Piper Day's Ultimate Guide To Avoiding George Clooney

by Vanessa Fewings

  Jamie stood again and threw a smile at Dave and Jane. “Piper and I work together at Gemstone.” He turned back to face me as though waiting for an introduction. “Perfect day for Santa Monica.”

  “This is Dave.” I gestured to placate him. “And his friend Jane.”

  Jane flirted with her large eyes, her pout so pouty a suckerfish came to mind. She flicked a lock of golden hair over a shoulder dramatically.

  “I’m Jamie,” he said, catching Jane’s flirting and seemingly used to it from the way he failed to react.

  “I love all your films,” Jane said, sounding a little too breathy and batting her eyelids at him.

  “Surely not all of them,” he said. “There’s been some real doozys.”

  I closed the trunk and picked up Teddy.

  “Want to come for a ride with us, Piper?” Jamie asked.

  “She couldn’t keep up with us.” Jane let out a laugh, tilting her head coquettishly. “Have you seen her bike?”

  Jamie glanced through the window at it.

  “I have to... meet Ellie,” I fibbed.

  “Jamie, we’d love to join you,” Jane said.

  Jamie ignored her. “Piper, I wished I’d known you were here. We could have had lunch.”

  Jane was visibly shaken and Dave looked star struck.

  I offered my best, oh well expression, still surprised he remembered my name.

  “Are you doing anything Sunday evening?” Jamie asked.

  I twisted my mouth, trying to come up with my best excuse. Washing my hair. Washing my clothes. Washing Teddy. Jamie’s penchant for torturing me was beginning to take a toll on my nerves. Teddy shifted in my arms. He’d picked up on my tension.

  Jamie twisted his mouth, amused. “I’ve got two tickets to the Oscars.”

  “You need her to babysit?” Jane asked.

  Jamie peered over his sunglasses. “I don’t have children.” His frown softened. “Wanna join me, Piper?”

  Jane’s hysterical laughter caused us all to stare at her.

  “How fun is that,” Jane said, trying to save her embarrassment.

  Jamie’s eyes twinkled with excitement.

  I squinted my skepticism, remembering his mischievousness atop Stage 9, not trusting the moment and certainly not trusting him. Brianna came to mind, and I knew they’d make an intriguing couple, and was just about to suggest it--

  “This Sunday,” Jane said. “Hardly giving the girl the chance to find a dress. Or lose ten pounds.” She peered over her shades. “Or more.”

  Jamie’s intense brown stare was locked on me, awaiting an answer.

  Jane waved her hand through the air. “Seriously, Piper, you look like you’ve been invited to view a body at the morgue.”

  “I’d love to go,” I burst out, wondering what kind of entity had just hijacked my mouth and was currently speaking through it.

  Jamie beamed a smile and leaped back onto his bicycle. “I’ll pick you up.” He cycled off, waving as he went. “We’ll walk the red carpet together.”

  “What? Wait.” I heard my voice faintly reply.

  Jamie rejoined his two GQ- look-a-likes and together they steered through the crowd.

  Dave said something, but I had no idea what it was.

  “Piper, I’d lend you one of my dresses but it would never fit you.” Jane scoffed.

  “How do you know him?” Dave asked.

  “Long story. I can’t go.”

  “Why ever not?” Dave asked. “It’ll be a blast.”

  “She knows she’ll look out of place.” Jane made it sound sympathetic, but her eyes burned with jealousy.

  “Well thank you so much,” I said, addressing the comment to Dave. “This has been awesome.”

  “I feel like I let you down,” Dave said, “We hardly saw you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve had fun.” I wanted to throw in it reminded me of that time I got lost in the Saw maze at Universal City’s Halloween Horror Nights and ended up taking twice as long to get through it.

  Still, this day hadn’t been all bad. My attention shifted in the direction of where Jamie headed off.

  Apparently, having just been invited to the Oscars by one of Hollywood’s leading men had raised my credibility. Not that it really made any difference. From the way Dave had drooled over Jamie, Ellie’s suspicions were right.

