None of it was true, of course. He didn’t fail me. He never could. I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. He was the greatest person in my life, he was the reason I survived and pulled through, the reason I didn’t give up. He was the reason I stopped begging to die.
Slowly, he pulled over onto the side of the road and got out of the car. Quietly, he closed the door, careful not to disturb Daniel.
He stalked over across the road where he stood up straight running his hands through his hair.
His body shook and, from here, I couldn’t tell if he was crying, or shaking from rage, I guess it didn’t matter. Both were just as bad.
He was breaking.
Checking in on Daniel, I quietly opened my door and carefully closed it.
Avoiding the glare of the headlights, I walked over to Illarion.
His body tensed as I approached.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, quietly, keeping his back to me. ‘I just needed to stretch my legs.’
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I exhaled deeply; I wasn’t in the frame of mind for small talk, or comforting gestures.
‘I can drive. You’re tired.’
He looked across at me and shook his head, incredulously.
‘What do you want me to say?’
‘Anything.’ He gently squeezed my shoulders. ‘Say anything, just don’t be this. Are you punishing me? For the other night? For what happened? Ace….’
‘I’m not punishing you.’ I shook my head.
He stepped back, thrusting his fingers through his hair.
‘I’m not punishing you,’ I repeated, shaking my head. ‘I just, I have nothing, inside, at all.’ My voice cracked before I could stop it.
‘What are you talking about?’
He lowered his lashes, looking right in to my eyes.
‘I don’t feel anything, in here.’ I took his hand and pressed it over my heart.
His breath kind of stopped and broken laugh left my lips.
‘There’s nothing, anymore, I thought there was. But then the pain dulled down and the numbness came. And then everything else was gone.’
He brushed his hand across my cheek, bringing our foreheads together.
‘I don’t even feel anything about Dalca anymore, I remember it all, I just, I don’t know, I don’t care. I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything.’
He guided my face gently up to his and brought his lips to mine. What once would have warmed my heart, now did nothing at all. I pulled back and turned my gaze away from his, painfully aware of the look in his eyes.
‘We should get back on the road.’ I made my way back to the car.
Like the breath was punched out of my lungs, I stopped, doubling over when the wave hit me.
Illarion rushed over and turned me towards him.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Someone’s coming.’
His eyes scanned the horizon and returned to me.
‘Which direction?’
‘I don’t know.’
Panic set in as I turned from him, letting my eyes sweep the surrounding woods. There was nothing, anywhere. But I felt it.
‘Ace?’
‘They’re getting closer. We have to go. Now!’
Illarion didn’t wait for me to elaborate, we both ran back to the car, and he sped off as soon as the doors were closed, waking Daniel.
Before he could speak, headlights appeared in the tree line. My heart raced as I looked across at Illarion. He shifted the car into top gear and floored it down the highway, whoever was coming, was coming fast.
They navigated the rough terrain of the forest, keeping up with us in their ATVs.
Daniel gripped the back of my seat. ‘What the hell is happening?’
I chanced a look back and swore. There were another three sets of headlights coming from the forest.
As the trees thinned out, they swerved onto the road and began gaining on us.
‘Ace? What’s going on?’
I looked back at Daniel and grit my teeth. ‘They’re coming for us.’
‘My father?’
‘Yes. I dreamt about this.’ I shook my head. ‘Not exactly this, but he was coming for me.’
‘Hold on,’ Illarion said firmly, keeping calm and collected.
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I gripped the roof handle and held on tight. He veered off the road and up the embankment into the thin cover of trees.
‘They’ve got ATVs!’
‘I’ve got a Hummer,’ he shot back. ‘Hold on.’
Holding my breath, I braced myself as we sped toward an incline; Illarion accelerated and hit the dune hard, sending the Hummer up and over. When it hit the ground on the other side, I held in a surprised shriek and turned back to check.
‘They’re still coming.’
‘I can see that.’
‘Go that way,’ Daniel said quickly, leaning between us.
Illarion followed his directions and sped toward the small opening.
‘I know these woods. There’s a river coming up.’
‘ATV’s can cross rivers.’
Daniel shook his head. ‘Not with these currents.’
Illarion gripped the wheel tighter and gave me a quick look before hitting the gas and aiming right for the clearing.
Daniel sat back down and strapped himself in.
A glance back confirmed that they were still there, and I counted five ATVs gaining on us. Illarion hit the riverbank and my breath caught as soon as I saw the rapidly rushing water. Oh God.
‘Can we make this?’
‘This car weighs more than six-thousand pounds.’ Illarion said.
‘Those currents are pretty strong,’ I countered breathlessly.
‘We can make it,’ Daniel said firmly.
We both turned to look, the ATVs were still coming, but as the Hummer hit the water and the current pushed us sideways, the ATVs stopped, skidding in the riverbank.
Illarion’s eyes were fiercely focused. His knuckles were blanching as he struggled to hold onto the wheel as the water pushed us further and further down the river.
Oh God. I gripped the edge of my seat and looked at around. There was a good fifty feet between us and the other side of the river.
