Secrets and Lies

by N. C. Anderson

  The moment he stepped into the hall, his father approached him. “I'm taking your mother and Della home now."

  Logan glanced toward the waiting room. “Where's Selena?"

  "She just left for home in Della's car."

  Logan didn't want to wait for more discussion. He needed to talk to Selena. He wouldn't rest until he did. As he stepped away, his father's hand stopped him.

  "Selena left because she's exhausted, Patrick. Don't you think you should leave her alone tonight?"

  He felt tired too. “I doubt whether you'll understand, but neither of us will sleep if I do,” Logan answered, starting down the hall.

  "Yes,” he heard his father mutter as he hurried away. “I understand perfectly."

  * * * *

  From the back seat of his limo, Brian watched Della McRae drive Selena's car away from the school. “You know, Della is a nice lady."

  "Now, why would you sound so surprised?” Karlene asked.

  He turned to look at her. The soft interior lighting made her seem almost ethereal. She might as well have asked why the world seemed new. “I can't remember the last time I even thought to notice that about anyone.” He shook his head. “Patients don't need to be nice for me to examine them."

  "No,” Karlene muttered, “just affluent."

  Brian took in a deep breath then released it slowly. “I won't bother to deny it.” He reached for her hand, and held it gently. He'd forgotten how delicate her long, tapered fingers were; forgotten the way they could soothe or excite him when they touched him.

  "How would you feel about going back to work on a voluntary basis?"

  Karlene eyed him warily. “I already work on a volunteer basis,” she said. “I suppose you never noticed the hours I spend in pediatrics."

  He'd noticed. But it hadn't meant much to him, until now. “I just thought you might want to help out at Patrick's clinic.” Turning her hand over, caressing it, he added, “Course if you aren't interested...."

  "I am interested,” she said quietly, because she didn't want him to realize the excitement she felt from his words. “I can't help but wish you were, too."

  Leaning back, he tugged her closer. Ignoring the stiffening of her body, he nestled her against his side. “Tonight I'm going to confess that I've been too busy for too many years. Busy with surgical procedures, learning new procedures, revising old procedures, teaching them, writing them. I want to slow down, Karley."

  While letting herself relax against the leather seat Karlene glanced up at him. He looked serious. With all of her heart she wanted to believe him. “Why?"

  Brian lifted her hand and kissed each fingertip, then the palm. “I've discovered that I want to concentrate on us.” He touched her cheek with his free hand. “I need you to say it isn't too late, that you won't mind if we attempt something new."

  "We?” He hadn't said we for at least twenty years. He hadn't had the sparkle now lighting his eyes, either.

  "Well, if I'm semi-retired, I should have time for volunteer work.” He tipped her chin and kissed her, first gently tasting, then with a purpose as he remembered how phenomenal they were together.

  When the limo stopped in the driveway, Karlene pushed herself upright. “And?"

  "And,” Brian said, opening the door before the chauffeur could cut the engine, “hours and hours to spend with my wife."

  Karlene took his arm as they walked toward the house. “You don't think you'll become bored?” For the first time in years her heart felt light, happy, hopeful.

  "If we get bored, we'll travel to an exotic beach and get un-bored."

  She stopped, and faced him. “I'm ready to invest in this new venture. I just want to make certain you are."

  He took her arm, turning her toward the back entrance. “Come inside, Karley. I want to show you exactly how committed I am."

  When he opened the door, she hurried inside. The man she'd married seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She could hardly wait to find out if it was really him.

  Chapter 12

  When Selena pulled into her garage, Cisco raised his thick gray body from the top of her washer near the kitchen entrance, then stretched and yawned. Hans bounded up to her as she opened the car door. The little dog sneezed, and made noises that sounded as if he had a mouthful of marbles.

  "All right, all right,” Selena moaned, checking her watch. “It's eleven o'clock, I'm late, and the both of you are starving."

  Hans rabbit-hopped across the garage, beating her to the kitchen doorway, but Cisco, his golden eyes half-closed, pretending to ignore her, meowed and stomped around the washer top like an insulted lion. Selena stopped beside him. “If you don't come now, you'll have to hunt for your supper."

