Losing Us

by Jen McLaughlin

  “I didn’t fuck her. For what it’s worth. Barry told me I went home alone, and he took me there. I went to bed, and he tucked me in. Stayed the night with me.” I swallowed hard. “I just wanted you to know that.”

  Without waiting for a reply, I turned and walked away. Again.

  No, for the last time.

  THE NEXT morning, my plane landed in Florida at six o’clock, and I still hadn’t slept a wink in a bed for more than a day and a half. I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. I was a mess, and nothing was making it any better. I’d been ten seconds from cancelling my spring break trip with Cassie and Quinn, but truth be told?

  I needed my girls.

  If anyone could pull me out of this slump, it was them. We’d just have to avoid Cherry Street and Captain Crow’s. And anything that reminded me of Austin.

  So, basically, everything.

  As I walked off the plane, all bleary eyed and frizzy haired, I tugged the black baseball hat Austin had given me lower over my head. I didn’t usually wear them, but I wanted to blend in. And it smelled like him just the tiniest bit, even though he’d only worn it for a day or so. Pathetic? Maybe.

  But I was past caring.

  As I walked with my head down, I hurried to the baggage claim and stood there, tapping my foot impatiently and stifling a yawn. I’d left before the butt crack of dawn to avoid running into Austin because I knew his flight left at ten in the morning…since I’d been planning on flying home with him. No way in hell that was happening now.

  I didn’t fuck her. For what it’s worth.

  His voice echoed in my head for the millionth time. He hadn’t cheated on me, and that made the pain a little bit less. But he’d still said, and meant, those things. And he’d wanted to be free, right? He hadn’t given me a reason to think otherwise. Last night at the concert, he’d sung that song with me without breaking stride even a little bit. I’d been a sobbing mess and too scared to look at him in case he noticed.

  But he’d stayed cool right through the end.

  Laughter sounded from behind me, all too familiar laughter, and I stiffened. No. It couldn’t be him. He wasn’t even supposed to be here till later this afternoon.

  “You’re so much hotter in person,” a girl simpered. “Can we get a picture together? Please?”

  “Sure,” Austin said, his voice polite and deep. “Real quick.”

  I heard them shuffle, and then a camera snapped. “Thank you so much! I love you, seriously. I love you.”

  Austin chuckled, the sound sexy and deep without him even trying. And the girl was eating it up, judging from the giggles I heard behind me. “I love you, too, Ms. …”

  “Rebecca! My name’s Rebecca.” She giggled again. “Wow, your arms are hard. Like, so hard.”

  “Thanks. I’m—” He broke off, and I knew, I just knew, he’d spotted me. “Happy to meet you. Have a nice trip, Rebecca.”

  “I’ll come see you in Captain Crow’s this weekend,” she called out.

  “Great, see you then,” he said, his voice distracted. I heard his footsteps approach, and I closed my eyes, silently begging God to make him not see me. For him to have—

  “What are you doing here, now?”

  My shoulders sagged, and I clung to my purse as if it were a life vest. “Probably the same thing you are—avoiding our flight home together.”

  “Shit.” He stood beside me and crossed his arms. He had bags under his eyes, and he looked as exhausted as I felt. “Figures.”

  “Yeah…”

  He rocked back on his heels and let out a sigh. “You’re wearing the hat?”

  “Yeah. I was trying to blend in.” I tapped my fingers on my purse, willing my cheeks to cool it. “It must’ve worked, since we flew on the same plane and didn’t even notice one another.”

  “I was in coach,” he said.

  “I wasn’t.” I swallowed. It hurt. “But I boarded late, so you wouldn’t have seen me when you passed. Almost missed the flight.”

  As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I rolled my eyes internally. This had to be the most forced conversation ever. We’d both tried to avoid one another, and failed miserably. And now here we were, standing next to each other, waiting for our bags, sharing idle chat. What had I done to piss off the big guy in the sky so horribly?

  He cleared his throat. “To be honest, I didn’t think you’d come back here since we’re not doing that show together anymore.”

