Lights of the Heart

by Nat Burns

  “Ah, Dios mio,” I whispered.

  “What?” she said, head tilting to one side. She held a slice of bread upraised in one hand.

  “When you look at me like that, I realize that there is so much more to life than food.”

  “Such as?” Her tone was light and flirty, but there was a serious undertone to her query.

  “Love. Love such as we have between us. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to find it.”

  “And for that, I’m glad,” she said, shrugging. “Otherwise, it would be my loss.”

  I nodded and we resumed our meal in silence. Julio meowed loudly, and Ella reached to smooth the heavy fur on his back.

  “Did you eat a lot of salads growing up?” she asked thoughtfully sometime later.

  I shook my head. “Unfortunately, no. My mother was a traditional cook. We ate plantanos, avocado, rice, beans, pork. For breakfast, I often had pan de leche with a little olive oil and salt.”

  She watched me as if fascinated. “So, very little meat, then?”

  I chewed on a thin slice of red pepper. “Very little meat. Pork simmered in garlic and peppers. Served with beans over rice. Delicious. I’ll make it for you one day.”

  “I’d like that.” She took my hand and held it. “I am so looking forward to getting to know you, everything about you.”

  I chuckled and started quietly singing “Getting to Know You” from The King and I. She laughed and playfully pushed my hand away as if miffed.

  “I do.”

  I rose and moved to her. I pulled her to her feet and hitched our bodies close together. We stood that way, nose to nose, breathing one another’s air. I smelled nuts and lettuce, and garlic from the dressing. Her eyes were a calm, rich green as I gazed into them. They seemed pensive, and I wondered what she was thinking.

  “Can we ever really know another?” I whispered. “Yet I want to share all of me with you. I want to know you, as well.”

  She cupped my face in her hands. “We can only know what we trust to share. And we’ll have a lifetime. There’s no rush. Trust will build in time.”

  “There’s my sensible love.” I moved back and took both her hands in mine. “I can’t promise it will always be easy. Medicine has always been my life. Sometimes you may have to be patient with me.”

  She grinned widely and began unbuttoning her shirt. “Maybe I should practice getting your attention. All work and no play makes Maddie a dull, dull doctor.”

  I allowed her to pull me along the hall. “I see you’ve learned your medical assisting lessons very well.”

  She paused abruptly, and I slammed into her. “Oh, we need to discuss that. About me going to work tomorrow,” she said.

  I cupped the nape of her neck in one palm and pulled her close for a kiss. “Later, my love, later. Now, we have more important issues to discuss.” I pressed my lips to hers and felt her relax against me. Her mouth opened, and I tasted what she had tasted, trying to discern which sweetness was her and which the salad dressing. I finally concluded it was all her as I plundered her mouth. Her knees weakened, and I tightened my grip. My lips curved in a small smile of accomplishment. I wanted her to trust me to hold her, to love her.

  Later, on the bed, I encouraged her to trust me again as I stretched our lovemaking into a marathon of memorable delight. I undressed her slowly, in stages, laying my lips and hands on every new part of skin revealed. I felt gluttonous and almost guilty to be allowed once again to savor the taste, scent and touch of this beautiful feast. I found myself mindlessly muttering gratitude in my native tongue. She quivered beneath my fingers as I floated them across her soft flesh.

  “I love how you love me,” she whispered as she swept her hair to one side so that I could press my lips to the side of her neck.

  I slid out of my clothing and into her arms. I pulled her close, inserting my thigh between hers and finding the most delicious moist heat there. I sighed with contentment just as a huge weight dipped the mattress behind me. I stilled, trying to reorient myself so I would know what had occurred. Soft paws against my hip let me know that Julio had arrived. He hefted his considerable weight atop me and settled on my hip and outer thigh, wrapping his tail around his legs like any privileged temple cat.

  “What’s wrong?” Ella asked in a breathless voice. She opened her eyes and raised her head. “Oh,” she said. “Oh, my.”

  He extended his claws, lightly kneading my flesh. I gasped in pain. “Can…can you get him off?” I asked quietly.

