Persephone’s Curse

by Sandra Bats

  “Stop it,” he murmured, his lips moving against my hair and his fingers lazily caressing my back.

  “What?”

  “Oh, come on. I can basically hear you wondering whether I expect you to do anything in return. Which I don’t, so you might as well stop worrying about it.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, shaking the tumultuous thoughts. When I looked at him again he gave me his lopsided grin and kissed my cheek.

  “So? You feeling better now?” he asked.

  I blushed and hid my face in the crook of his neck, making him chuckle, his chest vibrating against mine.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  ◆◆◆

  That afternoon we went into town to trade for plants and seeds. Walking around with Jayden’s arm draped protectively around my waist was exhilarating and I had to keep from bouncing on my feet. Repeatedly, I caught him staring at me while I talked with merchants and farmers. He seemed far happier than ever before, constantly pressing little kisses to my hair or tugging me close for a brief hug.

  I threw him a smile as we sauntered to the next market stand. I scanned the products that were in the open. Mainly homemade foods like bread and jams. Clothes and other hand-made products too. I remembered how Mom had sometimes taken us to markets like that to buy clothing for Maddy and me. That day, I wasn’t interested in the products lying around in the open.

  I stopped at a stand selling vegetables and scanned the produce. Jayden paused next to me, his hand resting on the small of my back for a few seconds. He scouted the area, checking for military patrols. We couldn’t risk getting caught trading for unsanctioned products. Jayden’s hand on my back was an indication for me to wait. When he pulled it back, I addressed the guy behind the stand.

  He was almost bald, a bit taller than me and probably in his fifties but appeared much older. His clothes were torn and tattered at the sleeves.

  “Produce looks good. You growing it yourself?” I asked.

  He eyeballed me, then looked over at Jayden and ducked his head a little. Well, yeah, my boyfriend could seem a bit intimidating when he was giving you the stink eye.

  “Yeah. Grew it in my own little greenhouse. Not much though, winter was harsh.”

  I agreed. “You sowing this spring?”

  “Already did as soon as the ground stayed without frost for a few nights,” he eased up a bit.

  “Nice. Think you’d have some leftover seeds you’d like to sell?” I asked.

  “You know if I did, that would be illegal. All unused seeds need to be returned to the government.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him, because everybody knew. The man frowned, then looked around to make sure no MP’s were close by. “Depends what you pay,” he said eventually.

  “Depends on what you sell,” I countered, throwing in a wink so he’d feel more at ease.

  He held up a finger, then rummaged through a box behind him. “What kind of seeds you lookin’ for?”

  I glanced down at my fingernails, trying not to sound too excited. “I dunno. Peas, amaranth, quinoa. Quick-growing stuff. You got any?”

  “I might have a bit of quinoa and beans. And some beets and carrots. Pay or trade?”

  I glanced at his clothes again. “You look like you need money more than weapons or meds,” I said.

  “Who doesn’t?”

  “Well, I have some. Just name a price and we can see about it.”

  “How much you have?” bald dude asked.

  If I told him, he’d raise the price and I wasn’t willing to pay more than the seeds were worth. “You name your price first.”

  He huffed and made a show of measuring seeds into small linen bags. He put them in front of me, still pursing his lips. “Ok. Quinoa, beans, beets and carrots together. I’d say five-thousand Nation Dollars per bag.”

  I laughed. Seed prices were over-inflated, but his price was sky-high even by those standards. “You’re kidding, right? Two-thousand each seems adequate.”

  “That’s why I shouldn’t be making deals with little girls,” the bald guy said.

  I’d been called much worse, so that wasn’t going to get a rise out of me. “I know you need money. That shirt … looks like it’s the last you have. And you’ve got a few weeks till your new crops bring in any money, so you’re definitely not in a position to be calling the shots.”

  His face fell. “Four-thousand a bag.”

  “Three-thousand,” I said, “my last offer.”

  “I’m not going below three-thousand-five-hundred,” he responded.

