Star (1989)

by Steel, Danielle

  He remembered to call the senator back that afternoon, and she washed the dishes while Spencer placed the call. She was listening to the radio, and she looked up when she heard him hang up the phone. She smiled at him, and wiped her hands on the new jeans she'd bought. What was it?

  He stared at her. Strange things were happening to them. The junior senator from California had been following her trial avidly, and he wanted Spencer to come to work as his aide when he got back to Washington, which he hoped would be soon. He had an important job for him, handling his campaign, and for once, it wasn't even thanks to Justice Barclay.

  Is that what you want? she asked him after he'd explained. It was a prestigious job and one he knew he'd love, but he didn't want to go back to Washington and leave her. He wanted to be there with her, in the Alexander Valley.

  It would have been just what I wanted six months ago. I would have given my right arm for that. He sat down in one of the old kitchen chairs and she poured him a cup of coffee. But now, I don't know. I'd rather be here with you. He pulled her down onto his lap and looked at her, still amazed at the senator's offer.

  What did you tell him? She was watching his face carefully. She needed to know what was best for him and what he really wanted.

  I said I'd call him next week when I got back. He's flying back to Washington tomorrow afternoon. I can't believe he's serious, but he must have been. From disaster they had both earned wondrous blessings. But where does that leave us? Would you come with me? He had almost forgotten Elizabeth. Right now only Crystal seemed important.

  That's not the point right now. Where does that leave you is more important. He sipped the steaming brew and looked at her pensively and admitted that it was what he had always wanted. Suddenly the political horizon was opening up to him, but too late, he had Crystal now. He didn't want to lose her again, not even for a job like the one he'd just been offered. But as she listened to him talk about the world of politics, she knew how much he loved it. And she also knew he would do well, with a wife like Elizabeth. But all his bright hopes would die, married to a woman like her, accused of Ernie's murder. The scandal would have finished him, and then what would he have? The life of a farmer. He wasn't cut out for that. He was meant for greater things, and that night when he made love to her, afterward he found her strangely quiet. He wondered what was bothering her, and thought maybe it was the house and her memories of it. It was all so worn out and sad, just as her mother had been before she died. There was an aura of sorrow here, until one went outside, and saw the majesty of the valley.

  What are you thinking about? He stroked her hair and held her close to him, and she smiled sadly up at him, lying in the narrow bed she had once shared with Becky.

  I was thinking that it's time for you to go back to Washington and face the music. It was the greatest sacrifice she'd ever make, but she knew she had to do it.

  He slowly shook his head. I don't want to leave you again. We've both been through enough. We've earned this.

  She lifted herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. This isn't where you belong, my love. You're meant for greater things than running an old ranch like this. She was sure of it, but he didn't want to hear it.

  And you're not? Don't be ridiculous. Three months ago you were a movie star, and now look at you. You're back here, where you started.

  That's different, Spencer. She kissed the tip of his nose. That was all make-believe. What you do is important. You could be a great man one day. You might even run for president. But not if she let him stay with her. Not here. Not anywhere, married to a murderess. She could cost him everything. And she wasn't going to let him do it. He had to go back to Elizabeth. She was exactly the kind of wife he needed. I want you to go back now.

  Why? He looked at her in amazement. How can you say that?

  Because you belong in Washington. You're not finished yet. You have places to go, people to see, ideas yet unborn to share with people who need you. I've had a good time, but that's all it was for me, fun, and at too high a price. I don't want it anymore. You do. That's the difference. She had seen the look in his eyes after he called the senator. She couldn't deprive him of that. And she knew that if she did, one day he might hate her.

  And what do I do? Leave you here? Why don't you come with me? His eyes pleaded with her.

  To Washington? She smiled.

  Why not?

  Because I would destroy you in a minute, no matter how much I love you. Think of what I'm trailing behind me. I was accused of murder, Spencer. And all the jury said was that I did it in self-defense. They didn't say I didn't do it. Your career would be over the day I arrived in Washington, and you know it.

  I won't go back. He pulled her down next to him and held her close, suddenly afraid that he would lose her.

  But she spoke seriously in the dark, and her words frightened him. I won't let you stay here.

  Why not?

  Because it would destroy you.

  He didn't answer her, and after she fell asleep he lay for a long time, just holding her and listening to her breathe, and he knew that if he left her, he would die, or a part of him would. Forever. But the next day she brought it up again, and she was adamant with him. And in the end, she knew what she had to do. She had to send him away, at any price, even if that meant telling him she didn't love him. In the end, she didn't have to go that far. All she told him was that she wasn't ready to settle down with him. She wanted to be alone on her ranch, no matter how ungrateful that seemed after all he'd done for her. At twenty-four, after all she'd been through, she didn't want to think of marriage. She said she needed to be alone on the ranch but he didn't believe her. It reminded him of when she'd called him a year and a half before and told him she didn't love him, to save him from Ernie.

