Piper Day's Ultimate Guide To Avoiding George Clooney

by Vanessa Fewings

  “Randle Myers.”

  “Any dizziness?”

  He tapped his forehead. “No. This thing weighs a ton.”

  “Drug allergies?”

  “No.”

  Trying not to stare, but easily impressed with his makeup, I handed over the two tablets in a dispense cup. “Try to drink more water.”

  “Got it.” Randle eased them into his mouth with his grey webbed fingertips and sipped on a straw poking out the top of a bottle of Arrowhead. It was impossible not to stare.

  My radio crackled. “Blue one,” said the discarnate voice of a security guard.

  I brought it up to my ear. “This is Blue one.”

  “Stage 9. You’re needed there.”

  “10-4.” I slid my radio back into my scrub pocket. “Sorry. Got to go.”

  “Thanks for the meds.” Randle raised his bottle in a toast.

  Navigating the trailer steps, I chuckled at my close encounter, taken-aback with the realism. If you’d stuck Randle in the middle of Area 51 you’d have no end of laughs scaring the tourists. Though the Manhattan accent would take some explaining.

  I drove across the lot, quickly making it to Stage 9.

  Phil from Security gestured to the gap in the huge elephant door. “In there.”

  The door was literally large enough for an elephant to walk through.

  I paused, realizing I was about to enter Resident Hero’s stage. “Phil, what have we got?”

  “Not sure. Just got the call.”

  I hurried inside, my eyes adjusting to the dark, mindful of where I was stepping. And bumped right into Sarah Thompson.

  “Whoa, careful,” she said.

  “Sorry.” With a quick glance over her shoulder, I checked to see if Le George was around, getting ready to duck behind the closest prop if needed.

  Sarah looked better than the last time I’d seen her, when she’d been covered in hives and sucking in air and suffering from her severe latex allergy. From her lack of warmth, she still had no idea it’d been me who’d initiated a medical emergency.

  She stepped in my way. “Oh, you’re here to...” Sarah glanced over at an arched doorway. “The director wanted you here.”

  “Could you point the way, please?”

  “I just couldn’t watch.”

  “Watch what?”

  Sarah looked concerned. “He’s been acting strange all day, but we didn’t expect this.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Depression. The debilitating kind.”

  “Oh.”

  “He’s on the roof.” She folded her arms. “The director can’t get him to come down.”

  “Are you saying someone’s in serious danger?”

  Sarah let out an unsettling breath. “The police are on their way.” She looked vexed. “This will be all over the news tomorrow. The press listen in to the police radio.”

  Nausea welled in my stomach. “Who is it?”

  She turned away.

  “Which way did he go?”

  She gestured to a doorway. “But you can’t go up there.”

  Securing the medical bag on my back and hoisting the oxygen over my shoulder, I hurried through the doorway and started up the stairwell. The climb was grueling due to the oxygen banging against my side and the weight of the kit slowing me down, but the adrenaline surging through my veins gave me the burst I needed to ascend in record time.

  Once on the roof, I caught sight of Gemstone’s crested water tower rising high along the skyline. The other stages around us, with their New York City facades, provided a convincing backdrop. Still catching my breath, I scanned the area. A young man, twenty feet away or so, was leaning precariously over the ledge. He stepped back and turned.

  It was Jamie Hale.

  I placed the kit down and hurried closer. I knew this kind of situation was more appropriate for the police to handle, but there was no time to wait for them. I was hardly qualified for this but had no choice.

  “Shouldn’t you be down there?” Jamie pointed over the edge.

  I searched for the words that might persuade him to step back farther and not jump. “Just want to chat. If that’s all right?”

  He frowned. “You’re that nurse from the set of Resident Hero?”

  I cringed before I could stop myself.

  “The girl who replaced you was also called Ellie.” He took in my uniform.”Now I’m really confused.”

  “Actually, I’m a real nurse. My name’s Piper.”

  “Not Ellie?”

  “I was covering for her.” The truth spilled out with my nerves. “She’s an actress and got double booked. Ellie begged me to pretend to be her.”

