The Widow's Keeper

by Kishan Paul

  Progress.

  She hated the word, but it described her situation perfectly.

  Surprisingly, there had been no severe panic attacks throughout the whole two weeks of wedding events, and only a couple of times had she reached for anti-anxiety meds for help. None of this meant the festivities weren’t hard on her. Surrounded by hundreds of strangers, she found herself scanning the crowds for the man who abducted her years ago.

  Most of the time, she quelled the fear by reminding herself that he was dead and would never hurt her again. The few occasions when her self-talk didn’t calm her, David magically popped up by her side.

  When she bent down and grabbed her heels from the floor, she noticed her deep maroon, henna-tattooed hands and admired the intricate patterns sketched into her golden skin. She turned her left arm over to inspect the inside wrist where the mehndi artist had scrolled David’s name into the floral design.

  She smiled. He was magic. Somehow, he knew when she needed him most and with a glance or some whispered words, soothed her. Ally had spent most of Reya’s wedding remembering her own to David and the vows they’d made twelve years ago. He represented all the things the priest mentioned in his sermon at the wedding today: patient, loyal, and supportive. David Dimarchi was the best thing to ever happen to her.

  The bell dinged and the doors slid open. Ally pulled her hotel room key out from inside her bra and made her way down the hall to her room. For the past few days, they’d stayed at the venue at David’s encouragement. He’d said it made more sense to sleep there than trying to go to their home thirty minutes away.

  She quietly opened her room door and let herself in, closing it softly behind her. David left the reception hours earlier, telling her he’d be waiting up for her. She tiptoed into the room to find him sprawled out on top of the covers, fast asleep. Not that she blamed him. Clearly neither had expected her to come in after one in the morning. And yet, a flash of disappointment passed through her. She hadn’t had much quality time with him in the past few weeks and missed him.

  Ally slid her shoes under the luggage rack at the foot of the bed and admired her sleeping husband. In pajama pants and nothing else, most of his long frame lay chest down and diagonal across the giant bed except for his size-twelve bare feet, which hung over the edge. His head was near the foot of the bed, and his cheek rested on his arm as he snored softly. Next to his face was her iPad, and from the earbuds sprawled beside the device the muffled beats of music echoed.

  David had asked to switch iPads with her over a week ago. Ever since then, he’d spent hours messing with it, only to put it away when she complained. Ally picked up the device and considered scrolling through to see what he’d been up to but decided against it. She turned it off, rolled the earbuds up, and placed it on the nightstand beside her.

  She crossed her arms and smiled at the peaceful look on his face. As usual, a lock of his wavy brown hair covered his forehead and hung over his eye. She brushed the curl out of the way—one of her favorite things to do.

  They had come so far. Just months ago, the prospect of touching him, much less letting him touch her, would have sent terror surging through her veins. The past year since she’d been home had been hard on both of them. After her kidnapping and torture, she returned to him broken and scared. When others would have given up, David stuck to her like glue, holding her hand and whispering the words of encouragement she needed. It couldn’t have been easy, especially with how crazy she acted half the time. On so many occasions, she pushed him away. And pushed wasn’t even the right term for it, more like shoved. After several of her panic-induced meltdowns, she’d asked him why he was still there. Each and every time he came back, saying he wasn’t going anywhere and loved her. There was no question she would always be scarred by her past, but her wounds had begun to heal because of his love and constant reassurance. Now, if she could just enjoy being intimate with him. Her eyes burned with emotion, and she blinked them away. He deserved far better than she could give, and yet here he lay, patiently and relentlessly loving a broken woman.

  His eyes still closed, a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Are you going to stand there and admire my sexiness all night?”

  Ally shook her head at her smartass husband and sat beside his smiling face. “Haven’t decided yet. You look so darn cute.”

  His brows rose. “Does my cuteness inspire you to get naked? ’Cause if it does, admire away.”

  David slid closer and rested his head in her lap, invading her personal space. Unlike the past, where the same action would have sent a tidal wave of fear coursing through her, threatening to drown the life out of her, it was now a light ripple, tapping at her.

  Luminous green sprinkled with specks of blue stared up at her. He watched her, waiting to see if he’d gone too far. Ally ran her hand through his thick hair. His muscles relaxed and his eyes shuttered.

  “Have I told you how incredible you looked today?”

  She grinned. “Only a couple hundred times, but you haven’t in the past few hours.”

  “I haven’t seen you in the past few hours.”

  “Good point.” She ran her nails gently over the top of his scalp.

  His eyes rolled back and he sighed. “I love it when you do that. I’ve decided you should wear saris in the house at all times, by the way.”

  Ally stopped playing with his hair and looked at him. “You do realize you say the same thing every time I wear one, right?”

  “Mm-hmm. I’m consistent.” He wrapped his hand around her wrist and rested her palm against his cheek. “Considering how consistent I am, you probably also know I want to grab one end of the sari and unroll you until you’re naked.”

  She giggled at the image. “Like toilet paper?”

  David grinned. “Hadn’t thought of it that way, but I’ll go with that. Except instead of a brown cardboard roll underneath, I’m going to find a sexy, naked brown woman.”

