***
That evening after Richard took a bath, he went to the room. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Amanda sitting on the bed, brushing her damp hair. She was already in her nightshirt.
Closing the door, he said, “I thought you might want to get something to eat in the restaurant downstairs.”
“No, I just want to stay in here tonight.”
“I can get something for you and bring it up,” he offered. “I can do that while I give the laundress our dirty clothes.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Concerned, he set his dirty clothes on the small table by the door then went over to her. Sitting on the bed next to her, he studied her. “Are you feeling alright?”
“I feel fine. All things considered.” She shrugged. “I just don’t feel like going out. I’d rather stay here and rest.”
“Do you want some company?”
“You should get something to eat, Richard. If it makes you feel better, bring me back some bread. I don’t have much of an appetite. I think it’s because of,” she swallowed, “the baby. Besides, I’m tired of being around people all the time. It’s hard to get any privacy while on the trail.”
“I know. At night, you can get away from it, but for the rest of the time, it’s hard to do anything without others knowing about it.” He paused, recalling she’d been alone in her sister’s apartment when she’d been raped. “I could have my mother take our dirty clothes to the laundress and get us some food. That way you don’t have to stay here alone.”
She stopped brushing her hair, her eyes meeting his. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“I don’t feel right asking you to do anything else for me when you’ve done so much for me already.”
“Amanda,” he took her hand in his and squeezed it, “I want to do everything I can to make things better for you. It makes me happy.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t marry after I moved to my sister’s apartment. Surely, there must have been someone who fancied you.”
“I don’t know if anyone fancied me or not, but it would never have been the same as it was with you. I know we never courted. I was too shy to ask. I tried to on several occasions, but I never worked up the nerve. I kept wondering what I could possibly offer you someone else couldn’t. To be honest, I thought for sure you found someone after you left school, especially when I went to look for you but couldn’t find you.”
She didn’t answer right away. She just stared at the brush in her other hand. Then she cleared her throat. “My brother-in-law wasn’t the easiest person to get along with. He wasn’t like my father. My father allowed me a lot of freedom I’d taken for granted. My brother-in-law moved to another section of town, and if I did anything, it had to be without him finding out.” She turned her gaze to him. “I had to leave my old life behind.”
“You don’t have to explain it to me. I got the idea of how he was when I talked to him.”
She gasped, dropping her brush. “You talked to him?”
He retrieved the brush and put it on the bed. “I had to after I learned what happened to you. I needed to tell him and Mr. Price what I thought of them.”
Except, he’d lost his temper and had ended up punching both men, but she didn’t need to know that. She probably didn’t need to know he’d even confronted them. He’d done what he could to protect her, so she wouldn’t be in any more pain. Seeing her face pale, he wished he hadn’t blurted out the part about seeing her brother-in-law and Mr. Price. Not only was she in a delicate condition with the baby, but the rape had occurred such a short time ago. The wounds were still fresh.
“I’m sorry, Amanda,” he whispered. “I didn’t do it to make things worse. I was just angry. I had to do something.”
She wiped a tear from her eye. “I could have told you it wouldn’t have done any good. My brother-in-law sided with Mr. Price, and Mr. Price claimed I seduced him.”
She was right. That was exactly what had happened, and it was why Richard hit them. The police weren’t any help either, but he decided not to tell her that part. It would only make her feel worse, and it was hard enough watching her struggle with the little he’d told her.
“I knew you were telling the truth,” he said, hoping it would help ease things between them.
There was a knock at the door. As reluctant as he was to interrupt their conversation, he went over to open it. His mother stood on the other side, Jenny and Joel at her side. She couldn’t see Amanda from where she stood, which was just as well since Jenny and Joel were with her. No one needed to see Amanda when she wasn’t fully dressed.
“Are you and Amanda ready to get something to eat?” she asked. “Your pa and I would like to treat you.”
“Oh, um…” He glanced over his shoulder at where Amanda sat. She was brushing her hair again, though this time her movements were slower than before. “Amanda’s tired. I think I’ll just stay here with her tonight. Would you mind taking our clothes to the laundress and bringing us something?”
“I’d be happy to.” She leaned forward and whispered, “You’re newlyweds. I understand.”
Though he was glad no one else heard her, heat still rose up his face. “Thanks. I’ll be right back.”
He closed the door, probably only making his mother think he and Amanda were about to do something a lot more fun than discussing how he tracked her brother-in-law and Mr. Price down. Making quick time, he gathered the clothes and returned to the door.
“Here they are,” he told his mother, handing them to her, still making sure Amanda was blocked from their view.
“Is Amanda really in there?” Joel asked, trying to peer around him.
“Yes,” Richard said, swatting him away. “She’s resting. Don’t bother her.”
“I don’t believe you.” Joel looked up at their mother. “I don’t believe him.”
His mother groaned and put her free arm around his shoulders to lead him away from the door. “I thought you were too hungry to care about Richard and Amanda.”
