Here For You

by Denise Muniz

  Drying my face, I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a person who had been through a lot the past few weeks. There were black rings around my eyes from lack of sleep and I hadn’t applied makeup since breaking up with Grey because, well, I didn’t feel like putting it on. But even with how tired and pale I looked, there was a smile. A smile that told me, even through the bad you could find the good in something. You could feel the good. And this, right now, was oh-so-good.

  The giddiness in me couldn’t help but happy dance. I danced in a quiet circle, afraid that James could hear me. I felt like such a little girl. I couldn’t wait to tell my dad. I wondered how he’d react. I wondered how he was doing?

  I needed to get to work tomorrow, for real this time, and hopefully get the good news that dad would be coming home in a couple of days. Damn, I missed him being here, instead of that cold ass white place.

  As I entered the room, I saw James already lying in bed with an arm bent behind his head with a towel behind him, looking up. He didn’t have a shirt on. His chest was bare with the muscles rippling from his collarbone all the way down to the happy trail that disappeared under his shorts. His hair was still a little wet and it fell over his head. This was going to feel so different but so good at the same time because we’d just shared an intimate kiss downstairs. I could do this.

  When he heard the door close he turned his head toward me and smiled. He smiled that beautiful smile that I’d fallen for a long time ago, with the dimples. And to think I could’ve ruined our friendship. Shaking my head, I crawled into my queen bed. He’d fixed the pillows so that we could share them, then he opened his free hand. I dug right into him, smelling the wonderful scent of rain and outdoors that clung to him and feeling his soft naked skin against my hands. All I wanted to do was run my hands up and down his body, feeling all of him, but I restrained myself. We didn’t say anything, although I had a lot to say. I just lay on his chest, feeling the rise and fall, the in and out of his breath mixed with his strong heartbeat. I swung one of my legs so that it was draped over his thigh and threw my arm around him to squeeze and bring him closer. He grunted, but I knew he was grinning.

  JAMES

  I opened my eyes to feel the heat that was cloaking the side of my body. Clearing my eyes, I looked to my left and saw Becca. She was snuggled like an animal against me. It was almost like she didn’t want me to leave or that she was afraid I might. I removed my arm from around her head so she didn’t wake then I snuck out of the bed to see that it was only 7:30am. Fuck, I’d barely gotten any sleep. When I finally stood, I made sure that she was covered with the blanket as I made my way to the bathroom across the hall. I knew she had some brand new toothbrushes in the cabinet below the sink so I went in search of them. Quickly, I washed out my mouth and splashed water on my face, but before I went downstairs I went back into her room to write her a little note.

  Hey babe, didn’t want to wake you. I’m heading to my mom’s house. Text or ring me when you wake up. I love you…James.

  I put it on the pillow we’d been sharing, went downstairs and walked to mom's house.

  I didn’t want the door to squeak, so I tried to open it as quietly as possible.

  “I hear you, boy,” she said. Of course she was awake. I swore the woman never slept.

  Opening the door, now without a care, I saw my mother over the stove. It smelt like maple syrup and buttermilk pancakes. I walked up behind her and kissed her cheek. “What are you doing awake at this time?” I asked.

  As I reached over her shoulder to get a pancake she smacked my hand. It didn’t keep me from stealing a muffin though. It was still warm, fuck yes.

  “I know you like your breakfast, although I was surprised you weren’t in your room when I woke up.” She already knew. The woman knew everything.

  Honestly, there was never a time that she didn’t know what I was doing, what friends I was hanging out with or who I was messing around with, although, we never spoke about the girls in my life. I loved my mother to death; she was my heart and soul, the person I wanted to do everything for and buy anything for. To think, she spent her life taking care of my dumbass. Looking back, I wasn’t the easiest child. I rebelled once my dad left us and got into some things I’d rather not discuss, but she stuck with me and never gave up. Like any mother, she wanted me to find that special person, get married and have children. Deep inside my heart, I knew she always suspected who that special person for me was.

