Love Beyond Words

by Dani René

  Sometimes I wonder if I’ll find it. Or if I’ll be stuck in the turmoil I find myself in. Ron is nice most times, but he’s mean. His words cut me. They hurt my heart. And I wonder if I’ll come out of this with my soul. Or will he steal that too?

  I’m leaving for a dinner now. I’ll be back soon. I…shine upon you.

  Yours,

  Twig xo

  That was her call to me and I listened. I wanted to fucking run out of that goddamn prison, scoop her in my arms and just hold her. There wasn’t anything more I wanted than for her to know me. To see me. To allow me to be with her and show her I love her.

  If I knew that Ron was fucking Ronan—my brother—I would have probably lost my shit then and there. I know we haven’t seen the last of him. If he’s got her father in his pocket, then there’s some shit going down and we’ll always be sitting ducks if they now know where we are.

  I don’t want Leah in the line of fire when my brother comes for me. Because he will. And when he does, I need to be ready. I need to keep my woman safe.

  I reach the gas station and pull in finding a store with the light on. I doubt they’ll be open, but I could park here for the night and hopefully find Leah tomorrow. She needs to forgive me. She needs to see I love her. And she needs to let me protect her. Because I’ll never let her go. Ever.

  The house is dark when the cab drops me off and I wonder if Heath left. Where could he have gone? Maybe he’s down at the bar. I lock the door and head up the stairs to my bedroom. The silence is deafening. I turn to head to the room I’ve spent most of my time in over these past few months but I find it empty as well. There’s still clothes in the cupboard, but I notice his rug sack is gone.

  Toeing off my shoes, I climb into bed and inhale the scent of him. Spicy and manly, it’s intoxicating, more so than any alcohol. Pulling the pillow to my face, I lay my head down and hold onto it wishing it were him. Hoping he returns soon because I want him here. To hold me and tell me things will work out.

  My eyes flutter closed as sleep overtakes me.

  “Twig, come on, we have to go.” My father is in a rush to get to the gala dinner where he wants me to meet a man that he’s chosen. I’m beyond frustrated. I’ve never fit in at these events. I’m not the child they wanted and to be married off to a man I don’t love is not the life I planned.

  My father’s nickname for me is the only way he shows what I assume is his idea of affection. When I was little, being the tomboy I am, I climbed up a tree and couldn’t get down. He tried to help me by explaining how I should move my footing so he could grab me, but I slipped and fell to the ground, breaking my leg. When he carried me inside, he told my mother I was so skinny I’d snapped like a twig. And of course, this is how it came about. How I was known all my life as Twig.

  The name grew on me and I realized as I got older that I may be fragile, and I can break, but I’m also strong. “God, Leah, quit dawdling.” His frustration with me grows daily. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even my father because, deep down, it doesn’t feel like it. The cold and nasty way he can insult me is enough to show me that.

  “I’m coming, Dad.” Grabbing my purse, I head out to the waiting car. As soon as I slip onto the bench seat my nerves set me on edge. There are so many expectations of me and if I let him down tonight, my father will be angry. He’ll take it out on my mom and I can’t be the cause of that, so I straighten my shoulders and inhale a deep breath.

  “You look lovely, dear.” Mom’s smile almost seems sad and I can’t help wondering why. What’s going on between my parents? I’m no longer a child, they can be honest with me, but I know that will never happen.

  “Thanks, Mom.” As the car winds through the city streets and we get closer to the venue, my belly comes alive with a flurry of tiny bird’s wings. They flutter and I feel sick.

  As soon as we pull up to the curb, the door swings open and I step outside. My parents are on either side of me and I realize that it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen them touch. Since I witnessed any emotion, or affection between the two people I grew up with. I feel like a stranger as we step into the ballroom.

  It’s decadent and my poise slips. I can’t do this. “It will be okay, honey. Just smile.” My mom’s soft whisper in my ear is enough to set me on edge, even though I know that’s not what she wanted.

