Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3)

by Juliana Haygert

  Past Argus’s stall, near the back gate, was Belle. I thought she would be out with the group since Hannah always said she was such a docile and calm horse, great for beginners or leisure riding.

  Slowly, I put one foot before the other and walked along the corridor, looking at each stall, trying to familiarize myself with the fact that I was surrounded by horses. Even if they were secured in their stalls, I was still surrounded by horses.

  My hands sweated.

  The last stall caught my attention. The door’s top part was closed, unlike the other stalls, and the wood boards around it were reinforced. That was where Hannah had kept Argus while she was helping him. That was where she kept all violent and problematic horses until they were doing better.

  I racked my brain, trying to remember if my sister had mentioned having a new one. She was always talking about horses; I couldn’t keep track.

  The sound of agitated hoofs stomping to one side and the other and something like a loud snort let me know the stall wasn’t empty. Of course it wasn’t. Hannah had a big heart, and when it came to mistreated animals, it was even bigger. If animal control or a desperate owner came knocking on her door, asking her to treat their problematic horse, she would never say no.

  I didn’t want to get too close to that stall, although I wanted to go see Belle, and her stall was right beside it.

  I paused and stared at Belle’s door. I could always come back later, when this other horse was gone. But what if it took months to make him or her better? I would have to wait to face the next fear on my list. I wouldn’t make any progress. Then what? I couldn’t put my life, myself, on hold and hope everything would be all right. I wanted to be whole again, to be free and happy, to enjoy little things without being afraid.

  I had to do this.

  I can do this.

  Eyes closed, I took a deep breath, preparing myself to push past my fear.

  “Hey, you.”

  I shrieked and, on turning toward the voice, tripped on my own foot, stumbling to the side and reaching for the nearest pillar to steady myself.

  Gui reached out, but I was able to stabilize myself before I fell on my face.

  “Gosh,” I muttered, my hand on my throat.

  “Sorry,” Gui said, hiding a smile.

  “First Jimmy, now you.” I took a deep inhale, trying to calm my racing heart.

  “Sorry,” he repeated, his accent thick, thicker than usual.

  “It’s okay.” I straightened, suddenly embarrassed about being here.

  I noticed Gui’s eyes gliding over me, taking in my outfit. That was when I noticed he was wearing his practice clothes—tight white pants, the Montenegro polo shirt, and black knee-high boots.

  A smile spread on his lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed like that. It suits you.”

  “Um, thanks.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans. “What are you doing here?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “What are you doing here?”

  “Looking for my sister.” I lowered my eyes so he couldn’t see my lie stamped on my face.

  But Gui was smart. “You wouldn’t have come all the way here looking for you sister, knowing she could be out. No, you would have called first to make sure she was here.” He glanced to the white board on the wooden wall between two stalls. “And I see here she’s out right now. In fact, she’ll be out for a long time.” He crossed his arm, his chin jutted out. “What is it? Why are you here?”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Two feelings I knew too well, embarrassment and fear, engulfed me and I couldn’t bring myself to say the truth. “It’s nothing, really.” I hooked my thumbs on my jeans’ front pockets and started walking past him, to the stable’s main gates.

  Gui’s hand shot out and, gently, he closed his fingers around my wrist, making me stop and instinctively jerk back. He pulled his hand to himself. “Sorry.” He frowned, looking unsure. “About grabbing you like that. I know—”

  “I-it’s okay,” I said quickly, hoping he would take the hint that I wasn’t up to talk about it. “I should just go.” I started walking again.

  “Hil, wait.” Gui turned with me. “I know you’re not a fan of horses, so if you’re here, it must be for a good reason. What is it?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why all this curiosity?”

  “It’s not just curiosity. It’s intriguing. You always intrigue me.”

  First, I gasped, shocked. Then rage course through my veins. “Oh, like that girl is so crazy, it’s intriguing.”