  “Yeah, well.” I licked my parched lips. “I had to. I’m meeting Cassie and Quinn here for spring break, and I wanted to…I don’t know. Enjoy the warmth for a while. Stupid, I know. I should have just stayed in Nashville.”

  “Ah, that’s right,” he said, a small frown slipping over his face. “I’d forgotten they were coming down. Guess they’ll hate me again, huh?”

  Shrugging, I looked at the screen. When was the freaking luggage going to come out? “I have no idea. I don’t tell them how they should feel about other people.”

  “No, you only do that to me.”

  I winced but remained quiet.

  He clucked his tongue and then turned on me. Even though I could feel his gaze burning into me, I didn’t look at him. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping.”

  I closed my eyes again, my cheeks heating. “In other words, I look like shit.”

  “I didn’t say that,” he argued. “Don’t put words in my mouth again. You’ve done that enough, thank you very much.”

  I pressed my lips together. “Is that some sort of dig, or what?”

  “What do you think?” he asked, his tone almost…bored.

  “I don’t know,” I snapped. “If I did, I wouldn’t have asked.”

  He took off his hat, dragged his hand through his hair, and then slammed it back down. The spot where he’d hit his head on my stairs was still bruised and scabbed over, but it didn’t seem to bother him anymore. “I read that article, by the way. None of that shit you read were my actual feelings on the matter…not that you care.”

  I whirled on him. “Stop it.”

  “Stop what? Being pissed at you? At myself? At this whole fucking situation?” He stepped in my personal space, his hands curled into balls, and glared down at me. “Because I’m so fucking pissed, Mac, you wouldn’t believe it. You have no idea.”

  I forced myself not to step back from him. “You didn’t sound pissed while you were flirting with Rebecca.”

  “Oh my God, you—” The carousel started with three loud beeps, and he broke off, shaking himself. “You know what? Fuck it. I don’t need to explain myself to you anymore. You saw to that when you told the world that we were split up.”

  I bit my tongue. I wouldn’t fight with him. Wouldn’t poke him just to— “What did you think I was going to do? Be thankful that you changed your mind and didn’t want to fuck other women after all?”

  He threw his hands up. “I never wanted to fuck other women in the first place, but you won’t believe me, will you?”

  “No. You admitted to saying it!”

  “But I was—” He shook his head. His blue luggage came around the corner, and he grabbed it. “Never mind. I’ll leave you alone now.”

  I grabbed his arm. “Are you denying saying that now?”

  “Does it matter?” He yanked free. “Does it really fucking matter at all?”

  I swallowed the words trying to escape. “I guess not.”

  “Exactly.” He glanced around, his brow knitted. “Where’s Harry?”

  “There was only one seat left on the flight,” I said hollowly. “He’ll be here later.”

  “So you’re alone?”

  I nodded once. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

  “Until you walk out that door and the paparazzi sees you. You know they’ll be there.” My luggage came out, and he sighed and bent down to pick it up. After setting it beside me and extending the handle, he straightened his hat. “I’ll go out first and distract them, then you can slip out a few
seconds later.”

  “Thank you, but you don’t have to take care of me anymore. I can just—”

  “I said that I’ll go out first, damn it.” He gave me one last long stare. “Goodbye, Mac. I…I…I wish you the best, despite everything that happened.”

  I swallowed hard and forced a smile. Come back. Kiss me. Love me. Tell me you need me. I’ll believe you, I swear it. “I wish the same for you. So very much.”

  He hesitated but left. I watched him go, watching as the crowds converged on him. He tugged on his hat and answered a few questions, and I slipped away unnoticed by all except one. Austin. As I settled into my seat, the driver tossed my luggage in the back.

  I pulled out my phone. I had more than two hundred Twitter notifications, three thousand and six unread emails, fifty-two voicemails, and a hundred and fifteen texts. Ignoring them all, I opened up the group message with Cassie and Quinn. Landed in Florida, staying at the Cove Suites again. See you guys once you get here/are available.

  Are you okay? Quinn asked.

  What she said, Cassie typed directly after.

