Because of Kian

by Sibylla Matilde

  Brynn’s voice cut through my rage. Incredulously, I stared at her. After all this, after everything this fucker did to her, and after all I’d done to bring her back to life, she was worried about Evan?

  I rose to stand, dragging Evan to his knees before I pushed him back to the ground in disgust and faced Brynn’s frightened eyes.

  “What the fuck, Brynn? Why are you protecting this fucker?” I erupted.

  “No, Kian. I’m not…” she cried, wrapping her arms around my waist, “I’m trying to save you. You can’t do this. You’re too good. If he dies, they’ll fucking throw you in jail…” she sobbed against my chest. “You can’t, Kian. You can’t.”

  God, she felt so good in my arms. Like my heart had been placed back in my chest. My blood was pumping and my lungs were pulling in the sweet air around her.

  My paradise. My heaven.

  My Brynn.

  The peace of her love began to cut through my rage. I cradled her close to my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around her. “I’m not going anywhere, baby,” I murmured against the top of her head.

  I faintly heard a groan behind me, then a click of metal. Time seemed to slow as I turned my gaze towards that piece of shit on the floor. Just in time to catch a glint of light reflecting off the barrel of a gun.

  “I’ll just fucking kill you both,” Evan spat through his bloody pulp of a face.

  I twisted my body around Brynn’s, enveloping her as I tried to shield her. Two shots rang out, and felt a searing pain in my shoulder followed by another in my ribs. A warm, sticky wetness began to seep through my shirt.

  And then, to my horror, Brynn went limp in my arms.

  Chapter 21 ~ Aftermath

  End of All Days ~ Thirty Seconds to Mars

  Kian

  Sirens.

  Police bursting through the door.

  A few more shots rang out in Brynn’s small living room. I wasn’t sure how many. Two, maybe three.

  The commotion around me was muffled. It was there, but distant somehow. I could only feel Brynn’s limp body in my arms. The blood seeping forth, soaking into my clothing.

  The life slipping right out of her.

  “Stay with me, baby,” I breathed against her forehead. “Don’t leave me now.”

  Her thready breathing barely existed as I held her tightly, pressing my hand firmly against the frightening wound on her chest, anything I could to stem the warm flow of blood that oozed steadily from her body.

  Fuck.

  God no.

  “Sir, are you hurt?” a faceless badge asked me.

  “Fine, but she’s hurt. Help her…” My voice choked and trailed off.

  “Paramedics are pulling up right now, sir,” came the reply. The officer knelt beside me and pressed his fingers to the pulse point at her throat, then reached down to his radio and barked something about a faint pulse and shortness of breath.

  And to hurry and get their asses inside.

  Moments later, the EMTs quickly rushed into the room with a gurney and pulled her from my arms. Like my soul was being ripped away. Cold and shaking, I stood, willing them to heal her. Willing her to open her eyes. To tease me or flirt with me or fight with me. Something. Anything.

  She looked so pale as they packed the bloody injury and slipped an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. So still.

  Fuck.

  No.

  God no.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  “What’s your name, sir?” another officer said, trying to draw me away as they raised the stretcher.

  “Kian,” I whispered in a pained voice.

  The officer began to put a hand to my shoulder. “You look like you might be injured, too.”

  I stepped back quickly, wobbled a little on my feet with a lightheaded sensation, and looked back at him. “It’s her blood,” I growled sullenly. “She’s the one who got shot. I couldn’t stop… fuck… I couldn’t protect her.” I shook my head fiercely and followed the EMTs as they took Brynn out the door towards the ambulance.

  “What’s her name?” a young female EMT asked me as they secured her for the drive to the hospital.

  “Brynn… Brynn Ashton.”

  “We’ll take good care of her, sir. We’re taking her to St. Thomas Hospital and can meet you there.”

  “I’m going with you,” I snarled. I couldn’t let her out of my sight.

  She peered down through the darkness at the blood all over my shirt, smeared all over my jacket.

  “Do you need—” she began.

  “No, you worry about her. Not me. I’m fine.”

  With a nod, she moved further into the ambulance and gestured to a small seat she’d just vacated. “You can sit here. But you have to sit back and let us work on her or she may not make it to the hospital.”

  My knees nearly gave out and all the air rushed from my lungs. I steadied myself against the vehicle and nodded. I’d barely crawled up into the seat when Sage’s voice rang through the air.

  “Kian! Oh my God, what happened?” Her eyes were wide as she ran to the open doors of the ambulance and looked inside at Brynn lying supine on the gurney.

  An officer appeared at her side and attempted to guide her away. “There’s been an accident, ma’am, and they need to get her to a hospital right away.”

  “Oh God. I’ll meet you there!” she cried.