  “No.” He gave a step closer, his eyes on mine. “Like that girl is amazing, but she’s hiding behind a wall. If only she would let someone break through.”

  The rage faded as fast as it had surged up. I watched him as he watched me, confused and intrigued too. Gui had just called me amazing. If I were still my sixteen-year-old self, I would be doing an internal happy dance right now. The truth was, it did mess with my insides; I just wasn’t sure how.

  “Tell me,” he said, his voice soft, gentle.

  Something in his eyes or his stance or his voice, or all of it together, cracked me a little. I sighed. “I had a panic attack last week during one of my final exams, so I sought out my therapist to help me. I’m tired of the panic and the fear. She suggested I make a list of my fears, from any stupid little thing to the things that give me panic attacks. Getting close to horses and riding them is on that list.” I clamped my mouth shut, a little stunned that I had just blurted the truth out.

  “I see.” Gui narrowed his eyes at me. “And why didn’t you ask Hannah for help?”

  “I love my sister, but she wants to help too much. She’ll act like a therapist and I can’t deal with that. I just need to take this slow.”

  He stared at me for a moment, those blue eyes too bright, too interesting. “I can help you.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “W-what? Why?”

  “Because I would like to see you break through that wall you hide behind.” His eyes … his expression … he was serious.

  Why was he serious about this?

  “I don’t know,” I whispered, lowering my gaze. “This is pretty stupid.”

  “I don’t think it is, otherwise it wouldn’t be on your list.”

  He was right, of course. I just wasn’t ready—it wasn’t easy—to admit that out loud. It was one thing to let my therapist in, with whom I was taught to open up and share important things, but to share my fears with Gui? Yes, he was practically part of my family, but it wasn’t the same thing. I didn’t like to be seen as the girl with the one hundred problems, even if it were true. Those problems, those traumas were private, and exposing them like this, as if I was really considering doing it, made me feel vulnerable, weak, and afraid.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered again.

  “Come on, I promise I’m pretty good with horses.” He flashed me one bright, reassuring smile. “And I promise I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.” He paused, giving me time to think, but then he nudged me with his elbow. “Come on, say I can help you.”

  I didn’t know why, but the word spilled from my mouth before my brain could process it. “Okay.”

  Gui

  When I had come to Hannah’s ranch, I would never have guessed I would find Hilary there. And, to be honest, I was quite glad I did.

  Then, when I entered the stable and saw her standing there in jeans, a plaid shirt, and cowboy boots … damn, she looked so, so hot. The jeans seemed molded around her ass, and the shirt was fitted enough that I could make out her thin waist and her full boobs. I felt a new heat wave wash over me, going low, low, low.

  After her shock at seeing me here had passed, and she agreed to let me help her, I leaned on the doorframe of Belle’s stall. Slowly, Hilary walked back and halted on the other side of the doorframe, careful not to lean on it, though.

  With her green eyes wide, Hilary stared at the mare across the door from us. Belle, though, was as calm and quiet as ev
er.

  “So.” I crossed my arms. “You’re afraid of horses.” She only nodded. “And I thought you didn’t like them because of the smell.”

  One corner of her lips tugged up and she rolled her eyes at me. “That too.”

  I chuckled. “Why are you afraid of horses?”

  She remained silent while staring at Belle for so long that I thought she wouldn’t tell me. “You see, Hannah has loved horses since she was a few months old, and by the time she was four, she was riding ponies by herself. So, right after I was born, my father pushed me toward horses, expecting me to be like Hannah. But I never liked them, not really. They were big and scary and smelly.” Hilary scrunched her nose, and I realized she was too cute like that. “But my father kept pushing, so finally at four, I gave in and told him I would ride with him. He brought his most prized stallion out and, even though I was shaking so hard, he put me up on the back of the horse. He was going to come up with me, but I think, I don’t know, that the horse felt my fear and he reared up. I fell and hit my head. I don’t remember much, but my mother always says I was knocked out and the horse almost trampled me.” She closed her eyes for a minute, taking in a long breath. “I was taken to the hospital and had to stay in observation for two days.” Her hands were shaking. I fought the urge to reach over and take her hands in mine. “After that, my father kept on pushing me, and of course, he said I couldn’t give up this easily, but my mother sided with me and helped me with the arguments. After a couple of years, he just stopped trying.”

