Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3)

by Juliana Haygert

  You’re stupid, Hilary. Can’t you see there are already holes in that damn wall?

  I groaned. Yeah, I knew there were holes there. Brand new holes that Gui had helped open.

  “Sorry,” Gui whispered.

  “For what?’

  “I swear I’m not being nosy or anything like that. I just thought you were becoming good friends and good friends talk to each other.”

  He was right. Damn it. “It’s okay. I was just gathering the courage to tell you.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Not really. It’s more like embarrassing.”

  He sighed. “Don’t worry, Hil. I promise I won’t judge you.” Belle jerked as a squirrel ran across the arena and I tensed, burying my nails into Gui. “Ai.”

  I relaxed my grip on him. “Sorry.” He chuckled again, and I decided to blurt it out before I lost my nerve. “The next two items on my list are fear of heights and fear of going to a club.”

  “Going clubbing?”

  “Yeah, I used to dream about going clubbing with my friends before, but now … it’s because of the crowd and the bodies bumping against each other and there are always drunk guys …” I stopped right there. He knew what I meant.

  “I see.”

  Gui didn’t offer any other comment and that bothered me. “That’s it? I just confessed to you two of my fears, and you’re not even encouraging me to beat them.”

  “I’m thinking.”

  “About?”

  “How to help you with those fears.” He pulled Belle’s reins and the horse turned to the left. Tensing, I tightened my grip on Gui again. “I’m not sure about the height fear yet, but going clubbing is easy. We just need to get all the gang together and go. Like we have done so many times before. But this time when we invite you and you say yes, there will be no tricking us.”

  “But—”

  “You’ll be with us. I promise I’ll be by your side all night and make sure the girls are around you all night, and we’ll take care of you. What do you think?”

  I shook my head, my forehead brushing against his back. “I’m not sure.”

  “That’s okay. You don’t have to decide now.”

  Why was he trying to help me? Why was he being so nice about it? I really didn’t get him, and I was too scared to ask him why—that was another fear I could include on my list right now. To confront Gui and ask him why the hell he was bothering with troubled me when he could be doing anything else. No, I couldn’t do that. Not yet. I was too scared of his answer.

  With no other sudden movements from Belle, other than her rhythmic walk, I relaxed against Gui’s back. We remained in silence as Belle walked around the arena for a couple more laps. Finally, at ten in the morning, Gui guided her to the stable.

  He jumped off the horse first, then put his hands on my waist and helped me down—his eyes one mine.

  Warmth crept up my cheeks. “Thank you.”

  He smiled at me. “My pleasure. You did well.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right.”

  “I’m serious. Soon enough, you’ll be a pro.” He took a step back, releasing me. “I need to get going.” He sidestepped me and started taking Belle’s tack. I wanted to ask him where he was going, but now I didn’t want to look like the nosy one. Thankfully, he answered it anyway. “I have a game this afternoon in L.A.”

  “What? You said you didn’t have a game today.”

  “No, I said I didn’t have a game this morning.” He glanced at his phone. “If I leave now, I should be in L.A. just past noon. Plenty of time to have lunch and warm up before the game.”

  “You’re crazy. You should have canceled with me.”

  “I didn’t want to,” he said, staring at me as he closed the door to Belle’s stall.

  The intensity of his gaze was too much. Too hot. I would get burned. Lowering my eyes, I took a step back, telling myself it was to give him more space so he could walk past me to the tack room, but deep down, I knew that was just a part of it. I stepped back because I wasn’t sure what I would have done if I didn’t.

  I helped him carry the equipment to the tack room and put them in the right places. Then we walked out the stable and to the parking lot together.

  “Por favor, take care of yourself,” Gui said, turning to my car. “Don’t give that guy a chance to get to you again.” He clenched his hands.

  “I will.” I opened my car door. “Good luck at the game this afternoon.”

  “Thanks.” I slid inside my car and he leaned down a little, so he could look into my eyes. “Text or call if you need anything, okay? L.A. is just two hours away. I can come and go anytime.”

