Persephone’s Curse

by Sandra Bats

  “You know, I could ask you the same damn thing. What was the bar fight about? Was it about a girl? Did you sneak off because you miss whoring around to numb yourself? Did her boyfriend give you a black eye?”

  “You know I’d never do that. I’ve been nothing but honest and open with you when you made me fight for even the smallest things from you. You wanna know what I did in town? I got wasted and gambled to forget how miserable my life here is.”

  I wasn’t able to think beyond the pain his words inflicted.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know being with me made you so miserable,” I stammered.

  “Oh damn it! Stop putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say you made my life miserable. My sister blew her fucking brains out last night. With my gun and me standing right there. Cut me some fucking slack!”

  I left the room, slamming the door hard enough the noise of it echoed in the hallway and had people turning towards me. I ignored them as I stalked off to get some air.

  ◆◆◆

  That day, I spent a good deal more time with Maddy than usual — maybe avoiding Jayden had been a good idea. To my surprise, my very own sister took Jayden’s side and pointed out that he seemed to be deeply hurt. She told me Abby’s death had shown her how short life was and that maybe holding a grudge against your sister’s soon-to-be husband wasn’t the smartest idea.

  When I saw Jayden next it was the middle of the night and he stumbled into the room, drunk again. I pretended to be asleep and just peered at him from under my lashes as he stood next to the bed, vacantly staring into the dark. When he finally lay down, he remained motionless, only breathing quietly. I would’ve been relieved to hear him cry or do anything at all. When I sneaked outside the morning after another sleepless night, I spotted a new cut on his lip. By the time I finished with my work in the atrium and went to his office, his name was already back up on the blackboard. I sighed as I sat down across from Cam.

  “Do you have any idea where he goes?” I asked. Cam shoved a few papers to the side, then shook his head.

  “Maybe a bar or some dark tavern. He’ll come back.”

  “Did he tell you anything about his fights? Or anything at all? Because he hasn’t been talking to me.”

  Cam leaned back and tilted his chair backwards. “No, the only time he spoke a word today was to let me know he was handing his job over to me. He said that I shouldn’t expect him to make tough decisions anymore. He kept rattling off the mistakes he thinks he’s made lately, like Chris and the diesel shortage. I don’t know, maybe it’ll do him some good to have some responsibility off his back. He’s hurting, but he’ll come around eventually. Just hang in there.”

  I rested my chin on the desk. “I’m trying. I’ve just never seen him like this, you know?”

  “Well, you haven’t known him very long,” Cam replied. I scowled, ready to object as Cam held a hand up. “I’m not judging or saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just a fact. Before you got here, Jayden was different. He was lonely and unhappy. Yes, we joked about him hooking up with girls and all, but Jane and I were worried about him. Sometimes he willingly got into fights just to have a release for his anger. He might be doing the same thing now.”

  Despite understanding Cam, I doubted that giving him time would be enough to make Jayden feel better. I’d try it for a few days, but I refused to let Jayden push me away, no matter how hard he tried.

  ◆◆◆

  The following one and a half weeks passed the same as those first two days had. Jayden was gone half the day then drunkenly stumbled into our bed at night and passed out. The day after his drunken adventures, he often had new bruises or other telltale signs of fighting. During the days he’d get angry at the smallest things. Having Cam take over his job didn’t help at all; if anything, it made him more restless. By the end of the second week I spent my nights in the office, waiting with Cam for Jayden to return and see that he was at least alive.

  In the end I couldn’t take his behavior anymore. I readied myself to go looking for Jayden, despite Cam’s concerns. I was worried about him drinking himself to death or getting killed in one of the fights he picked. Cam persuaded me to at least take Josh into town with me, for safety reasons — whatever that meant — and because I didn’t know how to ride a motorcycle.

  “What makes you think he’s here?” Josh asked when we pulled up in front of the bar I’d directed him to.

  “It’s where I met him,” I muttered under my breath, though I wasn’t sure he’d be there. It had simply been the first place that had come to mind.