  Yes, we’ll talk more this week, but I’m fine. I looked out my window, watching as Austin posed for a picture with a gorgeous brunette. She had her hands on his abs, dangerously low. Forcing my eyes off them, I turned my attention back to my phone. To my girls. I’ll be fine after a few drinks, anyway. Hope you guys are having a better week than me.

  Yeah… Cassie said.

  Totally… Quinn said.

  I shook my head. I’d known that Cassie hadn’t been doing well since the breakup with Ty, but what was wrong with Quinn and James now? Why was everything falling apart? Least convincing texts ever. Looks like we’ll all need those drinks.

  Sold! Quinn typed.

  It’s a deal, Cassie replied.

  I winced, feeling my friends’ pain through the phone. I wanted them to get here so I could hug them both and tell them how much I appreciated them. Loved them. Needed them.

  The driver sat down, closed the door, and smiled at me. “Cove Suites, Ms. Forbes?”

  “Yes, please,” I said, setting my phone down and looking at Austin once more. He looked toward my car, his hat shadowing his face so I couldn’t read his expression. “Thank you.”

  The car pulled away from the curb, and the last thing I saw was Austin leaning down to whisper something in the brunette’s ear, and she grinned. As much as Austin said he didn’t want to be free, he looked awfully happy to be.

  And I’d so wanted to be wrong.

  LATER THAT night, I wiped the bar off at Captain Crow’s and scowled at the crowd. Everyone was laughing and having fun, while I was fucking miserable. I couldn’t sleep. Could barely eat. And everyone kept asking me if I was okay.

  No, I wasn’t fucking okay.

  Why would I be?

  On top of that, all night long women looking to comfort me mobbed me, and I didn’t want their damn comfort. I wanted my Mac back, but that didn’t stop them from trying anyway. And I’d had it up to my neck with all this shit.

  Before I could so much as blink after sending one girl away, a blonde leaned in, showing off an admittedly impressive display of cleavage. “I’ll have an appletini.” Behind her, at least three girls waited for their turn. “What time do you get off tonight?”

  “I don’t know.” I handed her the fruity concoction she’d asked for and stepped back. “That’ll be eight dollars, miss.”

  She pulled a ten out of her bra and winked. “Keep the change.”

  “Gee. Thanks,” I said drily, taking the warm bill from her hand.

  For some reason, she seemed to take that as a welcome for more flirtation. “Can I have your number?” she asked, biting down on her lip. “I’m in town till Sunday, and you’re single now…”

  “I don’t give my number out. Sorry.”

  She pouted when I walked away, but I didn’t give a damn. I wasn’t in the mood to be chivalrous and kind to my fans, if she even was one. Something told me she’d never listened to a second of my music. She’d just jumped on the bandwagon that was…well, me, hoping to get laid by a famous guy.

  Bragging rights and all that shit.

  Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t in the frame of mind to oblige.

  “Stop glaring at my customers.” Barry came up behind me as I put the cash in the drawer and slid a full glass toward me. “You know you don’t need to work here anymore, right?”

  I caught it out of reflex. “I know, but you needed help.”

  “Doesn’t mean I need you here, scaring everyone away. Not to mention it’s bad PR for you.” He flung a rag over his shoulder and crossed his arms. “Drink that. It’ll help you relax.”

  “I’m not allowed to drink on the job,” I said, frowning down at the glass. “Your rules, not mine.”

  “Yeah, well, ignore them this one time.”

  I gripped the edge of the bar and lowered my head. “I don’t want a fucking drink. That’s what got me where I am in the first place.”

  “No, being an idiot is what got you there.” He cocked his gray head to the side, his brown eyes focused on me. “Are you planning on being an idiot tonight?”

  I snorted. “Hell no.”

  “Then drink.”

  Gritting my teeth, I picked up the glass and chugged back the cold Coors. It soothed my throat and my thirst, but I didn’t feel any better. Slamming it down on the bar, I narrowed my eyes at Barry. “There. Happy?”

  “Nope.” He came toward me. “And you won’t be, either, until you give yourself time to feel better. You need to go out. Drink. Dance. Flirt with a pretty girl. Forget about that sweet little thing that broke your heart, and be a guy. Maybe find a rebound girl and—”

  I shook my head, my heart wrenching sharply to the left. “No. I can’t. I’m not ready.”