  “That was very nice of you. You probably saved Sarah Thompson’s life.” He threw in a smile and chuckled. “Now we have someone to blame.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Authenticity.”

  “You don’t feel authentic?”

  “Wow, that’s deep.” He stared off, as though mulling over it.

  “Why now?”

  “It’s not like this hasn’t been planned.”

  “Is your leg bothering you? Chronic pain can lead people to do all sorts of things.”

  “What? It aches a bit. Mainly when it’s cold.” He shrugged. “I’m ready to do this. It’s been on my mind all day. I’m relieved to get it over with.”

  “You don’t want to. Not really.”

  He narrowed his gaze.

  “What happened?” I pointed to his leg.

  “Oh, on my last movie I fractured my ankle. The medic wrapped it up so I could keep going.” Jamie shoved his hands into his pockets. “The next day the press reported my career was over. I’m assuming that’s what you’re referring to?”

  “Your career’s not over?”

  He threw me a big smile. “Not after that Emmy nod.”

  “See, lots to live for. Why don’t we go down and talk more about this. Over, say, coffee?”

  He twisted his mouth into a grin. “Are you hitting on me?”

  “I just don’t want you to throw your life away.” Although sounding a bit intense, he needed to hear it.

  Jamie’s smile widened, which was not exactly the response I was expecting, but reassuring nevertheless.

  “Piper, who sent you up here?”

  “I’m serious. You’re handsome and talented and have the entire world at your feet.”

  He studied me for the longest time, his stare locked on mine. “It’s not enough, Piper.”

  “Maybe it’s this town? It can be grueling. Maybe a holiday somewhere--”

  “Like Colorado?”

  “Yes.”

  “Or India?”

  “Yes.”

  “Or Beverly Hills.”

  “Maybe, yes.”

  He knitted his eyebrows together. “Maybe I just need a good woman?”

  “You can meet a lovely woman in no time. Why my friend Ellie’s single. She’s an actress. And she’s normal. Which is nice.”

  Though on second thought, there was no way I was introducing Ellie to yet another man with issues. She’d been through enough this year with Gabe, and the memory of her ex-boyfriend dressed as a woman and standing in the upper window of the Bates Motel still sent uneasy tingles up my spine.

  “But you don’t fancy me?” Jamie said matter-of-factly.

  “Well, you’re very handsome.”

  He really was, breathtakingly so. Jaime had the kind of looks you usually have to turn away from because they’re so damn distracting. They virtually rendered women speechless. I wasn’t making this up. I’d seen it first hand on the set of Resident Hero.

  “Go on.” He folded his arms across his chest as though sensing the effect he was having on me. “It’s helping.”

  “You’re funny. And kind. And supportive to your fellow actors. I saw that on set.”

  “Go on.”

  “You’re a lovely person. I noticed how the crew reacts around you. They like you.”


  “You forgot handsome.”

  “No, I mentioned handsome.”

  “On a scale of how good looking, what would you say?”

  The awkwardness was causing me to question my counseling skills. Seriously, I really should have paid more attention in psych class.

  “I mean would you say I’m a seven?”

  “A ten. Easily a ten.”

  “Out of what?”

  “Um, ten.”

  “That doesn’t seem very high.” He narrowed his stare.

  “Twelve out of ten.” I tried not to scrunch my nose.

  He let out a sigh. “I’m starting to feel better.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Kiss me and I promise I’ll not end my life today.”

  “I’m not sure that’s appropriate.”

  “Just one kiss.”

  I hesitated, looking around and wishing we weren’t alone up here. Jamie lingered dangerously close to the edge, his threat all too real.

  I stepped forward and offered him my hand. “That would be unprofessional. The Californian Board of Nursing have strict rules.”

  “I thought we’d bonded.” He gave a weak smile. “Our witty repertoire, our sexual chemistry, our impending romance.”

  “Um...”

  “I see doubt in your eyes.”