  “Do you want me to go inside with you?” Josh asked, carefully eyeing the building.

  “Yeah, but maybe leave if he’s actually there. He’ll be pissed enough seeing me.”

  When I stepped inside all the sounds, the hustle and bustle overwhelmed me. For the two years I’d lived on the streets, I’d visited that bar more than once and looking at the customer base, it was no surprise I’d been in serious trouble more than once as well. The night Jayden met me hadn’t been the first that had almost escalated, as the place had a reputation for shady people drowning their sorrows. The noise itself was deafening. People were shouting, gambling and forgetting their silly lives. I recognized Jayden’s blond hair at the bar. He sat alone with his head bent over his drink.

  “There he is. I’ll be outside,” Josh said and turned on his heels before Jayden had a chance to spot him.

  I approached the bar but didn’t get too far before someone slapped my butt. Reflexively, I spun around, instead of ignoring it like I’d once been used to, and found myself facing a tall guy, somewhere in his mid-forties. He was obviously drunk and sneered at me, showing the gap where he was missing a few teeth.

  “Hey hottie, looking for a place to stay for the night?” he slurred.

  I froze as fear crept up on me, a kind of fear I’d once known too well for my own good but had grown estranged from since living at the school. The guy in front of me suddenly fell silent and for a second, I flinched from the warm hand that gripped my shoulder and pulled me back.

  “If I were you I’d keep my hands off her.”

  I’d never heard his voice so low and threatening. Every word seethed with suppressed anger. I lost some tension as Jayden carefully stepped around me, pushing me farther behind his body.

  “Pal, c’mon. I saw her first. Find your own chick.” The drunk guy stepped sideways to reach for me, but in a sudden blur, Jayden punched him, knocking him into a few of the other guys.

  “I’m not going to tell you again to keep your hands off my fiancée.”

  He flung that word out again like it was his claim over me. It had the expected effect and the other guy backed off, avoiding a fight.

  “Well, if she’s yours, you shouldn’t let her run around in here,” he muttered, scrambling away.

  “Excuse me?” Jayden snarled with his muscles still flexed. I grabbed his arm before he could go after the guy again. I pushed farther towards the bar and he followed me reluctantly, sat down and drowned his drink, sparing me a look once his glass had been refilled.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Looking for you, Jayden. I’m worried about you. I know you’re in pain, so please, let me help you.”

  “Oh, just stop it. You think you understand anything? Just cause you’ve had a shitty life as well? Well, get over it, we all have shitty lives. Now it’s my turn, so stop getting on my case about it. Seriously, you’re already behaving like a nagging wife, guess I don’t have to marry you after all.”

  I flinched at his outburst before I found my voice and angrily responded under my breath.

  “I’m not letting you ruin us because you’re drunk.”

  “Yeah? Maybe it’s not your decision to make.”

  “Are you trying to break up with me?” I sputtered in such shock that his words didn’t even truly hurt yet.

  “Maybe.”

  I leaned in close to ensure he heard my every word.
<
br />   “You’re not throwing this away on some drunken temper tantrum. If you want to break up with me, you’ll need to have the guts to do it when you’re sober. Until then, we’re still together and engaged so act accordingly.”

  I didn’t give him time to respond. I stormed outside, ignoring the catcalls that followed me. As the door closed I leaned against the wall, breathing heavily as I tried to catch my breath. My chest felt tight and my eyes stung so bad I hadn’t noticed Josh standing next to me until he spoke.

  “So, I guess these are happy tears and he’ll come out sweeping you off your feet any minute, right?” When I shook my head, Josh grimaced apologetically. “Well, you know we’re just dumb boys. We’re not worth your tears.”

  I had to chuckle a bit at his attempt at cheering me up.

  When Jayden returned that morning, I pretended to be asleep. He stood beside the bed, staring at me almost as if he knew I wasn’t sleeping. Then he crumbled by the edge of the bed and ran his finger along my jaw more gently than he’d touched me in weeks. I tried keeping my breathing level steady, but I wasn’t sure it worked. He pulled away, turned his back and buried his face in his hands.