  I smiled. “Okay. Thanks.”

  He stepped back. “All right.”

  “Bye,” I said, reaching for the door.

  “Tchau,” he said, closing the door before I could.

  I fumbled with my purse, pretending to look for something while I watched him walk to his Jeep and climb into it from the corner of my eyes.

  Wake up, Hilary. Stop being so stupid.

  I snapped back to reality and started my car before Gui noticed I had been watching him like a starstruck girl. Because I wasn’t a starstruck girl. I couldn’t be. Not with Gui.

  With a frustrated sigh, I drove away from the ranch as if I could leave the starstruck girl behind.

  ***

  Sunday was a lazy but rather busy day. The only things I did were have lunch with my mother and her friends at the club, then spend the afternoon at Hannah’s ranch. Leo was at the tournament in L.A. and the other girls were busy. It had been a long time since my sister and I had spent some time alone. We made our grandmother’s special cookie recipe while talking about the wedding and horses and me—though I didn’t tell her about Gui’s help. Hannah was happy I was facing my fears, and she could see me becoming quite the Amazon warrior like her. I snorted.

  She wanted to go riding, but I wasn’t ready to ride by myself. What if Belle got spooked again? I wouldn’t know how to control her. Hannah thought I could do it, but hey, I wasn’t ready.

  Or maybe I didn’t want to because this was something I shared with Gui. For now.

  Maybe.

  Anyway, all the coming and going made me tired, and by seven in the evening, I was back in my apartment, in my pajamas, and ready for my ice cream.

  That was when the doorbell rang.

  I frowned, wondering if it could be Gui. But he had a game today. In the afternoon. He couldn’t be back here so fast, could he?

  “Oi,” Gui said after I opened the door. His hair was damp and he had on fresh jeans, a polo shirt, and a big grin.

  “First, why the hell do you always arrive right when I’m opening the freezer to grab my ice cream? And two, what are you doing here?”

  “Get dressed,” he said, stepping into my apartment.

  “What?”

  He closed the door, clasped his hands on my shoulders, spun me around, and pushed me toward my bedroom. “Get dressed.”

  I dug my heels and glanced at him over my shoulder. “Why?”

  “It’s a surprise. You’ll like it, I promise.”

  “I need more than that.”

  Gui shook his head. “Sorry, can’t say more or it’ll ruin the surprise.”

  “A surprise?”

  “Hil, go get dressed, please?”

  With those big blue eyes begging me, how could I say no? “Okay, okay.” I disentangled myself from him. “What kind of clothes?”

  “Casual. Jeans and some shirt. Blouse. Whatever girls wear.”

  “Be right back,” I muttered before slipping inside my bedroom and closing the door behind me.

  My mind spun as I went through my closet, considering what to pick. I didn’t wear jeans often, but I had a pair I loved, so no questions there. But what about a blouse? There were so many options. A graphic tee that screamed casual and friend-like outing? An off-the-shoulder top that had a hint of sexy but still covered everything? Or a lacy strapl
ess and fitted top that had sensual written all over it?

  I opted for the dark green off-shoulder blouse, cute brown ballet flats, and a bracelet made of brown leather to match. I quickly brushed my hair and pulled it in a tight ponytail, applied some mascara and a pale lip gloss, and headed to the door.

  As my hand touched the knob, I froze. What was I doing? I was ready to go out alone with a guy.

  Me. Alone. Guy.

  I pivoted to the mirror and stared into my eyes. A few weeks ago, heck a few days ago, I wouldn’t consider this. It wouldn’t even cross my mind, and if someone, a guy, had suggested it, I would ignore it. Now? Now I was ready. I had even dressed up a little. Wow. Was this me? Could I possibly be healing?

  Before I allowed my fear and panic to slither back into me, I exited my room and met Gui in the living room.

  Gui

  I sat down to wait for Hilary, thinking it would take her forty minutes or an hour to get ready. Well, that was how long Gabi used to take to get ready—more actually. But that had been when we lived together, years ago. Who knew? She might have gotten worse with time.

