Size Matters

by Alison Bliss

  Sam sighed and gestured to the both of them. “I’m talking about this…a relationship.”

  Disappointment colored her face. “Sure,” she said, shrugging before turning away from him.

  Ah, hell. He’d hurt her feelings. Again. “Leah, I don’t want you to think that this has anything to do with you. It doesn’t, I swear.”

  “It’s okay, Sam. I get it.”

  “Do you?” he asked, hopeful she really understood what he was trying to tell her. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to her. The problem was, he didn’t want to be. “You sure?”

  “Yes. And it’s fine.” She sat down, but her eyes wouldn’t meet his. “We’re friends, right?”

  “Right. Just friends.”

  * * *

  Leah knew exactly what Sam was trying to say.

  It’s not you; it’s me. The same tired line she’d heard before. Yeah, real original.

  “Have you had dinner yet?” he asked.

  “No. I planned on grabbing something on the way home.”

  “Why don’t I order a pizza then? My treat.”

  Oh, sure. Change the subject by feeding the fat girl. But she was kind of hungry. “Okay.”

  Sam stood and walked to the end table across the room, picking up his cell phone. “What do you like on yours?”

  “Anything. Well, except mushrooms and anchovies. Oh, and black olives. Yuck.”

  Sam cracked a smile. “Got anything against sausage or bell peppers?”

  “Nope.” She glanced up at him, and even though it wasn’t a very nice thing to do…“By the way, can you ask them to cut the meat into tiny pieces. I like my sausage really small.” She smirked.

  The look on his face and the way he quickly turned away from her as he dialed the numbers offered her a bit of satisfaction. But that quickly vanished when Sam accidentally ordered sausage and bell “pecker” before cursing under his breath and quickly correcting himself. Then a spasm of guilt rippled through her. Serves him right though, since he’s the one playing mind games.

  One minute he looked at her like she was a delectable French pastry he’d willingly devour. The next, he was acting weird and insulting her. Whatever. If he wanted to be just friends, that was fine with her. She didn’t want to be with someone that didn’t want her anyway. Mostly.

  When Sam ended the call, he headed toward the kitchen. “Want a beer?” he asked.

  “Sure, why not?”

  While he was out of the room, Leah glanced around, noting the oversized furniture. A massive oak entertainment center. Large flat-screen TV. Even the oversized leather recliner and matching couch were much bigger than a normal person would have. Overcompensating, she thought, remembering the remark she’d made about his little sausage.

  “Is it too big?” Sam asked.

  “Huh?” Leah said, quickly looking up at him.

  He handed her an open beer and plopped back on the couch. “The TV. Is it too much?”

  “Oh. Um, no, I guess not.”

  “All the guys usually congregate at my house during football season. That’s why I got the biggest one I could find. I don’t think women are as easily impressed with the size of a man’s toy though.”

  “That’s not what you said the other night,” she said bluntly. “Besides, have you seen the size of my mixer?”

  “Who could miss it? I figured the next time I need to mix some concrete, I’d borrow it.”

  She grinned and swigged on her beer.

  “While we’re waiting on the pizza, why don’t we go over some of the basics for our upcoming trip?”

  “Such as?”

  “Tell me about your first job.”

  “Okay, um…well, my grandparents used to live in a beach-front condominium, and I decided to stay with them over the summer. I got a job in housekeeping that I absolutely hated. It was disgusting. Every day, I was forced to clean makeup out of the white towels by soaking them in a huge tub and then scrubbing them with bars of soap.”

  “Doesn’t sound too bad.”

  “I thought the same thing until I found out the bars of soap were leftover from the guests’ rooms. The thought of touching something that probably ran up some old man’s ass crack was enough to make me gag.”

  Sam laughed. “Should I ask how you cleaned stained sheets?”

  “It varied, depending on the stain…and no, you don’t want to know.”

  He chuckled again. “So what else?”