  A strangled, desperate sob reached me from his side of the bed, and I was about to reach for him but he got up before I had the chance. He grabbed his towel and left the room, returning later and smelling freshly showered he lay down next to me and fell asleep.

  ◆◆◆

  For the first time in weeks Jayden wasn’t sleeping off a drunken stupor when I woke the next day. No matter where I looked for him, I couldn’t find him anywhere. His name was back up on the board and my stomach sank when I saw it. I’d gotten my hopes up after his return the night before, I’d secretly thought that everything would change for the better, but maybe confronting him had only made it worse.

  I hid in the library that day, skipped dinner to evade people and their sympathetic questions and instead went outside to sit on the bleachers and watch the sunset. I only looked up when a shadow cast over me and by then I was expecting anybody to come find me; anybody but Jayden.

  He was quiet, his eyes rested on me as if it caused him pain to watch me, like when one stares too long at the sun. Eventually, he sat down, slightly bent forward, elbows resting on his knees, and tilted his head to look at me. I couldn’t stand to look at him while he broke up with me, so I stared at my feet instead. We sat in silence for a while until Jayden took a deep breath.

  “Listen Elin, I fucked up. I really did. What I said last night … I was trying to be a jerk.”

  “Well, you succeeded,” I muttered. I felt sorry immediately when he sucked air in as if I’d slapped him.

  “I know,” he whispered and hung his head low, “and I’m sorry. I … I … Damn it, Elin, I’m trying so hard to figure out what to say. I really don’t know what to do. I messed up big time and you have every right to be pissed.”

  Afraid of the answer to my question I looked at him. “So, you’re not breaking up with me?”

  “What?” he sputtered. “No. Of course not. I’m actually sort of worried about you breaking up with me.”

  “Oh,” I muttered. I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t considered breaking up with him — I’d been preoccupied worrying about him ending things.

  “So, are you?” Jayden asked carefully, and I stared into his torn blue eyes, then shook my head.

  “You owe me an explanation though,” I told him.

  “I know. And I’m trying, ok? Just hear me out. When Abby shot herself, I was shocked, and in such pain, and then suddenly all I could think about was that you’re all I have left and I was so terrified of losing you, too. That’s why I came back and asked you to marry me. I was hoping if I bound you to me in that way, the fear would disappear. And it did. For about ten minutes. Then it just came crashing back down. So when I woke from nightmares that night I went and got drunk. Picked a fight over some stupid thing and when you got on my case for it afterwards, I thought if I riled you up enough you’d make me so angry that I’d be less afraid of losing you.”

  “Did it work?” I asked, surprised.

  Jayden chuckled dryly. “Not the least bit.”

  I placed my hand next to his, intentionally not touching him. He brushed his pinky by my hand, for a moment just looking at me before he spoke.

  “I’m really sorry, Elin. I was an idiot and I hurt you. I really didn’t intend to say those things and I surely didn’t mean them. I wish I could take them back, but I can’t and all I can do is promise that I’ll make it up to you. Would you give me another chance?”

  The things he’d said to me the night before had hurt, and his behavior hadn’t been all right at all, but I also remembered how he’d never given up on me all those times when I’d treated him unfairly and pushed him away. Instead of a verbal response I grasped his hand in mine and he pulled me towards him, right into his lap, cradled me to his chest and leaned his head against mine. A moment later I heard him whisper into my hair, quietly telling me that he only now realized how much he had truly missed me and I looked up at his face.

  “I need to talk to you about something else,” Jayden started, gently brushing his fingertips over my cheek. “You know, after all I said, I wanted to talk to you about the engagement. I was thinking of doing this the right way. When I asked you, it was the wrong time. However, it wasn’t for the wrong reasons. It was because I love you and I want to grow old with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  I whispered a quiet “yes”. He took my face in his hands and ever so slightly brushed his lips over mine.

