Total Freedom (Total Freedom Series Book 1)

by Ann M Pratley

  "Why don't we go to bed and make up for the last two weeks?"

  That was all the convincing I needed.

  Chapter 25

  Within the six month period that followed the record company pressured for us to tour but I had to blatantly push for 'no'. Luckily the band were on my side 100%. It hadn't been that long since our previous tour.

  The new album went higher than the first - up to number two on the nationwide charts - but the biggest thrill was the recording company telling us our album was selling in Australia, and we were hotter than ever.

  For our celebration Craig and I went out for a picnic on the beach. I knew Steven would have been able to see us if he looked up from his typing, but the thought didn't worry me. Craig had been spending a lot more time at our house since we had started singing together again, and sometimes it almost seemed like Steven and Craig had finally fully accepted each other.

  "Here's to you and me, Debs. We continue to produce great music together, and you will always be my greatest friend," Craig said as we toasted our cans of soft drink. Then we were silent, watching the waves.

  "You know, you always talk like everything's going fantastic with you, but now and then I look at you and I sense that something deep inside is really bothering you. I wish you would tell me what it is."

  He smiled at me. "Thank you for caring. But everything really is fantastic at the moment. No lies!" I didn't ask again.

  Chapter 26

  Time passed quickly. Christine was two years old, then three, and I decided it was time to give up my day job and just enjoy my family life and singing career.

  Steven had finished four novels in two years and even though earning the money was slow, when we got his cheques in the mail, I knew just what a talented husband I really had. Between the two of us, Christine was beginning to be very spoilt.

  It was nice, getting up to just walk Christine to kindergarten and then return home to Steven who would purposely wait for me in bed. We were careful at night - but there was no way Steven and I could lose our urges for intimate moments alone. Sometimes I just couldn't get enough of him.

  * * * *

  When Christine turned five, Steven asked me the question I had suspected he would, sooner or later. "Why don't we give Christine the present of a lifetime - a little brother or sister?"

  We had been lying in bed but upon hearing those words, I was out of there quicker than I thought I could move. I had been thinking about it for a long time but when Steven asked out loud, the question just seemed to blow me away.

  My answer? I just ignored the question. Instead I got up and went to see Christine. She was already eyeing up the few presents in the lounge. And was just coming to the huge one in the corner. After Steven appeared we gave her a nod and she tore off the paper and stood in awe at the bike in front of her. Steven and I sat on the sofa together and hugged as the vision of a beautiful little girl in total bliss made us so proud and happy.

  Christine came up and jumped on Steven's knee and hugged us both. "Oh thank you, thank you," she kept repeating and we laughed. But then I reminded her she was starting school today and the smile disappeared so fast. That was when I let Steven do the talking. If there is such a thing as a child being one parent's, Christine was definitely Steven's. He knew exactly how to make her do what she didn't want to, and how to make her smile when she was sad.

  On the way to school she asked me about her bike. "Will you be able to teach me this weekend, Mum?"

  I laughed at her. "Sure."

  When I returned home I expected Steven to be waiting to continue our conversation and I was right.

  Sitting beside him, he took my hand and looked for an answer in my eyes.

  "If I have another baby, Steven, and I get depressed like before, what is it going to do to Christine? We can't put her through that."

  "But it won't be like before. She blew us both away - but she was our first child. You are a great mother, and I really think Christine would love it," he retorted and I sighed.

  "Alright," I said and he laughed and kissed me, "but we have to time this around my career. If we're going to have another baby, then you understand that I will have to go on tour now?"

  He looked away. "Why? I thought you weren’t going to do any more tours."

  That led to our first argument we'd had for a very long time. Finally Steven came round and soon I was on the phone to Andrea.

  "Do they still want us to tour, Andrea?" I asked.

  "Yeah, but we have to have another album ready to go, and this time it will be 10 weeks through New Zealand and Australia," she replied and I had to smile and ask if I had heard right.

  "Australia?" I turned to look at Steven, who wasn't looking too impressed.

  "Yes, is that what you want?" she asked. I thought for a moment before replying.

  "Yes."

  I turned to Steven. "Andrea is going to get back to me this afternoon. Wow - Australia! How exciting!" I hugged him and he tried to look happy but I could see and understand what was frustrating him - ten weeks was a long time for a mother to leave her family.

  * * * *

  That night Craig came over, hugging me as he came inside. "What's that for?" I laughed at him.

  We sat down and he handed me a contract to sign. "The tour will start in six weeks' time, last for ten weeks, and we have to have an album ready when we get back - basically the same as before but we'll be touring longer … and further." We looked at each other and Craig was grinning from ear to ear. I looked to Steven for a definite yes or no, and he nodded. "Sign it," he said and smiled as hard as he could.

  "I'm taking the next couple of weeks off work so we can work on some songs if you like," Craig suggested and I nodded.

  "Shall we start on Monday? I'll work on some lyrics till then," I said.

  Craig agreed and left me and Steven together. I sat astride Steven and kissed him softly.

  "Well," I said and he questioned. I kissed him again and pulled his arms around me. "Let's make a baby."