  “Short list?” She waited for him to nod, then took a deep breath. “I can’t whistle, I’m afraid of birds, and I always check behind the shower curtain before peeing.”

  “Seriously?” he asked with a huge grin on his face.

  “Sam, if you make fun of me…”

  He shook his head. “I won’t, I promise. I’m just curious about one thing though. What do you expect to see behind the curtain when you check?”

  She cringed. “A…um…murderer?” It sounded like a question.

  Sam stared at her for a full ten seconds before he burst into laughter.

  “Damn it, Sam,” she said, throwing a couch pillow at him. “That’s it. I’m not telling you anything else.”

  “Aw, come on,” he said, still chuckling. “It’s funny.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  His laughter quieted. “Okay, I’m done. Keep going.”

  “Nope.”

  “You have to, otherwise we won’t be able to convince anyone we’re a couple. Go ahead. I promise I won’t laugh.”

  She eyed him suspiciously, but continued. “Well, I don’t like raw tomatoes. I don’t care for spaghetti. I hate anything grape or cherry flavored.”

  “And mushrooms, anchovies, and olives.”

  “Right. Basically, there’s an ongoing list of things that I don’t eat or don’t like. Almost makes you wonder why I look the way I do, huh?”

  The corners of Sam’s mouth turned down, and his face turned serious. “Why do you do that to yourself?”

  “I’m not a sexy bombshell.”

  “Neither am I.”

  Leah sighed. “Stop it. You know what I mean.”

  “Not really. You’re a beautiful girl. Smart. Funny. Any guy in his right mind would be banging down your door.”

  Yeah, right. You’re not. “Look, Sam, I—” But before she could finish her sentence, the room went dark.

  Chapter Eight

  Sam and Leah both stood at the same time and collided in the dark, forcing him to grab her shoulders to steady her as she crashed into his chest. Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the moonlit shadows on her face. “Sorry about that. You okay?”

  She looked up at him. “Yeah.”

  Even with only the dim light coming through the window, he could see how bright her green eyes were. Bright enough to light up the world.

  “That damn breaker has been giving me problems for two days. I’ve been meaning to change it out, but I keep putting it off.” He released her and said, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Moments later, he returned wielding a flashlight. “Mind giving me a hand by holding this while I fix the breaker?”

  Leah followed him down the hallway and into the tiny laundry room, waiting patiently while he grabbed a screwdriver from a nearby drawer and opened the breaker box. “Okay, here. Point the flashlight right here while I check the breakers.”

  The moment he started flipping switches, Leah yelled, “Wait! Hold on a second.” She ran out of the room, taking the flashlight with her.

  What is she doing? “Leah?”

  “I’m just getting something real quick,” she called out from the other room. “Don’t touch anything.”

  When she returned, she was carrying a pillow she must’ve retrieved from his bed. She set the flashlight down on top of the washing machine, pointed in the direction of the breaker box, and then held the pillow in a swinging position. “Okay, I’m ready. Go ahead.”

  Sam paused and shook his head. “Want to fill me in on what the hell you’re doing?”
/>   “I’m preparing myself in case you get electrocuted.”

  “What’s the pillow for, Babe Ruth?”

  She sighed heavily. “For knocking you off the electricity so I don’t touch you and get shocked as well.”

  He nodded. “That’s what I thought.” Sam wanted to smile, but he forced himself to keep a straight face, which was hard to do with her standing there ready to clobber him with a pillow and looking so damn cute. “You do know I turned off the main breaker, right? There’s no power running to this box.”

  “Oh. Well, you can never be too sure about these things.” She continued to stand there with the pillow held up high.

  “Um…good thinking.” He cleared his throat and turned away from her before grinning. “Okay, here I go.”

  Sam lifted the screwdriver up and touched it to one of the breakers. The moment he did, he made a little zzzzttt noise with his mouth and shook, as if he were being electrocuted. He did it so quickly that he barely had time to turn back to her when the pillow crashed into the side of his face, stunning him and knocking him off balance.