  Jane, however, hadn’t noticed Dave’s crush on Jamie. She’d seemed too fazed that anyone as amazing as Jamie Hale would consider asking me out, let alone offer an invite to Hollywood’s most prestigious event.

  “Thanks again.” I gestured goodbye and opened the passenger door, lowering Teddy onto the front passenger seat and securing him in.

  Dave and Jane were still standing close-by, perhaps still stunned by their run in with Jamie and his superstar smile.

  Seeing Jamie had actually made up for what might have been remembered as a trying day, though I had to admit I’d really enjoyed being near the ocean again.

  As I watched Jamie riding off into the distance, sandwiched between his GQ buddies, I allowed myself to imagine just for a moment that a girl like me would get to go the Oscars.

  CHAPTER 11

  Resident Hero - Day 55 OF 60

  Call Time: 07:00 am

  Shooting Call: 07:45 am

  Weather: Sunny

  Location: Stage 9

  I lingered on the edge of New York Street’s snow covered sidewalk, admiring what would pass for an east coast winter day. Each and every leaf of the bay trees lining the road were sprinkled in puffs of white, and for the final touch piles of grey slush had been swept away from the bottom steps of each brownstone. All that was missing were bundled up pedestrians with their hats pulled low, their hands swaddled in gloves, and the scene would be perfect.

  Even the air felt chilly.

  Half an hour ago, being the first to arrive and open up, I’d sifted through the call sheets and noticed Unwrapping Santa’s Surprise was going to be filming on the back lot. Scrutinizing the fine print further, I was thrilled to learn set dressers had already prepped 5th Avenue for a winter scene. There was no way I could miss taking a peek.

  My feet crunched through the fake snow and I was tempted to make a snowball, though on closer inspection I found the tiny flakes would merely slip through my fingers. Nostalgia settled in my bones and for the first time I could remember I missed Madison, missed the changing seasons, the trees in the fall. I missed my family.

  A vibration zipped through my pocket. I reached in and drew out my cell.

  Ellie’s photo stared back on the screen. “Hey, sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I left an audition late last night.”

  “How’d it go?” I asked, happy to hear from her and excited to share my news.

  “Really well.”

  “Great,” I said, still amazed she was up this early.

  “Got your message. Something about the Oscars? Bet they pay well.”

  “I’ve been invited as a guest.”

  “Guest?”

  “Yes, what else would I go as?”

  “A nurse.”

  “Do they have nurses covering the Oscars?”

  “Maybe. Anyway, who invited you?”

  “Jamie Hale.”

  There was silence for a few seconds and then she asked, “Are you sure?”

  “What do you mean am I sure?”

  “Was it really Jamie Hale or just someone who looked like him?”

  “It was definitely him.”

  “Was he actually looking at you when he asked? Sure he wasn’t asking someone behind you?”

  My words stuck in my throat, which was lucky for Ellie.

  “Don’t get me wrong,” she continued, “you’re gorgeous Piper. He’s just surrounded by so many beautiful women. I’m talking A-list actresses.” She took a breath. “Anyway, you only met him briefly on the set of Resident Hero. I’m amazed he even remembers you.”

  I was just about to mention I’d also chatted with him
on the roof of Stage 9, but held back, remembering patient confidentiality and the lingering embarrassment of talking him out of a suicide that was really a stunt.

  “Jamie was in Santa Monica yesterday,” I explained. “We bumped into each other and chatted for a while.”

  “Weren’t you meant to be meeting Dave?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “Um...kind of horrible.” I knitted my eyebrows together, marveling at Ellie’s ability to lead the conversation away from my thrilling update.

  “Sorry,” she said. “Did Jane go?”

  “Oh yes,” I said, “hence the horrible.”

  “I didn’t think you’d enjoy it.”

  I almost choked. Ellie had been the one who persuaded me to go in the first place. “Still,” I told her, “it was great being at the beach. We should go more often.”

  “Love to,” said Ellie. “Where did you see Jamie?”

  “In the car park, right before I left.”