  A man walks up to us, he must be about twenty-four or perhaps older. He’s got dark eyes, similar to dad’s and his smile isn’t one of sincerity. My skin crawls when his stare lands on me. “Ah, there he is. Ronan, this here is Leah, my daughter.”

  He reaches out a hand and I’m struck dumb because I can’t move. The little shove my mother gives lurches me forward and into his arms. His chuckle comes out wrong, all wrong, and I feel as if I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.

  “Such a beautiful girl.” He leans in and whispers in my ear. “A puppet to play with and you better impress me.” As he steps back, my father pats him on the shoulder before leaving us alone and all I want to do is run. To run all the way to Con and have him keep me safe.

  Jerking up, I glance around the room and I realize I am safe. I’m not with Ronan, but I’m also not with Heath. I roll over and glance at his alarm clock. It’s almost six and I can see the faint light of dawn through the curtains. Swinging my legs over the bed, I push up and head into the bathroom.

  One quick glance in the mirror shows me the dark circles under my eyes. I know what I have to do today, but I’m not sure I’m ready. I pee and wash my hands, then stare myself in the mirror. The little girl who was fragile is no longer so.

  There’s strength in my eyes. As I try to make myself feel more human, I convince myself I don’t need to be scared anymore. I will contact my father and tell him I’m no longer doing what he wants.

  Heading into my bedroom, I grab my laptop and make my way downstairs. The solitude of the ranch this early in the morning is welcome. As I turn on the kettle, I wonder where Heath is. He didn’t come home last night and the fear that he may have gone home with someone niggles at me.

  Even though it shouldn’t, it hurts, but I pushed him away. I told him we were over. The thought of him touching another woman the way he did me leaves a sour taste in my mouth. A knock at the front door startles me. Then another comes and it sounds urgent.

  I pad over to the entrance and peek through the spyhole to come face to face with my mother. What the fuck? Ronan must have told her where I was. Unlocking the door, I pull it open and gasp when I see she’s got a suitcase. “Mom, what are you doing here?”

  “We need to talk, Leah.” Her grave expression sets me on edge and I step aside, allowing her inside. Once the door is closed she pulls me in for a hug and I find her familiar scent a painful reminder of all I left behind.

  “Are you okay? Where’s dad?” I question as we slip into the comfortable seats at the living room table. She shakes her head slowly and drags her wandering gaze to me.

  “Leah, I needed to find you before he got here. You need to know the truth.” I regard her closely finding a shell of the woman I remember. She’s aged and she looks exhausted. Something deep in my gut tells me this has everything to do with my father. And somehow, I think Ronan as well.

  Secrets have the power to keep you safe, but they also hold all the potential to rip apart everything you’ve ever held dear. And as my mother starts her story, I realize the world I knew, the one I grew up believing was mine, wasn’t really. It was all a story. Nothing but words, lies, deceit.

  “Honey, when I first married your father, he was my everything. I wanted the life he offered, but I walked away from a man who I held dear. I left love for money and security. Your father and I weren’t married long when he first went astray, I suppose I wasn’t all he wanted, even though I made him everything I wanted. It hurt when I saw these women at the events because I knew he was with them,” she continues, and I see her heart crack, bit by bit. The anger I felt toward my father only multiplies as she tells me her story. “O
ne day he came home in a rage. He told me I was worthless because I couldn’t give him a child. We’d tried a few times, but I just wasn’t getting pregnant. That night was the first night he laid a hand on me, so I ran. I went to the man who I knew would keep me safe. I did the very thing I hated your father for doing.”

  Her eyes meet mine again and I see the truth in them. “Mom, it’s not—”

  “That night you were conceived with a man who you don’t even know. You’ve never met him. Jonathan Whitlock was the only man I ever loved. And you’re so much like him.” When she blinks the tears fall, cascading down her sallow cheeks. “When I told Martin I was pregnant, he admitted that he had two sons outside our marriage, from almost ten years prior.” The words ring in my ears and my heart thuds painfully in my chest.

  The voice in my head screams at me. At her. At everything.

