Like There's No Tomorrow

by Linnea Valle

  “Oh, right, like you’re going somewhere or got some big plans for tonight, right?” Eddie mocked me. We both knew he was right.

  “Lay off, okay?” I snapped at my brother over the phone.

  “Hey, okay.” Eddie sounded properly put in his place and I immediately felt horrible for biting his head off. After all, I was the one who’d been stupid. He was just worried and was checking up on me.

  “It kills me thinking of you up there, not knowing anyone and sitting around crying in your dorm room every night when the lines of communication go both ways, ya know? You two need to fucking figure this shit out and that won’t happen if you won’t talk to each other.”

  Well, Eddie summed up my whole existence in a one sentence. I did sit here alone every night, crying and feeling sorry for myself, as though Zach was the only one who knew how to dial a phone. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I know you’re trying to help me, but I need to get off the phone so I can charge it. We can go through this conversation again tomorrow night.”

  “Alright,” Eddie sighed, knowing I’d won that round. “But, when I finally get you two face-to-face, I’m going to make you two talk to each other.”

  Eddie’s voice was stern and I knew he thought he had the solution. I had my doubts. Things had been strained between Zach and me for over a year now and this seemed like an insurmountable expectation.

  “Bye, sis. I love you. I’ll talk you off the ledge again tomorrow night, okay?” Eddie reassured me. I laughed at the semi-truth.

  “Night Eddie, I love you too.” I did feel slightly better, but only slightly.

  Eddie was not hanging out with Zach when he called. I assumed that meant Zach was out with one of the mini-harem who followed him around and worshipped at his feet. There were plenty of things to worship about Zach, but the thought pissed me off even more. I needed to stop torturing myself with thoughts of him. The best thing for me to do was to dive into the mountain of weekend homework. Might as well use my loneliness to my advantage to get good grades.

  The second week crawled slower than the week before. Classes, homework, feeling sorry for myself, and avoiding my roommate Sarah, were my normal routine while here at college. That was probably a good thing because I spent a lot of my time in tears. I couldn’t seem to help it. I wanted to try to move on from this thing with Zach. What I needed was to get out and maybe go on a date or something, but I had no desire to.

  The closer it got to Friday night, the more nervous I got. I hadn’t spoken with Zach since he dropped me off at my house “that night.” I was afraid of how alone I would feel when Eddie wouldn’t be a phone call away. I refused to call Zach even though, I knew I could. Later, I wouldn’t be able to call even if I had the guts to. This just added to my feelings of isolation.

  As anxious as I was to see Zach, I was equally as excited to see Eddie. This had been the longest we’d ever been apart and I hated it. Knowing ten weeks would be the next time I’d get to see him made me feel a little ill.

  When Friday afternoon arrived, I was literally squirming in my chair during my last class of the day. I’d already promised myself I was not going to cry a single tear while they were here. I was pumped to get to see Eddie and Zach.

  Eddie had helped mom and Charlie move me here, so he knew where my dorm room was and had already texted me they were in town and had their hotel room. Charlie and Mrs. Peters generously helped pay for them to stay a couple of nights in a hotel. They understood the bond the three of us had even though they knew things had been strained between Zach and I over the last year or so.

  Eddie and Zach were going to meet me at my dorm as soon as I got out of this stupid Communications class. I’d been watching the clock and hadn’t heard much the professor said. I thought about jetting out a little early, but I hated to call attention to myself. Instead I sat there and counted the seconds.

  When we were finally dismissed, I shot out of my chair and headed straight for the door when some moron came up and tried to start up a conversation. Something about how I was in another of his classes that semester and he thought we could do some studying together.

  I wanted to blow this guy off to go see Eddie and Zach, so I told him, “Yeah, whatever.” I tried to get to the door and this dude came up and got in my way, again!

  “So, I’m Ryan. What’s your name?” He said. Was he for real?

  “I’m Emma, I’m kind of in a hurry to get back to my room, but it was real nice to meet you, um…” I couldn’t remember what he said his name was and I didn’t care at this point. Rude as it was, I scooted around him and rushed through the door.