  Selena didn't need to invite the cat twice. He leaped from the washer onto the step beside the door.

  After she fed them in the kitchen, Selena made her way into the bathroom where her elegant, sunken Grecian shower awaited to embrace her in relaxing warmth. She stripped off her jeans and sweatshirt and padded barefoot down the three wide steps into the shower. Just as the last soap suds slid from her skin, the doorbell ding-donged a steady high-pitched tattoo, echoing throughout the house.

  Selena walked up the blue-and-gold tiled steps, grabbed her silk robe from the hook near the shower and pulled it around her wet body. No one ever rang her doorbell unless they'd become lost on the winding foothill roads. But it was midnight, and Selena was cautious—especially since Hans was pacing stiff-leggedly and growling menacingly in front of the door. Raising on her tiptoes, she peeked through the encased hole in her front door. She'd thought she'd escaped him for a few hours. She should have known better.

  "Logan,” Selena said tiredly, opening the door and backing away. “Since I know you aren't lost, I guess you might as well come in."

  "You knew I'd come,” he said roughly. Selena could feel the warmth of his gaze as he took his time studying her damp, clinging robe. “For Pete's sakes, Selena, get some clothes on."

  Selena edged closer to him. “You're the one who disturbed my shower,” she said, watching his eyelids lower to slits. “What did you want?"

  His broad chest heaved in apparent exasperation. “We have to talk, Selena.” Logan's expression suddenly looked very aggressive, and Selena backed up a step. “If you don't move, and move quickly, I'll feel forced to demonstrate what I want."

  For a moment Selena faltered, thinking about challenging him to demonstrate, then changed her mind. Logan was right; too many unanswered questions built walls between them. The time had finally arrived for blasting away the barriers of the past. He stood before her, tired, disheveled; plainly his self-control hung by a thread. She couldn't love him more. She prayed that by the time they finished, the walls would have crumbled to dust.

  Logan's hand reached for her. Selena ducked, and Hans growled. Logan looked at the dog. “Out,” he commanded pointing in the direction of the dining room, and Selena watched her brave little Schnauzer scurry under the dining-room table.

  "I'll be right back.” She gestured toward the kitchen as she hurried away. “Help yourself to anything in the refrigerator."

  Selena yanked on her navy-blue sweat pants and sweat shirt. Then she walked slowly to the kitchen. She struggled to pull her thoughts together, fatigue making her mentally sluggish.

  Logan was sitting at the table, his arms resting on the heavy oak, his fingers tapping a slow rhythm on a glass half-filled with milk in front of him, his eyes watching her approach.

  "Don't you think we're both too tired for a serious discussion?” she asked, pulling out a chair across from him.

  "I don't think either of us will really rest until we do,” he answered, lifting his glass. He gave her a salute then downed the milk.

  Selena sat down, reluctantly. “I suppose you're right.” She yawned into the back of her hand. “Where would you like to start?” She prepared herself for his main curiosity to be on her marriage.

  "Your husband has been dead ne
arly a year, Selena. Why are you on the pill?” he asked, surprising her.

  The question came so unexpected it took her a moment for it to sink in. “After the accident my hormones were off kilter, and the doctor prescribed them because they are in their last testing year."

  Logan appeared convinced; then he asked the question she was waiting for. “Why did you marry Daniel Flynn?"

  "Well, it wasn't because I drew his name out of a hat."

  The startled expression on Logan's face, and his sudden paleness, gave Selena a moments’ satisfaction she'd waited years to feel. Then the pleasure disappeared, replaced with a sense of sadness for time lost because they'd come together too early in their lives.

  "You don't have it quite right,” he stated flatly. “But nonetheless, how did you find out?"

  "I got lucky,” she said. “While I was standing around, two of your friends were debating your brilliance at collecting the panties of the most gullible girl in town. They were quite specific about how you drew her name and why.” She sighed, pushing the curls from her forehead. “You'd already told me you wouldn't be seeing me anymore.” She hesitated. “I'm not certain which crushed me more, your backing away from our love, or my finding out that I was the booby prize for a damned secret fraternity initiation. Then I just got mad."

