Love Beyond Words

by Dani René

“There’s a lot I have going on in my head right now. I just need to focus on work.” It’s as honest as I can get without giving too much away. Without telling him about my past.

  “I can see an ex-con a mile away, boy. Don’t hide it from me. I don’t give a shit what you’ve done, you wouldn’t be out if you were guilty. Let me tell you one thing, you pay your way by working hard, and I’ll overlook whatever shit you’re sorting through. I want you focused, and I want you here.” He points to the ground and I understand. My head needs to be in the job, not in my past.

  I can do that. “You can count on me.”

  He smiles. He fucking smiles. “And if you’re going to be shacking up with that pretty little lass, you make sure not to go breaking her heart, and don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. I may be old, but I’m not stupid or blind.”

  The man is dead serious and he knows I can’t deny it because now that I know who she is, I have nothing standing in my way. She left her fucker of an ex and I intend to woo her panties off. I already have her in love with me, now all I need is to show her who I am. Flesh and blood and all fucking man.

  “I’ll never break her heart,” I confirm before walking back to the house. I need to apologize and try to explain why I was such a dick.

  Pushing the door open, I step inside and inhale the flavorful aroma. Fuck I’m going to gain a ton of weight living here. “There you are. I think you—”

  Before Mags can get in a word edgewise, I start my apology. “Mags, look I’ll never let my emotions get the better of me again. I’m sorry for earlier, I’ll replace the mug. And, I mean—”

  “It’s not me you should be apologizing to. You have a lovely lady upstairs worried that she’s upset you in some way. We all have our problems, Heath, but at the end of the day, it’s how you treat those around you that counts.” Her words are genuine and seeing someone standing by my side so sincerely does things to the anger I feel at myself. The regret that burns into me every fucking day. “Now go up there and tell her you want to take her for a drink.” She winks, leaving me speechless for the second time today.

  Heading up the stairs, I knock on Leah’s door. While I wait for her to open up, I wonder why she ever called herself Twig because she’s fucking incredible. The door swings open suddenly and she’s standing there with a minuscule white towel wrapped around her curves.

  Her long, golden curls are tied in a messy bun, with a few framing her heart shaped face, and her full lips are plump. I’m staring at them like I need my mouth on hers so I can breathe again.

  “What…” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “What do you want?” The question distracts me from her body and my eyes meet hers. Those pools of honey peering up at me make me want to drop to my fucking knees. It’s her. She’s real.

  “I’m just here to apologize. I mean, I was an asshole, so I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. We have to pretty much live together and I don’t want any animosity between us.” I’m not sure if my words make sense because, this time, I’m the one rambling. And the only reason I am is because it’s her. The woman that’s slowly crept into the darkest parts of my mind and given me a reason to get out of the shithole I was locked up in.

  “It’s fine. I should get dressed,” she murmurs. I can’t stop myself before raking my gaze over every inch of her towel, or wondering how it would feel to have my tongue tracing those same curves.

  “Sure, I’ll be… I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turn to walk away and when I hear the door shut I feel like a dick. Pushing open the door to my bedroom, I unzip my bag, pull out the meager clothes, and head to the closet to hang them up. Black. All black. I’ve always loved dark colors. Callie used to giggle and tell me that I was the grim reaper. I guess I fucking am because she’s gone.

  Back in the bedroom, I dump the empty luggage under the bed and pull off my sweat-soaked t-shirt. Pushing my jeans down, along with my boxers, I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I’m sure the hot spray will calm me down. At the very least, it should calm my fucking hard on. There were times in prison that I jacked off to thoughts of Callie, but this time, she’s not the reason for my erection.

  The girl a room down from mine is and I have no fucking idea what she’s going to do when she finds out who I really am.

  Twig,

  They’ve finally told me I can get parole. It’s going to be in a year’s time, but I’m excited. For the first time in my life I feel as if my cards are being dealt and I’ll hold the winning hand. There are so many things I’d like to do, places I want to visit, but somehow, I’m sure I’ll miss you being there.

