by Nella Tyler
That’s none of your business. She told you about Titan; obviously he’s not interested in being a father. And if she wants help… I pushed the thought aside.
I helped myself to two salmon croquettes to start with, some peas and carrots, a little of the tomato rice. I was definitely going to eat enough of the dinner to avoid looking like the contents of it bothered me, but I wasn’t going to punish myself. I felt Autumn watching me fix my plate, and gave her a quick smile.
“We’re going to have some trouble in the next couple of weeks,” Bob said. “We’re supposed to be getting a dry spell. We’ll have to stay on top of the irrigation more heavily.”
“We can keep a watch on everything,” Tuck said matter-of-factly. “It’ll be fine. We’ve been through worse dry spells.”
I listened to the members of the family chattering, throwing in my own comments here and there, where it was relevant. Addie apparently felt much better about salmon croquettes than I did. She scarfed down the bites that Autumn gave her with eager hunger.
“This is absolutely amazing, Autumn,” I said, looking at her with a little grin.
“I’m glad you like it,” she said tartly.
“Oh, I more than like it,” I told her. “It’s absolutely delicious.”
I held her gaze as I ate a bite of the croquette. It was better than my mom’s had always been, but it wasn’t anything I’d actually eat by choice nonetheless. I saw the anger flare up on Autumn’s face at my praise, and saw her fight with herself not to react to it. “You’ll have to give me the recipe,” I added.
“Oh, just a little of this and that,” she said, her voice a little tight. “Canned salmon, of course. Some onion, garlic, bell pepper…” she pressed her lips together. “I’ll write it all up for you before you go home, so you can make them whenever you want.”
I almost laughed at the irritable look in her eyes. She couldn’t say what was on her mind—that she’d only made the meal to annoy me. If she did that, it would only get her a mountain of questions.
“I’d appreciate it,” I said. “These are the best salmon croquettes I’ve ever had.” It was the truth, they were the best I had had, but that didn’t make them something I liked.
“Since you like them so much, you should have another,” she said, holding out the plate. She raised one eyebrow a little bit, and I all but smirked at her.
“Love to,” I said. It only made her angrier. She looked for a second like she wanted to slam the plate down, but she couldn’t do that any more than she could come clean about the real reason she’d made a meal she knew I would hate.
“Autumn’s a great cook,” Tuck said. “I can’t think of anything she’s ever made that I haven’t liked.”
“There are plenty of things I’ve made that suck,” she said, determinedly looking away from me. “I just have managed not to have anyone actually eat them other than a few tastes from me.”
“What gave you the idea for salmon croquettes?” I ate another bite of the third one I had taken from her, and looked at her with a grin.
“Just popped into my mind. I haven’t made them in a while, and we had that salmon in the pantry that was going to waste.” She was flushed, she looked well and truly angry. I almost laughed at the sight.
“Peas and carrots are such a classic combination,” I said, before eating a forkful. Autumn knew for a fact—because I’d told her—that I had hated that particular combination, as well. Mom had made it probably two hundred times when I’d been growing up, and I had mentioned to Autumn that if I never saw another bowl of the two combined ever again, it would be too soon.
“They do go well together,” she agreed, struggling to keep her composure.
“You know, if we get a surplus on those soybeans, we should maybe consider blanching them and keeping them on hand,” Tuck was saying. “Then, too, of course there are a lot of folks that eat them…call it eda-something.”
“Edamame,” Autumn said. “We don’t have the right kind of soybeans to do that. We could make soy milk or tofu, but the ones you want for edamame are a little different than the ones we have.”
“Besides, there’d be no point in wasting good crops selling to restaurants when we can get money just fine from the folks we’re already selling to,” Bob Nelson added. “No point at all. Although, I like that you’re thinking of the future, son.”
I felt the tension in Tuck, and wondered if, between his irritability and Autumn’s annoyance at my refusal to show any sign of hating her food, there might not be a fight at the table.
“Just thinking about different ways we could get more money out of the farm,” Tuck said defensively.
“You know,” I said, turning my attention away from Autumn for a moment, “there’s that patch on the new part of the property where it’s not really great for either soy or corn. You could do test crops there—maybe see if you could find something that would take.”
“That’s what I’ve been talking to dad about,” Tuck said, nodding. “We need to make sure every bit of land that can be put to use is being put to use.”
“I don’t disagree,” Bob said.
They started talking about ideas, and I turned my attention back onto Autumn. It was as obvious as the sun at noon that she wasn’t getting any less irritated at me, and I was tempted to give her another little prod to see what she would do, but the last thing I needed was to be a source of a fight in the house. Better by still to let her stew in her own disappointment, brought on by her immature little ploy.
I had to wonder why she’d gone to so much trouble to try and make a meal that she knew I would hate and not want to eat. She’d been avoiding me like the plague for a week or more, ever since I’d rejected her most recent invitation to go out and do something with her.
I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the fact that she was obviously feeling rejected, but I would have thought that she’d have more to do with herself than take some petty revenge on me for turning her down. Apparently, I had been wrong about that.
