FOR ALL HE KNEW, Haven might have died and gone to that place of highest enlightenment. Making Heather orgasm twice with nothing but his tongue was something he had thought about on too many occasions when he should have been focusing on his meditations or yoga practice. The fantasy couldn’t compete with the reality and he’d stay between her long legs all night if his own release wasn’t threatening.
He kissed her hips and belly, spending a little more time around her navel before exploring down the other leg. When he reached her pretty toes, he rose from the bed, taking a moment to gaze at her beautiful form. The bra was still wrapped around her, pushing her breasts up into pretty little mounds that Haven could spend all night loving. For now, though, he needed his own release because it was coming whether he was inside her or not and he couldn’t live another moment not knowing how it felt to have that complete connection with this amazing woman.
“Condom?” he asked, standing at the end of the bed, ready to burst from every chakra.
“Suitcase, inside zippered pocket,” she said a little breathless.
Haven found the box without trouble and tore a condom from the package, tossing it on the bed so he could strip out of his clothes. Heather watched, her gaze zeroed in on his hands, the attention ratcheting up his anticipation and need. She bit down on her bottom lip when he got rid of the button-down shirt he’d worn for dinner, but it was when she licked her lips after he pushed the khakis and boxer briefs down that he came undone. He’d love for her to roll the condom on, but he’d probably lose it as soon as she touched him.
“You have a beautiful body,” she said as he rolled the condom on.
Her appreciative gaze humbled him. Haven didn’t go to the gym. He was mindful of what he put into his body, practiced yoga and tai chi daily, and ran a few miles every other day for cardio endurance. He also stayed fit by mountain biking, hiking, kayaking, swimming — anything outdoors that helped him connect with the universal energies.
Heather, though, she was the true beauty. Her feminine curves perfectly formed to bring a man to his knees no matter how committed he was to his spiritual journey.
Easing over her body, Haven took a moment to lavish her navel and breasts once more before settling on top of her, his erection resting at her center. “You’re beautiful, Heather, inside and out.”
“Speaking of inside,” she said raising her hips.
Haven couldn’t prevent the growl of sexual approval and Heather smiled her own approval at his clear desire. He reached between them, positioning himself first before giving a gentle push at her core. She was wet and hot and he had to take a few deep breaths before pushing all the way in.
Her tight center gripped him, her moan pulling him further into the web they’d spun together. Impulsive, yes, reckless, maybe, but Haven couldn’t think about that as her heat and softness pushed aside any mindful thoughts.
Desperate to feel her mouth again, he covered hers, pushing his tongue past her lips. Her tongue met his, a gentle caress, but Haven was beyond control and pushed again, diving and exploring, tasting and relishing. All the while, he pushed in and pulled out of her wet heat.
Her pace increased along with her breathing and Haven used every method he knew to ground himself so he could make this last as long as possible. He wanted to make her come again, to feel her release grip him, to find that pleasure with her. He’d never experienced anything more beautiful or enlightening than her release against his mouth, but this connection, their two bodies joined, their energies mingling and sharing and expanding, it was more than he ever imagined, with anyone.
Even early in his practice, when he still longed for Carrie, the fantasies were never as soul deep as this. Haven still didn’t want to label it as love, but his heart beat faster at the fleeting thought.
“Come with me, Heather. I want to feel you let go again.”
“God, yes, Haven,” she cried before her inner muscles clamped down on him and she let out a cry that sent him over the precipice.
CHAPTER 9
Haven put everything he had into keeping his focus during the rest of the cruise. His days were filled from sun up until sun down with the needs of his mystics. Morning meditations and yoga, excursions to explore the various islands, dinners, coaching.
When his duties were fulfilled, his nights became filled with the pleasure he’d denied himself for so long. Heather had been worth the wait and every moment he spent with her filled his heart with light and love.
“What was it you wanted to say to me the other night?” Heather asked, her hand in his as they walked the beach in St. Maarten.
“Say to you?” he replied.
“Yeah, before we…you know.”
Her hesitation was charming, especially considering how honest and direct she could be. That beautiful blush covered her cheeks, her smile letting him know she was thinking about their first night together.
“You know?” he teased. “You mean before I made you come three times and forget everything except my name? That you know?”
She laughed, nudging his shoulder with hers as their feet dug into the warm, wet sand. The water was as clear here as every beach they’d been to in the past six days. Haven wasn’t ready for the retreat to end and was already trying to figure out how they could get back to the Caribbean, either on another cruise or by visiting just one island. He hadn’t run any new ideas by Heather, was hoping to surprise her with a getaway for just the two of them, where his attention wasn’t divided amongst a dozen people.
“For someone so enlightened, your ego is in good shape.”
“Oh, but I’m not enlightened. Enlightenment isn’t a destination. You are either on the path or you are off it, but it isn’t something you can reach, something you can achieve.”