Illarion grit his teeth, breathing deeply as the rage of water continued to rip the wheel from his grasp, pulling the Hummer out of his control.
A rapid rush of panic entombed me when I looked down and saw the water rushing inside.
‘Oh my God, Ila.’
‘Hold on,’ he said firmly.
He shifted the gears, I heard them grinding under the pressure. There was no grip. The tires had nothing to hold onto.
And then, finally, the engine roared as the tires made contact with a shallow part.
Illarion wasted no time getting into gear. He floored the Hummer, holding the wheel tightly and after what seemed like the longest time, the water inside the cabin was receding and we were nearing the riverbank.
As soon as we were on solid ground, I let out a long breath and leaned back in my seat, throwing my hands over my face.
Illarion stopped and engaged the handbrake.
‘You both alright?’
‘Yeah.’ I exhaled and nodded.
‘Daniel?’
‘Yeah, I’m good.’
‘Aright.’ Illarion nodded, removing his hands from the wheel.
They trembled as he dropped his head with a shaky breath.
Pressing my hand to his arm, I squeezed gently. ‘Are you okay?’
He nodded, clenching and unclenching his fists.
Staying quiet, I forced another even breath into my lungs; that was too close.
A few moments passed before he shifted the Hummer back into drive and took off. That was some skilful driving. As much as it scared the life out of me, it was impressive.
‘We have to stay alert.’ Illarion said quietly, speaking to me.
Nodding, I kept my eyes ahead. ‘I can’t sense anyone now. We
’re good.’
‘Okay.’
***
We drove in silence for two hours and finally, Illarion’s beautiful, cobblestone mansion came into view.
Memories of how this felt were still somewhere inside. Although I didn’t necessarily feel the happiness to be here, I knew I was.
It was bittersweet. Seeing this house again. But the bitterness burned strong. She would be here, but Aurel would be too, and I needed a sense of normalcy.
As soon as we pulled up to the gates, Daniel leaned in with that same sense of awe I felt when I first saw it.
The path leading up to the house was surrounded by tall, brilliant trees and it looked just like I remembered it.
It felt like I was here just yesterday but at the same time, it was as though a lifetime had gone by.
His home was beautifully illuminated, showing off every tower and chimney stack as far as the eye could see. Just up ahead, Aurel stood with his arms folded across his chest. Anticipation lined his face.
Illarion took the Hummer around to the left and parked just in front of the door.
Aurel’s eyes widened, taking in the sight of the vehicle, I was sure there were dings and scratches and water pouring out from all crevices.
But as soon as his eyes fell on me, whatever he was preoccupied with before, was just a memory. Before I could reach for the handle, he’d already pulled my door open and in a matter of seconds, I was in his arms.
‘How are you here?’ he whispered, so only I could hear.
Returning the gesture, I tightened my hold on him and when he pulled back, keeping me at arm’s length, his gaze swept over my face and arms and I didn’t miss the look that flashed across his eyes. It was something akin to disgust, not aimed at me but at the situation and what transpired.
Biting back the rush of anger that recoiled through me, I forced a smile.
‘I can’t believe I’m looking at you.’ His words were simple, but they meant so much. There was the briefest hint of sadness in his eyes before he forced a smile, and followed by it, the source of that sadness.
A subconscious reaction within him drew my attention to the grand entrance of Illarion’s home. A woman stood, with her hands folded neatly in front of her lap. Her eyes darted between me and Illarion and, in that moment, I saw that his eyes never left me. Not even when I stood with Aurel and when I looked up at her.
Awe surrounded him, like I’d never seen before. But more than that, caution and concern. He remained fixed in his spot and just like the first time I’d seen him since all this began. The storm battering down on our connection came in and out of focus.
And the storm was raging whenever she crossed his mind.
Swallowing my pride, I looked back at Aurel and forced a smile.
‘Let her get some rest,’ Illarion said, softly, speaking for the first time since we got here. ‘This is Daniel; he’s staying with us.’
Aurel nodded without breaking eye contact with me.
‘I’m fine, I could use the air,’ I said, noticing the redhead looking at the exchange.
Again, Aurel nodded and, before Illarion could say another word, I turned and began the familiar walk down the path that led to the garden.
Aurel followed me, and although he was silent, I could hear the questions burning on his mind.
‘Your aura is… it’s different.’
I stopped, letting those words settle for a moment. Once I was sure I could continue, I began walking again.
The same, familiar shrubs and plants lined either side of the path and as I always had done, I trailed my fingers along the overhanging leaves. They were cool to the touch, released from the summer rays bombarding them during the day.
‘Ace, what happened to you?’
Turning, I found his eyes. The coldness that was there when I first saw him had dissipated, his lips parted as my name formed a whisper.
Somehow, we had made it to the garden, surrounded by thousands of tiny fairy lights above, the scent of a thousand roses intoxicating us.
His hand found the curve of my cheek; slowly he brushed his fingers across my skin, sweeping his hands down my arms.
Emotions filled him and I saw it in his eyes before I felt it, he was overwhelmed, confused. I should have removed myself from this equation immediately, but I didn’t. I stayed. I watched his eyes drink me in, I watched in fascination as he grew more and more confused. About what he was feeling and why.