  “I’ll take you in my car,” the officer stated. “We’ll follow behind the ambulance, and maybe you can help give me a little information.” He swung the doors closed, and the ambulance quickly pulled away, sirens blaring through the night.

  It felt like forever before we reached the emergency room. Everything blurred around me. Doctors and nurses murmured down distant hallways before someone told me there was a bullet lodged just inside her ribs, close to her heart. She’d sustained a great deal of tissue damage, and the procedure to repair it would take some time. A gentle young nurse with a badge that said Ashley handed me a blanket to wrap up in.

  “Let me show you to the surgical waiting room. They’re taking her up to the operating room, and it might be a little while before we know anything.”

  I nodded and followed her stiffly, clutching the blanket to my chest, wishing it was my girl but needing something to hold. As she turned to leave, the woman glanced back and studied my expression.

  “Sir, are you—”

  “I just need her to be okay,” I ground out.

  The wait.

  The fucking wait was killing me.

  Sage showed up not long after I got in there, and she tucked the blanket around my shoulders.

  “Kian, are you sure you’re not hurt?”

  If one more person asked how I was feeling, I was going to explode. “I’m fine, Sage,” I whispered harshly. “I’m fine and she could die. That is just… So. Fucking. Wrong.”

  “But, Kian, you just—” she began again.

  “It’s her blood, Sage. I’m covered in Brynn’s blood. I’m gonna kill that motherfucker,” I ground out, the hatred in me building as I thought of Evan. His hands on Brynn. The bruise on her cheek. All the shit he’d put her through. And pulling a fucking gun. “I tried, Sage… I tried to… fuck…” My voice cracked and I couldn’t speak anymore.

  “He’s dead, Kian. The officers took him down.”

  I closed my eyes, steepling my fingers against my forehead, and took a deep breath. “Thank fuck,” I growled against the tight knot building in my throat.

  Kian

  The doctor walked into the waiting room with a grim expression on her face.

  “Mr. Tierney?” She looked uncertain.

  I nodded.

  “Miss Ashton has been very badly injured. We’ve done what we can. It’s up to her at this point. Her body may come out of this, but her chances… well, it’s just really hard to say at this point.”

  I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding in my chest, suffocating me. The words faintly registered as Sage asked the question I couldn�
��t bear to voice, “But she’s alive? Right?”

  “Yeah,” the doctor replied. “However, she’s in critical condition. The next couple hours will tell us a lot. She lost a lot of blood, and the bullet hit in a weird angle. However, up and over a little, and it would have landed in her heart.”

  The world tilted around me and everything began to blur as I dropped the blanket and staggered back towards the chair behind me. Grasping for purchase around me, I collapsed to the floor.

  The last thing I heard was the doctor’s exclamation. “Oh my God. He’s bleeding, too. Ashley, get a gurney! This man’s also been shot!”

  And then everything went black.

  Chapter 22 ~ Where is she?

  Tears in Heaven ~ Eric Clapton

  Kian

  I awoke with a jolt, in a quiet room, an unfamiliar nurse leaning over me and gliding a thermometer across my forehead.

  “Where is she?” I asked quietly, my voice scratchy.

  “Oh, you’re awake,” she smiled.

  “Where is she? Where is Brynn, dammit?”

  “Sir, just lie back—”

  I sprang into action without thinking, rolling away from her as I clumsily climbed from the bed. The left side of my ribs felt like they were on fire, and it was hard to breathe.

  But I had to find her.

  “Sir, please!” the nurse cried as I stumbled from the room towards a nearby nursing station.

  The nurse named Ashley from the night before frowned at me as she stood behind the desk. “Mr. Tierney, you need to go lie down.”

  “I need to find her,” I wheezed.

  “Kian?”

  Sage’s voice. That sounded like Sage. As I whirled around, I tried to ignore the dizziness that swept through me. She was walking down the hall towards me, a painfully worried expression on her face.

  “Sage, they won’t tell me where she is. Fuck, I’ve gotta find her.”

  She looked over at the nurses. “Please, can we take him to her? I’m worried he’s going to hurt himself even worse.”

  “Fuck, Sage,” I growled. “I’m not hurt. Brynn—”

  “Actually, Kian,” she interrupted, “you got shot, too. Twice… one bullet lodged in your shoulder. The other ripped through your ribs before it hit Brynn.”

  I ran my hand down my chest, feeling the thick bandages underneath my hospital gown. They wrapped up over the right side of my torso.

  Where the fuck did those come from?

  “You saved her…” she whispered. Training her gaze back on the nurses, she pleaded, “Can he see her? Please… if she doesn’t make it…” Sage’s voice trailed off and my guts twisted at the thought.

  Nurse Ashley turned to the younger one with pursed lips. “We probably shouldn’t,” she grumbled, “but get him a wheelchair. I don’t want him fainting.”