  “Not without…hurting you, I don’t think,” she whispered worriedly.

  “Ah, shit.” I groaned and shuddered. Talk about a mood killer! “We have to try,” I said.

  Ella scooted off the bed and hurried around to my side. “Come on, big boy,” she said, leaning to lift the cat in one smooth movement. I breathed out in relief and turned to see her scooting him out the door and shutting it firmly behind him. He meowed once in protest. I flipped over and propped on an elbow to admire Ella’s luscious nakedness.

  “You are so beautiful,” I told her.

  Her face colored as if in embarrassment, and she sped around to crawl under the blankets on her side. She pulled them so forcefully that she almost dumped me onto the floor.

  Laughing, I rose and joined her between the sheets. “Now, where were we?” I asked.

  She moved close and pressed her lips to mine. “Here. Right here,” she muttered.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ella

  I had fallen asleep in Maddie’s arms. I was fast coming to love the feel of her lean form against my naked body, even when just sleeping. She was so well carved by genetics, and a part of me envied that. Yet I was happy enough to enjoy it vicariously as we cuddled in the afterglow of lovemaking.

  She woke me just after midnight. Because I was still naked, I had a sudden chill as she lifted then tucked the blankets snugly back around my body.

  “What’s happenin’?” I muttered, more asleep than awake.

  “I have to go, sweetheart. There’s been a car accident outside town, and Lizzie Horten went into labor. She’s one of my patients.”

  “But…but Dr Mikas—”

  “No, baby, he’s gone home. You just go back to sleep. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.” She pressed her lips to my forehead, and I smiled.

  I rolled onto my other side, easily reclaimed by sleep once again.

  When I next woke, Julio was kissing me on the nose and forehead and sunlight was shining brightly through the window sheers.

  “I thought we kicked you out of here,” I grumbled as I rolled and checked the clock—and realized that I was running late for work. If I was, indeed, going in. Habit was hard to break. Also, Maddie and I hadn’t discussed it enough to come to a firm decision the past night.

  I checked the house as I brewed a single pod of coffee, but there was no sign that Maddie had returned. Her bag was moved somewhat, but it was probably from dressing during the night.

  I fed Julio his morning kibble and then rushed into the shower. I hurried through, even though reliving the ecstasy of the previous night made me heavily distracted. When dry, I drew a huge heart in the steamy mirror using an old pink lipstick I had, hoping Maddie would see it that evening and be touched by the romantic gesture.

  After getting dressed, I slung my handbag over my shoulder, grabbed up my phone and kissed Julio goodbye. I checked my phone on the way to my car, just to see if Maddie had called. I was surprised to see three calls from Sandy, calls I had no doubt missed while in the shower. I dialed and put it on speakerphone as I backed out of my parking space.

  “Hello!” Sandy barked into the phone.

  “Sandy, it’s me, Ella. Everything okay? I know I’m running late, and I’m sorry—”

  “Oh, honey. You’ve got to get over here right away.” She began sobbing, and a band of steel constricted around my heart.

  “S-Sandy? What’s happened?”

  “It’s the doctor, Doc Maddie. It blew up an
d damn near killed her.”

  Something had blown up? Shock caused me to drift into the oncoming lane, and I barely missed colliding with a low-riding Mercury Cougar filled with smoking teens. They laid on the horn and shouted disparaging remarks as I righted my car and pulled it onto the shoulder.

  “Ella? What was that noise? Where are you?”

  “I—I’m on the road. Are you at the office?” I could barely whisper the question. Tears welled and spilled hot and brutal onto my cheeks.

  “At the hospital. We’re still in emergency.” She sobbed loudly, and it hurt so badly that I pressed the disconnect button. I sat very still for a long moment. I was afraid to go to my Maddie. I was afraid of what I might find, the way you were afraid to go to the doctor when you found an odd lump residing in your breast.

  Go to the doctor. I needed to go to the doctor.

  I felt insane. I could feel pure insanity creeping up on me, making ready to tap me on the shoulder. And anger was a huge part of that insanity.