  I covertly glanced at Jayden, then shrugged and turned to walk away, knowing Jayden would fall into step besides me.

  “You think it’s gonna work?” Jayden asked under his breath.

  “Just wait for it.” I counted to ten in my head when bald guy called me back.

  “I’ll take your offer,” he muttered as I walked over to him.

  I threw Jayden a look and he pulled nine-thousand Nation Dollars from the backpack, then stuffed the three linen bags inside.

  “It was a pleasure.” I grinned. The guy gave Jayden a pointed look.

  “Careful with that one. She’s vicious.”

  Jayden chuckled and replied that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

  In the hours that followed, we bargained a little more, managed to get some pea and radish seeds and even a small rosemary bush. I was chatting with a girl who wanted to sell us another chicken when Jayden gently tapped my shoulder and muttered that he’d be right back. From the corner of my eye, I saw him approach a guy in his late twenties.

  He was dressed too well for a black-market seller. He looked more like a rebel. I made a deal with the girl, and paid for the chicken with some of the meds we had. When Jayden was done, he found me by the side of the streets.

  “He didn’t have much news on Rowan, either. Just that he’s out for my head after I tried killing him. — Well, this chicken looks better than the last one you got us,” he admitted, grinning and reaching for the cage.

  ◆◆◆

  The next few weeks I spent kneeling in the atrium with Kathy and Nigel as we planted the seeds. Jonah lugged around heavy stones as dividers for the separate areas. It was dirty work, but I liked the feel of kneeling on the ground, hands covered in wet soil, planting something that would grow. That I had the power to make something with my own hands.

  It was during one of those mornings that Kathy approached me. “Can I ask you something? You know, about relationships?”

  For a moment I thought she was joking. “Why would you want to ask me for advice on this?”

  “Come on, you and Jayden are so happy,” she pointed out. “I kinda like Josh. And I know this is crazy because it’s not like he’s the first guy I’ve ever been interested in or anything, but I always lose all my courage when I talk to him. I’m always worried he won’t see me for me. Just the girl dishing out food or something like that.”

  As I tried to explain, it seemed like I was giving myself advice.

  “Stop worrying about the what-ifs. If you really like him and he’s a good guy, it’ll be all right. You just need to take the leap. I know it’s scary. But wouldn’t it be scarier to wonder what you’ve missed out on?”

  ◆◆◆

  My own advice hadn’t left my head all day and I later found myself in the library. I wasn’t there for casual reading, I was looking for a specific book — I found it in the school book aisle.

  I pulled the dusty, old biology books out and plonked myself on the floor, leaning against the shelf. I searched the table of contents for the chapter on reproduction.

  When I’d spoken with Kathy earlier, I realized the thought of sleeping with Jayden no longer scared me like it used to. Equivalently, it had been a long time since I’d been insecure about the seriousness of our relationship. There was still the overall threat of pregnancy, which terrified me and was the main reason I was in the library. I hoped that once I knew more, I’d trust in the reliabilit
y of protection.

  I read for a while and absorbed everything I could. I heard the door open and slammed the book closed, looking up to Jayden staring at me from the corner of the room.

  “Whatcha reading?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” I quickly angled my body to hide the book titles. But my reaction was too fast, too anxious.

  I should’ve said I was reading about farming or maybe chickens.

  He snatched the book from my hands and flipped it open to where I’d put the bookmark. He scanned the page and his cheeks colored faintly. “Ok. That’s some light reading.”

  I grabbed the book from him and shoved it back onto the shelf. “Oh, stop it. I only wondered about a few things,” I explained.

  He held his hands up. “I’m not judging. Some people read novels for fun, you read biology books.” A grin crept across his face. “I do have to warn you, though. Some of those pictures aren’t completely accurate in terms of size …”

  I threw him a mock serious look. “Yeah, I know. Judging by what I’ve been feeling, you know, I already guessed they seemed to enlarge the pictures for the book.”

