Lettuces and Cream

by John Evans

  However the sitting room had changed -changed a lot. The dirty cream paint on the boarded ceiling had been stripped back to natural wood and varnished. The two massive oak beams across the ceiling that supported the bedrooms above, had also been cleaned and tarted up. And Jan had painted the walls a brilliant white - it looked good. There was still work to do of course, the ancient wooden windows needed replacing for one, and some new carpets without holes would be nice – but perfection would have to wait. They had also cleaned up another bedroom so the children now had separate rooms. Which meant bedtime wasn’t quite so chaotic.

  The children had finished the snack they always wanted demanded when they came home from school and were now ready to communicate with the outside world.

  ‘Mum, she talks funny,’ David was having difficulties with the Geordie accent, ‘but I think Alison said her mum said it will okay to go for a bath tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh, good, I bet your looking forward to that,’ Jan teased.

  David groaned, ‘do I have to mum?’

  ‘Oh, yes, ‘fraid so son. We’re all going. We’ll be lovely and clean for your Nana and Gramps.’

  ‘Uh, a bath, ugh,’ David turned and headed out of the kitchen, mumbling and complaining and as he went.

  ELEVEN

  ‘All aboard folks, it’s bath night at the old corral.’ They all groaned good naturedly at Mikes joke, and his appalling American drawl, but undeterred he continued by patting the dashboard, ‘Gee up Champion the Wonder Horse.’ The children laughed, ‘You are funny dad.’

  Early Friday evening and the big event was now upon them. Although they were not in any obvious way grimy, or unwashed, the pleasure of a hot bath was, to Mike and Jan, an appealing touch of normality. However they both felt it was very odd to be driving out to someone else’s house-to bathe. The kids were of course totally indifferent to the whole affair, particularly David, who thought it was an unnecessary waste of his precious young life.

  ‘Have we got everything, Jan? Disinfectant? Sandpaper?’ Mike laughed heartily at his witticism.

  ‘Yes, everything, just get going will you,’ Jan responded with slight exasperation. Of course she had everything they needed. Hadn’t she dashed around gathering towels and the like while the family had sat around watching the television.

  ‘Okey dokey, off we go.’

  ‘Come on in, great to see you all. Did you all you survive the terrible storm?’ Chris welcomed them into the spacious and well appointed kitchen, giving Jan a peck on the cheek as she passed by. Chris did this frequently when greeting women and Jan found it a little disconcerting. She just wasn’t used to all that kissy kissy stuff.

  ‘Well, we had damage to the barn roof but otherwise we’re okay,’ Mike replied.

  ‘Yes, we had a few slates off the house roof too, but that’s all, go on in, don’t be shy, go along into the lounge,’ Chris ushered them through.

  ‘This is ever so good of you, Chris.’

  ‘Oh rubbish, I know what it’s like building up a business, and a house at the same time. We were lucky; Keith’s father bought this place for us. So we didn’t have the burden of a mortgage and could concentrate on the business. Anyway, have you worked out a rota or something.’ Chris turned to Mike and gave him a broad smile; her unblinking brown eyes looked deeply into his. He tried to read some indication of intent in her gaze but saw nothing. But, ever the optimist he returned a smile and a hint of a cheeky wink.

  ‘Not really,’ he replied.

  Despite being soft spoken, Chris was quite business like, ‘how about the kiddies first, and we can have a little drink while their getting on with it’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ Mike replied enthusiastically and gave her another smile. Mikes wild idea that this bathing lark was a ploy by Keith and Chris, to them get into their house, and naked, returned. Bathing, nakedness, and alcohol seemed a damn good mix to him. Although, without Keith, and with the kids in tow, he couldn’t realistically see what could happen, so his optimism for a sexual adventure once again faded away.

  ‘I think Mandy first; I’ll go and sort her out. By the way Chris, where are your lot tonight?” asked Jan looking around expecting to see the family.

  ‘Oh, Keith has taken them to the cinema to see that new film, Bed knobs and Broomsticks. Well, its not that new, it came out a few months ago but of course, us lot stuck out here in the sticks are the last to see it, aren’t we?’ Chris said peevishly, adding, ‘they might be back before you go home.’