  No! No, no, no! It can’t be. Please God no! Please don’t let it be.

  “Who?” I croak, but I don’t want the answer.

  She can’t tell me. She mustn’t tell me.

  Fear swirls around me and when she glances up. I know.

  It’s written on her face.

  Two sons. Brothers.

  Pushing the door open, I step inside to find Leah with an older lady sitting at the living room table. I drove all night and figured I’d come back here to try and recoup. But when Leah’s gaze settles on me it’s anything but loving. Confusion swirls in her honey-colored eyes. “Heath.” My name on her lips is comforting, because the way she whispers it is like a salve to my broken heart.

  “Leah, baby.” The words tumble from me. “I was so worried. I spent the night driving around looking for you.” I kneel before her, taking both her hands in mine. I stare up at those pools filled with chest tightening emotion and implore her to not fight me anymore.

  “I came back last night and slept upstairs. Heath, this is my mother.” She glances at the woman and when I really take her in, I realize how much she looks like Leah, but she seems older, sadder.

  “Nice to meet you.” I hold out my hand and she slips her fragile one into mine. Her lip trembles and I notice my girl has been crying too.

  “You’re a good boy. I’ll give you two some alone time.” She pushes up and heads to the terrace behind the house. Once I have Leah alone, I settle myself on the chair and pull her onto my lap.

  “Tell me what’s going on. Why is your mother here and why do you both look like you’ve had it out?” Her body molds to mine and for the first time in days I’m happy. Calm. Relaxed.

  “Heath, look into my eyes and tell me you’ve met your father?” Her question jars me and I shake my head. The man who fathered me was absent all my life.

  “Baby, I’ve never met him. Why?”

  She stares at me for a long while, then nods, but questions again. “Never? You don’t even know his name?” I shake my head no.

  “My mother never told me about him. She said he gave us money, which is how my brother and I went to school. I never asked. I figured that a man who couldn’t even stick around for his sons is an asshole, and I didn’t want to know him anyway. Why are you asking, Sunshine?” Her hand reaches for my face and she strokes the beard as if she’s in a trance. “Leah?”

  “My mother just told me the truth.” Her voice is barely audible, but the silence that falls around us has me alert. I raise her hand and place a soft kiss on her knuckles. Her scent overwhelms me but I wait for her to continue. “My father…I mean…Martin Keller…he…” The words taper off and at the mention of that asshole’s name I bristle. It’s all his fucking fault I got put away. I’ve never hated anyone, but with him I’ll make an exception.

  “What about him, baby?” Honey pools gaze at me and tears glisten in them as she regards me with sadness. He better not have hurt her.

  “He’s not my father, or I mean…he’s not my real father.” She glances at the door where her mother stepped out, then back at me. “My real father’s name is Jonathan Whitlock.” This is shocking, but she seems almost too sad. There must be more to the story.

  “Okay, what else? I can see there’s something you’re not telling me.” She nods and sniffles as the tears slowly streak down the rosy cheeks I’d like to stroke. I want to kiss her tears away. To take all that pain I see on her face and make her smile.

  “My mother told me that Martin had cheated on her when they were first married. I have two… I don’t know, step-brothers?” That’s one thing about my girl, she can ramble. None of this makes sense. Why is she so sad?

  “Are these brothers trying to hurt your mother or you?” She shakes her head and with a wry smile she watches me intently. Almost as if she’s searching for something. What, I don’t know.

  “No, they’re not. Heath, she told me their names. The two boys. It’s Ronan and you.” I stare at her, trying to make sense of what she’s saying but somehow I can’t. What she’s saying can’t be true.

  My mother always told me my father didn’t want anything to do with me or Ronan. So how is it that my brother is working for him and I was arrested because of him?

  “Baby, what you’re saying… I mean, it can’t be. My mother explained... he’s not around, that we’d never meet him. She told me that he’d moved on and had another family.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince her or myself but I can’t get my head around it. Nothing makes sense.