  Jayden chuckled and dropped his chin to his chest in an amused gesture. “I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

  I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to my feet. I got up on my toes to kiss him when my laughter subsided to the occasional giggle. He pulled me close, and the gentle kiss quickly turned into something more, something where close simply wasn’t close enough and Jayden lifted me off the floor.

  He sat me on the counter in the back of the room and I barely noticed my hands slipping into the waistband of his jeans. He pulled back breathlessly.

  “You’re driving me crazy. We should stop.”

  I pulled him close and my voice was so low it was barely audible, but I made sure it wasn’t shaking. “I don’t want to stop anymore.”

  Jayden made a sound somewhere between relief and shock and his eye flew to mine, searching for honesty before his lips pressed to mine with passion that he’d held back before. My fingers were shaking when I tugged his shirt out of his jeans. Jayden grabbed my wrists and held them.

  “Stop,” he rasped.

  “I was serious when I said I don’t want to stop,” I responded, taken a little aback.

  He smiled widely. “I know. And you can’t believe what that does to me, but this isn’t going to happen. I mean, not here. Not on the library counter when anybody could walk in anytime. It should be in our bed, with a locked door, clean sheets and candles. And with all the time that we need.”

  “Candles?” I asked.

  “Lots of candles. It’ll be worth the wait,” he murmured, his mouth nibbling on my earlobe. I wrapped my arms back around him, hugging him close.

  “I should go now,” he finally whispered.

  “Where?” It felt dangerous to let him go, like I could lose my courage the moment he was out of sight.

  “I gotta find candles and get them to our room without anyone noticing.”

  I laughed at that for a second, but then he turned and walked towards the door, leaving me behind.

  ◆◆◆

  I thrummed my fingers against the back of the book in my lap. I was still in the library. I’d considered relaxing in our room first, but in there it was always so quiet I could hear my own thoughts. The atrium would’ve been too exposed and I was worried anyone could take one look at me and know what was going on in my mind. So there I was, trying not to think about anything but the book on companion planting. It wasn’t working.

  I nervously stared at the pages, not even seeing the words when I heard Jayden clear his throat behind me. He was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest, looking sexy in a boyish way and grinning widely.

  “What?” I asked.

  He kicked the door shut, and sat down on the edge of the desk in front of me, propping his feet up against my chair. “You’re overthinking,” he simply stated.

  I denied it and averted my eyes so he couldn’t see the lie in them.

  “Your fingers are holding onto the pages of that book so tight you’re crumpling the paper.”

  I grimaced. “It’s nothing really.” Awkward silence. “I’m just a little nervous.”

  “If you’ve changed your mind, that’s fine. I’d understand,” he responded but I held my index finger up to interrupt.

  “No, no. I want to. I really do. I just … nerves, I guess.”

  Jayden reached out and softly took hold of my hand, then pulled me a little closer. This time, he didn’t hug me, but placed my hand against his chest, where I could feel his heart beating a hundred miles a minute. His breath moved my hair when he bent close to confess. “I haven’t been this nervous in a while.”

  I giggled. “I’m sure you have no reason to be nervous.”

  “I am,” Jayden responded, his lips ghosting over mine. “I’m madly in love with you. Come with me, will you?”

  I followed him down the hall to our room.

  “Close your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  He groaned. “Just trust me.”.

  I lumbered inside with my eyes closed. I listened to the agitated patter his feet made while he was obviously moving around the room. After a few moments he asked me to open my eyes. I looked up and blinked for a moment. He was serious about the candles; there were a few lined up on the dresser by the couch, on the nightstands as well. Dimly highlighted by the flickering gleam, there he was, making my heart race even faster.

  “Wow,” I said, “You didn’t have to.”

  “Sure I did,” Jayden murmured, pulling me into his arms. “I wanted to make you feel special. Because you are, Elin.”

  I sighed contentedly, breathed in his scent as his mouth kissed a slow path down my jawline.

  “I love you. We’ll take this slow and whenever you tell me to, I’ll stop, ok?”

  I wasn’t scared that Jayden would pressure me into anything, but there was more to this that scared me and he seemed to read it in my posture.

