Girls' Night Out_A Novel

by Liz Fenton

  Ashley stared out to the edges of the sea. So still, so calm, and she wished she could absorb its quiet energy. Had Lauren moved on emotionally? Had their separation over the past year created too many cracks in their foundation? And Natalie. Had they just tired of smoothing out the other’s rough edges? Were they too close to see that they didn’t fit anymore?

  “Maybe,” Ashley said, his words stinging. Even if they were broken, those friendships were a part of her identity. If she gave them up, would she still recognize herself?

  “Here’s a thought,” she started. “I could agree to sell the company and we could run off together—go live in some little corner of Mexico where no one could ever find us again,” she said, scooping up some water and flicking it at him. She bet Marco would never tell her she was a terrible mom. A bad friend.

  Marco stepped closer, his eyes bright. “Wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.”

  Ashley stepped back instinctively. She’d been joking, but the way Marco had latched on to the idea made her a bit vexed. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat—maybe the carne asada you were bragging about. I barely had two bites of egg whites before Natalie went off on me.”

  Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Jason. She frowned at his message. We need to talk.

  “You don’t look very happy,” Marco said, peering at the screen over her shoulder.

  Ashley pulled it away quickly, irked.

  “Oh! Got something to hide, do we—who is it?”

  “No one I feel like talking to,” she said quickly, throwing her phone in her purse.

  “You’re a terrible liar,” Marco said and poked her lightly, and she laughed despite her earlier irritation.

  “Not always,” Ashley said mysteriously and stuck her tongue out at him. She tried to ascertain the last time she’d been playful with Jason, but she couldn’t. There was something about Marco that both centered her and made her feel a little off-balance, her emotions flying up and down like a child on a seesaw.

  “You’re right, this is amazing,” Ashley said later as a piece of carne asada fell out of her mouth and hit the dirty sidewalk. “Sorry . . . it’s just so good. I barely even taste the cilantro!”

  “I told you—best carne asada in Tulum. Make that Mexico,” Marco said, taking a giant bite of his burrito. “And I’m very proud of you that you didn’t ask them to pull it out. That would have been embarrassing.”

  Ashley forked more meat into a corn tortilla, topped it with hot sauce, and took a bite. She finished chewing. “You were right. I thought we had good Mexican steak at home because we’re so close to the border. But this is like nothing I’ve ever tasted. It melts in your mouth.”

  “Stick with me; I’ll show you all the secrets of Mexico,” Marco said, taking his last bite and wiping his mouth with a napkin.

  Ashley set her taco down and took a swig of her Corona, thinking about her next words. “I’d love that, but I do need to be with my friends too. It’s why we’re here.”

  “I get it. Four’s a crowd?”

  “I think we’re nearing that territory, yes. Natalie is already irritated. She thinks something’s going on with us!” Ashley huffed.

  “Isn’t it?” Marco said, his eyes locked on hers.

  “Marco, I’m married,” Ashley said quietly as her stomach swirled, wondering if she was even allowed to use that as a defense after telling him how unhappy she was with Jason.

  “It doesn’t seem like a happy marriage.”

  “Can we change the subject? I’m so tired of thinking about Jason,” Ashley said and tried to ignore the pinch of anxiety in her gut. Like she had said too much, taken too much of a stand. “Know a good place to get some flan? I’ve been craving it since I got here.”

  “You’re avoiding.” Marco smiled.

  “Hey, it’s what I do. I avoid talking about anything heavy. I always have. I asked Nat and Lauren to come here, and then I’ve been too chickenshit to actually talk to them about our issues.”

  “You mean what happened at the funeral?” Marco asked, referencing what Ashley had told him when they’d taken a walk alone on the beach yesterday.

  “Yes. The first day we were here, Lauren just seemed so standoffish.”

  “Not what you expected?”

  Ashley played with the beaded bracelet on her wrist. “This may sound stupid, but I wanted it to be easy. We’ve been friends for so long, you know?” She swallowed to push back the tears that she felt rising up. “I’d hoped that inviting her here was enough of an olive branch.”