  “More like thoughtfulness,” I said, wishing I’d read that self-help book by Wayne Dyer that Ellie had given me, along with her lecture on how life-changing it was. It would probably have come in handy right about now.

  “I’ll do anything else,” I said, hoping to keep his trust.

  “Really?”

  I’d misspoken and dug myself into a psychological hole. One that I was struggling to climb out of.

  “Let’s run away together.” He lowered his chin. “Shake off this superficiality and find a new life.”

  My expression must have given too much away, because his had changed to utter distress. “But you don’t love me, do you?”

  I felt like I’d stepped into a bad soap opera. The kind you get addicted to even though they never make any sense. The seriousness of this situation made my stomach churn. Shouldn’t I be hearing police sirens? Maybe they didn’t use them in cases like this so as not to alarm the victim.

  “Jaime, please step back.”

  “I can’t go on like this.” He blew air out of his lips as though a decision had been made. “You give me no choice.”

  He leaped off.

  Unable to exhale, I was somewhere between wanting to throw up and wondering if I’d ever breathe again. A wave of dizziness caused my legs to wobble. That small, guttural panic was coming from me. Braving to peer over the ledge, terrified of what I’d see...

  I locked eyes with Jamie.

  He was only six feet away, lying on his back, bouncing on an inflatable stunt cushion, having merely jumped onto a wider ledge and landed softly. He waved up at me, wearing the widest grin. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, mixed with annoyance.

  Jamie Hale had successfully practiced his stunt.

  CHAPTER 10

  Sipping my vanilla latte, I admired Santa Monica’s beach.

  Repositioning my sunglasses, I turned my gaze upon the arched blue painted sign at the entryway of the pier welcoming tourists to its restaurants, cafes, amusement arcades, and even an aquarium, all strewn along its length stretching out to sea. At its far end rose the Ferris wheel, and although I couldn’t see the faces of those riding it, I knew they’d be smiling.

  With my bicycle now out of the back of my Beetle, I lifted Teddy into the front basket, his tail striking the edge in a steady beat of excitement.

  “You made it!” Dave shouted, cycling toward me.

  His orange t-shirt was pulled tight across his chest, his black spandex shorts seemingly a size too small. Chewing my bottom lip, I tried to pick up on any clues he might be gay. He certainly had all the hotness of the typical gay guy, effortlessly flaunting his gorgeousness.

  Dave skidded his aluminum racing bike to a stop next to my car and regarded my bicycle with quiet amusement.

  “Couldn’t miss this,” I said, clutching the handle bars.

  “Hey Teddy.” Dave scratched beneath his chin.

  Teddy raised his head nonchalantly.

  “Love the bike, Piper!” Jane said, pulling up beside Dave on her red racer, her handle bars so low I wondered how she’d get any pleasure from riding it. Seriously, how aerodynamic did she need to be?

  Her large rimmed shades were so dark I couldn’t see her eyes. I mulled over whether this was a good thing or not. Teddy picked up on my angst and growled. I laughed it off and reached for his chin, scratching his fur.

  My hand brushed against Dave’s.

  Dave drew back. “The weather’s great isn’t it!”

  Hhmmm, mentioning the weather meant Dave had either picked up on the tension between Jane and I, or he was genuinely intrigued with the climate.

  Jane studied my bike with a disapproving glare. “Not sure you’re going to keep up with us.”

  “We can take it easy,” Dave said.

  “We’ll never get our cardio in if we go that slow.” Jane peered over her Oscar De Le Renta sunglasses.

  “Please,” I said. “I’ll be fine, and anyway I haven’t been to the beach in ages. I want to savor it. You two go on ahead and get your cardio in.” I forced a smile, hoping it wasn’t my Joker impression, which apparently came out when I was tense, according to Ellie anyway. I slid my arms through my backpack, trying to get comfortable before heading off.

  I cycled after them along the beachfront pathway, doing my best to keep up and at the same time trying to suppress my breathlessness, which was pretty embarrassing compared to their effortless conversation.

  It wasn’t long before I fell behind.