  After I got out of the building, I broke out into one of those super-fast walks. The kind which makes you look like an idiot because your butt is wiggling around so much, but I was covering a lot of ground. It only took a couple of minutes, and I was in the quad, almost to my dorm building, when I heard the same guy from class call my name.

  You’ve got to be kidding me! What was with this guy? I tried to pretend not to hear him, but I could tell he was getting closer. His voice was getting louder and a bit more out of breath as he continued calling out my name. I had no choice, I turned around and bam! He smacked into me full force, almost knocking me on my butt. I would have been laid out on the pavement from the impact had he not grabbed me and set me back on my feet.

  “Emma, whoa! I’ve been trying to catch up to you across most of campus. You forgot your backpack in class. We have homework this weekend, and I thought you’d probably be missing it.”

  I snuck a peek around his shoulder and sure enough, there was my backpack hanging by one of the arm straps. He was still holding onto me, arms wrapped needlessly tight around me, when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “Em, I guess I see why you haven’t had time to call me since you’ve been here at school.” It was Zach’s rich, deep baritone.

  God, how I missed hearing his voice. But, did he have to be so fucking snide and irritating? Couldn’t he ever catch me during a good time?

  I jerked out of what’s-his-name’s arms and turned to face Zach. “Who’ve you been so busy with back at home that’s kept you from calling me, Zach?”

  I put an extra little bit of saccharine in my voice. He did this to me every time. Said something to put me on guard and turned me into a royal bitch! I glared at him for a moment, and then figured I’d rub his nose in it since he assumed this guy and I were dating. “Zach, I’d like you to meet…” Aw, shit, I couldn’t remember his name for the life of me; I turned and looked at the guy, pleading with my eyes to come to my rescue. And to my total astonishment he did!

  “I’m Ryan,” he said and stuck out his hand for a handshake with Zach.

  Total asshole that he was, Zach completely ignored Ryan’s hand and continued to stare me down. “I was bringing Emma her backpack,” Ryan interjected, knowing he had somehow gotten himself in the middle of something and I could tell how uncomfortable he felt.

  “Yes, thank you for carrying it from class for me, Ryan. We’ll set up a study time next week. Okay with you?” And I smiled sweetly at him, partly for Zach’s benefit.

  I reached around and pulled on the strap of my backpack and it slid right down Ryan’s arm. He smiled at me and I looked at him, for the very first time. He had a nice smile and kind eyes. Boyish good looks that went along with his all-American boy-next-door demeanor. He seemed nice. Too bad I had the hots for the jerk at my back.

  “I’ll see you in class on Monday, have a great weekend.”

  “Yeah, looks like you’re gonna have a fun-filled weekend too,” he replied as he shot a glance over my shoulder to Zach, whom I was sure was glaring at poor Ryan.

  He was certainly in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ryan turned and walked away, back across the Quad. I watched him for a few seconds, wondering if I should follow him or face the wrath of Zach. I didn’t follow him, of course, I stayed with Zach. I always stayed with Zach.

  “Cute boy you got there, Emily,” Zach accen
tuated the word boy and switched his glare between me and Ryan’s retreating back.

  I turned to watch Ryan leave, shoulders held proud despite the embarrassment he had just endured. I became a bitch when I was around Zach. Ever since I came to terms with being in love with him. I figured it was my defense mechanism in case he rejected me.

  Then I heard it, the best sound I’d heard in weeks. “Hey you two, do I have to remind you both to play nice? What’s going on?” Eddie walked up to us and stood right behind Zach.

  I dropped my backpack and squealed. “Eddie!” I ran around Zach and jumped up into Eddie’s outstretched arms which immediately wrapped me in a bubble of safety and comfort.

  I laughed. Eddie laughed. I was so happy to see him I had tears of joy rolling down my cheeks. Eddie spun me around a couple of times before he set me down, holding me at arm’s length and assessed me.

  “You’ve lost some weight, Emma,” Eddie’s tone a slight reprimand. “Are you guys already fighting? Jesus, I can’t leave the two of you alone for even five minutes without you being at each other’s throats. What gives?”

