Crossing the Ice

by Jennifer Comeaux

  I hadn’t eaten since lunch when I’d forced down Em’s pasta primavera, but my stomach still wasn’t feeling receptive to food. Josh had been so thoughtful to get one of my favorite meals, though. Add that to the long list of things making it so difficult to walk away from him.

  “You didn’t have to go to all that trouble,” I said.

  “It was no trouble.” He took my hand and motioned for me to sit with him.

  I tucked my legs under me and stared at Josh’s hand around mine. My heart ached deeper. We couldn’t be the cute couple holding hands and picnicking on the beach. No matter how good and natural this felt.

  “I told everyone at the restaurant we were working on something at the rink so there wouldn’t be questions about why I was picking up dinner for us,” Josh said. “I wasn’t sure where things are going with us from here, but—”

  “We can’t do this,” I blurted out.

  The brightness that had filled his eyes dimmed, and he loosened his hold on my hand. “I thought last night you felt the same. Did I misunderstand…”

  I slowly shook my head. “You didn’t misunderstand.”

  “Then what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

  “I just… I just think we have to stop this before it starts because there are too many reasons why it could never work out.”

  He studied me intently, and my face and neck grew warm. I turned away and watched the gentle waves wash ashore. What a beautiful evening it would be if the circumstances were different.

  “So you don’t want to give us a chance?” he asked.

  “You’re leaving in a few months. I’ve done the long distance thing and learned the hard way how painful it can be.”

  “I would never hurt you like Kyle did.” He squeezed my hand.

  I looked into his clear eyes and believed he wouldn’t, but I still slipped my hand from his grasp. “There’s also the Olympics and keeping our heads straight and our partnerships from imploding…”

  “I’ve thought about all those things, too, and I know we could figure it out.”

  “I guess… I guess I’m not as sure we could.” I paused as a swell of emotion pushed against my chest. “And I can’t take that risk.”

  Josh stayed quiet, and he shifted his gaze from me to the horizon. I had to know what he was thinking, but I didn’t feel like I had the right to ask.

  “This isn’t how I pictured this night going,” he finally said.

  “I’m so sorry. I never should’ve let you think last night that—”

  “Don’t. Don’t apologize. Last night was the best night of my life.”

  A lump choked my throat, and I sat on my hands so I wouldn’t reach out and touch him. He looked at me with such hurt, and there was nothing I could do to make his gorgeous blue eyes shine again.

  There is, I thought as my gaze dropped to his lips.

  No, that would be a huge mistake that would only lead to both of us hurting more in the end.

  “Maybe I should go,” I said.

  I got to my feet and walked quickly to the parking lot. When I reached the pavement I glanced back at Josh, and his head was down. I slipped on my flip-flops, not caring about the sand between my toes, and pulled my car keys from the pocket of my sweater.

  “Court, wait,” Josh said behind me.

  I froze and turned to see him jogging to the lot. He stopped and stared at me for a long moment, and I held my breath, waiting for him to say something.

  “I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” he said.

  I exhaled. “I don’t want to lose you either. I just wasn’t sure you’d still want that.”

  “If we didn’t talk anymore, it would make all of this even harder.”

  He was so right. I couldn’t imagine not laughing with him at Mrs. Cassar’s craziness or texting him when I heard a new song I thought he’d like. Our friendship had become such an important part of my life, one that would leave a gaping hole if I lost it.

  “I’m so glad you feel that way,” I said.

  He chewed on his bottom lip. “I can’t promise things won’t be a little weird.”

  I nodded and fiddled with my keys. “Yeah… like I probably shouldn’t stay for a sunset beach picnic.”

  “What if I vow to stay on my side of the blanket?”

  I smiled a little. “I think it might still be too risky.”

  He stared at me again with those intense blue eyes, making me fidget even more. Pointing his thumb behind him, he said, “At least take your dinner to go.”

  I unlocked my car and went to open the door. “Let me give you the money for it.”

  “No way. Friends can buy friends dinner.” He backpedaled toward the sand. “Hang on and I’ll go get it.”

  He returned a few seconds later with the takeout container, and I pulled open my door and stood behind it. Couldn’t hurt to have an actual shield between us.

  “Are you gonna stay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, it’s so peaceful.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I really wish you could stay, too.”

  It physically pained me to stand my ground and not follow him back to the beach. But I just knew what would happen if we sat on that blanket with the sea breeze tickling our faces and the sky darkening around us. Maybe one day we could do it as friends, but the memory of our kiss was too fresh. The electricity still crackled too strongly.

  “I think it’s probably best if I go.” I paused as I caught the unmistakable disappointment in his eyes. “But I’ll talk to you later?”

  He nodded. “For sure.”

  When I started the car, I turned up the volume on the already blasting music. I needed the noise to fill my head and shut out all the conflicting thoughts. But it didn’t work. As I watched Josh disappear in the rearview mirror, my eyes brimmed with tears. I wasn’t just driving away from the beach. I was driving away from something that could be so wonderful. If only it made sense.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Court, you know how long this stupid group rehearsal’s gonna last?” Mark asked.