  Do you think you’d still like to keep in contact once I’m out? I’m only asking this because I don’t want you to spend your life sitting at a computer screen. You have so much going for you. A life of happiness surely lies ahead of you and I wish I could be there to share in your joy.

  I’m only telling you this now because once you get married to him, it will be over and I’ll regret not telling you how much you’ve changed me. How, in the years we’ve known each other, your light has shone over me, in the damp darkened cell I now call home, you’ve kept me warm. I sound like such a pussy, don’t I? But I don’t care. I want you, no, I need you to know, Twig, if I ever get a chance to meet you, I will pull you into my arms and hold you, keep you warm in the cold, safe where there is danger, and make you smile when you want to cry.

  You didn’t know I could be romantic did you? Anyway, I suppose baring my heart and soul in an email is easier than doing it face to face. Perhaps if I was able to see your beauty I’d be too stunned to speak. And then you’d think I’m an asshole, slap me and storm off.

  That’s something my heart couldn’t take. So I tell it to you in words because they mean so much more. Telling someone you love them doesn’t always make it true, but writing it down, for them to read when they’re sad, I think that makes it more real. Don’t you?

  Yours,

  Con x

  I wake up to the smells and sounds of Maggie downstairs in the kitchen. In the distance I can hear the horses as well, and I’m sure Heath is up already. I haven’t really spoken to him since last night, even though I wanted to know what his problem was.

  Heading to my bathroom, I jump in the shower and quickly wash my hair. I officially start work in thirty minutes and I’m going to need coffee. I spent most of the night writing. An idea for a book came to me and I forced myself out of bed at midnight to start.

  I’ve decided to write mine and Con’s story. The letters, the emotions and all of our secrets. Of course, nobody will know about it, but if one day he’s out at a book store and by chance he picks it up, he’ll know.

  When I make my way downstairs, dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a light yellow top with thin straps, I find Mags doling out scrambled eggs and toast.

  “There you are sweetheart. Here, try these, I’m working on something for the kids, and I’ve added some cheese and bacon bits to the eggs.” She gives me that warm, affectionate smile and I can’t help returning it. This woman has so much love in her heart and I wonder if they have any kids.

  “Mags, have you and Boone ever had kids?” I glance up as I shove the incredible breakfast into my mouth. Her body stills and she shakes her head before she continues wiping the counter.

  “No, honey. It just wasn’t in the cards for us.” Her voice cracks and I realize I’ve put my foot in it. Shit. Well done, Twig. I can just hear my father reprimanding me.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Oh, don’t worry yourself honey.” She turns to me then and smiles. “It’s just given us time to show love to kids who need it more. Like yourself and Heath.” She places a glass of orange juice on the table beside my plate and regards me. “You know, sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want, but it gives you what you need. Remember that.”

  I offer her a smile and reach for her hand. It’s still warm from water she had filled the sink with. “You’re a spe
cial lady, Maggie. I’ve never felt more welcome anywhere, not even in the house where I grew up.” Cocking her head to the side, she stares at me sadly.

  “That makes me angry. You’re an incredible woman. You look like you have a good head on your shoulders. You need a loving family and support system. I’m always here if you want to talk.” I nod, feeling the emotion burn behind my eyelids, but I don’t want to cry. “Even when you fall in love with that big oaf outside, remember, if he’s not treating you good, you walk away.” She gestures to the window, but my eyes drag over to the door and I notice Heath standing, watching our exchange.

  He clears his throat, breaking the sadness in the room. “Ladies, I’m just coming in for a drink of water.” He saunters, yes, saunters, sexily to the sink and I can’t help staring at the way those blue jeans hug his thighs and ass. I’m in trouble. Big, big trouble.

  The day went by easier than I thought. Spending time around Heath while he taught the kids to ride was fun. Seeing him interact with them made me warm to him. Every time he’d offer me his smile, or pin me with those chocolate pools, filled with emotion, I’m left breathless and my heart would race just a little faster than I know it should.