  He stumbled and fell, landing hard on his back on the tiled floor. The flashlight rolled across the washing machine, onto the dryer, and then off the end, clunking him in the head. “Ow!” Sam yelled.

  Leah screamed his name and threw herself on top of him. “Oh God! Are you okay?” He let out a little moan. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were playing until it was too late. Sam?”

  Wincing, he rubbed the nonexistent knot on his head that he was sure to have in a few minutes. “Sonofabitch. That hurt.”

  “Well, that’s what you get for scaring the hell out of me. Don’t you know better than to play with electricity?” Moisture pooled in her eyes, and her bottom lip trembled. She really had been scared for his safety.

  “Hey,” he said, brushing his hand across her soft cheek, “I’m sorry. It was a bad joke. I didn’t mean to…”

  Something about the way she looked at him took his breath away. Her eyes were wide, glazed with tears that hadn’t yet fallen. Her breath came fast, a soft panting that landed on his face with every intoxicating sugar-scented exhale. He wanted to taste those full lips of hers once more, feel her body heat as his hands gripped her curvy waist.

  Her fingers grasped at his shirt, and her breasts squished against his chest. He could feel the hardness of her tight nipples through their clothes. No doubt he could take her right here and now. Bend her over his washing machine, put it on spin cycle, and drive into her from behind as she came around his dick.

  And God, he wanted that release. For her, as much as for himself. But just as he leaned up to gently touch his lips to hers, someone knocked on the front door.

  Ah, hell.

  * * *

  Leah held the flashlight on the young delivery boy as Sam paid for the pizza and told him to keep the change. Then Sam kicked the door closed with his foot and carried the pizza over to the coffee table, tossing it down rather hard.

  Hmm. Obviously irritated.

  Leah wasn’t quite sure why he was suddenly mad, though it apparently had something to do with what happened between them in the laundry room. But what had happened? She was still in the dark about that one, figuratively and literally.

  If she hadn’t known any better, she would’ve thought Sam had been about to kiss her. But that couldn’t have been right. Could it? No. Probably just her wishful heart willing it to be true. After all, Sam had made it clear from the beginning: the only goods of hers he was interested in were the ones she made at the bakery.

  Sam took the flashlight from her hand. “Have a seat while I grab some plates from the kitchen.”

  “But the lights…”

  “We’ll eat first, then worry about the lights.” The tone of his voice wasn’t angry but had an edge to it. He shoved his fingers through his hair and glanced around. “I think I may have a candle around here somewhere so we don’t use up the batteries in the flashlight.”

  Leah plopped herself down on the couch as he headed to the kitchen, leaving her alone in the moonlit living room. While she waited patiently for his return, her fingers doodled over the cold skin of the leather couch as she listened to him clatter dishes around in the other room.

  When he returned, he had his arms full, juggling two more beers, two plates, a roll of paper towels, and a lit candle. And his demeanor had seemingly shifted back to normal. “I found the candle in the cabinet over the stove,” he said with quick grin.

  She helped him set everything down and scooted over to give him a place to sit. Since he was closer to the pizza, he served them both up a slice on a plate and then sat back, tucking his beer upright between his legs.

  “Okay, so while we’re eating, why don’t we go over the things I need to know about your family?"

  “Actually, I brought a list,” Leah said, motioning to the end table next to him before taking her first bite.

  He set his plate down on the armrest and reached for the notebook she’d left there. After reading a little, he looked up. “This is just their names and general information about them. That’s not quite what I had in mind.”

  She glanced over his arm at the page. “I thought I pretty much covered everything. Did I leave something specific out?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “Yeah. All the dirt on your family.”

  “All the what?”

  “You know, the juicy stuff. Things I can use to make them hate me.”

  Leah shrugged. “I don’t know that there’s anything I could tell you then. We’re a close-knit group…even if we don’t always show it.”

  His grin widened as he pointed at her. “That right there. That’s the stuff I want to know. Tell me the things that annoy you about them.”