I got through the rest of the dinner, even managing to get down the banana pudding—another food I’d told Autumn I didn’t like—without a single complaint. I could see that she was only getting more annoyed and tried not to goad her into an actual fight, but it was gratifying to see the look on her face as she struggled to keep her irritability a secret from everyone else seated at the table.
I wanted to get away as early as possible; if I stayed, I was pretty sure she’d just try something else to irritate me, in the hopes of pushing one of my buttons.
I helped Mrs. Nelson clear the table after dinner and said my goodbyes, trying to make sure that I gave everyone the same kind and level of attention. I didn’t need Bob Nelson getting suspicious about me falling for his daughter again, even if it was marginally the truth.
I didn’t hug Autumn, but then the look on her face told me that if I had tried, she would have done her level best to try and do something cruel or painful to me without being seen doing it. I shook Bob’s hand, thanked him for inviting me to dinner, and started out to my car.
Chapter Twenty Five
Autumn
As Cade said goodbye and started to leave, I felt the anger and irritation rising up inside me, beyond what I could take.
I’d made a meal I knew that he would hate, not necessarily to keep him from eating dinner with my family, but at least to get a reaction out of him. The fact that he’d spent the whole meal complimenting my cooking, telling me how delicious it was, just made me more irritable.
“Mom,” I said, as Dad and Tuck left the kitchen to go do whatever other things they had in mind—probably watching TV for Dad and some video game for Tuck—and Mom finished loading the dishwasher. “I’ll be right back, okay?” She raised an eyebrow and I thought that she might say something, since she was smiling at the same time.
“See you in a bit, then,” she simply said. I hurried out of the kitchen and around to the front of the house and spotted Cade taking t
he last few steps to his car.
“Cade!” I tried not to call out loudly enough for my brother or my dad to hear me, but loud enough that Cade would. “Cade!”
He turned round and looked until he saw me. “Hey, what’s up?” I crossed the yard to catch up to him and shook my head, boiling in anger.
“What’s up? What’s up is you making fun of me!” I poked him in the chest. “I know for a fact that you hate salmon croquettes and peas and carrots, and I know I am not nearly a good enough cook to be the one person to make either of those things well enough to make you like them!” I scowled up at him.
“I wasn’t making fun of you,” Cade he, holding up his hands to block me from poking him again. “I figured you’d probably made the dinner on purpose, and I also figured that it wouldn’t be good manners to make a stink about it.”
“You could at least have just acted neutral,” I insisted. “You made me feel like…” I took a slow, deep breath and exhaled sharply.
“Made you feel like what?” He leaned against his car and looked at me steadily.
“I don’t even know why my parents invited you for dinner in the first place,” I said.
“Because your dad likes me,” Cade said, and the playful tone in his voice only made me angrier.
“He wouldn’t like you very much if he knew you’d had sex with me and then lost interest in me completely,” I told him tartly. “He wouldn’t like you very much if he knew how much of an asshole you’re being.”
“How am I being an asshole?” Cade scowled at me.
“How?” I stepped away from him and moved towards him again. I didn’t know if I wanted to punch him or kiss him. “How are you being an asshole?” I looked back at the house, hoping that no one heard me other than Cade.
“You slept with me. You-you made me think you were interested in me, and then as soon as you got what you wanted…” I felt my eyes stinging and swallowed against the tight feeling in my throat.
“You think that a one-night stand is all I wanted from you?” His voice was low, cutting right through the blood roaring in my ears. “Autumn.” He smiled slightly, shaking his head. “Why would any man on the planet only want one night with you?”
“Titan…” I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. “It’s not important. What is important is the fact that you suddenly stopped paying attention to me and started avoiding me.”
“Autumn.” Cade put his hands on my shoulder and I felt a rush of heat that had nothing at all to do with anger. He took a quick breath, and I felt myself taking a breath right there with him. “I’m still interested in you. I’m torturing myself over it.”
“You are?” He smiled wryly and nodded.
“The only reason I’ve been avoiding you and not paying as much attention to you is because I promised your father that I wouldn’t get involved with you.”
I stared at him. “But you got involved with me already,” I pointed out. “It-it wasn’t until after we’d had sex that you started to back off.”
“You’ve been avoiding me, too,” he countered.
“Because you were turning me down and pushing me away,” I told him. “I thought… I figured… I might as well get on with my life.”
Cade chuckled. “And making a dinner you knew I’d hate was totally moving on, right?”
My cheeks burned with a blush. “That was petty, but you…”
“I like you, Autumn,” he said, interrupting me. “I like you a lot. I would love to spend time with you, but I can’t. I promised your father that I wouldn’t get involved, and then when he noticed us getting too close, he had a chat with me.”
I groaned, leaning against him. “Really?” I felt rather than saw Cade nodding. “Of course he would.”
“I really do want to get to know you better, see where this can go,” he told me. “But I can’t afford to lose this job. I have to make sure your dad knows I’m not getting distracted, and I have to honor my promise to him.”
I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of the farm, mingled with the scent of Cade’s sweat, his cologne, his deodorant. It was so weirdly comforting, I didn’t want to pull back.
“So the only reason that you’re avoiding me is because you don’t want to get fired?”
