The Widow's Keeper

by Kishan Paul

  A second tear escaped down her cheek. They both knew the answer. “You’re not playing fair.”

  “And what about this situation is?” He stepped away from her and waved at the door. “There’s a flight leaving today at eleven a.m. to Frankfurt. Your ass needs to be on it. Someone will be waiting at the airport for you and will escort you to the hospital.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  BREAST DESENSITIZATION THERAPY

  EIGHT MONTHS POST-RESCUE

  Dave rested the back of his head on the sofa’s armrest and stretched his six-foot-four body across the couch, letting his feet dangle over the other side. He stared at the closed bathroom door and grumbled under his breath. She’d been in there for a good half hour already, and it took every drop of self-control to not check on her. According to their agreement in couple’s counseling, he needed to give her space whenever she ran and let her come to him when she was ready.

  Well, fucking great.

  He grabbed the remote control and turned on the television. A newsman with platinum hair popped on the screen, providing commentary about the upcoming presidential elections. That was the last thing he wanted to focus on.

  He flipped through channels as his mind drifted to the events which sent her running to the bathroom in the first place. All they were doing was eating their fucking dinner. He’d finished telling her how good the pasta turned out when her eyes glazed over and she left. That was it. Nothing more.

  Well, clearly there was more. So he went through their dinner scene by scene in his head. The shirt she wore looked really good on her. She called the shade coral. Whatever name she used, he loved how the color made her tanned skin glow—especially the cleavage peeking out from the top’s V-neck. He also appreciated the way it hugged her body. But he kept those thoughts to himself, instead merely stating that he liked the top on her. Maybe he shouldn’t have complimented her?

  Dave shook his head and focused on his channel surfing until the image of two meerkats having sex popped on. He slanted his head, watching them in fascination.

  “Lucky bastard,” he muttered before turning it off and tossing the remote back on the table. The digital clock by the television flashed eight thirty. It had been forty-five minutes. He stared at the door for the thousandth time. Fuck this. Dave got to his feet and headed to the bathroom, but instead of banging on it, he paced the living room. Once it hit an hour, all deals were off.

  “David?”

  He paused mid-pace and stared at the still closed door separating them. “I’m here.”

  “Can you grab a stopwatch, set it for five minutes, and sit on the couch please.”

  He scrunched his face at the request but didn’t question it. Instead, he did as instructed. He sat his impatient ass on the couch while he fiddled with his cell until he found the stopwatch feature. “Ready.”

  “Don’t hit start until I tell you.”

  Cell on his bouncing knee, he stared at the door, wondering what the hell she had in mind. “Okay.”

  She came out of the bathroom in the same jeans and coral-colored shirt she wore when she ran in. He focused on her face and the way her nose crinkled up. Something either stank or she was concentrating. His bet was on the latter.

  Ally slid the remote control to the side and sat on the coffee table in front of him. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

  Dave’s chest tightened. He hated seeing her like this, and not knowing how to make it better killed him. It used to be he could hug the hell out of her and she’d be good. But now hugging sometimes had the exact opposite effect.

  “So I figured out my trigger this time.”

  He nodded, waiting for her to continue.

  “It was you staring at my breasts.”

  He shifted in his seat as his face heated. “I didn’t stare at your breasts.”

  She raised her brows and smiled. “It’s okay. You’re my husband and you’re supposed to find me attractive.”

  Dave shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, well maybe I might have stared a little.”

  Ally nodded and sat up straight. This time he made it a point not to gaze at her chest when she sucked in a breath. “It’s unrealistic of me to ask you to not look at my breasts. And since a big part of intimacy is you admiring all parts of my body, it’s something I need to work on. So, I want you to stare at my breasts.”

  Dave laughed. “What?”

  She nodded. “For five minutes every day, you’ll stare at my breasts. In a few days, we’ll up the time to six minutes and keep going.”

  His mouth had dropped open at some point. He closed it shut only to open it again. “How exactly is this supposed to help?”

  “Desensitization. I need to get used to it.”

  He nodded at the serious expression on her face. She was clearly in therapist mode, which reminded him. “Shouldn’t you talk to your therapist about this plan first?”

  She shrugged. “I know me and what I need. This is what I need now. So when you’re ready, hit start.”

  Hell if he was going to argue. Dave hit start on the stopwatch and began the breast desensitization session. He shifted in his seat while he focused on the lovely view of her cleavage. She was right; he had noticed them earlier. How could he not? They were his favorite part of her. Well, those and her ass and those legs. A part of him started to twitch in agreement.

  Shit.

  Dave cleared his throat. “So this desensitization thing. You realize no matter how long we do this, it won’t desensitize my reaction to your breasts, right? I will get turned on every time.”

  When Ally shifted in her seat, her chest did, too. Dave glanced at her hands. They were balled in fists. Any arousal he felt started to deflate as soon as he saw her pale knuckles.

  He cleared his throat. “Have I ever told you about the naked lady at the hospital?”

  “No.”

  He grinned. “Well, it was a little over a year ago. I was charting on some of my post-op patients when this woman walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. I looked up to tell her I was doing great and noticed she was naked.”