  “Dinner’s ready.” Boone’s deep rumble echoes through the door.

  “I’m coming.” Shutting my laptop, I head down to the living room to find the dining table set for four. Heath is already there deep in conversation with Maggie about the kids who were here today. I slip into the seat beside her and she hands me a plate she was just filling with food.

  She goes out of her way to cook and this is no different. My plate is stacked with roasted pumpkin cubes, a juicy steak, and fries. It’s like being at a hotel.

  “Leah, I was just telling Heath you were heading to the bar tomorrow night, and he mentioned that he was wanting to go as well.” She offers me a sly wink and I realize what she’s doing.

  “Good idea. You two can relax and I’ll drive you down.”

  “That’s no bother, Boone. I think Leah and I can have a nice evening stroll down.” My gaze snaps to Heath and he has one hell of a shit-eating grin on his face. He’s too good looking.

  “Yes, sure.” My words come out as a squeak and I cringe.

  I watch Mags take a sip of her juice before she excitedly responds, “That’s great. You kids have yourselves a good time. I know you’ll get along just fine.” She’s so sneaky, so loving, and I find myself giggling at her playing matchmaker. With her and Boone, as well as Heath, I’ve got my work cut out for me. But the love I feel sitting at this table is more than I ever felt with my own parents.

  “Mags, check this out. Isn’t it perfect?” I question, pointing at my laptop screen. It’s Friday and tonight I’m meant to be going on a date with Heath. I’m helping Maggie select new material for her curtains in the living room and she’s more excited than a kid at Christmas.

  “I love that, darling. Can we place the order?” I nod and continue into the shopping cart. Buying online is so much easier.

  “Leah, sweetheart.” Boone walks into the house. “Can you come out and help Heath? I’ve got to go into town.” My heart races at the thought of being alone with him, but I nod.

  “Sure, I don’t mind.” I hit the confirmation on the purchase for the material and stand up. “Mags, I’ll be back in a bit.”

  “Perfect honey. You have fun now.” The woman is like cupid’s assistant with her little smiles and comments. I head outside and up to the stables. The sight that stops me in my tracks also has me squeezing my thighs together. Heath is shirtless, sweaty, and those muscles that flex as he works with the huge bales of hay have me salivating like a puppy in need of water. Good God the man is incredible. His face is contorted in concentration. The beard just adds to the all man look of him.

  “You going to stand there and gawk all day or you going to help me?” He turns to regard me and drags me from the dirty thoughts that are running rampant in my mind.

  “Don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m coming.” Our banter is playful and as we work alongside each other I feel myself relax.

  “Do you like being out here? Or do you miss the city?” Heath questions as I tug on the rope, pulling a smaller bale over to where the horses will be feeding later.

  “I love the country. The city became too much for me, the constant need to impress was something I hated. Here,” I gesture around us, “I can concentrate on my writing and focus on what makes me happy.” When I cast a glance at him, I find him staring at me as if I’m the most interesting person he’s ever met.

  “You should do what makes you happy. Life is meant to be lived.”

  His words are more poignant to me than I think he realizes. He reminds me of Con in some ways, and I can’t help smiling.

  It’s almost seven and I’m about to go out with Heath. Even though it might not be a conventional date where he’s asked me out, I’m nervous. Grabbing my dark blue jeans, I pull them on and decide on a simple purple top, it’s got small cap sleeves to cover my shoulders.

  Twisting my long curls into a shimmery lavender hair clip, I add some gloss to my lips and shove some dollars into my back pocket. As soon as I pull the door open his cologne assaults my every sense. A deep woodsy scent with a hint of spice. Fuck.

  I take the stairs one at a time, trying to calm my racing heart. When I reach the bottom, I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning. His hair is still wet from the shower and it’s standing in all directions. His blue shirt hugs every toned muscle on his upper body, and those jeans, my God, those jeans are made for him. His toned thighs look like they’re about to burst through.