  “You figured because she accepted the invitation, she was ready to move forward,” Marco said, grazing his hand across her arm.

  “Exactly!” Ashley exclaimed. “I hadn’t thought about it that way, but you’re right.” Marco had lasered in on what had really been bothering her: how Lauren’s cold demeanor had felt like a punch to the gut and had essentially capsized the dynamic of their trip. And even when they had drinks on the beach and they’d had fun, was it only because they hadn’t talked about anything significant? She worried that once they tried, it would be a disaster. Especially after the fight she’d just had with Natalie. She was quickly starting to lose hope, to fear that she might leave here feeling worse than she did when she’d arrived.

  “You can only do so much. At some point, Lauren has to forgive you, or maybe you should move on,” Marco said thoughtfully. “If she’s truly your friend, she should understand you didn’t mean to hurt her. And Natalie, she needs to look past herself. To give you some grace. Don’t you deserve that?”

  Ashley pondered his words. Their issues weren’t as simple as Marco had framed them. She was still desperate to find the right words to make Lauren understand she’d never meant to hurt her—to make Natalie see why she hadn’t confided in her. “That’s a very Zen approach,” she said, careful to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, knowing he was only trying to help. That he cared.

  “Being here makes it easy to be that way. This life.” He spread his arms out. “This land has so much spirituality. We aren’t far from where the Maya started it all—Chichén Itzá.”

  “Chichén Itzá?”

  “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the Mayan ruins?”

  “I haven’t.” Ashley felt dumb, bracing herself for Marco to call her on it. She looked at him, realizing that, of course, he wasn’t going to do that. That was Jason’s territory, and it wasn’t normal.

  “They’re about two hours from here, and many consider them to be the eighth wonder of the world.” He leaned in. “It’s a spiritual beacon.”

  “That sounds amazing. I’ve heard you mention the Maya. How do you know so much about their history?”

  “I’ve been to Chichén Itzá multiple times, and I’ve read every book on the Maya that I could get my hands on. Ashley, you must go there,” he said, his voice quickening with excitement. “I’ll take you.”

  Ashley took another sip of her beer. “Thank you, but I think maybe my friends and I should go—just the three of us,” she pushed back. “It sounds like the perfect place for me to talk to Lauren. To get back on track with Natalie. After all, that’s why we’re here.”

  “You’re right—that would be a wonderful place to resolve your conflicts. To strip away everything and remind yourselves why you all became friends in the first place. It doesn’t sound like the chakra thing is happening.” He smirked. “I should stay back anyway—I have a bunch of bookkeeping to get done at work. And if you want, I can set you up with a private tour. To climb El Castillo.”

  “That would be great,” Ashley said, relieved that he wasn’t upset. She had thought he had been a little bit pushy but now realized it was just his passion for Chichén Itzá.

  “You don’t understand. People aren’t allowed to climb it anymore. This tour, it would be after hours. But in my opinion, it’s the only true way to feel the power of the Maya.”

  “Like we’d be the only people there? Is that legal?”

  Marco smiled.
“Not really. But trust me, it’s worth the risk to be able to climb that pyramid.”

  Ashley pondered his suggestion. It didn’t worry her to skirt the rules a little, but she knew it would be hard to convince Natalie. She wouldn’t even park in a red zone to drop off her kids at dance class. “You really think it would help?”

  “I do. It is sacred up there. I try to go often, just to center myself. Maybe you’ll find the balance you’re seeking too.”

  Ashley clapped her hands. “Okay, we are totally doing that. I’m in!” She looked at Marco. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” Marco asked.

  “For everything,” Ashley said.

  Marco grabbed her arm and pulled her in close. “Ashley,” he whispered. “Do you feel what’s going on here?”

  Ashley’s heart jumped. Because she did. But was it really something? Or was she just so unhappy with Jason that it made Marco seem more appealing than he really was, simply because he was the polar opposite? “I do. But I need to be careful.”

  “With what?” His mouth was so close to hers. It would be so easy for her to lean in and touch her lips to his.