  ‘I thought the place was quiet; our pests want to see that film too.’

  ‘Where is the cinema, Chris?’ Mike asked.

  ‘Twenty miles away in Abersoch, it’s on the coast. And the cinema is a bit of a dump but it’s the best we have around here.’

  ‘We haven’t been there yet, though I’ve seen the road signs for it.’

  ‘The towns okay, quite a few shops, the hospital, and of course the University, and the beach - it’s really busy in summer.’

  ‘We’ll have to give it a try one of these days, when we’ve got time,’ Mike added hopefully.

  Mandy was soon happily splashing about under the supervision of Jan and downstairs Chris began pouring out the wine. And while David waited his turn, he was absorbed in a book about birds that Chris had lent him. She had put some records to play and Mike sat engulfed by a large soft sofa and was relishing the comfort and warmth.

  ‘Do you like Rod Stewart? This one, Maggie May, has only been out a couple of weeks.’

  Not being up on the pop music scene, Mike had never heard of him. ‘Um, well, yeah,good.’ In truth he didn’t find the gravelly voice particularly pleasant. But then, music is in the ear of the beholder and he was pleased that the topic wasn’t pursued.

  She did a sort of swaying dance to the music as she approached Mike with the bottle of wine and he thought that she was definitely a bit of a goer.

  ‘This is bought wine, I much prefer it-but don’t tell Keith. He thinks the stuff he makes is better,’ she passed Mike a very full, very large glass.

  ‘If I remember it was strong stuff, but this seems okay too, thank Chris,’ Mike took a large mouthful.

  ‘He uses special yeasts in his home brew that makes it very strong. He says it saves him having to drink so much of it. But he usually does anyway.’

  Mike laughed, ‘sounds like a good idea to me.’

  Chris was sitting opposite to him in her favourite chair. She was wearing quite a short skirt and showing generous portions of thigh. Mike was enjoying this-a lot. Chris however was playing Mike like a fish, dangling a tasty piece of bait. Yes, she wouldn’t say no to him but at the moment Janice was of more interest to her. Mike would keep for another day, but keeping him interested would get her closer to Janice.

  ‘How are the lettuce doing, Mike-and the pig. And I hear you’ve bought a cow.’

  ‘Yep, we’ve taken Keith’s advice. We’ve had them for about a fortnight now. And the lettuce are slow growing this time of year but they’re doing all right,’ he took another sip of his drink, ‘in fact Pinky is due any day now, according to Mucky Mary, the madwoman of Llanddewi Brefi, so we’re hoping to have to have something to sell soon.’

  ‘If you like, Keith, or,’ she slipped into a slower, more suggestive voice, ‘or I could come over a have a look at your sow, and the cow come to that.’

  Mike did an inward double take. Chris, at his place, alone? With Jan out somewhere? Sounded promising.

  ‘Yeah Yeah, that sounds great if you have the time.’

  ‘I can always find the time, Mike.’ she uncrossed and crossed her legs very slowly, allowing him a glimpse of knickers, and Mikes pulse jumped a beat or two. He had been right all along-she did fancy him.

  ‘That’s number one done,’ Jan said, escorting a gleaming Mandy back into the room. ‘David, come on love, your turn. I’ll show you where the bathroom is and you can get on with it, you don’t need me with you.’

  With David deposited in the bath J
an joined Mike on the sofa. Chris poured her a drink and they sat chatting about this and that, and then there was a barking of a dog.

  ‘I thought I’d seen a dog last time I was here, I wondered where it was,’ Jan said, taking a sip of her wine. ‘Probably wants to come in, Chris, and take a look at us strangers’

  ‘Could be, mind you, she barks at all sorts, particularly at night. I’ll go and let her in. She’s just had pups out in the shed; she’s after her supper I expect.’ She left the room and headed for the kitchen door.

  ‘Here she is, what’s her name?’ Jan said, as a black and white Border collie bounded into the room. Jan leant forward in her chair to pet the creature but it made a beeline for Mike.

  ‘Cindy.’