  “Could you do that, God?” I whispered. “Could you be so cruel, so unjust?”

  I shook my head and swiped at my tears with both hands. Maddie needed me. I needed to go to her. I needed to know.

  After checking traffic, I floored the gas pedal, leaving a stream of honking horns and flying gravel behind me.

  PART TWO

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Maddie

  The accident was bad. It looked as though a tractor-trailer had slammed into Lizzie and Darwin Horten’s small Honda Accord. I slowed in my approach, wondering how such a crash could have occurred. It didn’t make sense logistically, unless one driver had run a stop sign. The night sky was vivid with the flashing blue, white and red lights from the many police and rescue vehicles so it was hard to see details. I parked my SUV to one side and grabbed my battered medical valise from the back cargo area.

  “What happened?” I queried as I approached Vance Blackwell, Sheriff of Estes County. He was a small man, unusual for a sheriff, I supposed, but he was scrappy and highly intelligent. His sharp eyes missed nothing. I’d worked with him on more than a dozen occasions and always left our encounters amazed by his acuity.

  “Ahh, hell, Maddie. A long-haul driver fell asleep. There’s a truck stop just east of us in Baldwin, and they still push on trying to get into Mississippi before they rest. Stupid! Stupid!” He spit onto the asphalt and shook his head.

  “Is the driver okay?” I asked, covering my eyes and trying to see into the center of the accident.

  “Yep, right as rain. Lizzie’s done gone into labor, though, that’s why we called you in. She won’t make it to the hospital. She’s pinned in somehow, so you probably have to deliver her here.”

  He’d started walking, and I tried to keep up. Who would think such short, skinny legs could move so quickly?

  “Here she is, Doc. Rescue just arrived, but they ain’t been able to get her out, and she says the baby’s coming.” He led me through the mass of rescue personnel right to the twisted, accordioned Accord. I heard Lizzie moan, and I bent to peer into the driver’s side of the wreckage.

  “Well, hell, Lizzie. You know I’m still gonna charge you for an office visit. You can’t get out of paying by having that baby this way.”

  The joke had the desired effect. Her eyes lost their glazed sheen of fear and focused finally on my face.

  “I’m really glad to see you, Doc,” she gasped. “This boy says he’s coming right now, and I just can’t do much about it.”

  I knelt and realized with dismay that she was wearing jeans. I sighed. “How close are they, hon?” I patted her knee.

  She moaned and I waited, head bowed. This low to the ground, I was almost asphyxiated by the heavy, oily smell of gas. Alarm jangled along my nerves. This was not the place we wanted to deliver a baby.

  “Lizzie? What’s holding you in the car? Can you see?” I studied the seat and the steering wheel, trying to figure out how to extricate her. I didn’t see anything holding her, although she’d have to squeeze through the very narrow space between the broken seat and the steering wheel.

  “Jaws of Life is on its way. Idiot Charles got the wrong truck. He and Allen have gone to get it,” Vance said from behind me.

  “I don’t know, Doctor Maddie. They cut the seat belt but it didn’t…oh!” She grimaced as another contraction shook her.

  “Hang in there, Lizzie. No pushing, if you can help it.”

  I rose to my feet, dusted off my knees and pulled Vance aside.

  “Do you smell that?” I whispered urgently. “Is gas leaking somewhere?”

  He looked worried. “Yeah, I smell it. The truck driver is underneath his rig, checking the fuel tank. I don’t know about the sedan, though it seems just as strong over there.” He scrubbed a palm across his forehead, mussing his thick hair.

  “We’ve got to get her out of there. Can you get one of the firemen to go around the passenger side and see what’s holding her?”

  Vance strode off, and I heard him barking orders.

  “Hey there, Darwin,” I said. Lizzie’s husband was kneeling next the car, comforting his wife.

  “I tol’ her she shouldn’t be drivin’, Doctor. I offered to, I really did.” He was in a panic. I patted his arm.

  “I’m sure you did, Darwin. Now, let’s just focus on getting your new baby boy here.” I motioned him to the side, and I gently probed Lizzie’s legs, which were still in the front box, near the car’s pedals.