  “With my heart. And with yours,” Ashley said, pulling back slightly. Her mind was so crowded right now—puzzled by Lauren, frustrated by Natalie, furious with Jason. Adding Marco into that mix, as tempting as it sounded, would make things more complicated. And she had all the complications she could handle at the moment. “We should go.”

  Marco looked down at his hands. Ashley pushed her chair back and stood. “Come on,” she said, holding out her hand to him. “This isn’t a no. It’s a not right now. Okay? I need to think.”

  “Just don’t wait too long,” he said, taking her hand in his as they walked out to the dirt parking lot where his dusty car sat.

  She followed him, wondering whether he might hold the answers she was seeking.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  TWO DAYS BEFORE

  NATALIE

  “I can’t believe she left with him.” Natalie watched Marco and Ashley walk down the beach until their figures disappeared into the horizon.

  “She just needs to cool off,” Lauren said. “She’s obviously going through something.”

  Natalie sighed. She wished she could snap her fingers and have the Revlon offer figured out, wipe the funeral argument from their minds. She knew all of this weighed heavily on Ashley. But why was she turning to Marco instead of them? It made Natalie wonder whether there was more going on that she wasn’t telling them.

  “Why didn’t you go with them?” Nat asked.

  Lauren hesitated briefly. “I didn’t want to leave you by yourself.”

  “Really?” Natalie smiled.

  “Don’t look so surprised—you’re my friend too. Always have been.”

  “I know,” Natalie said sheepishly. “It’s just—”

  “You think my loyalty is to Ash.”

  “Isn’t it?” Natalie asked as she pulled up the currency exchange app on her phone and made sure Marco had left enough money. She had to admit that when Lauren told her he’d paid, she’d been surprised. A part of her had speculated that he might be clinging to Ashley because of her celebrity, her money.

  “It’s complicated,” Lauren said, then paused briefly. “Especially after Geoff’s death. I can’t believe it’s gone on for this long. That we were both so stubborn.”

  “I’m sorry that it has. That we all were stubborn,” Natalie said, thinking back to the funeral, how Ashley was in a fit of tears as they drove back to Natalie’s house. Natalie had been shaking as she held the steering wheel, playing back the argument in the coat closet, trying to reason how Lauren could believe Ashley was responsible for Geoff’s death. She knew it had to be the grief talking, but she had been so venomous. It was hard for Natalie to reconcile that behavior with the Lauren she’d always known. She and Ashley had sat on Natalie’s back patio that night, drinking wine until Ashley’s eyelids started to droop—Natalie tucking her in to the guest bed so she could sleep it off. What had struck Natalie was that Ashley hadn’t been angry with Lauren at all.

  “Maybe if I’d just kept my mouth shut, Geoff would still be here,” Ashley had said, her words garbled. “I think she might be right. That it’s my fault.”

  Natalie had shaken her head hard. “No. That’s crazy. It is not your fault!”

  “I’m going to call her and apologize,” Ashley had said, as if she hadn’t heard Natalie.

  “That’s the chardonnay talking!” Natalie had argued. For some reason she felt adamant that Ashley not give in. She’d even talked her out of it again the next morning, once she’d sobered up.

  At the time she’d chalked it up to indignation, because rationally there was no way Ashley was responsible. But maybe Natalie had just wanted to have Ashley to herself. It was a dark thought that hibernated within her, revealing itself only when she lay between slumber and wakefulness.

  “You know,” Lauren began, “I thought for a long time that I didn’t need you guys. I told myself I was okay. But being here”—she waved her hand toward the beach—“has made me realize that I do.”

  “It hasn’t exactly been pretty,” Natalie said, thinking about her words to Ashley down on the beach. The way her face had fallen when she accused her of being selfish.

  Lauren motioned for more coffee and waited patiently as the server poured the dark liquid into their ceramic mugs before commenting. “Has it ever been, though? There was that fight you and Ash got in at Jake’s wedding. What the hell were you even arguing about anyway?”