  I could tell Eddie was disappointed because he’d been telling me for two weeks he wanted Zach and me to “kiss and make up.” To talk about the night before I left and set things right before they left. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint Eddie. But, Zach was so, unbelievably frustrating!

  I glanced down at my feet feeling shame, because I told Eddie I would do my best and promised him I’d tell Zach how I really felt. Eddie was adamant Zach felt the same for me and hadn’t figured it out yet.

  Zach spoke up first. “Man, your sister moves fast, she’s already got a hook into some kid who was looking at her like she was Santa Claus and he was a 5-year-old who got his whole fucking wish list dumped down the chimney.”

  I spun on Zach, breathing fire. “What-the-fuck-ever! I just met Ryan today, I forgot my backpack and he was nice enough to run across campus, to return it to me.”

  I went from mad at Zach, to ecstatic to see Eddie, back to pissed at Zach. My moods vacillated like a pendulum swinging on a grandfather clock. It had to stop. I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. One of us should be the voice of reason, besides Eddie. I decided it needed to be me. I was ready to take anything Zach threw at me with a smile and “play nice” as Eddie said.

  When I opened my eyes again, I saw Zach watching me with curiosity. The ire on his face had softened and his brown eyes warmed a bit. I decided to test the waters and took a small step toward him. He didn’t back away, it was a good sign. I resolved to make the next two days good ones for all of us. A tentative half-smile, and one more step put me squarely in front of him and within easy reach. Again, he didn’t back away and even had a small smile on his face. Maybe the weekend would be okay despite the rough start.

  “I’m happy to see you Zach. I didn’t call because I didn’t know if you’d want to speak to me. We weren’t talking the last time we saw each other.” The memory had my cheeks blushing crimson and the heat of embarrassment seeped down my neck and spread down the top part of my chest. Zach actually blushed a bit as well, which was completely unlike him and he averted his eyes.

  “Yeah, um, I’m sorry about how all of it went down, Em. I know I reacted badly, I’m sorry. You deserved so much better,” Zach’s tone was hushed and I didn’t know if he was embarrassed or if he was trying to keep Eddie from hearing him.

  “It’s great to see you too. But, Eddie’s right, you look like you’ve lost some weight, are you okay?” Zach looked uncomfortable with showing concern for me, concern was there, nonetheless.

  “I’m okay, getting used to being away, eating dorm food and the hectic pace here at college. It’s not as easy as high school was. Sometimes I forget to eat, that’s all.”

  It was sort of the truth, and sort of not. Sometimes I wasn’t hungry because I was upset and was crying. I didn’t want to go down to the cafeteria looking all red-eyed and snot-nosed. Other times, I was too busy with homework to bother with it, and I decided for the sake of my pride and our weekend to tell half the truth. I wasn’t about to let Zach know I had been sitting around bawling over him.

  I looked around and saw Eddie, he had his back to us and he was talking to…Sarah? Honestly, about the only time I’d even seen her in the last couple of weeks, and she chose now to make an appearance?

  Naturally, she appeared to be flirting with Eddie. Now that was weird, although Eddie seemed to be enjoying it immensely. I must’ve had an odd look on my face, because Zach went from watching me to slowly pivoting and followed my gaze. Then he smiled.

  “Hey Sarah, you found us!” Zach called out.

  I was stunned, how did Zach know my roommate and why was he calling her by name? What had I missed? She looked past Eddie and with a little cheerleader’s smile she gave us a wave.

  Her attention turned quickly back to Eddie. She even reached out and touched his arm when she laughed. Yep, I definitely missed something. I looked back to Zach who still watched her and I gave him a smack on the arm to get his attention, furrowing my brows in confusion.

  “We were waiting in the lobby of your dorm when Sarah came up to Eddie. She knew immediately, of course, he was your brother, so she introduced herself to us and was keeping us company until you got out of class. She had to take a call right when I saw you coming across the quad,” Zach answered my silent question.

  “So, she and Eddie seem to be hitting it off, huh?” I was perplexed because I didn’t foresee that. Red hair and freckles didn’t seem like her type. I guess I shouldn’t put my own insecurities onto my brother. I always felt like the tag-along sister, because where Eddie went, I went. This was the first time in our lives we’d chosen different paths.