  Steven pushed me away enough to look at me. "Are you sure?"

  I could only answer with a kiss. A kiss that led to an entire afternoon of blissful love.

  * * * *

  We celebrated Christine's birthday that weekend and Steven worked overtime with our camera as Craig and I encouraged her on your bicycle. When she finally got it, all her friends cheered and she ran back to Steven. "Did you see, Dad? Did you see?"

  I looked to Steven, who winked at me that parenthood was for us and having another baby was going to be fantastic.

  "Wow, she is growing so fast," Craig said, beside me. I had to agree with that. "She is really going to miss you while we are away."

  I smiled at him sadly. The thought of leaving my home for a long time was now starting to scare me. "She'll be fine. She has her dad."

  * * * *

  Craig and I spent the next few weeks working on our new album. We had all decided to push hard to get it recorded so we could relax for at least a few days before leaving. And for Steven and I, we spent our last few days together, totally involved with each other. Chris, as she now insisted on being called, was confidently involved in sleepovers in the weekends and it gave Steven and I even more time to be alone.

  The day before I left, I took her down to the beach. After fooling around a bit in the sand and water, we sat down and she cuddled into my arms. "Why do you have to leave, Mum? Can't you stay here with us?"

  The tears threatening were fought hard but won out in the end. "Oh, darling, I know this must be hard for you to understand but I love my music and I want to sing to lots of people all over. I won't be gone long - before you know it I'll be back with you and Dad again."

  She looked at me and asked why I was crying. I kissed and hugged her.

  "It's just really hard for me to leave you, especially if you don't understand why. Do you know what I'm saying, Chris?" I asked and she nodded.

  Then she came out with one of her bright lines,
which I'm sure she knew would always make me laugh. "And I'll take charge to make sure there's a huge chocolate cake waiting for you when you get home!"

  That night I felt like I was leaving my family for good. I didn't want to say goodbye now. I wanted to change my mind and stay safe with my beautiful daughter and her beautiful father.

  Chapter 27

  When I awoke the day we were to leave, Steven was still in bed beside me and when I turned to look at him, I saw tears in his eyes. "I wish you weren't going," he said quietly and I had to fight the urge to cry myself.

  We kissed almost desperately until Chris came in. "Oops," said the little voice from the door. "I'm sorry." We laughed at her and told her not to worry.

  She jumped up on the bed between me and Steven, and said to me exactly what Steven just had. I pulled her to me and promised I'd be back soon. I couldn't stop thinking that in the previous months since I had known I was leaving, Chris and I had become the closest we had ever been. And now I was going away. Would we have the same relationship when I got back from the tour?

  Soon I was kissing them both goodbye at the door as Craig loaded my gear into his car. It all seemed so final but all I could see was the day I would come home. Ten weeks from Steven could only be fantastically made up for when I returned.

  * * * *

  And so we were off. As with the last tour, we were starting at one end of the country and working our way by bus to the other.

  Even though Craig and Andrea were sleeping in the same hotel rooms, the more I was around them, the more it seemed all was not well.

  After two weeks I was quite aware of Craig spending more time with me.

  One day when we were relaxing, I had to sit him down. It seemed like ages since we had really talked - since we began the tour we'd been constantly making each other laugh and be happy, whilst discretely avoiding talking about anything serious. Now I didn’t know how to tackle the situation.

  "Have you had some bad news, Debs? Has something happened with Steven?" he asked and I was overwhelmed at Craig's concern for my husband.

  I shook my head and tried not to laugh. "No! Everything is fine at home. I'm worried about you!"

  He looked at me, confused, as if to ask "Why?"

  Now I was really stuck for words. We were both quiet for a moment.

  "Well, is everything going okay between you and Andrea?"

  For a split second I thought I saw a little bit of acknowledgement in his eyes, but if it was, it went as fast as it appeared. A smile graced his face.

  "Everything's great with us. Why do you ask?"

  "Well, you two just don't seem to spend much time together. In fact I think you and I are together more than I see you with her."

  A look of hurt crossed his face. "Am I crowding you again? If I am, just tell me and I'll back off."

  I put my hand on his shoulder. "No, don't get me wrong, I love being around you, you know that. I am loving every minute we spend together. But you guys worry me. If there's something bothering you, I wish you'd tell me."

  He smiled again, stood up and pulled me up into a hug. "I really appreciate your concern but rest assured, everything is fine. Don't worry about me so much."

  When I looked into Craig's eyes now I wondered why I had even thought about it - he did seem happy.

  Chapter 28

  After our final gig in our home country I felt like now I was really leaving home. I reassured myself that Australia wasn't really any further away from my home town than the top of our country. What was the big deal?

  Our organisers had been kind to us and left a good number of nights free in the six weeks to follow. When we got to our hotel on the first day, everyone was so excited - nothing could have brought any of us down.

  That first night we hit the town and it was the first time I had really let loose and partied since I had wed. Of course, the next morning I wondered if I really missed late nights at all. It put me on such a high, though, that we could all go to bars and nightclubs and not need alcohol to enjoy ourselves.

