Like There's No Tomorrow

by Linnea Valle

  We got to the third floor and I turned to grab the door handle, but Zach’s hand beat me to it. “I’m down the hall to the left. My room is the fourth door on the right,” I told him so he had a clue where we were headed.

  I reached into my pocket for my key to open the door and Zach shifted my backpack to his other arm. I’d forgotten he was even carrying it. It was full of books, heavy for me, but no doubt it was piece of cake for him.

  At my door I tried to unlock the door with my key, but my hands shook so hard I couldn’t get the key inside the lock.

  “Here, let me help.” Zach gently took the key from my hand and unlocked the door. It swung open wide and banged loudly as it hit the wall. Zach again guided me through the door with his hand on my back.

  “Welcome to my humble abode for the next year,” I said as I gave a grandiose sweep of my hand around the tiny dorm room.

  “This is my side,” I said, pointing to the right side of the room. Not that I needed to, because I was sure Zach could tell the difference by the fact Sarah had selfies with friends plastered all over the walls on her side.

  My side was dull and boring with few adornments. There were three pictures up on my bulletin board. One of Eddie and me at the lake from this summer which Zach took. There was another of the three of us in our graduation garb, which was a selfie Eddie took. The third picture was Zach’s senior portrait, the wallet size everyone gives out. My life summed up on one piece of cork.

  “Emma…” Zach’s voice was full of emotion as it trailed off.

  He set the keys down on the built-in desk on my side of the room and wrapped me in his strong arms. His lips came down on mine in a crushing kiss which lasted for minutes. Our tongues tasted and teased each other, hungry for more.

  Zach broke the kiss. “God, Em, I’m so sorry! I don’t know how things got so out of hand the other night.” I was confused, not quite sure exactly what he was sorry for.

  “Are you sorry we ‘did it,’” I asked with air quotes, “or just sorry about the fight afterwards? I’m unclear here.” My statement sounded defensive, but I felt like I might need to keep my guard up in case he chose the first of those two options.

  “I’m sorry, that came out sounding bad. I don’t know why we can’t seem to talk to each other like we used to a few years ago.” Not true, I did know why. I was afraid of rejection and being alone, so I opted to push him away first. Then the first time I let my guard down he rejected me. Unfortunately, I knew I was going to have to face and deal with my fears or I’d never be happy. Worse, Zach and I might never get past the love-hate thing we continually perpetuated.

  Zach’s shame was engraved on his face. He looked as though he’d seen my conflict, that he could feel the pain he’d caused me. In showing his emotions and caring, he went from a nice guy to again being irresistible to me. He ran his hands through his hair. Maybe he didn’t have feelings for me to the extent I had for him, but I could see there was something. I went to him, pulled on his arms, slid my hands down them until I held his hands in mine, and I looked up at Zach. I saw it, saw him, and I knew right then how he felt. I didn’t need to hear it at that moment. Knowing was enough. Damn Eddie for always being right!

  “Zach, hold me. It’s all I need right now,” I told him, and it was the truth.

  I released his hands and let him make his own decision. A heavy sigh was drug from deep within and he wrapped his arms around me and held me. He hugged me tight. I hugged him back and my hands involuntarily made tiny circles up near his shoulder blades. One of Zach’s hands, slid up my back, underneath my mass of curly hair and he cupped my neck. We stood there, embracing and comforting each other for long minutes. I knew we were both hanging on for dear life, because once again, our lives were going to change in about forty-eight hours and the unknown was scary.

  We stood like that until Zach’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He kissed me on the top of my head and broke contact. Reaching into his pocket to check his phone, he confirmed my suspicion, it was Eddie. “Eddie wants to know where we want to grab dinner. Do you have a preference?” Zach asked me.

  I didn’t, and honestly, I wasn’t hungry, at least not for food. “I’m not very hungry, actually,” I told him as I shook my head to make my point. I sat on my bed and waited for Zach and Eddie to make a decision.