  “Oh. Um, all right.” She thought for a moment. “Well, in my family, we don’t ever say ‘I’m sorry.’ We just sort of wait for the storm to pass over and then pick up right where we left off, as if the incident never occurred.”

  Sam took a bite of his pizza but kept his eyes glued to her face. “What else?”

  “I don’t think there’s much I can tell you about my grandparents. When they both retired, they sold their condominium and bought a beach house.”

  “Come on, Leah. You can do better than this. Give me something good.”

  She thought for a minute. “Ethan, my younger brother, graduated high school last year and is color-blind.”

  “Color-blind? Really?”

  “Yeah. I’m sure it’s a hardship, but it’s not the handicap he pretends it is. He still lives at home with my parents so my mom babies him a lot. He’s sloppy and lazy, and we bicker a lot.”

  “Oh, now this is getting good,” Sam said in between bites. “Keep going.”

  “My dad’s name is Bill. He’s ridiculously superstitious and constantly tells the same stories over and over again. He thinks they’re funny, but trust me, they’re not. Oh, and he’s a tight wad. Hates to spend money if he can get out of it.”

  “And your mom…Nancy, right?”

  “Yes, and she collects antiques. Which is weird, since she usually wants everything to be so…perfect, I guess.” Inwardly, she cringed. If she didn’t tell him the truth about her mom, he’d pick up on it himself the moment they arrived on Friday. So Leah sighed and said, “Including me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My mom is a bit critical of me. My weight, specifically. She thinks my BFF is a burrito, and before you came into the picture, she thought the only chance I had at getting married was lost when Gavin dumped me. She hates that I’m not a size two and reminds me of it every chance she gets.”

  “Ouch. That’s harsh.”

  “Not really. I’m used to it.”

  “Shitty thing to get used to.”

  Leah shrugged. “She constantly makes snide remarks, though she thinks of it more as ‘sharing her wisdom.’”

  Sam’s lips formed a thin, tight line. “Sounds more like cruelty.”
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br />   She shook her head. “I know it sounds bad, but I don’t think she means it the way it comes across.”

  “Don’t do that,” he said, tossing his empty plate on top of the pizza box. “You don’t have to defend her. It’s wrong for her to belittle you, whether she means to or not. There’s no excuse for anyone—especially family—to treat someone that way.”

  “I know, but it’s just—”

  “No buts, Leah.”

  She smiled halfheartedly at him, knowing he was right. “Okay, so it’s my turn to ask you questions, right?”

  “Nope. You don’t need a turn.”

  Leah stared at him, feeling her face contort with confusion. “What do you mean? Of course I do. How else will I know what to tell them about you?”

  “They’re not going to ask you anything about me. I’ll be there, remember? They’re going to ask me directly.”

  “Well, what if one of them gets me alone and asks me something about you that I don’t know the answer to?”

  “They won’t. You’re old news. I’m the one auditioning to be their son-in-law. And like any new toy, they’ll be glued to me, fighting over who gets to ask the next question. You probably won’t have to talk at all. In fact, if you don’t bother showing up, I doubt they’d even notice.”

  Leah laughed. “I don’t know whether I should be offended or glad the attention won’t be on me.”

  “Well, you’re not out of the hot seat yet. I still have more questions. And this time, I need to ask you something really personal.”

  The smile faded from her lips. “You’re not going to ask me how much I weigh, are you?”

  Sam gave her a yeah, right look. “No. Not that kind of personal. Think of something a little more intimate.”

  There’s nothing more intimate than asking a girl what she weighs, is there? I mean it’s not like he’s asking me…Oh, shit!

  Heat rushed to her face, but she hoped he wouldn’t notice her blushing in the dim lighting. “You’re not talking about what I think you are, are you?”

  A broad grin widened his face. “Bingo!”

  Uh-uh. No freaking way am I talking about that with him. “Um, maybe we should draw the line right there.”