  Teddy’s ears pricked up, his head bobbing as he took in the sights, sounds, and smells of the activity around us. The place was crowded with other people on bicycles or rollerblading, and some just strolled with their dogs on long leashes.

  Passing the beachfront condos, I wondered who was lucky enough to live there. I soon passed the luxury hotel Shutters on the Beach, glancing up at the balcony full of diners eating alfresco. On the other side of the pathway teenagers were playing volleyball in the sand. A large crowd had gathered to cheer them on.

  I’d lost sight of Dave and Jane. No doubt they were way ahead, riding side by side and chatting away, getting to know each other better. With my average looking bicycle and slow-mo pace, I didn’t stand a chance. Third wheel came to mind.

  I wondered what kind of guy invited two women out on a date when they obviously disliked each other. Unless, of course, he got a kick out of them fighting over him.

  I directed my bike toward a lone palm tree and took a moment to view the ocean. Its soothing effect quieted my mind and I regretted not visiting more often. Though reasoned it was the threat of getting stuck in L.A. traffic for hours that put me off. The soft blueness and rolling waves had a way of putting everything into perspective.

  Dave appeared out of the crowd, cycling toward me. “How’s it going?”

  Realizing I was frowning, I broke into a smile.

  “Jane wants to show me this famous hole in the wall cafe. You up for it?”

  This was obviously going to be far more entertaining for him, and would provide Jane with another opportunity to question my food choices.

  “All this fresh air has dulled my appetite,” I said. “You go ahead and I’ll meet you back at the pier.”

  He looked disappointed. “You sure?”

  “Have fun.” I cycled off down the pathway, feeling Dave’s stare on my back.

  Once out of his line of sight, I climbed off my bicycle and found a spot on the sand to sit. Inside my back pack I found Teddy’s small bowl and poured water into it, nudging him toward it. He lapped away, pausing briefly to watch several teenagers roller-blade by.

  Rummaging inside my backpack again, I found
my paperback and opened it to the bookmarked page. Within seconds I was transported into a romantic world. One where the terrible vixen got her comeuppance and the pretty brunette protagonist was sure to get her man. Enjoying the soothing sound of crashing waves, my shoulders relaxed and my mood lifted. I promised to do this again soon.

  Teddy vied for my attention, nudging my book down onto my lap, making room for him to sit. I petted him, breathing in his reassuringly familiar Teddy smell, enjoying this precious time with the one true friend who really got me.

  An hour went by.

  We headed back toward the pier’s parking lot and I soon found my car amongst the hundreds of others. I saw Jane first, her bicycle turning the corner and threatening to take out some unsuspecting pedestrian and ruin their day. Dave was right behind her, his speed a little more considerate.

  “What happened to you?” Jane asked with forced astonishment.

  “I read some of my book,” I said. “How was the food?”

  “You really missed out,” she said. “Best sushi in L.A.”

  “I won’t take a no, next time.” Dave said. “You were missed.”

  Jane gave a reluctant nod. “Oh my goodness! That guy looks exactly like Jamie Hale?” She blushed with excitement.

  It was indeed Jamie Hale, seemingly trying to hide under a baseball cap pulled low and Ray Bans. Clearly it wasn’t working. He rode an expensive looking bicycle and was joined by two other men all about the same age. The trio looked like they just cycled out of a GQ magazine.

  I remembered my last run in with him when he’d dived off the stage roof. Our confusing verbal sparring and his mischievous teasing still haunted me. Using my raised trunk door to hide behind I lifted my bicycle and eased it into the back of the car, taking my time to secure it.

  “Piper?” A familiar Australian accent called out.

  Slowly, I turned to see Jamie waving at me.

  “I thought that was you,” he said, leaving his two friends to chat.

  Though tempted to climb into the trunk and shut the door, I resisted.

  Jamie climbed off his bicycle and kicked out the stand. “Is that your dog?” He knelt to pat Teddy. “You never told me you had a dog.”

  From Jane’s expression, I wasn’t the only one finding this moment surreal. What was it with all these designer shades? I was starting to feel less than adequate with my Target sunglasses.