  Eddie was a good-looking guy and had the best personality and sense of humor. People always seemed drawn to him. He was tall and lanky, but not scrawny, especially after all the prep for Boot Camp. I saw Eddie as my big brother, but to an outsider, I’m sure he was considered hot.

  Zach interrupted my thoughts, “Yup, she wants all of us to go to some frat party tonight with her. She’s got a real personality. She does seem into Eddie and I think he likes the attention,” I laugh-snorted at his statement.

  “Honestly Zach, when has Eddie ever not liked the attention of a cute brunette?” I smiled, because I knew Sarah was, in fact, exactly Eddie’s type.

  “Too true,” Zach chuckled. The deep, warmth of his laugh washed over me and I remembered all over again, despite how mad he made me, I loved him just as much. I reached up on my tiptoes and gave Zach a quick kiss on the cheek; I couldn’t stop myself.

  It took both of us by surprise and we simply stared at each other, eyes wide as I slowly lowered myself back down. I felt the energy surge between us, like it had the night of “the incident.” I wished we had a do-over for two weeks ago.

  “Sarah was saying we should go up and see the room once you got back from class. Eddie’s already seen it; maybe you could show me where you’re spending too much time studying and not enough time eating?” Zach looked at me knowingly.

  My stomach flip-flopped and my palms went all sweaty with the thought of being alone with Zach. Without even touching him, merely being with him, hearing his voice, feeling his nearness did things to me. Maybe I’d get up the nerve to tell him, but I doubted it. Anyway, if I told him, it could spoil the whole weekend. Better to wait in case he didn’t take it well.

  “Sure, let’s go.” I started to walk past Zach, but in one stride he was beside me. He reached out and took my hand. Memories flooded me and I was back to that night over again. The thrill of his touch was even more intense now, after having known each other intimately.

  “Oh,” I turned my head, “my backpack.” Zach immediately dropped my hand and took the few steps to where it laid on the ground, scooped it up and returned to my side, this time he tossed an arm over my shoulders.

  “Hey you two, Em’s going to
show me her digs. We’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.” Zach said as we passed Eddie and Sarah.

  His message was loud and clear. He didn’t want their company. My heart leapt at his words. Was Eddie right? Did Zach have feelings for me after all? Or maybe he was only a hormonal nineteen-year-old who wanted to get laid. I was so unsure of myself when it came to Zach’s intentions. My feelings kept spinning in circles, confident to insecure.

  “No sweat. Sarah was offering to show me around campus. Text me later and we can meet up for some chow.” Eddie’s easygoing style had him accepting her offer. He gallantly held out his arm for Sarah in an exaggerated manner and had her giggling as she willingly took it and pointed them in a direction across the quad. Eddie turned his head to me gave me a very pointed look.

  I knew what he meant. He wanted me to make sure that Zach and I talked. Once he knew I had received his silent message, I saw a little wink and the glimmer in his eyes. Then he waggled his eyebrows at me.

  I laughed at Eddie’s antics. “Eddie is such a crack up. God, I missed him,” I admitted to Zach.

  My laughter died away on a sigh and I turned my attention back to Zach. We walked to my dorm building. When we entered, there were plenty of people milling around. Some were watching TV, some lounged in ratty plastic upholstered chairs chatting, and others still were playing ping pong.

  No one even looked up when Zach and I strolled in. I pointed to the stairwell, directing him to my room on the third floor. Zach’s arm tightened slightly around my shoulders as he turned to open the door to the stairs. Once through the door, he let go and put his hand at the small of my back to guide me through. The door closed with a thud automatically behind us, making me jump. My nerves gave me away, no matter how cool I tried to play it.

  As we climbed the stairs, I could feel Zach’s body heat behind me. His warm breath skimmed the side of my face. I didn’t know if he was breathing hard or if I was hyper sensitive to everything about him. With each step of our ascent, my heart pounded faster and faster. It had nothing to do with conditioning and everything to do with the man who followed me to my room.