  "I didn't draw your name, Selena, I selected it, carefully.” He raised a hand, effectively stopping her from speaking. “You'll be mad all over again when I tell you it only took me a month to realize I'd gained nothing. Harvard, the fraternity pals, none of it was right for me.” Logan shoved out of his chair and walked to the sink with his glass. He rinsed it with tap water and placed in on the drainer, then turned and rested his hip against the counter, crossing his arms on his chest. “Now, why did you marry Daniel Flynn?"

  Selena got up and walked toward him. “Daniel offered me love, and I needed it. He offered me an education, and I wanted it. He offered to help my mother out of poverty, and she deserved anything I could do to help her.” She stopped in front of Logan. “Most importantly, in exchange for my loyalty, he offered to be a good father to my child."

  Logan swung his arms back, resting his hands at an angle on the counter behind him because he needed to control them. “You never told me you were pregnant,” he muttered, failing to keep his tone from sounding reproachful.

  "I came to the dance at the school that night to find you, Logan. I didn't expect anything from you, but I was going to tell you.” Selena shrugged her shoulders, remembering the pain. “It was there that I found out why you'd really dated me, that you'd already left for the East without saying good-bye. And adding to the spirit of the evening, when I got home your father was pacing my front porch with a fat check in his hand."

  "Why didn't you take it? Then you wouldn't have had to marry someone older than your father."

  "First of all I didn't have to marry Daniel, I chose to. Second of all I wouldn't have taken anything from a Logan. And, after he'd finished with his demoralizing speech, especially not from your father."

  Logan's hands moved, capturing her shoulders and bringing her against his heart. His chin rested on her hair. “I was in love with you, Selena. If you'd have told me, I wouldn't have walked out on you."

  "You were gone. I was too hurt, too damned mad to notify you.” Selena hesitated, backing slightly away. “You used protection when we made love. I wasn't even sure you would believe I could be pregnant—or pregnant with your child."

  Her words reminded him of the faulty prophylactics he'd taken from his father's medical office—reminded him of how young, how completely inexperienced they'd been. He could feel his face heating. “One evening my father surprised the hell out of me by saying that some of the trial products left in his office were inferior, and he'd been very happy he hadn't given any out or recommended them. Then I realized that the condoms I had taken were no protection at all. Since you never said anything, I forgot about it. But I would have listened to you.” He lifted his hands then dropped them to his sides. “I would have believed you."

  She tipped her head back so she could see his eyes. They were moist with an emotion that tore at her heart. Her brass ring—a little tarnished, slightly worn. A little honest loving would chisel off the stains. “Back then you may not have believed we could tackle marriage, but I always thought you trusted me.” She touched his cheek, drawing her finger softly to his chin. “You don't trust me now.” Selena sighed. “I never realized your family gave you good reason not to have faith in someone loving you."

  "I don't blame others for my difficulties. They've always had their own problems,” he added bluntly. “Do you love me, Selena?"

  The seductive heat in his eyes sent a ripple of pleasure down her spine. “I've always loved you, Logan."

  "You married Daniel Flynn."

  "Throughout all my childhood parents made sure their kids stayed away from me. I was the town-drunk's daughter who had to fight for the privilege of walking on a sidewalk. Then you came into my life, and touched me like no one else ever had. To me you treated me with love, with respect. Happiness was mine until I found out I might as well have been a mannequin. In my young mind I was no longer human to you, no longer had feelings."

  He placed his hands along both sides of her jaw line, lifting her chin slightly, making her feel protected, yet stronger than ever. “Believe me, I knew you were human, Selena. After two dates it didn't matter any longer why I'd decided on your name. I wanted you—then, I loved you.” He planted a soft kiss on her forehead, murmuring against her skin, “I've never been able to get you out of my mind, my soul."