  “What did he say?”

  “We chatted.”

  “About what?”

  I avoided mentioning the weather and said, “It’s kind of a blur.”

  “How long for?”

  “Few minutes.”

  “He’s fricken hot,” she said, eventually cracking the truth wide open. “What did you say to convince him to take you?”

  Ouch.

  Ellie crushed the only joy I’d managed to coax from my low self-esteem.

  As though sensing this, she said, “This is incredible, Piper. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

  “I suppose.” I sat on the edge of the golf cart, taking in the snow-covered scene, thinking back to my evenings in Madison. I’d scrunched home in the snow from the ER on mornings like this, a bowl of oatmeal and my soft bed calling me.

  My usual evening routine had included eating a TV dinner while watching Entertainment Tonight. I’d especially enjoyed their annual Oscar coverage and never in a million years dreamed I’d be right there alongside Hollywood’s starlets, strolling down the red carpet and being critiqued by an ET fashionista.

  A shudder snaked up my spine. “Of course I’m not going.”

  The scent of cigarette smoke wafted my way and I looked around for the culprit.

  “What?” Ellie screeched. “Yes you are. We have to get you a dress.”

  “The whole thing terrifies me.”

  “If you can take care of someone with a decapitated head, you can do this.”

  “True,” I said, not actually remembering any decapitations, though I had faced some gnarly challenges in the ER and could surely handle a red rug.

  I’d even warmed to the idea of spending more time with Jamie, wondering how those soft kissable lips of his would feel against mine.

  Stop embarrassing yourself, came my inner critic.

  “Look, I have to practice my lines for an audition,” Ellie said, shaking me from my daydreaming. “Let’s discuss this later.”

  I tucked my phone back into my scrub jacket pocket.

  Eyes peeked out of the top of the fake tube station, quickly followed by the entire head of Brianna Travers. There came the crushing realization she’d overheard everything.

  She took a long, slow drag on her cigarette. “Didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” She twisted her mouth, blowing a plume of smoke. “Didn’t want to interrupt either.”

  I cringed inside. “It was kind of private.”

  She ran her fingertips over her mouth in a gesture of sealing her lips. “Jamie Hale’s kind of cute.”

  My head bobbed in a reluctant nod.

  “He’s a nice guy.” She blew a curl of smoke through her nostrils. “Met him at a party once up in the Hollywood Hills.”

  I searched for something to say that might lessen my awkwardness.

  “If anyone knows how horrible gossip is, I do.” She rested her hand on her chest. “Your secret’s safe.” Her lips curled into a smile. “With me anyway. Though if you do walk the red carpet you’ll end up with a big red arrow on you. Don’t be surprised if TMZ hounds you within an inch of your life.” Her arched eyebrows stood as a warning.

  “That happened to you?”

  “Kind of used to it now.” She shrugged. “Try to use it to my advantage. You know, if I’m releasing a new album or promoting a product like my perfume, like I did last month. It’s a dangerous game of cat and mouse though.”

  My mind raced over the consequences of going through with what had at first appeared an innocent date night, albeit to one of Hollywood’s most prestigious events.

  “What’s the worst that can happen?” Brianna took a long hard drag, lighting the end of her cigarette red and then raised her chin, blowing smoke dramatically.

  The wisp curled. I wrinkled my nose when it reached my nostrils.

  “I know what you’re going to say.” She waved the cigarette.”This’ll kill me.”

  “Statistical evidence does indicate that, yes.”

  “Good.”

  “It’s a long, slow death.”

  “It’ll take my mind of other stuff.”

  I held her gaze. “Other stuff?”

  “Dad’s in rehab again.” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m paying for it.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  “Kind of used to it.” She shrugged. “I thought they’d sent you to track me down.”

  “Just checking out the snow. Kind of reminds me of home.”

  “Back East?”

  “Madison, Wisconsin. You?”