“I was until Amanda went missing,” he replied, looking back at Richard as she led him down the hall. “We need to find her, Ma. I think he got rid of her.”
“Why do we have to keep Joel?” Jenny asked their mother as she hurried after her.
“Because he’s a part of this family.”
“Not a part I want anyone to know about.”
Richard shut the door and turned to Amanda who was chuckling.
“I like your family,” she told him. “Especially Tom, Jenny, and Joel. They’re funny.”
“I suppose they have their moments.” At least they made her laugh. That, in itself, was worth having them around. He sat back on the bed. “Do you feel better?”
She nodded then put the brush on the small table by the bed. “I get tired easily these days. On some days, it’s all I can do to keep walking.”
“Why don’t you sit in the wagon? I have plenty of room next to me.”
She grimaced. “I’d rather walk.”
“You don’t like bouncing around from side to side?”
“No.” She placed her hand over her stomach. “And it would make me lose what little food I manage to eat.” After a long moment, she asked, “You mind if I lie down for a while?”
“Of course not.” He got off the bed and helped her get settled into a comfortable position. “Do you want a blanket?”
“No. I want to feel the breeze coming in through the window. It’s nice to be cool for a change.”
“It is.” Even wearing clothes, the breeze felt nice. He folded the light blanket and set it at the foot of the bed.
“Richard?”
“Yes?”
“Will you hold me?”
She hadn’t invited him to hold her in bed at the other hotels they had stayed at. He’d made it a point to sleep in the chair to give her the space she’d needed.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
�
��I feel better when you’re near me,” she replied.
He sensed it took a lot for her to admit that. She’d never been one to talk about her feelings, much less ask someone for something. All their years of growing up, she made it a point to take care of herself as much as possible.
He could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her when her brother-in-law threw her out of his apartment. He often wondered what she did after that. Surely, she must have sought help afterwards. She couldn’t have gone to the alley right away.
But instead of asking, he went over to the bed and took her in his arms, as she wished. And from there, they fell into a comfortable silence until she dozed off.
Chapter Eleven
As she slept, Amanda’s mind unwittingly went back to that day when she tried to find Joe.
“Joe? Joe!” Amanda banged on the apartment door.
There was no answer.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she banged on it again. “Joe, it’s Amanda.” After a long minute passed, she renewed her banging. “Joe, please! Something bad happened, and I need your help.”
“Miss,” a male gruff voice called out. “Miss!”
Amanda turned from the apartment door, jerking when she realized the man was over six feet tall and was heading straight for her. She’d been no match for Mr. Price, and he was barely over five and a half feet. Pressing her back to the door, she clutched her handbag to her chest. “Please don’t hurt me,” she croaked.
His expression grew soft, and he stopped approaching her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. You looking for Joe Otto?”
Brushing aside more tears, she nodded. “He’s a…a…” She couldn’t say they were engaged, not when she had rejected his proposal last month. “He’s a friend.”
“Well, he’s not here. He’s working on a railroad north of here.”
She swallowed. So that meant he went back to the rails. She couldn’t be surprised. Not when she had said it wouldn’t work between them. But had it been wrong for her to want a man who was home every night instead of one who left for months at a time? She shook the question aside. What did it matter? She had much more important things to worry about, the first being a place to stay. She could think about what Mr. Price did to her later.
“Do you know when Joe will be back?” she asked, her voice sounding weak despite her effort to sound stronger.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t.”
The man scanned her, and while it wasn’t the same kind of look Mr. Price had given her earlier that day, it still sent a shiver up her spine. She didn’t know if she could ever trust another man again. Who knew what they were thinking? And who knew if she was doing something that would make him think she was “asking” to be in his bed?
She peered around the large man at the empty hallway. If he tried something, she couldn’t stop him any more than she’d been able to stop Mr. Price. Struggling to catch her breath, she tightened her hold on the handbag, the only thing she had left after her brother-in-law kicked her out.
“Are you alright?” he asked. “I can help you if you need a place to stay or food to eat.”
Her eyes grew wide. What did that mean? Did he plan to take her back to his apartment and have his way with her? Was there something he expected in return for his help? “N-no, thank you,” she managed to force out. “Please let me leave.”
He glanced behind him then turned his attention back to her. “I wasn’t trying to prevent you from going. I just wanted to tell you Joe isn’t here.” He paused then asked, “Do you have a place to go?”
“Yes,” she lied. Right now, she’d be willing to say anything to get out of there without him touching her. She’d been through enough for one day with Mr. Price. There was no way she could go through it again. “Joe is only one person I know. I have another friend I can go to.”
She didn’t know if he believed her or not, but since he nodded and stepped aside to let her pass, she bolted for the exit, her steps echoing on the stairs, matching the rapid beating of her heart.
It wasn’t until she was outside the apartment building that she could breathe. The spring air swirled around her, blowing stray strands of her hair over her face. Ignoring them, she walked down the sidewalk. It’d be evening soon. She didn’t want to be outside by herself when it got dark. She had to find some place to stay. But where? She wasn’t familiar with anyone on this side of town. All of her old friends were too far for her to reach, at least before dark.
