunction or being small, or anything in that arena. “I love your honesty.”
He nodded, pursing his lips before breathing in a long breath.
“You can tell me,” she encouraged.
Haven shook his head. “It’s not important. Later.”
Before she could encourage him further, he had her flipped over on the bed, on her back with him on top of her, pushing between her legs.
She would have laughed at the impressive move, but his mouth covered hers and all Heather could think about was how good he felt…everywhere. She moved her hips, trying to increase the connection and wishing their clothes would just go up in a poof of smoke.
“You have to slow down, I’m not going to last if you keep doing that,” he said against her neck.
“I can’t. I want you.” Her hands slid under his shirt, finding his smooth, taut skin. The thought of him losing control so quickly only made her burn hotter. At this point, her own pleasure didn’t matter, because she was going to enjoy being with him no matter whether she had an orgasm or not. What she wanted was to see Haven lose control, to hear him moan with pleasure at her hands, or mouth, or from him being deep inside her.
Yeah, that’s what she wanted, the full connection. “Haven, please, hurry,” she said as he kissed her neck and cupped her breasts.
Haven sat up and tugged her shirt over her head, pausing to look at her breasts tucked inside the red demi bra. She hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed by her size. She wore bras that pushed everything up and in, giving the illusion she had more than she’d been blessed with.
Sliding the straps off her shoulders, his hands moved in, fingers caressing the curve along the top of the bra. Her nipples begged for attention from behind the fabric and as if he’d heard the plea, Haven tugged the fabric down and gave both nipples a gentle pinch that sent shock waves south.
Her next silent plea was answered when he lowered his mouth, his tongue doing a little dance around the tight bud, making her arch of the bed. He moved to the other side, the wet, cool sensation of the breast he’d abandoned making her writhe for more.
Haven kissed his way down, lavishing attention around her navel piercing, the erotic contact almost making her come apart. She had a flash of him gracing her with the same attention lower, and once again, as if they had a psychic connection, his kissed his way to the top of her shorts, his hands moving to release the button and lower the button before he raised up again to tug them off. The panties matched the bra, a deliberate attempt to be sexy.
“I’d love to watch you do yoga in this ensemble. We’ll have to plan for that when we get home.”
Heather loved that idea, especially the thought that this would continue when they returned.
“For now, the panties have to go. I’m desperate to taste you.”
Her entire body awakened with a shiver of anticipation at his words. Just as desperate, she lifted her butt off th
e bed to help move things along. He took his time pulling the panties down and Heather let her desire push aside the insecurity of this beautiful man seeing her naked.
Bending her knees, she helped him get the panties all the way down. He tossed them aside with a lot less care than he’d used to remove them, and cupped both ankles to keep her legs bent. He kissed a toe, the left side with the ring on it, and did the same to the toe on the right. “I love the details in your accessories…pretty painted toes, the toe rings, the butterfly on your navel. Simple and beautiful.”
Heather wasn’t one for traditional jewelry. She had her ears pierced, but in recent years had only ever worn simple studs with her birthstone. Her favorite color was turquoise and while aquamarine didn’t quite color match, it was close. She did, however, enjoy eclectic jewelry on her toes, ankle, and of course, the navel piercing. Haven was the first man she’d been with since getting the piercing, and so far, she was loving the erotic pleasure of his attention there.
With kisses lavished all the way up her leg, Heather was hanging on by a thread when his mouth reached her center. She cried out, the sensation overwhelming yet welcome, making her desperate for more. The vibration of his groan against her sensitive sent her over the edge at hyperspeed, but Heather didn’t hold back. She didn’t care if the entire ship heard her cry out, it was the sweetest joy she’d ever experienced. The quick orgasm didn’t deter Haven, he slowed his pace and pressure, but continued to kiss and lick her, blowing cool air across the sensitive area to tease before working more of his amazing magic on her body.
Before Heather knew it, another release stirred at her center. “Haven,” she gasped, maybe a warning, maybe a plea for him to keep going, and it earned her another groan against her flesh, pushing her right over the edge again in record time.
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