Cade laughed quietly. “I’d say that’s a pretty good reason, wouldn’t you?” His hands felt strong on my shoulders, and he began rubbing my back just a little bit. “After all, if I’m dating you and I have no job, I doubt that would help my standing with your parents.”
I laughed in spite of myself. “That would be funny, except for the fact that it would also suck,” I said. I pulled back from his chest unwillingly, looking up at his face. “So you really like me?”
He looked into my eyes for a long moment and then leaned in, closing the last distance between us. He brushed his lips against mine, and for a second, I didn’t even know what to do; I was stunned at the fact that he was kissing me at all.
Cade’s hands fell from my shoulders and slid down to my waist, and I shifted my body up against his as he deepened the kiss. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, breathing in the smell of him, sliding the tip of my tongue along his lips until he opened his mouth.
I had no idea how much time passed between us as we began kissing more and more hungrily. My body heated up, tingling all over, and I could even feel myself starting to get wet as I got more and more turned on by the moment.
I wanted to pull Cade around the house, I wanted to throw him onto my bed… Hell, I wanted to climb into either his car or mine and just make love with him right then and there. If I had to, I might have even taken the risk of having sex with him right there in the grass in front of the house.
I pulled back, and Cade began kissing me again before I could even say anything. The feeling of his lips against mine, the taste of my cooking on his tongue, and the heat of his body against mine were almost too much to resist, and I let the kiss go on for what felt like an hour, as my hands wandered over him, and his hands trailed all over my body. I shivered against him, almost too turned on to care that my parents could walk out at any moment.
Clarity came to me, and I broke away from Cade’s lips. “I-I have to go inside,” I told him. I didn’t want to; but I knew that if I didn’t pull back and go back to my own place, if I didn’t let him leave, I was going to end up doing something that I might regret.
“Just go home,” I told him, trembling from the intensity of my arousal as I stepped away from him and back towards my parents’ house.
Dad was in the living room, watching TV with Addie, and Tuck was nowhere to be seen. I felt hot all over, little cold tingles threading through my nerves. “I think it’s time for my little girl to have her bath,” I said, as naturally as I possibly could.
“Getting to be about that time, eh?”
I smiled at Dad and gathered up my daughter from her playpen. I kissed the top of Addie’s head and snuggled her close.
“I think I’m going to make it a quiet night,” I told my father. “Get a nice bath with my little girl, put on a good movie, fall asleep on the couch snuggling her.”
“Sounds idyllic,” Dad said. I nodded and carried Addie outside.
Cade had already left. I could still feel my heart beating fast in my chest, and the heat in my veins. I walked around to the guest house, murmuring nonsense to my daughter, and thought about the incident with Cade. I couldn’t deny the fact that it was harder than I would have ever thought to just get over him and move on with my life.
I started up a bath for my daughter and tried to put the kiss out of my mind, but I couldn’t. “How’s my little girl tonight?” Addie cooed at me. “Did you like your dinner?” I almost laughed to myself; I’d been so irritated at how Cade had reacted to the sabotage meal I’d made for him, but it was funny in retrospect.
I started bathing my daughter, trying to think objectively about Cade. But it was impossible. I couldn’t be objective about him.
You tri
ed moving on from him, and that obviously didn’t work. The kiss had been everything—everything—that our first kiss, that our first tryst together, had been. I wanted him, but there was nothing either of us could really do. He’d promised my father that he wouldn’t get involved with me. You need to move on, even if you can’t. I dried Addie off and opened up Netflix on my TV, to start looking for a suitable movie for Addie and me to watch.
I had no idea what to do with myself. I wanted Cade, but I didn’t want to make him lose his job with my Dad. I didn’t know if I could make myself take the risk of getting involved with him, not with Addie to think about.
I put on Charlotte’s Web and tried to put the idea of having anything more to do with Cade out of my mind. I knew it was impossible, but I would have to try, at least until the end of the season, when Cade was no longer my father’s employee.
I snuggled close to Addie on the couch. I kissed the top of her head, and tried to watch the TV. I was in an impossible situation and wasn’t even entirely sure how I felt about the subject of that impossible situation. We just have to wait. If I wait, then maybe I’ll figure out how I feel, and figure out how to make something happen.
Chapter Twenty Six
Cade
I pulled into the parking lot outside of the county fairgrounds, feeling jumpy and a little paranoid, but excited all at the same time. What you’re doing is crazy. But what else can you do?
After Autumn and I had kissed, I hadn’t been able to get her off my mind at all, no matter how much I tried. I’d managed to find her alone one afternoon, and we’d agreed to see each other—secretly. I hated that I was lying to Bob Nelson, but the damage had already been done.
I locked up my car and started looking around. Autumn had agreed to meet me at the entrance of the fairgrounds, with Addie in tow. She had told her parents that she was going to take her daughter—freshly a year old—to the fair, but not that she was going with me.
It wasn’t a work day, so I wasn’t breaking any rules or doing anything during time that belonged to my boss. I tried to tell myself that I was fine, that what I was doing wasn’t all that wrong. I still couldn’t help feeling a little guilty about the promise I’d made, that I had already broken.