  ‘She’s lovely, hello Cindy,’ Mike said affectionately, stroking the rich glossy coat.

  ‘How many pups, Chris?’

  ‘Only six.’

  ‘Only? Flipping heck, that’s enough isn’t it’

  ‘You wouldn’t like one-or two, or three would you? We really don’t want them.’

  ‘Well yes, we’ve been promising the kids one for ages. What do you think Jan?

  ‘Yeah, that will be great, we would love one,’ Jan replied enthusiastically.

  ‘Well they’re just about weaned. You could take it home with you if you like’

  Later, David and Mandy whooped with delight with the news of a puppy. They had picked one pretty bitch from the litter and were romping about the room playing with the creature. It was all getting a little boisterous and Chris once again took control of the situation.

  ‘Look Mike, why don’t you have your bath next and then you can take the children and the puppy home to settle it in. It will probably cry all night so be prepared for a sleepless night. I can run Janice back after her bath. Okay?’

  ‘Okay, good idea I’ll get on with it.’ He put down his empty second glassful of wine, and headed upstairs.

  Janice however winced at the plan, and she gave a weak smile of agreement and took a large swig of her wine. She didn’t want to be left alone with Chris but felt powerless to change the situation.

  Upstairs, Mike, in a slightly tipsy state, began taking off his clothes. There was no lock on the door and to him; this added an extra air of naughtiness at being naked in a strange house. Slipping into the foamy, clean warm water, he relaxed. What a treat, a real bath. He really must chase the builder and get their house sorted. But as he began touching and soaping his body, such domestic matters were quickly forgotten and his thoughts rapidly turned to Chris and her highly suggestive manner. The effect of such memories and his intimate washing activities were already clearly visible, and his hand closed around the now pulsating hardness He had no guilt about indulging his self in this way. He had long ago decided that in general humans spent far too little time enjoying sex. Particularly when compared with the amount of time spent on other biological functions, like eating - and defecating. And, in his case, Jans poor appetite for sex, so he wasn’t going to waste this rare moment of privacy. He fondled and teased him self for a while with warm soapy hands, but, with fanciful visions of a naked Chris-and Jan – walking into the bathroom, his hand was soon moving ever more vigorously-until, until, he shuddered with delightful spasms of pleasure.

  Eventually, with all his bathroom activities complete, Mike was back downstairs organising the children for the homeward run.

  ‘Righto kids; lets take this little pest home.’ He picked up the little bundle of fur and passed it to David. ‘Here, you can carry her under your coat David, to keep her warm. Bye Chris, thanks for everything, see you soon. - Bye love, see you later’

  Jan gave a limp little wave of acknowledgement, and Mike donned his coat and ushered the children out of the house and into the car.

  The room seemed empty without the puppy and kids racing around and Jan felt strangely vulnerable and alone. They had both continued drinking whilst Mike had his bath and were just finishing their third large glass.

  ‘Right up you go - your turn Janice, this is turning into quite an evening isn’t it?’ Chris gave a little laugh.

  ‘We’re really grateful Chris. My parents are coming to see us tomorrow so this will refresh us for the busy weekend.’ Whilst she finished the last dregs of her wine, Jan sat chatting on about nothing in particular and trying to create a normal gossipy atmosphere. But she was strangely nervous and had little flutters in her stomach- perhaps it was the drink.

  ‘Off I go then,’ Jan put down her glass and got up swaying ever so slightly as she did so. Chris put out her arm to steady her, her hand brushing Jan’s breast as she did so. ‘Off you go then.’

  Jan relaxed, Chris hadn’t made any move towards her and she would soon be safe in the bathroom. Once there, she began running the water and undressing. Despite her careful planning she had forgotten her dressing gown and stood naked swishing the water about checking the temperature. Realising she hadn’t actually locked the door she turned to do so-there was no lock. Panicking, she piled her clothes and towels up against the door – just in case…

  ‘You two get inside with the pup okay? And I’ll just go over to the barn and check on Pinky, I’ll be back in a minute.’ Mike switched on the torch and headed for the unlit old barn. He knew before he looked that something had happened. He could hear the unfamiliar sound of tiny piglets squeaking and mumbling as they feasted on Pinkie’s swollen milky teats, and she too was making soft grunting noises of motherly concern. He counted eleven pink babes and at twenty or so quid a time, that was very good news. He had to tell someone the good news so he dashed back to the house to the children.