  Natalie cringed at the memory. “We were drunk,” she said. “One of the many reasons I’m not a big drinker. All I remember was being angry at her after she said something about me dating him—right in front of his mom. Such poor taste. I wanted to pull all that beautiful chestnut hair out of her head!”

  Lauren chuckled. “Thank God I was there to intervene.”

  Natalie swirled a spoon in her coffee until the creamer blended in. She could already feel her earlier anger at Ashley dissipating. “Isn’t it weird? How you can be so mad, and then it can all fade away? Like it never happened?”

  “If you’re lucky, that’s how it goes. The situation with Geoff wasn’t quite the same.”

  “Oh no, I wasn’t comparing—” Natalie backtracked.

  “It’s okay,” Lauren interrupted. “I know you weren’t. I think my point is that the worst thing we can do is romanticize what we all had. We had conflict before, like people do. And we have it now. The question is, Do we want to be the kind of people who get over it?”

  “That’s a tough question,” Natalie said a few moments later.

  “You bet your ass it is,” Lauren said.

  Natalie wished she could see her eyes behind her dark sunglasses.

  “Do you still romanticize your relationship with Geoff?” Natalie asked, and held her breath slightly. Sometimes Natalie felt like she did that with Ashley. That she clung so hard to their long history that she had lost the ability to be objective about their current relationship.

  Lauren waited a beat before answering. “Of course. I mean, I haven’t forgotten the abuse.” She turned and faced Natalie. “You can’t. But he was so much more than that, you know? Like the way he tiptoed around in the early morning when he left for work. He’d come in and kiss me lightly before leaving, whispering that he loved me.” Lauren wiped a tear that slid out from under her sunglasses. “And for some reason that’s the thing I miss about him most. Those mornings. I’d give almost anything to have one more.”

  Natalie reached over and grabbed her hand, and to her surprise Lauren squeezed it tight, forming a bridge between their chairs. “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “So am I,” Lauren said softly, and they sat there like that, holding hands in silence, until Natalie’s phone began to vibrate.

  “Thank you for talking to me about this, for trusting me,” Natalie said. They’d never discussed Geoff before, not like this. Natalie felt hopefu
l that they’d broken through the emotional barrier that had been between them since his funeral. She glanced at the screen. “It’s the kids,” she said, “but I can call them back later.”

  “No, take it,” Lauren insisted. “I’m okay.”

  Natalie stared at the phone ringing.

  “Really!” Lauren reiterated. “Go talk to your family.”

  Natalie nodded and grabbed her phone off the table, walking away to answer it.

  “Hi, honey!” Natalie said, grinning at the image of Meg, her hair tied into two French braids, a white satin headband in her hair. She would be turning eleven in a few months, and Natalie could sense that time was beginning to speed up. Soon she’d ditch the little-girl hair accessories and want to shop for bralettes. The milestone moments she’d be posting on Facebook flashed through her mind. Meg’s first day of middle school, of high school, getting her driver’s license, homecoming dances, her college acceptance letter, senior prom, high school graduation. Then, just like that, she’d be gone. Time Natalie could never get back.

  “Hey, Mom,” she said, and Natalie could see she was sitting in her bedroom, on her blue and white striped comforter. “Are you having fun?”

  “I am, but I miss you guys! What are you up to today?”

  Natalie listened as Meg detailed every single thing she’d done since waking up. How Lucy had barged in at 6:32 a.m. and woken her up. How Ben had made French toast, the kind with the bananas that she loved. Then Lucy popped in, her red hair twisted into two messy braids—an obvious attempt at copying her sister—arguing that it had actually been 6:35 a.m. Natalie smiled as they sparred with each other about the time, Lucy finally relenting and running off to grab a picture she’d drawn, to show Natalie. Meg was just starting to tell her about a new book she was reading when Natalie saw Ben come into the frame.

  “Hi!” he said, easing the phone away from Meg.

  “Hey,” Natalie said. She could see he hadn’t shaved since she’d left, the gray and brown stubble fighting for space on his chin, his nutmeg eyes looking tired.