  The call ended and Zach laughed softly at my answer. “Emily Jenkins, do you honestly think that’s going to fly with either Eddie or me? We both see you’ve clearly lost weight in only a couple of weeks. You will be eating decent meals while we’re here.”

  Zach gave me a look, a dare to challenge him and I knew he was right. I was not going to get away with it with either of them. I shrugged in ascent.

  “I don’t know anywhere good around here. Maybe Sarah has some suggestions.” I assumed Eddie and Sarah were still together and she’d be joining us for dinner.

  I knew she wanted the guys to go to a frat party with her later. I wasn’t at all interested in going, but I wanted to spend time with Eddie and Zach while I still had the opportunity. I’d tag along with them to whatever they wanted to do.

  Zach texted Eddie back and hit send. He held on to his phone, waiting for a reply. It only took Eddie a minute or so before I heard the phone vibrate in his hand. He quickly sent another text in reply and he set his phone down on the desk. At that point, I knew dinner was settled and my senses went on hyper alert. Zach took the two steps to my bed and sat down beside me.

  “What’s the plan?” I asked, not giving a shit what we did or where we went, as long as we were together.

  “Sarah said there’s a good mom and pop burger joint not too far from campus and they are going to meet us there in about forty-five minutes.” The weight of Zach’s body on the mattress beside me caused my body to lean toward his and my shoulder leaned against his arm.

  “Sounds like it’s a quick walk from here. Eddie said he’ll send me directions. Sarah asked us to go to a frat party with her later. I don’t know what Eddie or you want to do, but I’m not interested in wasting my night at a party.”

  It surprised me since at home, Zach was always up for a party and I would have thought he’d jump at the opportunity to go to a frat party. “You know me; I’ve never been one for parties. I haven’t been out since I got here,” I answered.

  “Oh, maybe you’d like to get out and meet some people. I’ll go if you want to Em. I want to spend some time with you before we head off, ya know?” Zach leaned down toward my ear and was almost whispering, his voice deep in his chest.

  The offer to go belied by the intensity in his voice. It seemed finally, Zach and I might have been on the same page. Then again, I almost believed we were on the same page a couple of weeks ago too.

  I felt the same magnetic pull we had at the movie theater, and my first awakening of sexual tension began. Zach’s nearness, his smell, his taste, the warmth of his body, all had me yearning for a repeat. Only better. We wouldn’t be in the backseat of his car and I was not a virgin. So, no freak out and I’d know what to expect way more than I did “that night.”

  No fumbling around with clothes or hitting heads on the roof of the car. I only hoped Zach was feeling what I was and wanted to be with me again. I was so insecure about myself after last time. What if he didn’t like me or didn’t want to be with me again? I started to wonder if it was a good idea at all. Maybe the party was a safer choice.

  “Um, well, you know…” I stumbled all over my words and tried to find the right thing to say. I cleared my throat a little and started over. “Zach, I’m happy with whatever you choose. We can go to the party or we can hang out, I’m fine either way, really.”

  Having him so close, with our thighs and arms touching, made me lightheaded and all I wanted was to tackle him on my bed and kiss the living day lights out of him. Common sense overruled, as usual.

  “How long till we have to meet Eddie and how long will it take us to get there? Are we gonna drive or walk?” I knew my nerves were
showing as I threw questions at Zach before he got a chance to answer even one.

  “Let me see if Eddie sent me the directions.” Zach leaned way over, able to reach his phone on the desk with the tips of his fingers; he slid it toward him before he grabbed it. A couple of jabs at the screen, and the screen lit up. “He did send the directions, looks like it’s seriously only 3 blocks off campus. You haven’t even heard of the place? Have you even left campus since you got here?”

  He caught me and he knew it. I turned my face slightly away and averted my eyes so he couldn’t see the shame I felt. I was the one who wanted to head off to college and was so excited to have the “college experience.” All I’d done was go to class, my work-study job and pout in my dorm room for two weeks. I was so busted.

  “I’ve been busy, Zach,” I whined a little bit, hoping he’d take it easy on me.

  “Emma, Emma, Emma! What am I going to do with you? Who’s going to look after you when Eddie and I are away? Look at you.” His words were a bit harsh, his tone was anything but.