  She shook her head. “There are about a million safety pins keeping it together.” She traced his lower lip with her fingers, and he kissed them. “And the last time you ‘unrolled’ me, you ruined my sari.”

  “I didn’t forget.” He waved his hand over the growing tent in his pants. “It’s not much of a deterrent, though.”

  There was a time any hint of his arousal would have chilled her to the bone. After months of intensive individual and couple’s counseling and a patient husband, many of those fears had eased. As turned on as he was, David would never force himself on her, much less push her for sex. It was one of the many things she loved about him.

  “Fuck,” David sat up and scanned the bed until he saw the iPad on the nightstand. He grabbed it off the table and fiddled through it. “I have something for you.”

  He slid the device onto her lap and untangled the earbuds. “So you know how some of the sounds I make when we’ve tried to have sex are triggers for you?”

  Ally stared at the white screen in her lap and pretended to not wince at his words. They hadn’t had full intercourse yet because of the noises he mentioned. Sometimes the simple act of him swallowing or grunting prompted a flashback and made her freeze up. He’d worked hard to stop the sounds, but some things, like swallowing and breathing, were impossible to avoid.

  David played with the gold hoop hanging from her lobe and kissed her cheek. “Well, I’ve made you a sex tape.”

  She laughed as she scrolled through the rows of titles. “A what?”

  He slowly worked on undoing the backing of her earring. “A playlist of sexy music you can listen to while we’re, you know.” He pressed his lips against her neck and planted a soft kiss. “Inserting my gun into your holster. Maybe it’ll block out some of the triggers.”

  Ally laughed at his description and scanned the hundreds of music titles listed, but each time his mouth tugged on her skin, her ability to read dwindled. “How many songs made the cut?”

  He bit on her now-naked lobe as he worked on the other earring. “
Close to two hundred.”

  She rested a hand on his cheek, feeling his mouth stretch into a smile. “How many hours do you plan on sheathing your gun?”

  “About eight. I didn’t want the music to stop midway while we were, ahem, holstered.” Both earrings off and on the table, he started removing her safety pins while he kissed the base of her neck.

  She leaned her head back and nodded. “Completely realistic and reasonable.”

  “Completely. Eight hours equals four hundred and eighty minutes.” David planted a knee on either side of her, straddling her, while his fingers worked on the tiny buttons of her blouse. “Which means if each gun cleaning took about an average of thirty minutes, you could start the playlist wherever you left off the previous time and still play with my gun about sixteen times before you have to hear the same song twice.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Thirty minutes per gun cleaning?”

  He chuckled and pulled off her blouse, adding it to the pile of pins and jewelry on the table. “If not longer. I mean, it is a big gun.”

  He ran his finger between her breasts and tugged on the top of her bra as he eyed her. “No pressure, if you’re not ready. It was just an idea.”

  Ally’s chest tightened. When it came to her, he second-guessed himself so much. She ran the back of her hand against his cheek and smiled when he leaned into her touch. “I think it’s an excellent idea, and one we should definitely try out immediately.”

  Naked and utterly content, Ally rested her cheek against David’s chest, holding him tight. She smiled. Tonight had been a perfect victory for both of them.

  The sexy playlist continued in her ears. A man sang a sweet song asking her to kiss him under a thousand stars until David popped the earbuds out.

  He ran his hand up and down her back. “You okay?”

  When Ally nodded, his chest hair tickled her cheek. “Very, and you?”

  “Amazing. I feel like I should smoke a cigar or something.”

  She laughed, loving the pride in his voice. It had been so long since she’d heard the tone in him. Although he never said it, she knew it hurt him every time she pushed away.

  “So, I’m seriously wanting to call our therapist right now and tell her my penis made you orgasm.”

  Ally raised her head to see if he was serious and then laughed at the silly grin on his face. “It’s two in the morning. I’m not so sure calling her is a good idea. How about we wait until our next session?” She winked at him. “Who knows, we might have more penis-induced orgasms to tell her about by then.”

  He kissed her forehead and continued with his enormous grin. “Beautiful and smart. Damn, I’m a lucky man.”

  She blinked to cool the emotion heating her eyes. “I think I’m the lucky one.”

  Dave put his hands behind his head and nodded. “You really are. Sex tapes aren’t easy to make. It takes a special skill. A special kind of brain.”

  Ally rested her chin on his chest and played with the scattered brown curls running the length of his torso.

  “So what’s next?” Dave’s question had her raising her brows and looking up at him. He shrugged. “I know you have a checklist. What’s next on there?”

  Ally bit her lip and shrugged. “Well, I wouldn’t call it a checklist.”

  He laughed. “Call it whatever you want but what’s next?”

  She pressed her face into his chest and braced herself for his reaction. “I think I’m ready to go back to work.”

  For a good few minutes, he didn’t respond. She wasn’t even sure if he was breathing until his chest finally rose, lifting her head with it. “What kind of work?”

  She closed her eyes. “Counseling at the practice.”

  When he sat up, she slid off his body and onto her back. Ally stared up at him, watching him rub the back of his neck.