  “Here.” Brianna threw down the cigarette and snuffed it with her stiletto. She nibbled on a fingernail, seemingly distracted. Her shirt sleeves were pulled over her fingers in a lost girl kind of way. “They pushed our shoot back by an hour. Apparently the pyrotechnics aren’t ready.” She closed the gap between us and sat in the passenger seat of the golf cart. “Can I hang with you awhile? The company will be real nice.”

  “Sure. Want to go for a ride?” I said, hoping to cheer her up. “The lot’s deserted.”

  “Won’t get you into trouble will I?”

  I showed her my radio. “If security needs me they call on this.”

  Her face lit up.

  “Hang on,” I told her.

  We took off with a jolt toward Chicago Street.

  “Haven’t really had a good look around yet,” Brianna said, raising her voice over the hum of the cart.”Even with sunglasses on I’m recognized. People stop me wanting an autograph.”

  “I bet they’re thrilled to see you.” I glanced her way.

  “Those signed photos usually end up on EBay.”

  I wanted to reassure her that her signature would be treasured, but the reality of what she was saying was probably true hit me.

  We turned the corner onto Streep Avenue.

  “How long have you been a nurse?” she asked.

  “Three years.”

  “I wanted to be a nurse when I was a kid, but after I showed a talent for singing my parents realized they could monetize my gift and that was that.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Seven.”

  I slowed the cart at the stop sign and proceeded on through the arched brass gate.

  “This place is huge,” Brianna said, her focus staying on the central blue tiled fountain as we zoomed passed it.

  “It’s a great place to work.”

  “Aren’t they filming Space Clash II here?” she asked, excited. “Did you see the first one? It was bad ass.”

  “Wanna see the set?”

  “No!” She twisted in her seat. “Seriously?”

  “Sure. Their start time’s 9 a.m. Shouldn’t be anyone there yet.” I turned the cart in the direction of Stage 21.

  We passed the fountain again and turned left under the wide ivy strewn archway.

  Brianna seemed lost in her thoughts and I was comfortable to let her stay wherever her imagination had taken her, hoping she’d enjoy her well-needed downtime.

  We quickly made it
to Stage 21.

  We entered through the double doorway and the temperature dropped. Air-conditioning was chilling the area in preparation for when the crew arrived. Even the lights were on full, brightening the entire area.

  My jaw dropped.

  There, in the center, was an enormous dome shaped spaceship, so real it had to have descended from the roof rather than been constructed by propmakers.

  Brianna and I swapped a smile.

  Phil, the officer assigned to guard the stage, rose to greet us. “Hey Piper.” He looked around. “Did you get a call?”

  I said with a smile, “No emergency. Checking out the stage in case we have one. That okay?”

  “Sure.” Phil stared at Brianna as he sat again. “Are you…?”

  “She get’s that all the time.” I winked.

  Brianna threw him a beaming smile.

  Phil sunk lower in his seat, not sure where to look.

  Brianna and I trekked on up a ramp and headed in, strolling down a well-lit silver paneled corridor. We turned a corner and found ourselves standing on the bridge of the spaceship, with a low domed ceiling and circular walls that wrapped around us. There, at the front of the room, was an arching chrome panel spanning at least twenty feet and strewn with numerous multicolored sci-fi gadgets.

  “Amazing.” Brianna sighed. “It looks so real.”

  “Love my job,” I said, thinking how nice it was to get out and experience this adventure.

  “Don’t you just love Hollywood?” She plopped down in the captain’s chair.

  “Incoming call, Captain,” I said, playfully.

  “Who is it, Lieutenant?” She feigned concern. “Is it those pesky time travelling Cardonions?”

  “I’m afraid so, Captain,” I told her.

  “Place us on red-alert,” Brianna instructed the invisible staff to our right.

  I pretended to listen to a device in my ear. “The language is definitely Cardonion.” I nodded. “Captain, they’re threatening to attack if we don’t surrender.”

  “We never surrender!” Brianna waved. “Prepare the laser beam…things.”

  “Laser beam thingies readied.”

  “On my command.” She pushed the red button on her left armrest. “Fire.”

  I moved with the ship. “Pew…pew…pew…”