  “All right.” He tipped his head to the side. “Well, if you change your mind once that beer hits, the brunette in the corner is watching you awfully closely.”

  I glanced out of habit. Barry was right.

  A pretty brunette with soft brown eyes watched me as she sipped her drink. I hadn’t served her, so I didn’t know what she was drinking, but judging by the way she was chugging it back, she’d soon be out. At least she wasn’t throwing herself at me, unlike the rest of the women. “I’m not interested.”

  “Well, go serve her anyway.” Barry eyed the long line of women at the bar. “I’ll get them.”

  I walked over to the brunette, tossed my rag aside, and stopped in front of her. “Need another, ma’am?”

  “Oh my God, yes.” She slid the glass toward me. “Maybe ten more.”

  I cocked a brow. “Bad night?”

  “Yep. My boyfriend cheated on me, and I have nowhere to go.” She squinted at me. “Hey. Anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Austin Murphy?”

  Stiffening, I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. She was going to try and act as if she didn’t know who I was, and it only made me miss Mac even more. That trick wouldn’t work on me—hell, I’d created that playbook. I’d tried to pretend I hadn’t known Mac when we’d met. “All the time. Whatcha drinking?”

  “Rum and Coke.” She slipped off the barstool and almost fell. “Oops. That was a little too fast for me, I think.”

  Shaking my head, I didn’t get her another drink. “I think you’re cut off for the night. I can’t serve you if you’re visibly drunk.”

  “But—” She covered her mouth, her eyes wide. “Uh-oh.”

  “You need to go home before you vomit all over the bar,” I said, stepping back warily. The last thing I needed was some random chick’s puke all over my Converses. “Let me call you a cab, okay?”

  “Okay,” she slurred, reaching into her purse and tossing money at me. “I have ten dollars. Will that be enough?”

  Probably not. “Yeah. Sure.”

  Picking up the phone, I called her a cab and nodded to Barry when he raised a brow at me. He came over, leaned in, and whispered, “Please
walk her to the cab. I don’t want her disappearing out there in a drunken stupor.”

  “Why did you serve her so much?” I hissed, my eyes on the brunette. She sat at the bar, her head in her hands. “She’s fucking wasted and two seconds from blowing.”

  “I didn’t do that to her,” Barry said, glaring at me. “She must’ve been that way when she came, and it hadn’t hit yet or something. I only served her once.”

  I sighed. “I’ll start getting her outside. At least if she pukes out there, I don’t have to clean it up.”

  “Thanks. It’s almost closing time, so once you see her off you can go home.”

  To my empty house? No, thank you. “But—”

  “Go. Home.” He pointed at me. “That’s an order, son.”

  And with that, Barry walked toward the crowd of women staring at me.

  “Shit,” I muttered under my breath. Rolling my shoulders, I made my way out from behind the bar and over to the brunette. “Your cab will be here soon. Let’s get you outside and into the fresh air.”

  “O…kay.” She stood unsteadily, and I caught her before she hit the floor. “Oops. Sorry ’bout that.”

  I squared my jaw as a camera flashed the second I touched her. Great. Just fucking great. “I got you. Come on.”

  She wrapped her arms around me, and I slung mine around her waist, practically holding her up as she stumbled forward. “Thank you,” she slurred. “You’re, like, my hero or something.”

  Behind us, even more flashes went off.

  This would be all over Twitter in a matter of minutes.

  “Easy now,” I said when she almost fell out of my arms. “Take it slow.”

  She paused and rested a hand on my chest, blinking up at me. “Wait a second… You’re him, aren’t you? I can’t be that drunk.”

  “Are you here alone, or do you have friends with you?” I asked, ignoring her question.

  “They’re in their hotel room. Didn’t want to go out with me, so I went alone.” She waved a hand dismissively. “Who needs them, anyway?”

  She did, obviously.

  As she clung to me, I came to the realization I couldn’t just dump her in a cab and walk away with a clear conscience. This girl was wasted outta her mind, and she was someone’s sister. Someone’s daughter. If Rachel got drunk and needed a stranger to help her home…