  Surprising me, Hilary stepped out of her bedroom much sooner than I expected.

  My breath caught and, before I knew what I was doing, I stood. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open for two seconds before I recovered and relaxed my expression. Only my expression, because the rest of my body was reacting to everything else right now.

  My eyes lingered on her long neck and exposed shoulder, and I couldn’t help but imagine how it would feel, how it would taste to graze my lips on her smooth skin. Would she shiver? Would she moan?

  “Gui?”

  I shook my head and focused on her beautiful face. “Ready?”

  She shrugged. “It depends on where we’re going.”

  I smiled. “Just … trust me.”

  After she locked her apartment, we rode the elevator to the underground level, where we got in my Jeep. I drove us to another building, a few blocks from ours, and parked the car on the street.

  “What is this place?” she asked, exiting my Jeep.

  “Just a building. What I want to show you is on top of it.”

  She raised one eyebrow. “On top?”

  Hoping she didn’t have time to consider and be afraid, I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside the building. The doorman nodded at us as we took the elevator all the way to the top floor. The elevator doors opened to a small room with long glass windows and a glass door that lead to the open roof.

  Hilary stepped out of the elevator and froze, her eyes wide.

  “Oh my gosh,” she whispered.

  I tugged on her hand. “Come on.”

  She shook her head. “I’m dreaming, right?”

  “Nope.” I chuckled.

  “There’s no way a helicopter is sitting on the roof of this building.”

  “Yes, way. It’s right here.” I tugged on her hand again. “And we’re going to ride it.”

  “I-I can’t.”

  I stepped in front of her and grabbed both her hands with mine. “There’s an item on your fear list that says you’re afraid of heights. If you come with me in this helicopter, and we fly around for a bit, you’ll be able to scratch that item off your list. One step closer to be rid of all your fears.” She shifted her wide gaze from the helicopter to me. I could see her internal battle. I squeezed her hands. “You’ll be okay, Hil. I promise.”

  She gulped. “How do you know?”

  “That you’ll be okay?” I asked, and she nodded. “I know the pilot and I know he has lots of experience. I wouldn’t take you on a helicopter ride if it weren’t safe. I promise. Besides, when have I let you down?” She stared at me long and hard. I could see I was winning. “Just hold my hand and don’t let go. I’ll keep you safe. Okay?”

  Finally, she nodded.

  I smiled and, still holding her hand, took her to the helicopter. I could feel her shaking and when we sat side-by-side in the helicopter, I could see her chest rising and falling fast. I let go of her hand long enough to adjust our headphones and seat belt, then took her hand in mine again.

  Hilary probably thought I was doing it—keeping her hand in mine—for her benefit, but it was for mine too. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it was fucking great to hold her like this.

  The helicopter went airborne. Hilary let out a yelp and squeezed my hand. Two seconds later, she turned to me with her eyes closed and rested her forehead on my shoulder.

  I leaned my head closer to her, lifted her headphones, and told her, “I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe.”

  Slowly, as the helicopter stabilized and started its smooth ride, she lifted her head and stared into my eyes. For one quick moment, my eyes flickered to her mouth—to her fucking perfect and kissable lips. I couldn’t help it. Kissing her was constantly on my mind, and when she was this close, looking at me this way, it was too damn hard to resist the pull.

  I cleared my throat and pointed outside. “Look.” Still close to me, she turned her head to look. We were exiting Santa Barbara, going along the coast. From here, everything looked like tiny dots of light—the sky, the town, and even the sea.

  As the minutes went by, Hilary relaxed and she even leaned closer to the windows. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

  “Yes, it is,” I said, looking at her.

  She turned to me with a small smile. “Thanks.”

  I lifted her hand to my mouth and planted a little kiss there, my eyes on hers. “You’re welcome.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Here you go.” My sister handed me a glass with whiskey and coke from across the kitchen’s island. She immediately turned around to grab another glass to serve someone else, and I handed my drink to Bia. I wasn’t a drinker. In fact, I hadn’t had a drink since before that fateful day. I wasn’t sure why drinking related to that, but my therapist thought it was because men tended to abuse women, physically or even verbally, when drunk. She said it might also be because I was afraid of losing control.