  I tightened my skate laces and looked up at him in the doorway of the locker room. He had one hand on the frame and one on the phone to his ear.

  “I think only about an hour. I have to get ready for work after,” I said.

  “An hour’s long enough.” He moved the phone to his mouth. “Zoe? Hey, I should be there about four.”

  I stood and checked my reflection in the long mirror on the wall. I’d worn my favorite hot pink tank and black leggings for the occasion. Josh and I might be just friends, but I was still ridiculously excited about skating with him. It was like I enjoyed torturing myself.

  “K, Babe. Love you,” Mark said and ended his call. “Why do we have to rehearse so early for the show anyway? It’s two months from now.”

  “I think Em’s just stressing about coordinating everyone’s schedules. You and I will be in Paris next week, and then all of us will be in Lake Placid for a week next month. She wants to make sure it gets done.”

  He shoved his phone in his skate bag. “Stephanie better check her attitude at the door ‘cause I’m not dealing with her bitching for two months.”

  “Uhh… I wouldn’t hold my breath on that.”

  We went out to the ice, where Josh and Em were showing each other various steps and arm movements. It amazed me how Josh could make a simple lunge look so sexy. I set off near the boards to do a quick warm-up and also to work off some of my jittery energy.

  When Mark and I circled over to Em and Josh, Stephanie finally appeared and glided slowly to our spot at center ice. She crossed her arms, pursed her lips, and audibly sighed. Mark frowned at me and rubbed his forehead.

  Attitude checked at the door? I think not.

  “Okay, the gang’s all here.” Em slapped her hands together. “Josh and I have put together some ideas, but if anyone wants to contribute during the process, please don’t hesitate to speak up.”

  “Why is he running this with you?” Mark aske
d.

  “Because he asked to help.”

  “And he’s a creative genius,” Stephanie added.

  Josh’s face flamed, and he looked down at the ice.

  Mark held up his hands. “Excuse me. I didn’t know I was in the presence of greatness.”

  Two minutes in, and this is already a disaster.

  Em clapped again, but this time so hard her hands must’ve stung. “It doesn’t matter who comes up with the choreography. All that matters is the four of you bring the choreography to life and make it your own. So let’s get to work.”

  She directed us to form a square with me facing Mark and Stephanie facing Josh. After she explained the opening movements she wanted us to do, Josh chipped in with additional instruction and Em helped him demonstrate the next few steps. When he said, “Then we’ll switch partners,” every nerve in my body went on alert.

  “Why do we have to switch?” Stephanie asked.

  “You’re questioning the genius’s ideas?” Mark said.

  Em gave him a warning look I’d seen her give the twins when they misbehaved. “You’re switching because it’s going to make this number fabulous. We’ll run through the opening and then Josh, you can show Court your part and I’ll show Stephanie and Mark theirs.”

  “I thought we were all just going to be on the ice at the same time but not skating with each other.” Stephanie put her hands on her hips. “Josh is my partner and I should only be skating with him.”

  “Hey, I’m not throwing a party over skating with you either,” Mark said.

  “You’re all going to do this, and it’s going to be the best damn group number in the history of Christmas shows. Understand?” Em said on the verge of shouting.

  Mark and I looked at each other, and he lifted his eyebrows. Em rarely raised her voice, so she wasn’t messing around. Stephanie didn’t say another word. Even she knew she needed to shut it.

  We practiced the opening sequence as Em had instructed, and on the last step I ended up face to face with Josh. He gave me a little smile, but he couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes. We’d chatted at the restaurant earlier in the week, even shared a couple of laughs, but that sadness had been a constant. It made me feel like my heart was being stabbed repeatedly by my toe pick.

  “Josh, you’re good?” Em asked as she skated over to Mark and Stephanie.

  “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll show Court what’s next.”

  After she turned away from us, he raked his hand through his hair. “I should’ve asked if you were still okay with us skating together.”

  Okay? I’d looked forward to this so much since the moment Em had mentioned it. There was no way I was giving it up. No matter how much it hurt to touch him and not be able to really touch him.

  “It’s… it’s fine. I wouldn’t want to make this process more pleasant for Stephanie anyway.” I smiled.

  “I’m glad I won’t be home tonight to hear her complain.”

  “Do you have any new songs planned for tonight?”

  “Maybe.” His blank expression didn’t give anything away.

  “No hints?”

  “You’ll just have to listen carefully.”

  What was he going to play? Hopefully not some song about broken hearts or people better off as friends. I might break down in the middle of the restaurant.

  Stephanie and Mark skated past us, looking less than thrilled, and Josh said, “We should get started.”

  I nodded and listened attentively as he described the next series of steps. When he took my hand, he went quiet, and I let him lead me into a dance hold as if we were waltzing. I felt like I was floating in his arms across the ice.

  We drifted closer together, and my pulse thumped so hard it reverberated in my ears. Josh twirled me around and pulled me even nearer, his palm pressed to my lower back. I drew in a breath and kept my eyes on his chest as I’d done when he’d taught me the tango.

  Do NOT look at him.