  He worried about me. He set his phone back down and reached for my shoulders, twisted me at the waist and squared my upper body to his. He looked deep into my eyes. Then, I saw the spark, I felt the electricity and I could taste the need. Zach leaned down and lightly brought his lips to mine, kissing me for the second time that day.

  Except, this one was different. The first was out of desperation and lust whereas this was one of tenderness and longing. This kiss stole my soul with its delicate finesse and the way he smoothed his thumbs on my arms, it felt like such a gentle, intimate thing.

  I sighed and melted into Zach’s chest. My breasts pressed against the wall of his pecs. I wondered if there was a way to crawl inside of him with only a kiss and a few points where our bodies came together. I wanted to live inside this and never return to the real world. The kiss wasn’t sexual, but sensual. I would wish for this every day for the rest of my life. Perhaps impossible, but I planned to make the most of the little time we did have.

  I was lost in time, no longer inhabiting my own body. I floated in the aura of the sweetest kiss ever experienced, but time was like a cruel friend. The things you wanted to last forever didn’t and the things you wanted to hurry and be done seemed to last on and on. That kiss was no exception. Zach’s phone buzzed and broke the spell, pulling me back to Earth with a thud.

  Zach leaned back, seemingly as dazed as I felt and patted his hand back on the desk. The phone located, he quickly checked it and abruptly stood.

  “Eddie…” he stated. “He said they got to the burger shop a few minutes early and he wants us to come over now to meet them.”

  Damn Eddie, I was going to have to kick him under the table. He ruined what was the best kiss of my life. And for what, burgers and fries? Figures.

  Zach and I walked to the burger shop. He held my hand the whole time and from where we touched, warmth and tingles ran up my arm. It felt so comfortable and I wondered how I would be able to let it go in a day and a half. The thought of Eddie and Zach leaving for ten weeks was nearly unbearable.

  I knew Zach didn’t understand my quietness or the things I was feeling because I barely did, but when I looked at Eddie, I knew he got it. Eddie and I always got each other.

  We sat and ate greasy burgers. The good kind where the juices dripped down your arms. The fries were amazing, and it was the best food I’d had in weeks. I even splurged and ordered a milkshake, when I saw the workers in the back cleaning and mashing fresh strawberries. It’s my favorite, and apparently, I could afford the calories.

  We laughed and enjoyed our dinner. Sarah was the only one not clued into our feelings of urgency and the undercurrent of tension passing between the three of us. We were running out of time and we all knew it.

  Eddie and Sarah decided, before we reached the restaurant, they would attend the frat party tonight. Zach and I had already decided to spend time together instead of the party. Eddie wasn’t fazed in the least we weren’t going to the party.

  In fact, he seemed quite taken with Sarah. I saw a completely different side of Sarah and I realized I misjudged her at first. She obviously enjoyed Eddie’s company, so I was sure the two of them would have a great time, no matter where they ended up.

  After we ate, the four of us walked back to campus and headed up to our dorm room. Eddie had only seen it when I moved in. We listened to music and chatted. At one point, I pulled Eddie out into the hall for a few minutes to have a little one-on-one talk with him.

  “So, you and Sarah seem to be hitting it off well,” I said as Eddie leaned back against the wall on the opposite side of the hall. He looked relaxed and happy. Like he didn’t have a care in the world, but since we had been talking and texting I knew he was freaked out about boot camp.

  “Yeah, we had a nice time. How are things between you and Zach going? After the way today’s reunion started, I was worried I’d have to drag you two off each other kicking and screaming and then play referee all weekend. But, I don’t see any mortal wounds, and you were holding hands when you got to the restaurant, so I assume you’re talking to each other.” Eddie had a knowing smirk on his face.

  He already knew by looking at me, things went better after he and Sarah left. “I keep telling you he feels the same way about you. He hasn’t figured it out yet,” Eddie rubbed the information in. He loved to be right.

  “Okay, Okay, you were right… I think,” I hedged because I was still not one-hundred percent convinced he felt the same.