  He’s wearing black cowboy boots and a belt buckle that glistens like a beacon, tempting me to venture further. “Ready?” His deep rumble startles me from my filthy thoughts and I drag my gaze up to his.

  “Yes.” When he turns I can’t help checking out the rear view and it’s as gorgeous as the front.

  I’m following him toward the door when he pulls it open and steps aside to let me out first. A gentleman. The night air is warm, the waning moon is bright and the stars twinkle at me.

  “Nice evening.” He steps in beside me and I turn my gaze toward him. Why am I so shy? What is it about this man that makes me turn into a teenager afraid of her own voice?

  “Yes.” Is that all you have? Seriously, Leah, get a grip on yourself.

  “You don’t talk much, do you?” The pathway we’ve taken to the small bar in town is quiet. The only sound is our footfalls. Turning my gaze to him, I offer a shy smile.

  “Sometimes, I don’t know what to say. I feel more comfortable in front of a computer, or on paper.” His thick brows shoot up as if I’ve confessed my darkest sins. Oh no, that you’ll never get from me.

  “Me too, most of the time. I feel like looking into someone’s eyes and telling them about myself is too scary. I haven’t had the best life and people judge me for it.” As we arrive at the bar, he pushes the door open, again allowing me to enter first.

  It’s quiet, only a few tables are occupied and I’m thankful for that. “What can I get you folks?” The barman, who looks like he’s been here all his life with gray hair and wrinkles for days, offers a friendly smile.

  “I’ll have a white wine please?” He nods and drags his gaze over to Heath.

  “Beer, or stout if you have it.” Another nod and he sets about getting our drinks ready. “Get us a table, darlin’.” Heath’s soft whisper in my ear has the hairs on the back of my neck prickling and goose bumps rising over every inch of my skin. Fuck.

  “Sure.” The word comes out as a squeak as I force my legs to work. Finding a small table at the window, I slip onto the stool, and stare outside. The town is small, so much smaller than the city I’m used to, but I love it. The anonymity that comes with starting over is what I needed and I feel at ease for the first time in years.

  “Here you go, little lady.” The familiar baritone has butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. He places both drin
ks on the table and slides with ease onto the high stool. “Not sure what kind of wine that is, but I hope it lives up to your expectations.” He chuckles.

  “What makes you think I have expectations?” I question, sipping on the cool liquid. It’s dry, with soft citrus undertones and I almost moan. I haven’t really enjoyed drinking, but tonight, I feel like celebrating my new life. I have a place to stay, a job, and I have people who seem to want me around.

  “You look like you’re used to expensive things. Like you’ve grown up, I’d say, privileged.” He’s right. I have grown up with everything I’d ever need, but it was nothing I ever wanted. Nodding slowly, I take another sip of wine and meet his enquiring gaze.

  “Yes, I did. However, if I could choose the life I was born into, I’d choose this one I have right now.” Dropping my eyes to the glass, I inspect it because I don’t want to see if the look in his eyes is the one I always got in the past from others. When I used to tell my friends how unhappy I was they would look at me with pity and I hate it. All my socialite friends used to judge my choices. The fact that I hated ball gowns, or didn’t want to have a massive soiree for a birthday party. It became too much—too much money and not enough substance. No love, just things.

  “Hey, get out of that pretty little head of yours darlin’ and look at me.” Heath’s tone is laced with concern, with something sweet and sensitive and I find myself warming to him even more. There’s a calmness about him that in turn gives me time to just let myself be. Not having to act like someone I’m not.

  Over the past few days, I’ve come to like him, spending time around him, and allowing myself to be happy.

  “What about you? Where are your folks?” I meet those deep brown pools and the gold flecks glisten under the soft light that surrounds us.

  “Well, my brother and I grew up in a middle class home, until I fucked everything up. I left home at eighteen and got into things I’d rather not talk about. I missed out on life.” The last few words seem to take him to a dark place because his expression clouds over and I find myself reaching out and placing my hand on his.