  “I’m sorry,” was the only thing I could think to say.

  She shrugged, but her hands were still shaking. “It was a long time ago.”

  I frowned. “It might have been, but if you add riding horses to your list, that means you’re not really over it. Haven’t you ever thought about trying again?”

  She huffed. “My life is surrounded by horses. My house, Hannah’s ranch, the club, now you guys. Of course I’ve thought about it, but … have you looked at them?” She gestured toward Belle. “Look how tall they are, how thick their thighs are, and those hooves.” She inhaled sharply. “They scare the hell out of me,” she confessed in a low voice.

  This time I did reach out and held her hand in mine. With wide eyes, she stared at our hands. “It’s okay, Hil.” I squeezed her hand. “We’ll get you through it. I promise that I’ll help you get through your fears, and you’ll be riding a horse like a champ.”

  She smiled and tugged her hand free of mine. “Thanks, Gui.”

  I did a mock bow and tipped an invisible hat. “You’re welcome, ma’am.” That earned me a wider smile and it took my breath away. Damn, I had to make her smile more often.

  Mirroring me, she leaned on the doorframe and crossed her arms, hiding her still shaking hands. She stared at me with those big green eyes, a little amusement shining in them. “And what are you doing at Hannah’s ranch on a Friday afternoon? Didn’t you have practice or something?”

  “Bom …” I ran a hand through my hair. “I pretended my shoulder was hurting so I could get out of practice early, so I could come here and steal one of Leo’s shirts.”

  Her delicate brows shot up. “Why?”

  “It’s a surprise the guys and I are planning for him for the bachelor party.”

  “Wow, you guys are already thinking of the bachelor party. And why one of his shirts?”

  “We’re going to have it bedazzled. He’ll have to wear it during the bachelor party.”

  Her smile widened again, and I swore I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest. “I’ll need to see pictures of that.”

  I chuckled. “I promised we’ll take several and I’ll show them all to you.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.” She tucked her hair behind her ear before looking at Belle again. “So, what do we do about this?”

  “We take it slow.”

  “And that means?”

  “That means that you just spent several minutes leaned against the door of a stall, only a few feet from a horse, and you did quite well.” Her eyes turned back to me, and they were full of wonder. “I think we’re done for today, but we should already schedule our next meeting.”

  “Meeting,” she muttered.

  “Unfortunately, I can’t meet often because of my practice and game schedule.”

  “And now I’m working full days too,” she said.

  “Yeah, so, how about next Thursday?”

  She seemed to think about it for a moment. “Yeah, I guess that will do.”

  I grinned. “It’s a date, then.” And this time, I meant it.

  “I like these.” Margot picked up the three samples of fabric I had chosen and placed them side by side on her table. She took a few steps back and tilted her head, analyzing them. “Oh, I love these. I’m definitely using them.”

  The tension slipped away from my shoulders, and I beamed, proud of myself. “Thanks.”

  Since last Thursday, I had been helping Margot with one of her bigger projects. It was exciting and I was learning a lot, and now I was thrilled that she had liked my suggestions.

  Dread was also playing its part inside me, though. It was Tuesday afternoon of my second week here, and I hadn’t been assigned any project of my own, like Fallon said I would. Maybe she changed her mind and wanted to delay the start of my designs? Maybe after a week working here, she realized I wasn’t as bright as she thought I was and was having second thoughts about hiring me.

  It was hard to concentrate on other projects, on someone else’s projects, or even my project for college—which I tried to think about as often as I could—when those ideas kept bouncing inside my mind. I succeeded for about a few minutes, then doubt charged my mind and I had to fight a small panic attack.