She adjusted the cloak around her shoulders so it wouldn’t blow away in the breeze and continued down the sidewalk. A few men passed her by, but she kept her gaze down so she wouldn’t make eye contact with them. She didn’t know if she’d ever look at another man again. Was it safe? Did they all assume a smile and a pleasant hello meant she wanted more? Was there something she did earlier that day that made Mr. Price think she wanted to be with him?
No. No, she didn’t do anything wrong. Just because he said it and her brother-in-law believed him, it didn’t make it true. She’d offered pleasant greetings to other men in the past, and none of them had…had…
She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the memory of Mr. Price’s hands on her body far from her mind. The hands were easier to block out than the feel of the other part of him as it ripped into her. Gritting her teeth, she opened her eyes and forced her feet forward, unaware she’d stopped.
Tears blurred her eyes, but she ignored them. She had to find someplace to stay. Surely, there had to be something. There had to be somewhere for a person in her situation. But after an hour, she didn’t find anywhere, and she had no money to stay in a hotel. Too late did she think it would have been right to ask for some money when her brother-in-law forbade her to come back to his apartment.
The wind picked up, making her shiver. Maybe she’d find a place tomorrow. Tonight, at least, it was looking as if she’d have to stay outside. She turned into an alley, the only place she could think of that would protect her from the wind. She recalled seeing a homeless man sleeping in an alley when she was thirteen. Never in a million years did she think she’d be stuck in the same situation. But here she was, seeking shelter between two brick buildings.
When she found a small hole in the corner of a building, she curled up into it and pulled the cloak over her head. Her nerves were on edge. She could feel it. Everything was spinning through her mind, and she was having trouble thinking straight.
Over and over in her mind, she kept thinking of all the things she should have done differently, what she might have done to prevent Mr. Price from raping her. But it always ended the same. He ended up doing it anyway, and she was stuck in an alley with nowhere to go.
“Amanda? Amanda?”
She stirred from her sleep, welcoming the reprieve from having to relive that day in her mind. When she was awake, it was easy to keep the memories at bay, but when she slept, they found a way to haunt her.
“Amanda?”
She opened her eyes, her gaze going to Richard’s concerned expression as he stood over her. For a moment, she thought she was back in his apartment in New York right after he found her in the alley. But a quick look around the small hotel room, with the sunset streaming in through the open window, reassured her she was no longer in New York.
“My mother brought us something to eat,” Richard said. “I know you’re not hungry, but would you please have something?”
With a nod, she sat up. “How long was I asleep?”
“About an hour and a half.” He brought her a tray with bread, butter, and jam on it. “There’s more over there,” he motioned to the table, “but since you said you just wanted bread, I figured I’d bring this to you.”
She accepted the tray and set it on her lap. “Thank you, Richard.”
“I’ll save you a piece of the fried chicken and a potato.” He scooted the table over to her and sat on the other side of the table. “You can put the tray on the table if you wish.”
“I don’t thi
nk I’ll manage more than this bread.” As it was, her stomach was already churning in protest. But she knew it would be best to have something to eat, so she tore off a small piece of bread and dipped it into the jam. “Remember that day you found me in the alley?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”
Noting his solemn tone, she dared a peek at him and saw he was waiting for her to continue. She cleared her throat then said, “You wanted to know why I didn’t come to you for help. I, um, thought about it. I almost went to your parents’ apartment to see if you were there.”
He leaned forward. “Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know.” She took a deep breath. “That’s not true. I do know. I was thinking of all the plans you had for building businesses and houses, and I imagined you were successful and maybe even married. I didn’t want to interfere with your happiness. You have so much light in you, Richard, and I have so much darkness. I didn’t want to get in your way.”
“You could never get in my way. I want you in my life.”
“I know that. Now. I didn’t know it then. I thought you asked me to marry you because of what happened to me.”
“I know you thought that. It was easier to let you think I wanted to protect you instead of telling you the truth.”
Because he didn’t want to be rejected. He didn’t have to say it. She knew. She fiddled with the piece of bread between her fingers for a moment, trying to come up with the best way to word how she felt. After weighing her words, she said, “There was someone who courted me. It was only for a few months, and it was done in secret because my brother-in-law didn’t want me seeing anyone unless he approved of him.”
Catching the questioning expression on Richard’s face, she explained, “My brother-in-law controlled everything and everyone. My sister couldn’t do anything without his permission. Anyway, this person asked me to marry him, but I said no. At the time, I thought it was his job. He was gone a lot, and I wanted someone who’d be home every night. But I’ve had a lot of time to think while walking on the trails. I said no because I knew we weren’t the best match for each other. I don’t know if I can give you what you want, Richard, but I know you’re the only person I feel safe with. I wouldn’t have said yes to anyone else’s proposal.”
Wagon Trail Bride (Pioneer Series Book 1) Page 8