  “Yeah, I was with Becca, but you already knew that. Her dad is in the hospital.” After I said hospital she turned away from the stove and looked at me. I sat down, taking a bite of the muffin. So good. Maybe I should’ve mentioned Becca’s father earlier but I was still registering it myself.

  “What do you mean he’s in the hospital?” She had the spatula in her hands, and her eyebrows were crunched together.

  My mother had a soft face with some wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and mouth. Her eyes were a light green with a hint of yellow, and her turning-grey hair was in a low ponytail. My mother cared for people, deeply, I didn’t understand why she did, but it was her thing. When given the opportunity she would jump to help anybody. Too bad there weren’t more people out there like her. She had a soft, delicate soul. My angel. But to not hear that Becca’s dad was in the hospital was a shocker. Becca always talked to my mother, so for her not to know, this was nuts. If anything, I thought my mother had been keeping this from me.

  I stood up to get some milk. Milk and muffins, what a fucking great combo. Pouring a glass, I told her about his leg, his diabetes and how stressed Becca had been.

  “Oh my goodness, that poor girl.” Her eyes were filled with such concern.

  My mother loved Becca, shit, Becca was like the daughter she never had. And I was pretty sure my mom was the mother that Becca had always wanted. They shared a special bond, so for Becca not to talk to her only meant that Becca didn’t know how to handle the situation.

  I walked up to my mom and put my hands on her shoulder. “Everything is going to be fine. The doctors said that Larry should be coming home soon. Becca’s just waiting for the call.”

  “Well, that’s good.” She smiled and turned around to flip over the last pancake before making her way to the little table in the kitchen. “And by the way, your phone wouldn’t stop ringing this morning.” She raised an eyebrow, I thought about going to get it but I wanted food first. “So, what happened last night?” she asked, changing the subject.

  Shaking my head, I put some pancakes on my plate and drowned them in maple syrup, my favorite. I looked up to see her with her elbows propped on the table and her hands pressed together under her chin. She had a smile on her face. “Would you just eat, woman?” I played, but she didn’t move. “Nothing happened, Mom. Becca and I spoke and things are good.”

  Finally, she moved, placing some pancakes on her plate and pouring a small amount of syrup over them. She cut her two pancakes into four perfect pieces, ate one, swallowed it, and drank a little milk. “So, did you guys finally kiss?” she blurted out.

  I had a mouthful of milk when she spoke. It shocked the shit out of me so much that I spat it out. I looked at her and she was smiling, which in turn, made me smile. She already knew the answer. Fuck, she made me feel like a ten year old instead of a twenty-three year old. However, I could talk to my mom about anything. When I said anything and everything, I meant it. I think the only thing I hadn’t spoken to her about was my feelings for Becca, but I was sure she knew anyway.

  “Mom, seriously?” I grabbed some napkins to clean the spill from my throat.

  “Honey, you know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know. I know it happened but I want to hear you say it.” This woman was such a smartass sometimes.

  I stabbed a few pieces of pancakes and brought them to my mouth. “Yes, we kissed. Happy?” I shoved the yummy buttery goodness into my mouth.

  “What are you going to do about Juliana?” Fuck. Couldn’t she just let me eat and not
worry about that shit? But we were the same; we liked to get to the bottom of things.

  I shrugged and kept eating.

  “James?”

  I didn’t want to look at her.

  “Breaking up with her, Mom. You already know who I want to be with.” It was pretty simple. I had broken it off with girls before and there had been nothing to it. I hated the fucking break-ups over text, such a cop out. But I was pretty sure she’d figure it out when I told her that we needed to talk.

  My mom finished her pancakes, picked up her plate and dumped it in the sink. “Don’t wait too long, James.”

  Was she trying to give me a headache? I hugged her from behind. “I love you, woman. You know that?”

  She nodded.

  *

  Something came up with work so I wasn’t able to see Becca for the rest of the day. She was pretty upset when I told her I had to run. Some idiot hadn’t been working correctly, causing a small incident, and he’d hurt himself on the job. Now we had tons of paperwork. I told Jim we shouldn’t have hired the asshole in the first place. The fucker did nothing but play around.

  It was late when I finally made it home.