  “Heath, it’s him. Here…” She hands me a folder that I didn’t notice on the table and I open it while she settles against me. What I see on the pages in front of me knocks the wind from me. Blood tests, DNA tests, and two birth certificates. Mother. Father. And Ronan. And me.

  My blood heats with anger, frustration, and fear. I’m his spawn. “Baby, get off me.” My voice is gruff as I order Leah off my lap. She stumbles from me as I push up and start pacing. Running a hand through my hair, I try to figure out when my brother found out because everything seems surreal right now.

  “Con… Heath…” I feel the soft touch of her on my arm, my sunshine. The only thing that stops me is the absolute love I feel pouring from her. “My mother gave me this too. She said you might want to read it alone. If you do, I understand.”

  Shaking my head, I pull her into my arms. Feeling her so close is all I need. All I’ll ever want. I promised myself I’d fight for her and I’ll do it with everything I have. “I want you here.” I lean in and plant a soft kiss on her plump lips. Fuck she’s beautiful.

  I sit, once again with Leah in my lap, and I look at the piece of paper she gave me.

  An envelope.

  I rip it open and pull out the contents, finding a letter from my mother.

  Heath,

  As a mother, I feel as if I’ve failed you. So many times when you were growing up I wanted to tell you the truth, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I watched you get older and I saw you turn into a man I was proud of. This letter is my confession. You need to know the truth and you deserve to move on with your life.

  If you’re reading this, you’ve been released and Julia would have found you. I met her a long time ago when I was pregnant with you. She became my friend, we shared our secrets, our love, and when I was about to give birth, she was there for me.

  Your father and she were married. Son, I was the other woman as they say. I’m not proud of it, but in my defense, I didn’t know he was attached until I was pregnant with Ronan. He promised me the world and I tried to grab it with both hands. Unfortunately, in my vulnerability, I messed up. But out of the pain, I had two beautiful boys.

  Every time I look at your brother, I see him, your father. I didn’t like it, seeing my eldest son morph into a man I grew to hate. The thing is, you were the one who paid the price. And it was a hefty one. You paid with your life and I couldn’t do anything about it. Mr. Keller was too wealthy, too connected for me to do anything about it. When he came to the house one day, we had a fight and I told him I didn’t want him near you boys. Ronan was home and had overheard. I later found out that they
were meeting and when I forbade your brother to see him again, the anger I saw in my son’s eyes matched his father’s.

  I loved you too much to let them get ahold of you and that’s why I allowed you to go to school away from us. I wanted you to leave and live a life far from your father. I knew about the two errands he sent you on and I feared for your life. Martin is involved with so many bad people, I worried that they would hurt you. When you finally walked away and found a job on the ranch and you met Callie, I saw how happy you were. It filled my heart, it gave me hope that at least my baby boy would be okay.

  The night your Callie was killed was the night I finally fought back. I was on my way to visit with her when I walked in on your brother and her arguing. They didn’t see me at first, but from what I heard, Ronan was trying to get her to sleep with him, when she refused. They had a fight and when she pushed him away, he grabbed a knife and I watched in shock as the boy I gave birth to stabbed a woman.

  I rushed into the apartment but I was too late. When he turned to me, my son wasn’t there, his gaze was vacant of emotion and I knew he was lost to this world that Martin Keller pulled him into. I wanted to call the cops but he attacked me. I begged and pleaded with him but it was no use. Not long after, Martin pulled up and they formulated a plan to implicate you because you were disposable to them both.

  Son, I’m telling you this so you can find it in your heart to forgive. I know you’ve lost a lot. I know you’ve been robbed of a real life. A full life. But I know with all that love inside you that you’ll find a life worth living. You’ll find a woman, you’ll fall in love, and you’ll be happy.

  I’ve asked Julia to deliver the letter because as you read this, I’m on a plane to somewhere safe. I’ve made a full confession to the police about what I know Martin Keller really does. It’s taken me this long to wake up, but with Julia’s help, we’ve managed to do it. I’m no longer afraid. I have been put into witness protection because when they investigated your father’s company they found a number of dealings that were illegal.