“Does that mean you strayed off it for a few moments there?” Her humor was light, but even the playful words set his mind in motion. “I never stray,” he said, focused on keeping his own tone light. “The path may have detours, hills, winding paths, untraveled and well-worn paths, but you can’t leave it. Mindfulness is the journey and the reward.”
“I was just joking with you,” she defended, kicking sand across his feet.
Haven released her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her against his side as they strolled down the beach. “I know, but I never miss an opportunity for a lesson. Think about it, what would be left if we achieved enlightenment? There would be no need for us to grow as soulful, mindful beings. We would no longer have purpose and without purpose, what is life? It is nothing.”
“I guess I’ve never thought about it that way. It makes sense. Is that why you are always saying it is important to ground yourself in the moment?”
“We spend far too much time lost in the past and worrying about the future. If we spent more time in the moment, life would be better.”
“Is that your way of saying that you don’t want to tell me whatever it was that you didn’t want to tell me the other night?” she asked.
Laughing, he planted a kiss to her forehead. “I wanted to be honest with you the other night, but in the moment, it had more to do with my ego than a necessary truth. Now, my ego isn’t involved, so this is a better time.”
In that moment, Haven worried about his sexual performance. He hadn’t been with a woman since starting on his journey to enlightenment and given how long it had been since he’d last had sex, he was sure he would last only seconds. As it turned out, he’d been able to hold off his own climax. Now, though, after all their time together, he was no longer worried about his performance, at least not in bed. He did, however, want to be honest about his past.
“So tell me,” she insisted, giving him another nudge.
“I started this journey six years ago, first meditating and aromatherapy, then yoga, eventually the emotional wellness coaching, and now crystal healing and Reiki. Before that, I was a jerk, not a good man at all. I had no honor, no respect for myself or anyone else. I left him behind an
d I’m proud of where I am.”
She turned to look up at him, her fingers tight at his waist as she flashed that beautiful smile. “You should be. Your practice is amazing. You’ve helped so many people, me included.”
“Thank you. Every person I’ve helped has helped me too, including you.” He kissed her forehead again, breathing in her fresh, sweet scent, loving the softness of her skin.
“Mmmm, sweet talk will get you everywhere.”
His body was spent after hours exploring her body, and her exploring his, but her words inspired his desire to come fully out of its slumber. “Good to know, but it isn’t just sweet talk. You’re the first woman I’ve been with since I started my journey.”
She stepped in front of him and turned, both her hands now resting at his waist as she faced him. Haven couldn’t have any regrets, even if his words sent her running. This relationship needed to be built on honesty and trust, not manipulation and lies as it had with Carrie. “Six years? You haven’t been with anyone in six years?”
Her surprise was no surprise to him. Six years was a long time, but since he’d started on the journey, time didn’t matter to him. He’d found balance, and granted, Heather had thrown him off a bit, but she’d also opened his heart. He nodded at her imploring look, causing her to shake her head. “But why so long?”
Standing there, he felt raw, as if sharing his past was baring the innermost part of his soul. A lesser man would walk, say the words without facing her, but Haven had come too far on his journey to run away. “My last relationship was destructive. She was a crutch, someone I thought I needed, to the point of self-destruction. She betrayed me, stole an idea I had, albeit a bad one, and made it her own. Then she left me. It took some time for me to get over it and realize I was better off without her. Once I did, I decided to focus on me, being a good man, a good person, helping others.”
“You’re doing that,” she said, her smile proud.
“I am, and now, I’m doing it with you.” A group of kids ran by on either side of them, ready to find their own adventure in the water, but retreated back to the beach when the waves came crashing in. Haven grabbed Heathers hands and kissed them, then let one go and stopped off again to avoid the frenzy of kids doing battle with the waves. “We’re going to work on my app together, bring mindfulness and healing to so many more people, together.”
She swung their joined hands in a happy rhythm. “I like that idea. I’ve already started writing the program. It’s early and it’s going to take time, but this is the first time since I left software engineering that I feel like I know who I am. Except, this time, it’s not going to suck the life from me.”
Haven was glad to hear that. He’d come to understand her, know her, love her, in just a short amount of time. “The great Wayne Dyer said that enlightenment is the quiet acceptance of what is. That doesn’t mean we can’t change our future, it just means we have to accept our present and keep moving. It seems that you have done that.”
“You always have such great wisdom. That’s one of the reasons I love you.”
His feet stopped, the water crashing over them as he pulled Heather to him. She looked a little surprised that she’d said it, and that blush crept back up, a darker shade this time. “You love me?” he asked, just to be sure he’d heard her correctly and to be sure she knew what she’d said.
She smiled, her confidence not faltering. “You don’t have to say it back. I know it seems fast, but it’s how I feel and you were honest with me about your past.”
Haven shook his head. “I don’t have to say it, but I will because I love you too, Heather. Her smile stretched and while Haven could stand there and look at her smile forever, he had to kiss her, to seal their proclamations the only way they could on a public beach. She clung to him, her lips soft and warm and a little salty from their time on the beach. She pulled back with a sigh, her body still pressed to his. “We should head back to the ship.”