  He looked devastated as they walked back to the house from the stream. Why do you want to be alone here?

  I just need to be. That's all. I want to be alone to do my own thing. I have a right to that. Don't I? He looked wounded to the core, and she had to fight back tears all night as he held her. He argued with her for days, but she held her ground, and after a week of agony she knew she had convinced him. He was going to take the job in Washington, but he insisted he was going to fly back to see her often. She knew the kind of scandal that could create, and she vowed to herself she wouldn't let him. She had to be strong for him. She knew that any hold she kept on him, any contact, any relationship, would destroy him. She was tainted now, and if he had been a different man, it would have been a different story. But his life was ahead of him, and his eyes lit up every time he talked about the new job in Washington with the senator from California. She couldn't rob him of that, or all that might come of it. He could do great things one day, and she wasn't going to be the one to stop him. She knew he belonged with Elizabeth too, no matter how much he argued with Crystal about it. And as Crystal thought of giving him up to her, she felt like a mother leaving her baby on a doorstep.

  He left her late one afternoon, and they kissed long and hard as the sun set behind them. He still wanted her to come with him but she refused till the end. He only agreed to go with the understanding that he'd come back soon, but she knew better. She stood tall and proud, waving at him as though she expected to see him again, but she didn't. She knew she wouldn't let him come back again. It was too dangerous for him and in time she knew he would thank her. She lay on her bed, after he was gone, sobbing as though her heart would break. He was gone again, and no matter how much she loved him, this time it had to be forever. Setting him free had been her final gift to him. It was all she had left to give. He had all the rest, her heart, her soul, her body.

  Crystal offered the cottage to Boyd and Hiroko and they moved in in March, after cleaning it up and painting it, and pulling the weeds out of the yard and planting a garden. She had hired two men to tend the corn, and hired new Mexicans to work the vineyard. Boyd still went to his gas station every day, but Hiroko and Crystal worked like slaves to g
et the ranch house back in shape, with little Jane to help them.

  And in April, the sun was already warm, and after scrubbing the walls all day, and then painting them late into the night, Crystal almost fainted. Hiroko helped her into a chair and looked at her with a worried frown. There was something wrong with her, no matter how much Crystal denied it. But the past two months had taken their toll on her, and the trial before that, and worse still the time with Ernie. But the worst of it was the ache she felt for Spencer. He had called several times, but she was vague with him and insisted that he not come back out yet. He was working for the senator, running the campaign from Washington and he loved the job, but he still wanted to come back to see Crystal. She told him somewhat callously that she was seeing someone in town, and that she had the ranch well in hand now. And he was with Elizabeth, who once again in spite of everything had refused to divorce him.

  Hiroko put a damp cloth on Crystal's brow and sat down next to her, and insisted that she had to see a doctor.

  Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. I'm just not used to working this hard anymore. But the ranch was looking clean again, and almost better than it had before. Her father would have been proud of it, and Boyd couldn't believe the changes she'd made in such a short time. She'd been home for two months now.

  Three days later, she fainted again, this time, pulling weeds in her garden, and Jane found her lying there and ran back to the cottage to find her mother. She liked her new home and her new friend, and Crystal had promised to teach her to ride in the summer. But this time, Boyd drove her into town, and dropped her off in front of Dr. Goode's office.

  Get your ass in there, Crystal Wyatt. Or do I have to drag you?

  She grinned at him, it was a warm day, but she was cold and had worn a heavy sweater. He was afraid it was something serious, and it was. Dr. Goode told her in no uncertain terms that she was pregnant. She had stared at him in shocked disbelief, but when she counted back, she knew he was right, and that night she told Hiroko.

  What are you going to do? Hiroko asked quietly. She knew only too well how much Crystal loved Spencer, and that she had sent him away for his own good, not because she didn't love him.

  Crystal looked at her sadly, but there was no doubt in her mind, about the baby or what she wanted. I'm going to have the baby. It was all she had left of him, and she had a home for the child. It was due in late November. She knew she must have gotten pregnant the first time they made love in San Francisco.

  Boyd was stunned when Hiroko told him the news, and Crystal swore him to secrecy, much to his chagrin. He thought she should tell Spencer. But Crystal was adamant. Spencer was well on his way now. And she was going to see that he stayed there. You mean you're not going to tell him? She shook her head. It was the last thing she would do. She had already cost him one job, and what was happening to him now was much too important. I'm not going to tell anyone, except you two. She wasn't even going to tell Harry and Pearl. They were part of another life. And she was going to stay in the valley until she had the baby. And as she grew slowly over the summer months, all she could think of was Spencer's child. It was the one great joy in her life ' her final memory of Spencer.

  Crystal had been right. Spencer loved his job. Working for the young senator was exactly what he had wanted. He worked long hours, and the responsibilities on him were enormous. He was suddenly at the hub of the political world, and his legal background stood him in good stead there. He was even thinking about running for Congress himself eventually. But he liked the senator too much to leave him for the moment.