  “What are you worrying about?”

  I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, as if that would make it easier, somehow.

  “What if you don’t like it?” I stammered. He looked confused for a moment, so I elaborated. “Well you’ve been with girls and … what if I’m not good at this?”

  “Elin,” Jayden muttered, lying down beside me, his hand rubbing slow circles on my back. “I love you. I’ve never felt this way for anyone. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you could do that would make me regret this. Just stop thinking.”

  “What if I can’t?”

  A mischievous smile spread across his face. “Well, then it’s my job to make you stop thinking,” Jayden murmured, a split second before his lips brushed mine.

  Our kiss was gentle at first, it slowly turned into something that made the tension melt from my muscles. His hands skimmed my body, the thin fabric of my shirt rustled as his fingers slipped beneath. His skin was soft against mine while he gently peeled off my top. Reflex kicked in when he stared at me and I instinctively moved to cover my scars.

  “Don’t,” Jayden whispered reverently and nudged my hands away. “You’re beautiful. No need to hide.”

  He unclasped my bra and let his gaze wander over my body before he bent down and trailed kisses over my skin. I squeaked in surprise when his tongue flicked against a ticklish spot on my stomach while he gently slid his hands down over my waist, unbuttoned my pants and tugged them towards my ankles. I got ahold of his shirt and dragged it up over his head.

  His fingers traced small circles on the inside of my thighs and I lifted my hips in anticipation. My fingers trembled when I reached for his belt buckle and fumbled around helplessly. Jayden rested his hands on mine, squeezed gently and then opened the belt himself. He went and shed his jeans altogether. There was a lot of skin on display. I was surprisingly curious and unabashedly looked at him.

  Lighting candles had been ingenious �
�� their gentle golden glow made the process much easier for me than it would’ve been in harsh daylight. I let my eyes wander over Jayden kissing his way back up to my head, in the end seizing my mouth with his.

  His fingers were coarse, but his touch was soft, and I longed for him like I never had before. I sucked in air, which turned into a low moan at the feelings he stirred deep inside me. His lips left mine, they brushed along my jawline and then pressed a light kiss to the spot beneath my earlobe.

  He smelled incredibly good. Somehow masculine and strong and I let myself indulge in his scent. I couldn’t keep my hands from roaming the soft skin of his back or my nails from scratching lightly. I curiously let my hands slide down over his lower back, over his slender hips and then around to the front. A husky groan vibrated through his chest and, encouraged, I did it again, delighted when he hissed my name.

  “That feel good?” I was half teasing, half serious and his breathy, positive sound made me do it again. We teased each other until I felt as if waiting any longer would break me, so I almost begged him. His eyes were fixed on mine while he braced himself on his elbows.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, and I nodded breathlessly. “Really?”

  His thumb brushed over my cheek and I murmured that yes, I was sure. He exhaled once and then stretched for the nightstand, reaching for a condom. I watched him curiously but averted my eyes when he looked back. Even in the dim, golden candlelight I could make out that the tips of his cheekbones were tinted pink in a tiny blush. Knowing he was also nervous really did make me feel much better.

  “I’ll be gentle.” He smiled softly at me.

  “I know,” I mumbled when he bent down to kiss me. He paused for a second and then he gently pulled me closer.

  I experienced some pain — it was sharp and stinging, but bearable. Even so, I couldn’t keep from drawing a sharp breath as I felt myself get used to the sensation.

  I’d kept my eyes closed ever since our last kiss, but when I opened them again I found him still looking at me. His eyes wordlessly asked whether I was ok. I swallowed, for a moment I felt far too overwhelmed with emotions that were simply too big and then I carefully nodded, smiling at him. His mouth brushed over mine again. He moved against me, skin brushing against skin and it began to feel a lot better as the pain eased away. I started moving with him rhythmically — suddenly I understood it. I understood why people had sex. I understood that it was so much more about emotions than I’d ever thought. Never before had I felt this sense of completion, that deliverance of being so intimately close to one another.