  He slowly released me, and I forgot the next step until he guided me into side-by-side stroking. Our movements were perfectly in unison even though we’d never skated together before. We worked up speed as we turned the corner of the rink, and then we both extended one leg for a dual spiral position. Josh wrapped his arms around me from behind, nestling me to his chest, and we glided on matching smooth edges, flying across the ice. My whole body tingled with a thrilling buzz. This was the moment I’d dreamt of when I first discovered pair skating. This was the feeling.

  We glided to a slow stop and were met with long stares from Mark and Stephanie, who were in the middle of their own waltz.

  “Having fun?” Mark asked tersely.

  I thought it best not to answer with my true sentiment of “YES!” They skated away from us, so I was saved from having to give a reply, but I knew Mark would probably give me an earful later.

  “There’s a dance lift I want to try next,” Josh said, sounding very excited. “Ready to give it a go?”

  “Sure.”

  We went over the logistics of his idea, which required me to hook my arms around his neck and let him hold my legs in a full split position as we rotated. We walked through the steps slowly to begin, and I didn’t realize how close our faces would be until I locked my arms around him. I could feel his breath on my lips.

  Dear God…

  In an attempt not to gaze into his eyes, I ended up looking at his mouth, which was no less torturous.

  Maybe I should just close my eyes.

  I did my best to focus on the technique, and when we felt comfortable we had the timing down, we took off across the ice to gather speed. All in a fluid motion, I latched onto Josh and pulled myself up, and he held my thighs as I stretched into a split. We began to rotate, and I couldn’t help but giggle as we spun lightning fast. I was like a giddy kid on a merry-go-round. Josh beamed a huge smile at me, and I didn’t want this to end. I wanted to keep spinning, keep holding onto him, keep seeing him so happy.

  Our momentum slowed, dashing my hopes, and Josh set me down. We were both still smiling, though, and Josh’s warm hands lingered on my shoulders.

  “Hey,” Em said as she skated over to us.

  “Hey.” I put some distance between Josh and myself.

  “Looks like it’s going well over here.” She gave us each a longer look than necessary.

  “Yep,” Josh said.

  “The lift was fantastic. That was a beautiful position you hit, Court.”

  “Thanks. It was a lot of fun.”

  “Your partners aren’t smiling nearly as much, or at all for that matter, but they’re going to look like they’re having the time of their lives come show night if it kills me.”

  We only had a few minutes left, so Em herded us all together and gave us a few encouraging words before dismissing us. Stephanie and Josh skated ahead, and Mark touched my elbow, halting me beside the boards.

  “Hold up a sec,” he said. “I wanna talk about what’s going on with you and Josh.”

  Blood rushed to my face. Even though I expected him to question me, it sounded like he knew more than I’d thought.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “He designed the group number so you could skate together because he has a crush on you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  If he’d noticed it, then Em surely had, too. It hadn’t stopped her from letting us skate together, though.

  “He and Em designed the number together, and they did it this way because it would be an interesting twist,” I said.

  “Come on, Court. You can’t tell me you don’t see that he obviously has a thing for you. You seem to enjoy the attention.”

  “There’s nothing going on between us if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  It wasn’t a total lie. Josh and I had enjoyed five minutes of bliss together but were now sadly done.

  “I’m not worried about that. He’d never have the guts to do anything,” Mark said.

  My face grew warmer as I remembe
red Josh’s passionate kiss and his hands hot on my skin. Oh, he had the guts. I was the coward.

  “Just keep your guard up,” Mark said. “I don’t trust him. He might’ve also thought up this whole partner switch thing to try to pit you and me against each other.”

  Josh doesn’t have any shady intentions! I wanted to scream. He just wants to be close to me!

  Instead I took a calming breath. “It’s just a simple Christmas show number, not an evil plot. Can you stop with the conspiracy theories?”

  I skated to the ice door and snapped on my guards. It was going to be a long two months of rehearsals if I had to pretend I didn’t love skating with Josh. I didn’t know if I could even pull that off. It wasn’t a knock against Mark because I’d always enjoyed having him as my partner. When we skated together, I loved the athletic excitement of it. But when I’d partnered with Josh, I’d felt something new, something I couldn’t quite grasp yet. All I knew was I wanted more.

  ****

  “How’s your steak?” I asked Josh as I refilled his water, making sure not to come close to overflowing the glass.

  “It’s awesome.” He set his fork down. “Who’s going to refill my water just the way I like it when you’re not here next week?”

  I smiled. “I’ll leave a note for whoever’s working Thursday night.”

  “Are you getting excited for Paris?”

  “I’m excited to compete. It feels like we’ve been working on these programs for a year. I don’t think we’ll do much sight-seeing since we did all that the first two times we competed there.”

  “Yeah, I mean once you’ve seen the Eiffel Tower a couple times, it’s just like any old monument,” he said with a teasing grin.

  I laughed. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying we’ll be more focused on the competition this time and less concerned with being tourists.”

  I set down the water pitcher and wiped my hands on my apron. “The Eiffel Tower probably isn’t a big deal for you, though. I bet your family did a lot of fancy traveling when you were growing up.”

  “Actually, we didn’t. My dad traveled a lot for business, but we rarely went on those trips. We mostly just went to our beach house in Malibu.”