Love Is Louder

by Antoinette Candela

  “Yes, I just don’t want to be the reason why you don’t snatch Mr. Right tonight.”

  “Okay, smartass, I’ll be just fine.” She giggles in a sultry tone, sarcasm evident in her voice. “I want to clarify what tonight is all about. There are other nights for me to play. You need to live a little, and tonight is all about that. It’s about you, “she says, stressing the word.

  “I get it. I totally get it.”

  “Don’t pull any of that over the top shit I saw with Java Boy,” she says, turning away to check out the crowd at the bar. “Deal?”

  I huff out a small laugh, and my body relaxes a little. “Whatever.”

  I hope my little flirtation with David doesn’t come back to bite me somehow. That would be embarrassing. I hope he forgets it ever happened. I guess I’ll find out the next time I go in to buy coffee, but why do I care? This night is about me, like Ava said. As my eyes roam this room full of people, I get a familiar pang in my chest. Loneliness. My eyes fill with of tears, and for a second, I think I might cry.

  Now is not the time to reflect on life. It is the time for me to enjoy it and to finally put myself before everyone else.

  “Hey, did you see the man candy behind the bar?” Ava turns, bumping my shoulder with her own and effectively knocking the depressing thoughts out of my skull.

  “What happened to all that talk a few seconds ago?” I look over to see what’s gotten her all hot and bothered.

  “I’m just taking it all in, and I mean, this guy. Where the hell has he been hiding?”

  “Well, where is he?”

  “Over there with all the hussies vying for his attention.” She points a perfectly manicured finger toward the bar.

  When I follow her finger across the room, my eyes land on Micah lining up some shots for a bridal party.

  “Ohhh…I know him.”

  “What?” Ava whips her attention to me.

  “Mason’s brother,” I say, unfazed by Micah’s startling good looks. He’s tall with dirty blonde hair, strong chin, full red lips, and hazel eyes.

  “Oh...wow. We need to make this little meeting happen ASAP. I won’t go home with him, but I’m gonna get his number by the end of the night.”

  “I don’t doubt you for a second.”

  “Come on.” Grabbing my arm, she drags me toward the bar where the line for drinks is two rows deep.

  “Be nice,” I tease, playfully bumping her with my hip.

  “I’m good at reading men, and this one doesn’t like nice. He wants naughty, and I’m plenty naughty.”

  “Oh no, what are you thinking?”

  “Nothing.”

  “‘Nothing’ is always something with you!”

  “Quiet from the peanut gallery. I’ll get our drinks. You stay put!” she yells as she saunters her way to the bar, flagging down Micah as she shimmies in between bodies.

  I shake my head, struggling to stay erect on my unstable feet while waiting for Ava to order and make her move on Micah. I’m glad Ava talked me into this night. Being here like this is making me feel free and alive.

  Annoyed with the overzealous crowd, I maneuver cautiously between bodies toward the stage hoping to find a reprieve, but I quickly realize the area around the stage is much more crowded. As I stand sandwiched between a couple tangling tongues and a leather clad biker with an intricate tattoo of a mermaid on his arm eye-fucking me, the next act starts playing “Blurry” by Puddle of Mud.

  “Couldn’t they have picked a less depressing song to play?” I mumble under my breath, but I find myself singing the words to the first couple of verses anyway.

  When there’s a break in the music, my name being drawn out by a familiar masculine voice rings above the cacophony of noise and shockingly comforts me.

  I whirl around and draw in a breath as our eyes connect. Even in my drunken state, I notice everything about him. A buzz goes through my body, a low warm hum that makes my lower belly clench with the only inches separating our bodies.

  He smiles and steps toward me. Taking my small hand in his large one, he lowers his soft lips to my hand, and the contact makes my body quiver undeniable attraction. We’ve kissed before, but I feel something more intense from this action. When his mouth leaves my skin, I’m no longer confused by my body’s reaction to his innocent gesture. The guilt has been replaced by yearning. Emotions I’ve kept locked because I’ve been afraid to pursue them due to obligation. When he releases my hand, I stare down at my wedding ring on my finger, debating if I should rip it off.