  “I lost you because of your job.” A familiar shadow of sadness floated across his face. It was one she’d seen at random stretches the past year and a half. “I can’t even try to count how many times I’ve seen the image in the parking lot on the day you disappeared. Your car still there. One shoe. Your purse and a puddle of your blood, but no you.” His voice cracked. “I… I can’t lose you again.”

  Ally got on her knees, straddled him, and sandwiched his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “You won’t. Sayeed is dead. It’s all over.”

  His eyes searched hers. “Your client kidnapped you and took you away. It happened once, it could happen again.”

  “David, we both need to heal. To learn to trust the world again, like my body’s learning to trust you.”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, resting his face against her chest. “Baby, I can’t lose you.”

  Ally held him as tight as he held her. “You won’t. Promise.”

  Neither of them moved for an eternity. Ally waited, giving him the time he needed. Finally, David loosened his grip. “No nights,” he mumbled.

  She closed her eyes and kissed the top of his head. “Deal.”

  “No male clients.”

  “No deal.”

  His grip on her tightened. “Then no work.”

  “Be reasonable.”

  He looked at her with a sad smile. “You’re humoring me, aren’t you? Making me feel like I have some control in this job decision.”

  She shook her head. “You do have control. If you say don’t go, I won’t.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I hate it when you do that.”

  He returned his face to his favorite spot, at the nape of her neck. When he spoke, his lips brushed against her skin. “Sometimes at night, I wake up thinking you’re still gone and all of this is a big beautiful dream. I have to look over and touch you to make sure you’re really there next to me.”

  She ran her fingers through the back of his hair. “I’m not going anywhere again.”

  He nodded but didn’t respond.

  “Ever.”

  His breath warmed her skin. “You can go back to work if you promise me two things.”

  “What?”

  Soft fingers brushed up and down her spine. “One: we use your salary to buy me a ranch somewhere nice like Seattle, where we can retire early and do something boring like grow fruit or make cheese. And two: After we live a beautifully long life, I die before you. Seeing as how I already had to go through it once, it’s only fair the next time around it be your turn.”

  Ally rolled her eyes at the stupidity of his request. “Deal on the first and as far as the second, you’re being morbid, you know that?”

  He laughed. “Yeah I know.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THE FLIGHT

  FOUR MONTHS POST-DAVID

  Ally waded her bare feet through the icy waters of the river. Up in the distance, a tall waterfall streaked the side of a small mountain in white. The closer she got to it, the louder the sounds became, roaring like an angry lion. When she rounded the last corner, she stopped to admire the view of the falls rushing from the mountainside into the bank below. The site would’ve been beautiful but she knew better. The same dream had plagued her for months. Except for the sound of her heart drumming inside her ears, the world went silent.

  Something red hung from the top of the cliff, sparkling in the sun. She sucked in a breath as the image came into view. The front of a car suspended over the cliff, lodged in the rocks. She couldn’t see the driver, but from the way her chest tightened, squeezing the breath out of her, she knew.

  “David!” She sprinted toward it. The icy currents drenched her legs and the bottom of her white dress.

  “You can’t save him.” Sayeed’s voice echoed through the trees.

  She ignored him and continued to run.

  The water deepened with each step. Like angry hands, the rapids slapped against her body, shoving her away. She fought against the currents punching against her stomach and legs. None of it mattered. Because she could see him. His head rested on the steering wheel while the force of
the water rocked his car.

  Sayeed’s laughter filled the forest, grating against her ears. He grabbed her wrist.

  “You’re not real.” Ally tugged at her arm, attempting to break free from his grasp. “You’re dead.”

  “So is he.” His laughter grew louder, piercing her heart. “And we both have you to thank.” Sayeed gripped her shoulders, yanking her back as the car slipped.

  She screamed for David as she fought to break free of Sayeed’s grasp. His arms tightened, suffocating the life out of her. When the car slammed into the rocks below, her knees went slack.

  “You should have never left me,” Sayeed hissed over and over.

  Soon another voice joined his. It was a woman’s. “It’s just a dream,” she whispered. Her voice grew louder and louder until it was all Ally heard.

  She opened her eyes and gasped for air as she searched for the river, for the forest, for David. Instead, the bright red upholstered seat she sat behind greeted her. She clenched her lids shut. Although drenched in sweat, she shivered from the cold.

  “You’re okay,” Leanna said as she draped a blanket over Ally. “It was a dream.”

  Ally nodded and tugged the warm fabric close. Her iPod sat on her little table in front of her, and the headphones were wrapped neatly around the device. She slid the electronic into her purse and closed the table. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

  Ally stared at the back of the brown-haired woman in front of her as she waited her turn for the bathroom. The dreams were right. Everything was her fault. If she had never left the compound, all the lives she’d lost would still be walking the earth, and she wouldn’t be thousands of miles in the sky headed to Germany. She looked over her shoulder at her ever-present shadow. Mercifully, Leanna hadn’t asked for details about the dream. Nor had she mentioned all the things Ally must have said out loud in her sleep.

  Ally twisted the Styrofoam coffee cup in her hand while she stared at the back of the headrest in front of her. A movie played on the tiny monitor secured to it, but the thoughts filling her brain had nothing to do with the romantic comedy playing on the screen.