Loving that suggestion, he nodded and she stepped off, leading the way to the dock where the water taxi would bring them back to the port. It was close enough to walk, but the water taxi would get them there sooner, and then Haven could show her just how much he loved her.
“Haven! Heather! Wait!” a voice called as they approached the dock a few minutes later.
They turned to find Tamarra running from the passageway that led to Front Street, the main thoroughfare of Philipsburg. Haven and Heather had explored the shops earlier in the day, after the beach yoga session and before they’d returned to Great Bay beach to enjoy the water and sand and collect shells.
“Tam, what’s wrong?” Heather asked as Tamarra came to a stop in front of them.
“Have you seen Brandon? We had a fight and he took off and I can’t find him anywhere.”
Spinning around, Haven took in the dock and the boat, but didn’t spot Brandon anywhere.
“We haven’t seen him,” Heather said. “Where did you see him last? What direction did he go?”
“We were on Front Street. He bought one of those stupid pirate coin necklaces that he kept raving about.”
“Why is that a problem? You two talked about that,” Haven said. Brandon had been excited about the coins, which had been discovered on a sunken ship many years ago and were sold exclusively on St. Maarten.
“Yeah, but he didn’t tell me it cost seven hundred dollars. And you know he didn’t even try to negotiate the price down. He cleaned out our checking account. He’s such an idiot.”
“Take a few deep breaths,” Heather encouraged before Haven could do the same.
“I know this is a perfect opportunity to put everything you learned into practice,” Tamarra said to Haven, “but I’m just so furious right now.”
Sometimes even Haven found it difficult to be mindful in the heat of the moment, like the first night aboard ship when he’d abandoned Heather after she admitted her feelings, but part of the journey was using those tools during the most difficult times.
“Don’t focus on what made you angry. Instead, breathe through the anger and focus on this moment, on what you need to do to get to the next moment.”
“I’m going to kill him in the next moment,” Tamarra snarled.
Clearly, she wasn’t going to cool off, so Haven took a different approach. “Why don’t you two get on the water taxi. I’ll walk back in case he is along the route somewhere. We’ll meet back at the ship.”
“He has my ship card. I can’t get back on the ship without it,” Tamarra said.
“We’ll figure it out when we get back there,” Heather assured her and turned to Haven. “We’ll see you there.”
He wanted to kiss her, but given the circumstances, it seemed inappropriate. He didn’t want to feed any of Tamarra’s negative emotions and public display of affection could have a tendency to do that, especially when one was angered with one’s spouse.
“See you there,” he said and watched them get on the boat. Haven decided to take a quick stroll down the beach, just in case, and walked back on Front Street. Not finding Brandon, he sent out a quick prayer to the Greater Spirit, asking for Brandon’s safe return to the ship and for a peaceful resolution to their marital rift.
CHAPTER 10
By the time they located Brandon, who had gone back to the ship and was drinking in his cabin, it was time for dinner. Heather opted for the buffet instead of the dining room because Haven was scheduled to have dinner with Frank, Esther, Marie, and Joanne.
Cat and Zoe had found a spot at the bar outside the casino where Vinnie was playing the blues again, Brandon and Tam were locked away in their room, hopefully having make-up sex, and Clark and Tony were in the theatre playing bingo, a nightly event for the two of them. Heather had played the day they were at sea, and got some free jewelry out of it, but the event was a big time commitment and she didn’t want to risk missing any time with Haven, so she returned to the cabin and sat on the balcony with her laptop where she worked on coding the meditation app. She and
Haven had talked about categories of meditations in addition to the daily meditations he planned to offer, so she’d taken the liberty of contacting one of her graphic design friends who owed her a solid and not only agreed to throw together some icons to visually represent each category, but had a few drafted as samples of the style. Heather couldn’t wait to surprise Haven with them and hoped he liked the idea. So far, he’d been receptive to all her ideas.
It seemed like hours when she heard the door click closed. She went inside, finding a ragged man drop onto the bed.
“You look exhausted,” she said, putting the laptop on the chair and crawling across the bed to him.
“I’m usually good at keeping the stress under control, but between Tamarra’s anger management and Frank and Esther’s political debates, I’m spent.”
“I have a surprise for you, something that should lift your spirits.”
“I love surprises. What is it?” he said, resting his chin on his hands as he propped his elbows on the bed.
Heather turned the laptop to show him the email she’d been looking at when he came in. “Remember the icons we talked about for the categories. Well, I have a graphic artist friend who agreed to do them for you for design credit only. He sent some samples.”
Only giving them a quick glance, he dropped his head back onto the bed. “Can we talk about this when we get home. I can’t wrap my head around the meditation app right now.”
Swallowing her disappointment, she did a quick inner self-talk that he was tired and even though this was a retreat, it was still somewhat of a vacation and it was their last night before going back to reality. “Of course it can wait,” she said, adding a little pep to her voice more for her own benefit than his. She closed the laptop and stretched across the bed to set it on the desk before settling next to him, one hand on his back.
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