  “I didn’t know you were working tonight.” I take a breath as I straighten my shoulders while he edges closer.

  He places his arms across his chest as we stare at each other in silence, me waiting for him to reply. His expression is so reflective that my heartbeat increases as his eyes bounce from my mouth to my eyes.

  “Well, I am, and you’re the last person I’d think to see here. Are you okay?”

  I open my mouth, but I lose my train of thought. He’s here in front of me, and he does things to me. Now, I don’t know if going out like this was such a good idea. As I gather my head to reply, someone bumps me from behind, causing my body to collide into Mason’s hard chest.

  Instantly, Mason reacts, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me flush against his body. I hear the person apologize for knocking me over, but honestly, I’m thanking him for being so inebriated and for allowing this moment to happen.

  “Watch it, next time.” Mason bellows.

  Instead of releasing me, Mason’s hold on me tightens, the heat of his touch surges through me like an electric charge. There’s so much voltage between us that I picture sparks flying and catching everything on fire. I find myself wanting him to hold me longer. I know this has to end because we both are very aware of the magnetic pull we have for each other. When I look up, his powerful brown eyes are immediately on mine. The expression on his face tells me that he wants more than to just hold me. Quivering from his touch, I take a step back, fearful of where this might lead.

  Ava says we leave together. Flirting only.

  Whatever is happening between us is going way past flirtation.

  “You never answered me since we were interrupted.” He half-grins, but his eyes are still serious.

  After composing myself, I mutter, “I just came out to have a drink...to—”

  “Are you alone?” he interjects. His voice is level as he breaks eye contact and impatiently shoots his eyes around the room, his nostrils flaring.

  “No, I’m here with a friend.”

  “You left so quickly the other night. I wasn’t sure what to think or if I should have gone after you. I need to know you’re okay.”

  I shake my head. I would be stupid to stay with James whose lies can steal so much away from me now. My future. A family. So many others will be affected.

  “This isn’t just about me. It affects you, too.”

  Hands clenched to his side, Mason takes a step closer to me. His hand lands on my hip, and a burst of hotness erupts at the touch of his fingers stroking my skin.

  “You stand more to lose in all of this. I’ll manage. It’s you I’m worried about.”

  This is much worse than I could ever imagine, but despite it all, a strange sort of peace settles over me.

  “I just needed to be alone.”

  “I don’t think that’s entirely true. You’re here.”

  His lips twitch into a smile, and I flush in embarrassment.”My friend...decided to come here.”

  “I like your friend already, and I haven’t even met her yet.”

  “Well, it looks like Micah just got to meet her,” I say, craning my neck to find Ava scribbling what has to be her number onto a napkin. Shocked at the touch of his hand on my forearm, I turn to face him to see he’s uninterested in Ava and Micah.

  “I still want to talk. Not now, but soon. Is that okay?” He watches me closely, waiting for me to finally admit to myself that I can’t bottle this inside, and I
can’t drown my problems with alcohol.

  “Yes, we will talk. I promise.” And I mean every word.

  “Good. I want you to believe that none of this was your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong, Brie.”

  We exchange a look, and I know in this one moment he means every word, too. Even if I refuse, he will find a way to make me open up. That’s what friends do.

  “Okay,” I whisper, but deep in my heart, the situation is anything but okay. Nothing will ever be the same. I know that despite how Mason makes me feel now, there are questions that still need to be answered, and I don’t know which path to take. I don’t want to think about it now. I want to live in this moment.

  I clutch my cell phone in my hand and immediately send Brie another text, which all have gone unanswered, but I continue trying to connect with her. I drove by the photo studio before coming here in hopes of catching her, but the Closed signed hung on the door. If I knew where she took her yoga classes, I would drop by there. I even stopped by Ava’s hair salon, knowing that idea was futile. I was afraid she was going to call the cops when I showed up knocking at her door. I couldn’t push her since I have no leg to stand on right now. Brie tells her everything. It has taken losing her to realize I haven’t invested the time and energy in her in the first place.