  “What are you two gonna do this evening while Sarah and I are partying?” Eddie’s smirk was back and I knew he was sure something physical would be happening tonight. I didn’t know if he was right or not, but I certainly hoped so. Most girls might get embarrassed or feel weird talking to their brother about it, but Eddie and I talked about everything and I rarely got embarrassed by our conversations. It wasn’t like a regular brother thing because he was also my very best friend and we’d had to figure out most things in life together, just the two of us.

  “We haven’t talked about anything specific, we just want to hang out and spend as much time together this weekend as we can. I don’t want to waste this time, it’s a gift. I’ve spent too much time in the last couple of years fighting and bickering with Zach and hiding my feelings from him,” I told Eddie. “If we end up being together again, well, that’s up to Zach. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to. It’s not like the first time was great for him. In fact, it was awful and I’m sure he regrets it ever happened.” I dipped my head in shame because I wasn’t good enough for Zach.

  Eddie launched himself off the wall toward me and unexpectedly wrapped me in a tight hug. He firmly stated as he whispered in my ear, “Emily Ann Jenkins, don’t you ever think you’re not good enough for someone, anyone! And anyone who would regret spending time with you is a complete moron, including Zach. But, for what it’s worth, I know his regrets had nothing to do with you and were all about himself. So, stop with the self-loathing and the pity party. You’ve done it long enough.” Eddie pulled back and looked at me. It was like looking into a mirror, especially his eyes. “Get off your butt and go get your man if he’s the one you still want. Do you hear me?”

  Eddie gave me a little shake to make sure his last point sank in. I stared up at him. How had I gotten so damned lucky to have someone who understood me so well and knew how to get me motivated. I gave Eddie a smile and leaned in for another quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then, I turned around to head back into the room where Sarah and Zach had been talking. I didn’t have my key in my pocket, so I gave a quick rap on the door and within seconds, it swung wide for us to enter.

  I lasered in on Zach and with my eyes, tried to show him my resolve, the confidence Eddie instilled in me and the love I had for him. I didn’t know how much of what I tried to communicate was getting through, but I thought Zach’s eyes darkened and gleamed with understanding. He understood I wanted to be alone with him and finish what we sta
rted earlier. Hell, finish what we started two weeks before, only this time without all the fighting and regrets.

  “Zach, what do you think about taking a drive and checking things out around town while Sarah and Eddie are at the party?” I felt bold and I was sure my reference to taking a drive didn’t get past Zach. He was a smart guy when he wanted to be.

  “Oh, hey, look at the time. We probably should get going Eddie,” Sarah piped in. I wasn’t sure if she was feeling uncomfortable or if she thought it was time they headed out. Maybe she even got the message that I was ready to be alone with Zach and wanted to get out of the way, I didn’t know, but I also didn’t care.

  “Yup, let’s head out, Sarah. Zach and Emma will have to hang around, bored while we’re out partying and having a good time.” Eddie was almost comical because he was so obvious.

  Zach and I hadn’t taken our eyes off each other since Eddie and I came back in the room. Eddie still addressed Sarah, “Zach, drop us off at the party and then you can take a drive,” Eddie said, making it totally obvious he meant “you and Emma can go have sex.” He might as well have said it out loud, he was so obvious.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Zach said without breaking eye contact with me. “What are you two gonna do for a ride when you’re done partying?” Zach asked, suggesting we would not be available to pick them up.

  Sarah spoke up, “Oh, don’t worry about us, we’ll either crash at the frat house or we’ll make our way back here.” Now Sarah was giving a knowing glance toward my brother. She bent down, grabbed her wallet, phone, and keys then reached out and hooked her arm into my brother’s. I walked farther into the room to get my own key, phone, and small purse. They were on the desk and I scooted sideways past Zach since the room was so small.

  I inadvertently brushed a breast up against his arm as I leaned down to grab my stuff and I heard a sharp intake of air. I wasn’t sure if it was Zach or me, or maybe it was a collective breath. I turned, looked up at Zach, and he gave me a slight smile.