  “Dude, what the fuck? I’ve been calling you all day,” I heard Paul say as soon as I opened the door.

  I threw my helmet onto the sofa. “For what?”

  “I don’t know, your girl said she’s tried calling and texting but you weren’t answering.” At the mention of ‘my girl’ I remembered the text and missed calls I’d never checked that I’d got from Juliana when I was finally able to check my phone. I had completely forgotten to contact her, and just when I was about to, Jim had called me with work shit.

  Sitting down, I threw my head back so that it rested against the sofa. “Fuck, I forgot to call her. Jim called me for some shit, so I made sure I got home tonight instead of tomorrow. I’m tired and I don’t want to deal with this bullshit.” There was only so much I could take.

  I pulled my phone from my pocket to check my text messages.

  Juliana: Good morning baby (8:34am)

  Juliana: Hey baby, I’ve been trying to call but nothing. Call me soon (2:10pm)

  Juliana: Ok it’s been hours and you haven’t text or called me. Is everything ok? Are you safe? (3:30pm)

  Juliana: Ok you are freaking me out. Are you ok? (5:02pm)

  Juliana: I just spoke to Paul. He said you are still at your mom’s house. Please call me when you get a chance. I miss you so much, come back already (6:55pm)

  Becca: Hey, just wanted to let u know that daddy will be home for my graduation. I spoke to the doctor and he said his wound is healing fine. And I never thanked u for the note this morning. I love u. Wish u didn’t have to go (7:45pm)

  Fuck.

  I looked at the time. It read 11:45pm. I knew it was late, but I should text them back.

  Me: Hey Juliana, sorry, these past couple of days have been crazy. I just got in. Some shit happened at work so I needed to take care of that. Maybe we can get together and talk? I’ll call u tomorrow. Night (11:46pm)

  I tossed my phone next to me. I needed a quick shower before I hit the bed. I needed to cool the fuck off.

  I wrapped the towel around me, brushed my teeth and went to my room. Me and exhaustion didn’t mix well together. In truth, I turned into a fucking crazy beast. Three nights of no sleep was not a good thing for me. I quickly pulled on some boxer briefs and climbed into bed. Fuck, my bed felt so good, but it didn't compare to being in Becca's bed.

  I heard knocking at the front door but Paul could get it; it was probably one of his fuck buddies anyway. I started to close my eyes when not even five seconds later my door creaked open.

  “Paul, get the fuck out, I’m tired.” I was literally two seconds away from getting up and punching him square in the jaw.

  Next thing I knew someone was crawling into my bed. “I missed you so much. I’m happy you’re home.”

  It was Juliana.

  Fuck.

  Her hands were on my bare chest while her legs wrapped around mine to straddle me.

  Fuck.

  I could smell the strawberry lotion coming from her soft skin. I was too tired for this shit. Her breath was by my ear and her hair tickled my cheeks. “I’m going to show you just how much I missed you.”

  Fuck.

  BECCA

  I honestly didn’t know how Emma managed when she couldn’t see Richard, because I was going fucking crazy without seeing James, and it had only been a couple of days. All I wanted to do was call and text him all day. I even wanted to drive to his place, just to see him for a few minutes, but I couldn’t take the days off work, nor could I miss seeing my dad.

  Thank God that daddy was finally coming home today. He’d been difficult because he had to be in a wheelchair whenever we had to leave the house from now on. Telling a man who had been walking all his life, did his own shit, he needed a wheelchair from now on, was difficult. He wasn’t too happy with it, but he’d better not play with me. Since I got the call earlier, I needed to make sure I went grocery shopping before I picked him up.

  As I was getting my schedule ready for the week I looked at my phone. It was 11:30am. I didn’t need to be in work for another hour. Emma was going to pick me up soon.

  The front door swung open, scaring the shit out of me as I wrote the grocery list. When I turned around I saw Emma’s dumbass walking right into the kitchen. “Hey, bitch,” she said, trying to hop on top of the counter.