  “Obrigada,” Bia whispered, winking.

  While Hannah busied herself with the drinks and the finger food, the guys played video games in their living room. They had just come back from the tournament in Los Angeles, which they had won, and they wanted to celebrate.

  “Here,” Agnes said, handing me a glass with coke. She and João Pedro had joined us for the celebratory dinner, though João Pedro was with the guys in the living room, complaining that playing video games wasn’t the right away to celebrate and that finger food was an appetizer, not a proper dinner.

  “Where’s the steak? The pasta? The lasagna?” he had asked once we started passing around the cheese bites and lobsters rolls.

  I mouthed a thank you to Agnes and turned around on my high stool to glance at the TV. Well, to be honest, I was watching Gui.

  He had one of the joysticks in his hands, taking a turn at the violent game flashing on the TV. Leo sat on his left, and Garrett sat on his right. Ri was seated on the loveseat with Lauren draped under his arm, Pedro had one armchair, while João Pedro was in the other.

  Ri told them some joke in Portuguese and the guys laughed. Even João Pedro couldn’t hide his smile. After the laughter quieted down, the guys focused on the game, but a big grin stamped Gui’s handsome face. He looked boyish, with the hard lines of his jaw and chin smoothed, and his bright blue eyes shining.

  As if sensing my gaze, Gui turned his head to me. His grin widened, making me smile in return.

  “Hey, presta atenção, Gui!” Leo said.

  Gui snapped back to the game. “Okay, okay.”

  He was a puzzle to me. I didn’t understand him at all. Why was he hanging out with me? Why was he helping me? Why was he spending so much of his time with me? Of course, my brain came up with several explanations. I was troubled and he felt sorry for me, or I was a challenge. Or, he had a traumatic experience during his teen years and now wanted to redeem himself through me. Or, t
he most absurd of all—but the one my brain and heart seemed to think of the most—he liked me. More than as a family member. Like the way I liked him.

  There, I said it. Or thought it. I had finally admitted it to myself. I liked Gui more than I should. Which probably meant I should stop hanging out with him before things got complicated. And there were several reasons why this could get complicated. One, I could reveal my feelings, find out he didn’t feel the same way, and make things awkward between us. Two, I could reveal my feelings, find out he did feel the same way, and make things awkward for us and everyone around us. Dating the cousin of my sister’s husband? That was a mess in the making. And three, what about my fear of commitment? Or kissing a guy? Of actually surrendering my heart, soul, and body to him? As much as I wanted to believe I was healing, I didn’t think I would be ready to sleep with a guy for many, many years.

  Besides, I was sure Gui didn’t feel the same about me. He hooked up with pretty girls all the time. For what, a month? A week? I knew he went through them like going through shirts during the week. I didn’t want to be one more. Which brought me to number four—what if I was some conquest? He enjoyed the challenge of breaking down my walls, of stripping my soul bare, of taking me to his bed, and then of throwing me away. Then things would not only get awkward between our families; they would get ugly too.

  A different array of emotions swirled within me. Elation, wonder, frustration, hope, worry, nervousness, but mostly confusion. I was so, so confused. And if I stopped to analyze it, I became even more confused and nervous, and then my panic and fear flared. Like now.

  My breathing grew shallow and my heart beat faster.

  Bia sat on the stool beside me, a new glass of whiskey and coke in her hand. “What are you staring at?”

  I lowered my gaze and whirled back to the kitchen. “Nothing.” I scanned the area, trying to find something to comment on, so she wouldn’t ask me more about it. Trying to calm myself down, I settled for her glass. “How many of those did you have?”

  “Your sister keeps making them and passing them around,” Bia said. “I think everyone has had about ten. Each,” she joked. Yeah, right. She would have puked her guts out, and then passed out on the bathroom floor.