  Even Elizabeth was pleased, and it was the only reason why, once again, she had refused to divorce him. In spite of his performance at the trial, and the affair she assumed he'd had, she finally had what she wanted. She was married to someone important. She'd been furious when he'd come home, and for the first week he'd been back, he scarcely saw her. He was getting ready to move out. With or without Crystal, he knew he could no longer stay married. Being with her had shown him all the more what had been missing with Elizabeth, and he was no longer willing to live without it. He would have preferred being alone, as he told her, when they finally talked about it. And he offered her no lies, no excuses, no explanations.

  It's not good for either of us. You deserve better and so do I. It was the week after he'd taken the job, and after her threats before the trial, and the length of time he'd stayed away afterward, he couldn't believe that she wouldn't divorce him. They had nothing left, and it was an open secret between them that he had spent the last several weeks with Crystal. I think it's time to call it off. But she was intrigued by his job. It was the first thing he'd done that she thought really had merit. And people were talking about the brilliant job he'd done defending the movie star. Instead of being angry, she was proud, and he realized how little he knew her. It was fame, at any price, that mattered to her, even at the expense of their marriage.

  Why don't we wait awhile, Spencer? We've waited this long, we might as well stick it out a little longer. She had looked prim, and she was certainly not feeling romantic. But nor was he. He knew that his days of pretending to himself he loved Elizabeth were long since over. But now he didn't want to play the game. He wanted out, and that was exactly what he told her.

  Why in God's name do you want to continue this, Elizabeth? We're not even friends anymore. Don't you care? But the truth was, she didn't.

  I like what you're doing these days, Spencer. Being the wife of a senator's aide intrigued her.

  Are you serious? He was shocked.

  Yes, I am. I'm willing to keep this going, if you are. In fact, I'm not going to let you out. As usual, she was blunt with him. You owe me this. He was livid.

  For what?

  You made a fool of me with that girl, and if you think I'm going to divorce you so you can marry her, you're crazy. He didn't tell her that Crystal had sent him back and advised him, for the sake of his career, to stay married.

  I'd like to marry her. He wasn't going to lie to her. But the truth is, she doesn't want to.

  She's either a fool, or very wise. I'm not sure which.

  She wants to be alone, she says, and she thinks that she would hurt my career.

  She's right. And she's smarter than I thought. She didn't tell him that that told her how much Crystal loved him. Elizabeth wasn't going to champion Crystal's cause to him and she wanted to stay married to Spencer. Is she going back to Hollywood?

  He shook his head. No, she went home. That's all over for her.

  And where's home? She was curious. It seemed wise to know as much as possible about her opponent.

  That's not important.

  Are you going to see her again? She knew from the look in his eyes that he would if Crystal would let him. But she sensed that something had happened before he came home, and she suspected correctly that Crystal had sent him back. He wouldn't have come otherwise. But now that Elizabeth had him back, she was going to do everything in her power to keep him. You're a damn fool if you stay involved with her. And I don't think your senator would like it.

  That's my problem, not yours. He didn't want to discuss Crystal with his wife. He was thinking about her night and day. But when he called her, she was still adamant about being alone. She told him their lives were too different, and nothing he said seemed to sway her.

  But he was so busy at work that the weeks seemed to fly by, and in the end he never moved out and Elizabeth didn't ask him. He even saw her parents less than he had in the past, although her father congratulated him on his new job. And he was pleased for Elizabeth too. She had been groomed to be the wife of an important man, and now Spencer could give her what she wanted.

  Spencer never understood why, but he went on living in the house in Georgetown. He was always too busy to move, and Elizabeth left him alone. She went to parties with him, and helped him entertain, and she had a busy life of her own, with social activities and friends and law school. She never complained about the status quo, and wit
hin months, he realized that being married to her was useful. He felt guilty for seeing it that way, but Washington was a strange town, and politics even more so. And it did him no harm to be married to Justice Barclay's daughter.

  By the fall, he'd been working for the senator for six months, and he was so busy, it didn't matter who he was married to. Except for social functions when she was in the room with him somewhere, he never saw her.

  He hardly had time to call Crystal anymore and she was always cool when he spoke to her. She said she was fine, and told him about the ranch, but she made it clear that she didn't want to see him. She had sent him home to Elizabeth and Washington and now once again, he was trapped there. It was exactly what she had wanted for him, and what she had instinctively known that he needed.

  It was Thanksgiving before he saw his family again. Elizabeth put on a very pretty dinner. His parents came down from New York and stayed with them, and once again his father congratulated himself for urging Spencer to stay married to her during his early days of unrest after Korea. The Barclays were pleased too, and no one asked when they were going to have children, it was obvious how busy they were, and in June Elizabeth would finish law school.