  At 4:15 p.m., the landline phone ranged on my table.

  “Hilary here,” I said upon answering, knowing it was either Sonya in the front or Fallon.

  “Hilary, come to my office, please,” Fallon said from the other side of the line. Her tone was deadpan, and I froze for a second.

  “On my way,” I muttered before hanging up.

  Taking a deep breath, I stood from my chair. I glanced around, sure three pairs of eyes would be on me, analyzing me, curious about the call, interested in its outcome. But Christine, Margot, and Karl were deep into their own worlds, not even acknowledging my presence. Which was a relief.

  My hands were shaking when I knocked on Fallon’s door.

  “Come in,” her voice came through loud and clear.

  After another deep breath, I opened the door and stepped inside her office.

  “Did you want to—?” I saw who was seated across Fallon’s desk and lost my words. “Hannah, what are you doing here?”

  My sister stood and opened her arms to embrace me. “Hello, Hil.”

  I glanced at Fallon, as if I needed permission to hug my sister, and she nodded.

  “Hi,” I said, wrapping my arms around my sister. I stepped back and looked at her. “What are you doing here?”

  She sat back down and gestured to the chair beside me. Again, I looked at Fallon and she nodded. I sat down and stared at my sister.

  She smiled. “Well, I need a dress for my wedding. My mother, my maid of honor, and my bridesmaids need dresses too.”

  “Oh, great,” I said with a smile. She had come to the right place. “Fallon is the best. You’ll love working with her.”

  Hannah shook her head, and I heard Fallon chuckling. “No, silly, I want you to design our dresses.”

  My jaw fell open. “But I thought …” I wasn’t sure what I thought.

  “You’ve been designing clothes since you were four, and you always gave me great fashion tips. Come on. Did you really think I would have anyone else design the most important dress of my life?”

  I was in shock. When she put it like that, I understood. If our roles were reversed, I would have her design my dress too. Emotions filled my chest—pride, excitement, anticipation, happiness. Tears sprang t
o my eyes.

  “I told you I would assign you your own project during your second week here,” Fallon said.

  Oh, this was amazing!

  I flung myself at my sister and embraced her again. “Thank you! Thank you!”

  She hugged me tight and laughed. “Of course, Hil. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  ***

  I arrived twenty minutes early to prepare myself for the challenge I was going to face today. I hadn’t expected to find Gui’s Jeep already parked beside the stable. I parked my car beside his and spied into the stable. He was probably busy with the horses and hadn’t seen me arrive yet, so I had a little time to myself.

  I closed my eyes and worked on the calming and focusing technique my therapists taught me. Images of Fallon’s studios, lots of colorful fabrics, Hannah in a beautiful wedding dress, and models on a runaway wearing my creations filled my mind. Things that made me happy. Things that made me confident.

  With a renewed spirit, I got out of my car and headed toward the stable. Gui appeared at the open gates.

  “Boa tarde,” he said. His eyes raked down my body, taking longer at my legs. Warmth spread through my cheeks. Maybe choosing to wear cutoff jeans shorts hadn’t been the best idea, but it was so damn hot today. At least I was wearing a modest green T-shirt that hid everything.

  “Good afternoon,” I answered him, taking him in. He wore worn jeans, a fitted white shirt, a black Montenegro baseball hat turned backward, and brown cowboy boots. Even though I had sworn off men and he was practically family, I couldn’t not notice how gorgeous he looked. It was no wonder he was a god with the ladies.

  Gui straightened, all business-like. “Ready?”

  I bit my lower lip and shook my head. “Not really.”

  His eyes glanced to my lips before returning to my eyes with a different gleam, one I was sure I was imagining. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. We can go as slow as you want to.” My eyes widened this time. A second later, his mouth rounded in a silent oh. He pulled off his hat, ran his hand through his hair, and then settled the hat back in place. “You know what I meant,” he said, his tone strained.