  “Can you turn?” I asked, gently pulling her legs toward me. “Don’t twist, though, just slide around.”

  Lizzie screamed, and I let go immediately, raising my hands. She fell silent and gasped loudly on each indrawn breath. “Something…somethin’ pulled, Doc. I dunno…somethin’ in my chest.”

  Broken ribs, I thought. I sat back on my haunches, wondering what to do next. There was no way she could deliver the baby naturally now. It would have to be a cesarean. Unfortunately, there was no way I could get a good vantage point to do the emergency surgery. There just wasn’t room.

  I got to my feet and moved to the passenger side. A young man in full fire gear was examining the floorboard. He saw me and backed out. “I can’t see anything holding her,” he said. “The seat is jammed, though, twisted around up pretty close to the wheel. I think that may be the issue.”

  I thanked him and then took his place in the passenger seat. Lizzie turned frightened eyes to me. “Doc, what are we gonna do?” she asked.

  I pulled my stethoscope out of my pocket and listened to her chest. Yep, diminishing breath sounds. I laid a palm against her dark cheek as I listened, hoping to provide some ease.

  “Lizzie. Lizzie, look here, hon.” I snapped my fingers, as she seemed to be going into shock. “This is the situation. The Jaws of Life are coming, and I need you to not, absolutely not, have this baby. I think you’ve got some busted ribs, and we’re gonna have to do surgery to get this newest little Horten out of you.”

  She cupped both hands in front of her groin. “I dunno, Doc. I’ll try. Hurts somethin’ fierce, though.” She coughed and seemed almost to pass out from the pain. I backed out of the car, stood and scanned the scene. Most of the rescue personnel were standing around fidgeting but helpless. They looked at me with hope in their eyes, expectantly.

  “Get a gurney ready,” I called out. “Put it on this side. There’s more maneuvering room, and I think it’s our best bet when the Jaws free her. Darwin, hand me my bag!”

  I knew how much pain removing her from the car was going to cause her, but I didn’t want to start an IV for several reasons, not least of which was the added task of maneuvering a field IV out of the car along with her. Just getting Lizzie out would be task enough. I tangled my fingers in my bound hair in frustration.

  Shit! Shit! Shit, I screamed inwardly. I just hoped that the extraction would go quickly, with no further delays.

  New lights swept across the car, and I saw the rescue unit pull in. This one probably had
the Jaws in it. I busied myself with preparing the IV and a minimal shot of morphine to help her pain ease after she was freed. After everything was prepared, I leaned into the car again and felt Lizzie’s fast pulse. I smoothed her hair, gently scratching the scalp in between her short dreads. She was moaning and rocking her head back and forth.

  Two firemen ran up with what looked like a pair of channellock pliers on steroids. “What’s the status, Doc?” one asked.

  “She needs out of there yesterday,” I said.

  The second man was examining the wreck, and then he and Darwin started discussing possibilities. The third man joined in, and I gnashed my teeth in frustration.

  “Look, just take off the roof, will you? Do something. Hurry!”

  The first fireman turned to me. “We’re going to shear off the steering column along with this support here. Can you pull her that way when it’s off?”

  I nodded and motioned Darwin to my side. “We’re gonna pull her this way when the steering wheel’s off, but we have to be careful. Her ribs are broken, so try to keep her arms by her sides. We’ll need to lift her to that gurney there, so I can assess her situation. Be prepared though, Darwin. You gotta be strong, because she’s gonna scream like we’re ripping her apart, okay?”

  I watched his sweat- and tear-sheened face and noted the terror there. He tried to become strong, though, and I watched that battle with satisfaction, even as a grinding roar of torn metal made me wince.

  I saw the light before I felt it. I was just reaching down to see if she’d been freed.

  Then there was nothing.

  Chapter Thirty

  Ella

  The Estes Baptist Hospital might have been small but the entrances were still as confusing as all get out. I had parked in emergency parking but ended up having to race around to the side emergency door. Several people were crowding around the intake desk, and I stepped impatiently from foot to foot as I scowled at their backs.