  Raindrops fall, and thunder and lightning flash in the background when I pull into the Bull and Bear to meet Derek. I chuckle to myself at the thought that we’re now on a first name basis. First, it was Officer Harvey; now, it’s Derek. It’s been almost four damn years since I’ve had to associate with this leech, and I’m about ready to put an end to it somehow. I hope this is what this meeting is all about. That the agreement we had four years ago has been honored and that we can all move on, but there’s always a chance that things will not end amicably or continue because Derek knows he has the upper hand with me. Even so, I can’t think about that right now.

  Slamming the door, warms drops of rain awaken my skin. I feel the urge to cry. Why? My life has become a fiasco, a mess of broken promises, damaging secrets, and lies. Every one of them was made to save or protect the people I love, but now everything I did for them is going to crucify me.

  I stalk toward the building and thrust open the doors and take in my surroundings. Since it’s happy hour, the place is packed and busier than I expected. Squinting, I allow my eyesight to adjust. My attention bounces around the room seeking out the one person I came here to fucking see. I clench my hands into hard fists when I pick out Derek at the bar grasping a beer in his burly hand. What possible piece of good news could he give me today? The rage bubbles in my blood as I shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stalk over to the bar. One more fucked-up situation is going to push me over the edge.

  I pull the stool, skidding it against the floor beside Derek and causing him to jump and spill some of his beer as he raises it to his mouth. I smirk as he cuts his devious eyes to me.

  “Effin Jimmy, I see you found yourself a seat.” His voice is thick with cockiness, and it fuels the anger already brewing inside me.

  “Yeah, isn’t that fucking great?” I plop down onto the stool with a heavy sigh and lean forward on my elbows, peering up and down the bar and avoiding eye contact with Derek. Instead, I make it with Micah who smiles crookedly like he knows something I don’t know, and it fucking makes my hands sweaty and my gut churn. If Mason found out about me possibly being Lily’s father, I can’t see why Micah wouldn’t know.

  Shit, my existence is becoming more problematic.

  Micah approaches, placing his hands onto the bar. “So, what will it be, man?”

  “Whiskey neat and a couple of shots of Patrón.”

  “Sure thing.” He glares at me. That confirms it. He must know about Meadow. Micah has always been the quiet one, never wanting any trouble. If he were anything like Mason, he would probably have my pathetic ass up against the wall.

  Derek and I say nothing for a beat as Micah turns to make my drinks.

  “What do you want to talk about?” I try to rub away my headache.

  Derek draws his beer to his mouth and looks ahead without a word. Micah slides my drinks in front of me, and I nod my head, throwing my credit card onto the bar.

  “You’re a hard man to get in touch with,” Derek finally says. He squeezes my shoulder and tosses me a wry smile as I shake off his hand.

  “I’m fucking busy. You know that. I think I told you that the last time you called me at home.” My voice is hard.

  “Fine...fine.” He sits back on his stool. “So, tell me. How are things?”

  “I don’t think this is why you wanted to meet with me, so cut all the bullshit and make this quick. What’s this about?” I bounce my knees, anxious to get out of here and make another phone call to my wife.

  “Money.”

  “Money? We’ve talked about this. I’m done.”

  “Well, yeah.” He pulls off his baseball cap and scratches his head. “My son plans to go to law school. You know how expensive tuition can be, you being a Harvard graduate and all.” He pops a brow.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” I push back the stool, causing it to screech across the floor. Several patrons take note along with Micah. I nod, reassuring him everything is under control and calmly sit back on my stool. “This is fucking blackmail.” Exhaling heavily, I turn and glare at him.

  This is definitely not going my way. Nothing has been lately. I’m not used to people having power over me.

  “Hey. My boy wants to be a lawyer just like you. I have to do what I have to do to get him there.”