‘I can’t believe I’m looking at you.’
‘I heard you missed me.’
A shaky laugh broke free from him.
‘Yeah, you can say that.’ His eyes narrowed until I could only see a sliver of the icy blue I’d always loved seeing.
He led me to the small, stone bench.
I sat down and tipped my head back, just looking up at the lights above us. It really was the small pleasures in life.
‘You’re different.’ His voice was quiet, but I heard him.
The words themselves were simple, but what cut me was his tone. He was unsure of what he was seeing, much like before, when he thought I was pregnant but wasn’t certain, now he knew how broken I was, but he was yet to see for sure.
He was looking at me, trying to focus on what I didn’t want him to see. The truth that pulsed under the surface. The truth I’d become insanely good at hiding.
But he saw more than I wanted him to. He was a powerful Sensitive and, from all the ones I’d seen over the six months, he was probably the most powerful Sight Sensitive around.
He was as powerful as Illarion was in his field of Thoughts and Feelings.
‘What did he do to you?’ Suddenly I was bare. He saw the things that plagued me as though it was projected through my eyes somehow.
I focused on a small spot in the garden directly across from us, a vertical garden dotted with dozens of roses and vines. Anything to keep my eyes from him.
‘Ace.’ He got up off the seat and in a matter of moments, he was crouching in front of me.
His hand guided my face up.
‘I can see it, some of the pain, what did that son of a bitch do to you?’ His voice was firm and the usually calm, playful demeanour was long gone. I felt his torment, similar to Illarion’s. He blamed himself too.
‘There’s too much to tell.’ My voice was barely above a whisper.
‘Illarion said he thought you were alive. We should have listened… I should have listened.’
‘You can’t blame yourself, neither of you can.’
He bowed his head, gripping my hands in his.
‘I can see the pain, somewhere inside you… but something is blocking it.’
‘You’re not wrong.’ I nodded. ‘Too much has changed, with me, with Illarion….’
Aurel’s gaze dropped from mine; there was a lot on his mind, things he didn’t want to tell me, not because he was keeping secrets but because he wanted Illarion to have that conversation with me. Though, I highly doubted that conversation would come any time soon.
Instead, I nodded. ‘We should get back. I’d like to shower, find some clothes that fit.’ I tried to smile, certain that it looked more like a grimace.
Aurel forced a smile and helped me up.
***
Some time had passed since we’d come home. I managed to shower, help Daniel settle in, give him a full tour of the expansive grounds and I managed to avoid Illarion, Aurel, and Anna. I leaned against the rail on my bedroom balcony and let out a long, even breath. I’d say that it had been a successful day.
We survived a forest car chase, a rapid river, and I hadn’t even cried, I hadn’t shouted or tried to kill anyone with my Darkness.
A quiet tap at my bedroom door drew my attention—Illarion pushed the door open and gave me a weak smile.
‘Can we talk?’ he asked, as he came and stood beside me keeping a foot between us.
Not really knowing how to even begin this conversation, I shrugged, turning away. Where did we go from here?
> I’d seen my lowest point when I barely recognized myself, and I’d made that decision. I slept with Daniel and now Illarion had Anna. He denied it, I saw the struggle, and I felt his conviction. But it didn’t change things. How could it?
She’d made him happy when he was at his lowest point. She was there for him because I couldn’t be and I was still miserable.
There was something so poetic about it. I couldn’t be angry about that, I couldn’t hate her for it and I couldn’t hate him.
Instead, I directed the tension and anger at myself for feeling what I was. How could I be such a hypocrite?
‘There isn’t anything to talk about.’ I swallowed back the rapidly forming lump.
The moment the words left my lips, I didn’t believe them and neither did he.
He bowed his head, leaning heavily against the railing.
‘Please don’t shut me out.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say, Ila.’ I glanced across at him; he kept` his eyes down and away from me. ‘Honestly, tell me what you want to hear, because I have no idea. I don’t know anything right now and the one thing I was sure about….’
‘I can never apologize enough for that,’ he murmured, his voice was lost on the breeze. ‘For what I made you feel.’
‘You’ve nothing to apologize for. I was dead as far as you knew. I don’t blame you for that, for finding comfort in her. That’s not what this is about.’
He remained quiet for a moment before he turned, taking my hand into his and kissed the inside of my wrist letting his lips linger.
When he released my hand, he leaned back against the railing and stuffed his hands into his pockets. A haunted expression met me.
‘It was two months ago, when I first began dreaming about you and what you were going through, I was drinking, a lot. Most nights I didn’t make it to bed and the nights I did, well I didn’t sleep much, anyway. One night, Aurel called them over for dinner, Donna and Anna. I got so drunk I could barely stand,’ he said, shaking his head slightly. ‘Donna went home, she had patients…I don’t know and Anna drank too much to drive so she stayed over. At some point, it all became too much, I couldn’t breathe, Ace, I was drowning so fast I thought I’d never come up for air. I rushed outside, I remember the cold and the rain and then she was there….’
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