  “One more thing,” he said, reaching into his pocket. “When I was sober this morning I went into town and got these.” He opened his hand.

  I stared at the two simple, golden rings. I reached my fingertip out, running it along the smaller one of the two to make sure they were real.

  “You said you thought I’d break up with you,” I said carefully.

  Jayden smiled weakly. “I did. Hoped you wouldn’t, though, and if you didn’t, I wanted to be prepared to make this right. I would’ve gotten you an engagement ring but I didn’t have the money. This was all I could afford, cause I didn’t wanna steal them. I wanted to do this the right way, so they’re not even from the black market but from a real store.” He laughed a little insecurely then added: “Well, they’re nothing special, just plain gold bands. Got our names in them though. We can add a date later if you want to.”

  I lifted the smaller ring, looking at the tiny engraving of his first name along the inside.

  “They’re beautiful,” I whispered and leaned in to kiss him. He closed his hand around the rings again, pulled me close and avidly returned the kiss. I sighed at the relief of not having lost him and he smiled against my lips.

  Thirty-Eight

  Jayden

  I snuck a glance at Elin as we walked back inside. I still had a long way to go. I still had to make it up to Elin for the awful things I’d said. Needed to do a better job dealing with my emotions too. When she glanced over at me though it no longer seemed an impossible feat.

  “So, I’m gonna be your wife, huh?” She sounded like she was still mulling that thought over in her mind. Maybe I was too. Maybe it was rushed and crazy but man, those words coming out of her mouth. I turned towards her and backed her up against the wall. I’d missed that sparkle in her eyes just before I kissed her. I tilted her head back. Brushed my lips over hers. Her hands tangled in my hair right at my nape like they always did. The tension of the last few days seeped out of my muscles. I’d tried drinking myself unconscious to forget. Now I remembered that kissing Elin was enough to obliterate any sense of my surroundings.

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and lifted her against my body. She wrapped her legs around my hips. Held her body pressed against mine in all the right places. I braced us against the wall. I let it overwhelm me, let her proximity calm me. She held some sort of
healing power. Something that made it easy to forget where we were. Who could walk by.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re being yourself again.” Cam stood behind us. Elin blushed and pulled back from the kiss. I sat her carefully back down on her feet and turned towards Cam. He threw both of us an amused grin.

  “So, you back for good?” he asked.

  “What, are you tired of holding the bag already?” I asked, gently squeezing Elin’s hand.

  “Yeah. I like it better when it’s you making decisions.”

  It was his way of saying he’d been worried for me. That he was glad I was back. I knew Elin wasn’t the only one I owed an apology for my behavior. Elin seemed to be able to read my mind and excused herself to get some dinner while I followed Cam into the office.

  I sat in one of the old armchairs in front of the desk and for a while Cam and I just stared in awkward silence.

  “So … I know I’ve been a jerk these last few days —”

  Cam rolled his eyes and interrupted me. “Yeah, yeah, you were in agony. I get it. Forget about it.” He changed the topic without missing a beat. “So, you and Elin are all right again? And engaged?” I smirked instead of answering, and Cam shook his head. “Well, who would’ve thought? Why the rush?”

  “Rush?” I asked, taken aback by his reaction.

  “You’ve known each other for what, eight months? Why get married now?”

  I frowned at him. “And here I was thinking you’d be my best man.”

  Cam grinned and I knew he was messing with me. “I am going to be your best man. I’m just making sure you won’t be getting cold feet on your wedding day, because I also don’t want you hurting Elin. Did you rush it because of Abby?”

  I ran a hand through my hair and gave his question some thought.

  “I’m not going to get cold feet. I’ve never been surer about anything. I mean yeah, it was Abby’s death that made me grasp how short life is but that’s not the reason I can’t wait to marry Elin. I have no family left, and I’ve had to make my own home after leaving the labs. And until I met Elin I never really felt like I belonged anywhere and now I do.”