  Ally giggled, making her lovely parts jiggle. Dave grabbed a pillow, resting it on his lap. Something told him she’d soon be jiggling a lot more. “She was in her late nineties and stood so close to me that I’m pretty sure her breasts were rubbing against the sleeve of my scrubs.”

  Again the laugh, and of course the shake. “What did you do?”

  He shrugged. “I asked her how her day had been. I figured at some point, they’d come take her away. Just needed to keep her distracted until then. What I’ll never forget, though, is she had this one long, straggly piece of hair growing from her left nipple.”

  Dave smiled at the beautiful sound of her laugh. He put his hands out to show her how long the strand was. “I kid you not, the thing measured two to three inches long and stuck straight up. As much as I tried, I couldn’t stop staring at it.”

  They almost missed the sound of the timer beeping because of her laughter. Dave slid next to her on the table and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. “So at any point will these breast desensitization sessions be with you topless?”

  Ally smiled and turned her chocolate brown eyes up at him. “What? Are you wanting to see if I have hair growing out of my nipples?”

  He chuckled. “Hadn’t considered the prospect. I should probably keep some tweezers on hand just in case.”

  She jabbed his side with her elbow before resting her head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

  The act was so natural, so very Ally, the old Ally. Dave’s eyes burned with emotion.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  THE ESCORT

  FOUR MONTHS POST-DAVID

  Ally ran from Eddie straight to David’s grave. The moment her feet hit the spot, she tossed the backpack to the ground and fell to her knees. From inside the bag, she pulled out her cell and headphones. Her hands shook and the device dropped to the ground. She stared at it as
Eddie’s caution flowed through her head. The nightmare was far from over, and David’s death somehow connected to it all.

  Images of her family popped in her brain. As much as they suffocated her, there was nothing she wouldn’t do for them. She stared at the black plaque situated on the grave. Even if it meant being away from him.

  She thought about what Eddie said. Leaving Philadelphia didn’t mean she was leaving David. Under the grass laid the physical remains of her husband, not his soul.

  “You’re not here,” she whispered. Saying the words out loud sent a pain so sharp and searing through her ribcage she doubled over, clutching her stomach, breathless. Eyes clenched shut, she repeated the sentence over and over. Her voice grew louder each time she uttered it. The sobs she’d swallowed since his death finally escaped. Through it all, she continued her chant. If she said it enough times, she’d believe it and the pain would stop. Wouldn’t it?

  An eternity later, her mouth felt like cotton, the tears had run dry, and every muscle in her body ached. She grabbed her cell from the ground and connected it to the headphones. Yes, she could say the words and even accept he wasn’t in there, but it didn’t make her feel any better. She needed him. To feel his arms around her. To hear him tell her she was going to be okay. But she would never hear those words again.

  She scrolled through the phone until she found the playlist he made for her. A second later, the sound she hungered to hear filled her soul.

  “Now on to the next song.” David’s laugh made the tension inside her evaporate. “As many times as I’ve told you you’re strong, it shouldn’t be a surprise this one made my list. I’m pretty sure it was written about you. No matter what life shoots at you, there’s no doubt in my mind you will find a way out of it.”

  A sad smile tugged at her lips as the next song came on. He always knew exactly what to say.

  Ally shifted in the hard plastic airport chair as she scanned the throngs of passengers. Someone sneezed. The sound of it made her jump out of her seat. The woman who sat across from her raised one of her perfectly arched brows. Her cue to chill out. Ally smiled, seated herself, and picked up the magazine she’d dropped a second ago. Her paranoia was getting the best of her. With good reason. Danger would find her, she just wasn’t sure when.

  Unable to focus, she flipped through the glossy pages. Was running away the right thing to do? Her mind drifted to her family. By the time she’d gotten home from the cemetery, she’d calmed down. But when she told them she’d go, their constant expressions of worry were mixed with guilt. The call from the person who identified himself as the director of the inpatient program at Landstuhl Regional only intensified those emotions. Since most of their clients suffered from severe PTSD-related symptoms, the center prohibited family from accompanying the patient. A trained professional would be waiting at the airport to escort her.

  Reya, of course, said “Hell no!” to the idea of Ally going alone to Germany, and her parents nodded in emphatic agreement. Thankfully, Bhai spoke up, used his medical expertise, and shut down the others.

  Of course, meeting the transport didn’t ease any of their concerns. Ally looked across at the escort in question. Leanna’s french-manicured nails currently tapped against her cell phone as she texted someone. Her dark hair with blue streaks was twisted into a clasp at the nape of her neck. With glowing ebony skin, high cheekbones, perfect almond eyes, designer jeans, heels, and a snug pale pink shirt, she could have easily passed for one of the models in the magazine Ally flipped through.

  Leanna bent over, and when she unzipped her purse, Ally noticed the peacock tattoo on her wrist. Tiny blue gems in the intricate design sparkled in the bright airport lighting. A temporary tattoo was not exactly what she expected to find imprinted on a bodyguard. To the average person, the woman appeared to be fiddling with the contents of her bag. In reality, she scanned the vicinity for threat—the action so discreet, no one noticed. Ally let out a breath and leaned back in her chair. Hopefully, Eddie knew what he was doing.