  "Are you finished with the questions?” she asked huskily, fingering the buttons on his shirt. His soft kiss, his nearness, the loneliness she saw in his eyes, heard in his voice, culminated in a desire to prove to him just how much she loved him.

  His hands left her face to hold her hands still. “Tonight I had an interesting conversation with Daniel's daughter Markie."

  Selena tried, but she couldn't hold back a long tense sigh. She didn't want to talk any more about her marriage. “Markie was always a good friend."

  "She said her father treated you like a daughter."

  "Yes,” she murmured. “Daniel had health problems. He needed a hostess when entertaining business associates. He needed a loyal companion and someone he could trust, talk to, love....” Her voice faded as Logan's hands tightened on hers.

  "But not a husband's love,” he stated flatly, his voice sounding uncertain.

  Selena knew Markie well. She might have hinted to Logan about various things, allowing him to arrive at his own conclusions. Devotion ran deep in the Flynn family; Markie would never tell him everything.

  She stared at Logan for a moment, prepared, and yet, not prepared, to expose the life she'd lived the past sixteen years. “No. His diabetes rendered him impotent long before I ever met him."

  Selena is mine, Logan realized, and his heart raced. Selena has always been mine.

  "Impotent,” he repeated, struggling to ignore her warm, distracting fingers on his chest. He tried to hold them still. “You spent sixteen years with a man who couldn't make love to you."

  Selena unbuttoned his top button. “I preferred it that way."

  Logan tried again to still her hand. “Why?"

  "I told you,” she answered, wiggling the button lose under his restricting fingers. “I have always loved you, Logan.” She smiled as another slipped through its hole. “Can't stop loving you—"

  "Are you telling me no one has made love to you since we were together?” he said, interrupting her. Selena was a passionate, giving lover. It seemed so wrong for her to have lived such a sterile lifestyle. The primitive nature in him sang with pleasure, at hearing her words.

  Selena's fingers stopped prying on his buttons, and she shifted away from him. “All right, yes. Daniel never made love to me. The most Daniel ever touched me was to give me his wonderful bear hugs several times a day and kiss me on the cheek. He
was a gentle, caring man, Logan. And, I miss him."

  "Did you love him?” he asked huskily, a spark of jealousy returning.

  "He was the father I never enjoyed. Yes, I loved him."

  Logan stepped away from the sink, aching to feel her close again. She didn't have anything on under the concoction she was wearing, and Logan wanted to push his hands under her loose fitting sweatshirt, run his fingers across her velvety skin, feel her melt into him until they were one.

  When he came to a halt an inch from her, he had Selena trapped between the wall and the table. With an awe he couldn't define he said, “We have a son.” The aroma of violets surrounded her, taunting his hunger for the taste of her skin, inflaming the blood, racing through his veins.

  Selena's eyes shone with tears. “Oh, yes, Logan. We have a son. Didn't he tell you?"

  "He did, but he didn't have to after I talked with Markie. Gregg has traits I should have noticed the first time I saw him. I thought he was someone else's son. I guess jealousy made me blind.” Logan enfolded her to his chest, savoring the thrust of her breasts against him.

  "You were jealous?"

  Logan wanted to laugh at her disbelief. “Notably,” he said. “I don't know how you could have missed it. I'm going to ask this really traditionally. Somehow, that's exactly the way I feel. You're going to let me make an honest woman out of you, right?"

  "I've always been honest, Logan,” Selena mumbled into his chest. “If this is a proposal, you have one more question to answer before I can decide anything."

  Logan slid his hand under her chin, lifting it to study her eyes, the shape of her mouth. “Fire away. I feel as if I can take on anything."

  "Do you trust me?"

  He didn't have to think about it. He'd already come to understand that he had counted on her from the moment they'd met. Her honesty intrigued him years ago, and was one of the reasons why he could never get her out of his system. “Sweet, Selena, it may have taken me a long time to realize it, but I believe you are the only one I have ever completely trusted.” He brushed the curls from her forehead then dropped his hands to his sides, uncertainty nagging him. “I don't have much knowledge about being a father. I think it's too late for me."