  “Get your ass off of my counter. Don’t you ever fucking knock?” I told her as I continued to put the food away. “Besides, you’re supposed to be here at twelve-ten to pick me up for work. Not right now.”

  When James left, I’d immediately called Emma. She had been another person I’d put on hold. For different reasons than I’d put James on hold for. Emma was always so happy and I didn’t need to force being happy at that moment, plus she was another person who was leaving. I called her and explained to her why I had been so distant. Of course she gave me the ‘I’m sorry’ speech, then came over and hugged me a bunch. She was a lot more forgiving than James was about the whole thing. And a lot more emotional. We cried for a few hours and she explained that she would always be there for me. She continued to tell me that I should’ve called her but fully understood why I didn’t.

  “Shut up. Don’t think you’re getting away with it. I want the details on you and James.” She jumped off the counter and went to the sink to wash her hands.

  “I told you already. We kissed.”

  Just thinking about it made my cheeks flush. It was in this kitchen that it had happened and I wanted it to happen again and again. “I’ll be right back. Just let me get dressed then we can go.”

  I walked past her as she said, “You mean, when you finish getting dressed you’ll give me the juicy details?”

  I couldn’t believe this woman. I just shook my head and went upstairs. It was nice having her back though.

  My car was in the shop. The other day while going to work it had broken down in the middle of the road. Thank goodness I was able to pull over in time. If not I would’ve been screwed. The mechanic said that the alternator went out so I had to order a new one. Now I was just waiting for it to come in.

  After putting my uniform on, I put my hair into a low ponytail and went downstairs to join Emma. I was so grateful she was able to take me to work. If she couldn’t I’d have had to walk about four miles to get there.

  “Can you believe we’re going to graduate soon?” she asked during the ride. She was ubér excited about school. I couldn’t blame her though, she had already been accepted to the university of her choice. Emma was a smart woman and I was so proud that she was going to do something to better this world.

  I just stared out the window and enjoyed another beautiful day to be alive.

  She touched my shoulder, which made me turn around to face her. “Aren’t you excited about it all?”

  School just wasn’t for me. “Yeah, it’s
cool, I can’t wait for my dad to see me.” It was because of him I was doing this anyway, and it seemed like he was going to be there to witness my graduation.

  “Have you got any acceptance letters yet?” Emma asked.

  I really didn’t want to talk about this, not right now. I had been trying to avoid this subject with everybody. It was just something I didn’t want to think about. I mean, after I graduate, then what? My dad was going to die soon. He seemed a little better, and he’d passed the week mark, but the outcome would be the same. After graduation I would not be leaving his side. I didn’t want to leave his side. But what would happen after he was gone? What would I do with myself? I wouldn’t have any good work experience and my certificate would be shit. The only thing I could look forward to was my father being there in the crowd with a huge smile on his face.

  “Bec?” I heard Emma ask, her voice filled with concern.

  “Yeah, sorry. No, I haven’t gotten any yet. Still hopeful though,” I said with a weak smile. Hopefully that would back her off of me for awhile.

  “Well, you can always apply again for next semester.” Why was she pushing it?

  Not even five minutes later and we were pulling into my job. Evans’ Diner, the place to go for the best cheesecake in the state. I wondered how long I would be working here. How long I would be waiting on tables and people. Fuck, I was going to be like Margaret. She was, like, sixty-five years old, and all she did was sit behind the counter, pouring black coffee to the customers all day. Who the hell was going to want me? Would James even want to stay with me when I become a bum?

  Cat Lady. That would be me.

  JAMES

  “Yo Jim, I’m not going to be here next week, alright? It’s Becca’s graduation and I have to be there,” I explained.

  Becca didn’t graduate until the end of the week so if I got there Tuesday or Wednesday we could still spend time together. We’d been texting each other for the past week. It was the same as we normally would, but then again, it wasn’t the same at all. Becca and I had always text and spoke, but this time, now that we were together, it was more meaningful. She was so happy that her dad was home and I wished I could’ve been there when he got home, but work had been really demanding since I’d been back. All I did was wake up, eat, work, and sleep. I spent my time on FaceTime, or texting and talking with Becca on the phone.