  The first gig we played in Australia was in a smaller town, so we relaxed a bit. I had presumed that we would work around the country in a circular network but obviously the sponsors didn't mind the cost or time it took for us to play for the smallest crowds and build up to playing in the major cities last.

  Because we all stuck together everywhere we went, I never thought about Craig and Andrea's relationship again. Not until the fourth week that was.

  * * * *

  We had had excellent gigs and reviews in six smaller centres. Now the time had come to play in a big city - the third largest in the country.

  I guess it wasn't the size of the city that scared me, but when we visited the stage that day for a rehearsal and set up of gear, I was in awe.

  Craig came up to me. "Hey you, what's up? You look … odd."

  I was stunned. "How many people have we been playing for on average per night?"

  To that question, he simply shrugged.

  I went up to Andrea and asked her the same question. "Maybe 5,000-10,000 per night on average. Why?"

  I looked out at the arena around us. "How many are we playing for tonight?" She shrugged her shoulders as if she knew I were going to freak at the answer. "Well?" I pushed.

  "About 28,000."

  I could feel myself go white before Craig came up behind me. "Debs, chill out. It's just a concert, just like any other."

  * * * *

  I couldn't find any words as we left the arena and returned to our hotel. Once there, Craig escorted me back to my hotel room. "I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think that's a great idea."

  I stood at the window overlooking the city - it was a metropolis! "Oh God, I don't think I have ever been this afraid before. I mean, I am really scared."

  He came up behind me and put his arms around me, holding me from behind. "We're going to be fantastic out there. It's just another concert, like any other we've done, so stop worrying. This is nothing compared to what we'll do in the future."

  I slowly turned around to face him and he welcomed my hug back. After a while of neither of us speaking, the unexpected happened. Looking up into his face, Craig kissed me - not like a friend, but like a lover. And I liked it. I was hungry for it, knowing it wasn't right, but in that moment, simply not caring.

  We broke apart, almost breathless, and I could see Craig was as surprised as I was. "Debs! Your adrenaline … it's emanating off you like heat from a fire. It's affecting me too much." We looked at each other, and I could see his hunger too. "I … you…" He was shaking his head, as if to try and clear thoughts. "I don't know what to do right now … I can't think..."

  But within a moment we were kissing again.

  As we made our way from the window to the bed, we undressed. The sight of him, not sitting but standing before me, and him lifting me up and carrying me the last few feet, was new to me. Craig laying me down on the bed, and the fact that I could lie still as he moved around and over me, was all so different from how things were with my husband that all of what was happening pushed the vision of Steven to the very back of my mind.

  Craig was lying over me and I opened my eyes to look into his. "If you don't want me to, I won't." This was the moment - how strong was my conscience?

  I touched his face with my hands - this handsome, striking face that I had known so long - and pulled him to kiss me. "I want you, Craig." And from there came a long period of what should have been ecstasy. But, for me, wasn't.

  Craig pulled off me and lay beside me, as I turned to face him. "We should think about getting ready for the concert," I said and he smiled.

  "You're not scared anymore?"

  I laughed a mock laugh. "No, thank you. That is now the last thing on my mind."

  He reached out his hand to push my hair from around my face. His eyes were so alert - but also so very sad. "You are just so beautiful, Debs."

  I placed my hand on his chest and looked at him objectively, like he
wasn't someone I knew inside out, but someone new. And all I could see was his beauty - he was a truly beautiful man, but still, even after all this time, he just couldn't seem to see past the person he had been when we first met all those years ago.

  Knowing this would probably be the only time we could be like this, we lay together for a long time, looking but not speaking.

  "Roll onto your tummy," he finally said and I did so. He straddled my thighs and started to massage my back. "I want to make sure you really are relaxed and not stressed about tonight."

  This was another thing I hadn't experienced with Steven. It felt good to have Craig there, above but behind me, and I felt him accidentally touch my buttocks - hard. He sounded sheepish as he mumbled, "Sorry, I can't help it. Being here with you like this … touching you…"

  It was all too much for me. Subconsciously I lifted my hips up and he noticed. "Oh…" he groaned deeply, "… do you want…"

  I pushed back further. "Yes."

  I felt him reposition and slide into me from behind. What an exquisite feeling, and yet it was another thing that I wasn't sharing with my husband. Craig was really moving now, and although earlier I hadn't really felt any connection to him when he was inside me, this time I was enraptured.

  As if to savour what was happening, Craig slipped his hand around and under me, alternating movements of his hips with stopping still and just touching me with his hand. It was intoxicating - a blend of two pleasures, that I had never felt before, and he continued like this until I exploded in luscious waves. Through it I could hear Craig groan. "Oh, Deb…"

  The power behind his orgasm was easily felt by me, and before withdrawing he slumped onto me, resting against my back while he caught his breath.

  Finally he lay down beside me once again. I was speechless - I had never thought my best friend could ever have this effect on me. It all felt so wrong but yet also so comfortable. There was no uneasiness lying here beside him, naked and exposed like we were.