  This is bullshit. I hate having to make rash decisions. Decisions I thought were right at the time, only to see it all come back like a boomerang to destroy everything I was trying to protect and so much more. Karma is truly a raging bitch.

  Disgusted, I jerk my head in the other direction, debating whether to punch this asshole in the face or to ask Micah for the whole bottle of whiskey.

  “Let me give you a minute to ponder what I’m asking while I go take a piss.” He pushes off his stool, chuckling. “I think we can work something out.”

  “Yeah.” I grab my drink and bring it to my lips. “Cheers, motherfucker,” I mumble as he walks away with a little extra pep to his step like he just won the lottery. Honestly, the asshole has. He’s had it made for four years, and now he’s asking for more. I throw back the drink in one swallow, order another one, and turn to the stage, pretending to enjoy the band playing, but nothing on this fucking earth can prepare me for what my eyes fall upon.

  Anger rips through my veins, taunting me as I glare at him talking to her. I let out a loud shuddering breath as I soak it all in. A trickle of sweat rolls down my lower back. This is the one thing that is going to catapult me off the fucking edge. When I hear her throaty laugh and the fact I’m not the one making her feel that happiness, I crack.

  They haven’t seen me sitting at the bar. A ticking time bomb, I rip off my tie, roll up my sleeves, grab the fresh glass of whiskey, and down it as I watch my wife smile and touch another man. The liquid burns as it slides down my throat and pools like fire in my stomach. Every ounce of blood in my body rushed and surged. Everyone around me disappears and fades into nothing as I stalk across the bar toward the stage. I throw my reputation as DA out the window just like I may have thrown my marriage out the window. I don’t give a shit about anything anymore. Not a damn thing. Just her.

  “What the fuck are you doing with my wife?”

  A wave of anxiety crashes over me like a blast of arctic air, and my stomach takes a dive at the sound of his voice. As I look past Mason’s shoulder, my skin prickles watching him break through the crowd, people parting like a rolling tide while he pushes them aside. His angry strides are long and purposeful as he stalks forward with his eyes zeroed in on Mason. My breathing accelerates, dragging in the scent of alcohol and sweat. Bile crawls up my throat, and my drunkenness evaporates at the sight of him.

  James.


  Mason doesn’t have a chance. The second he glances over his shoulder to follow my gaze, James grabs his shoulder, turns him around, and smashes his face with his fist. Mason staggers back and hits the wall near the stage with a hard thud. Rage boils in James’ eyes like an inferno as he skulks forward with his fist raised to throw another punch, but Micah comes out of nowhere to wrap his arms around James’ chest to restrain him. The sleeves of James’ shirt tear, and beads of sweat trickle from his forehead. Mason pushes off the wall, standing taller and rubbing his jaw with one hand and tightening his fist at his side, prepared to retaliate.

  “Calm the fuck down!” Micah yells.

  “Fuck you!” James’ voice is rough and gravelly like a ferocious beast.

  Wrestling away from Micah and exploding forward, he waves his fist like a hammer connecting with Mason’s cheek as a small crowd that has formed looks on. I recognize some of his colleagues, but they do nothing to stop him.

  My heart thuds, and I take a startled step back.

  What the hell is happening?

  A bar fight. My educated, impeccable husband has instigated a bar brawl.

  Tears prick the back of my eyes, and I swallow hard. My blood drains to my legs, leaving a trail of ice in its wake. My heart rate amplifies, threatening to rob me of what little strength I have left. I avert my eyes to Mason, his jaw clenching with his eyes narrowed at James, his broad shoulders tense, and his arms pulsing with unspent fury.

  James’ square jaw is powerful as he grits his teeth, his blue eyes flashing with anger. Seething, Mason jams his hand through his hair, his temper rising with each passing second. The atmosphere between them is charged. I blink and miss what restarts the scuffle, watching as Mason lands a punch to James’ jaw, causing him to stumble back a step. James winces in pain, but then he glowers with an intensified anger.