  ‘Come and have a look kids.’

  ‘Aw, do I have to dad, I want to play with the puppy.’

  ‘Oh come on son, it’s interesting. You can play with the pup any time,’ David sighed and reluctantly looked for his coat.

  ‘Has she had babies, dad?’ Mandy squealed excitedly and began putting on her Wellingtons.

  ‘Yep, eleven.’

  ‘Eleven?’ Mandy was incredulous. With her limited knowledge one would have been magical enough - but eleven – total phantasmagoria.

  ‘Wait until your mum sees them, I can’t wait to tell her.’ Mike grinned happily as the three of them traipsed back across the yard.

  Chris timed her moves perfectly, and just as Jan finished drying herself, she quietly tapped on the bathroom door and pushed it open. Jan instinctively grabbed a towel to hide behind.

  ‘Only me, I just wondered if you had enough towels.’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine thanks.’

  ‘Don’t be shy we’re all girls together after all.’ She gave Jan a cheeky grin and moved closer, reaching under the towel to touch warm, bathed pink skin. Chris was now wearing a dressing gown of lilac cotton, and in other circumstances Jan would have found yet another lilac item amusing. But she now had other emotions to deal with. This was the situation she had been half dreading, half wanting to happen. She could stop all this simply by saying no and walking away. She told herself that, this really isn’t me doing this, I shouldn’t be here. But then, people can be as unpredictable as any other animal.

  ‘I thought I would get changed ready for bed. My lot won’t be back until eleven or so, and then straight to bed.’ As she spoke, she took Jan’s hand and placed it under the lilac robe and down between her thighs. Jan took an involuntary intake of breath at the boldness and eroticism of the moment, to touch a woman in that way. As Jan touched and fingered, she found secret moist soft and sensuous folds, and she wanted to touch more, to explore more.

  ‘Come on, let’s go to my room,’ Chris took Jan’s hand and led her along the landing into the lilac heaven…

  ‘It’s nearly ten’ o’ clock, Darl. I thought you’d left home. And I think you’ve shrunk with all that time in the bath,’ Mike joked as they walked across the yard to the barn.

  ‘Oh you know what she’s like, drinking and talking. Mostly about the Am Dram.’ They reached the barn an
d went inside. The torch was beginning to fade and he banged it on his hand as though that would improve it somehow.

  ‘Batteries are going again; I’m going to fit some electric lights, it’s as black as hell in here. Well, what do you think? Eleven of them – good eh?’ They both peered over the pen wall.

  ‘Bloomin great, love, they’re lovely and pink, and clean looking. It’s a pity we missed seeing them born.’

  ‘Never mind there’ll be other times. I’ll have to get some weaning food for them in a couple of weeks’

  ‘Is that expensive?’ Jan was in her accountant mode again.

  ‘No idea, can’t be that pricey though.’

  ‘Ah well,’ Jan sighed, ‘Better get the kids to bed - and us, busy day tomorrow. Mum and dad said they would be setting off early morning. Probably be here by half past nine.’

  TWELVE

  ‘Now then, this smell takes me back a bit,’ he sniffed the air, relishing the memories it evoked. Saturday morning, and Jan’s parents had arrived early as expected and her father, Arthur, had wasted no time in joining Mike outside.

  ‘Our neighbours used to keep pigs on their allotment during the war, and I used to keep rabbits and chickens on mine. Well, we had to; good meat was hard to get you know.’ Jans dad deftly rolled a cigarette and lit up. Mike followed his cue and took out a cigarette, lit it, and added his thoughts to the chat.

  ‘Yeah, I was only a kid at the time but I remember something about it. I remember my grandmother sending me to the shop to buy a couple of ounces of pressed beef, for four adults, and me and my sister. We didn’t get fat on that,’ Mike said in stoic tones, and took a large pull of his cigarette.