  A female voice boomed through the speakers at the terminal announcing the plane to Frankfurt was now boarding. Since the escort didn’t move, Ally didn’t either. After they made their final call, Leanna rose. Together they entered the plane.

  Ally slid in and sat by the window. Leanna took the aisle seat, leaving the spot between them vacant. Even though the flight was full, she knew the middle seat would remain empty. She stared out as the plane rolled down the tarmac.

  It sped forward, moving faster until soon it lifted off the ground, angling up higher and higher into the clouds. She watched her life shrink and move farther and farther out of her grasp. A small speck of a lake came into view. Her thoughts turned to the Schuylkill River and the man lying in the cemetery alongside it. No matter how hard she tried to hold on to things, they seemed to fall out of her grasp. She used to think one day she’d look back and would understand why. Since she’d lost David, she never wanted her losses to make sense.

  Long after the city disappeared and white clouds replaced land, long after the captain informed the passengers they could move about the cabin, Ally’s gaze remained glued to the world of blue and white outside the tiny oval-shaped window.

  She ignored the shuffling when Leanna moved into the seat beside her.

  “So, I hear you’re a therapist.”

  Ally nodded but kept her gaze fixed on the world outside.

  “There’s a kind of hypnosis drivers get when they drive long stretches on the highway, what’s it called?”

  “Highway hypnosis,” Ally mumbled.

  She patted her shoulder. “That’s it. So I’m thinking the same must happen if you stare out into the sky while in flight for too long. ”

  “I’m not familiar with it.”

  Leanna laughed. “Keep staring out there. In about fifteen minutes, I will give you a command and let’s see what happens.” Her purse sat open on her lap, and she rummaged through it. She pulled out a large, clear bag full of snacks and opened it. “Hungry?”

  Ally shook her head.

  “I bet I can change your mind.” She pulled down Ally’s table and laid the packets out in front of her as she listed the contents. “I’ve got dark chocolate, nuts, popcorn, but not just normal popcorn. It’s caramel with pieces of chocolate. Healthy crunchy granola, and last but not least, beef jerky. Much better options than little, sectioned boxed crap.” She grabbed a handful of the popped kernels. “Airline food screws up my stomach every time. You still sure you don’t want some?”

  Ally smiled politely. “No, thank you.”

  “Let me know if you change your mind.” The blue gem of her tattoo caught Ally’s eye when Leanna dug her hand into the popcorn bag.

  “It’s very pretty.”

  Leanna leaned over and rubbed the blue stone. “It’s more than pretty,” she whispered. “This peacock has a tracking chip in it and monitors my heart rate and blood pressure.”

  Ally ran the pad of her finger over the lines of the pattern as she described it.

  “Eddie is a little…”

  “Controlling,” Ally finished for her.

  “Excessively careful.” Leanna laughed. “What I really wanted was the Kydex ring. It does all the same stuff as the tatt but with a small knife thrown in.” She rolled her eyes. “But airport security would have peed in their pants over it. So tattoo it was…”

  Ally wasn’t in the mood for conversation and grabbed her purse from under the seat as soon as Leanna stopped talking. She took out her fully charged iPod and popped the headphones into her ears. Before leaving, she’d managed to download the playlist David made. Starting at the beginning, she hit play and closed her eyes, allowing herself to get lost in the only place she knew she was safe.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE SEX TAPE

  ONE YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS POST-RESCUE

  Ally pulled her gold stilettos off her swollen feet the minute the elevator began its ascent to the fifteenth floor. She let out a sigh of
relief and wiggled circulation back into her crushed toes. One of the many causalities of today’s wedding. Thank God she was finally done.

  She eyed herself in the mirrored wall of the elevator. Her deep purple sari encrusted with crystals hadn’t fallen off once in the seven plus hours since she’d put it on. Considering a large chunk of time consisted of her running around like a crazy woman and then dancing like an even crazier one, she was impressed.

  The stylist had secured her hair in a delicate knot at the nape of her neck, and big black barrels of curls cascaded from below the knot. It was fashioned at five in the morning and now, almost twenty-four hours later, not a single piece strayed out of place. Aside from her swollen toes, the only other part of her showing any sign of wear was the smeared eyeliner and faded lipstick. She leaned her back against the cool wall and smiled. The wedding from hell was completed and with it, her obligations to the beautiful bridezilla.

  Reya was the diva of the family, and of course, when the diva got married all potential for pomp and circumstance was identified and implemented. Throw the whole Indian girl marrying an American boy into the mix, and it added up to six different social events in the past fourteen days, not including the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Most of the events Ally either threw or helped throw, which also meant time away from her own husband.

  She checked the lighted numbers to the right of the doors, two more levels before she got to her floor and to David. A proud smile stretched across her face. The elevator represented her first time in a long time being completely alone, and she wasn’t scared. Of course, she spent time in their apartment by herself, but aside from her morning jogs, venturing outside of the safe confines of their building hadn’t happened much since she’d returned.

  This was an accomplishment, and one she needed to relish. Ally rolled her shoulders back and stood taller.