  Kian

  The first sight of her was heartbreaking. So still, pale. Beeping machines and IVs.

  “The good news is,” Nurse Ashley said, “she is breathing on her own. Well enough to be extubated.”

  I felt Sage’s hand on my shoulder.

  I felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

  I felt helpless.

  “She’s very weak, but so far there are no signs of infection.” She clicked through the computer for a moment, looking through Brynn’s vitals and then turned to leave. “It’s very quiet, so you can stay here for a while. Talk to her, sir. We don’t really know if she can hear you, but, in my heart, I do think it helps.”

  Sage took a deep breath and patted my arm gently. “I have to go get Mattie pretty soon. Can I stop somewhere and get you something? Call someone?”

  I could only shake my head. I couldn’t speak, and I sure as hell couldn’t take my eyes off my sweet Brynn lying there, so… lifeless.

  Sage pushed my wheelchair up to the edge of the bed, then pulled a slip of paper out of her purse, scribbling on it before handing it to me. “I’ll stop back by in the morning when Mattie goes to preschool. Here’s my number, so call if you need anything,” she said softly and looked over at Brynn, “or if anything changes.”

  I nodded as my hand gently caressed the smooth warmth of Brynn’s cheek. As the door closed behind Sage, I bowed my head to Brynn’s arm where it lay beside her on the bed.

  This was all so fucked up. She shouldn’t be here. I hadn’t saved her.

  My eyes burned. A choking sensation caught at my throat. Resting my head on her arm, I fought to take a deep breath.

  And there it was. Barely.

  The tiniest whiff of Hawaii faintly on her skin.

  My body shook as I thought of all she’d become to me. Her laugh. Her crazy driving. Her soft voice. The smile that lit her face when she saw me. The scowl when she was pissed at me. The way her arms clasped tightly around my waist on my bike. Her fingers in my hair, on my skin.

  “You can’t leave me now, Brynn,” I whispered. “You can’t…” My voice caught in my throat and my eyes watered. “I’m so sorry, baby. I promised I’d keep you safe, and I didn’t.” Part of me felt like an ass, sitting here talking to her while she was essentially comatose. But I had to tell her. She had to know how much I needed her. “I know I scared you. I made you run. I swear to God, I’ll never ever let you go like that again. I’m staying right here until you wake up and look at me. And then I’ll keep you with me. We’ll work through it together. You have to come back to me. You have to.”

  I sat there for so long, breathing in the air around her. My cheek resting on her warm little arm. For a while I dozed off, comforted by the occasional beeping and clicking of the machines. Those sounds meant she hadn’t left me.

  At one point, Nurse Ashley came back into the room and nudged my shoulder. “Mr. Tierney, you should head back to your room and get some rest.”

  I shook my head. “No… I’m not leaving her. I promised. I promised I wouldn’t leave her.”

  “You need to heal yourself, too.”

  I glowered up at her. “You try to make me leave, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. I’ll rip out every one of my stitches and you’ll have to fucking sedate me to get me out of here.”

  Her expression softened some.

  God, please let her allow me to stay.

  “At the very least, sit in the recliner. I’ll get you a warm blanket, and you can rest in here… beside her.”

  “Thank you,” I hoarsely choked out.

  And a short while later, I hunkered down in a recliner so close to Brynn. Barely a foot away, close enough to touch her. And I dozed.

  Chapter 23 ~ Pretty Eyes

  Blank Page ~ Christina Aguilera

  Make You Feel My Love ~ Adele

  Open Your Eyes ~ Snow Patrol

  Brynn

  I could feel the warmth of a hand holding mine. It was large, strong, and firm. My eyes slowly drifted open to see him.

  Kian.

  I’d missed him so much.

  He sat in a recliner that someone had pushed right up against the side of my bed. At first glance, he appeared to be sleeping. But looking at him closer, there was an intense concern radiating off his body. Not even the slightest bit of relaxation. His jaw was clenched and his brow knitted. My fingers lightly caressed his, and his eyes sprang open to meet mine.

  “Oh my God,” he whispered with a shaky breath. His eyes closed tightly again and he clenched his jaw. Fiercely, he took a deep breath before looking at me again, taking me in. “I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see your pretty eyes again.”

  He looked like hell. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, and the coarse stubble shaded his jaw. His hair was mussed and his eyes were bloodshot.

  But he was everything to me.

  Then I realized he wore a hospital gown. Shit, so did I. What the fuck happened?

  My throat felt scratchy and my breath shaky as I looked around the room with wide eyes, trying to remember how we’d ended up here.

  “What happened?” I hoarsely whispered.

  “Evan, he shot you.” K
ian’s expression grew dark as his fingers traced the contours of my cheek. In a voice thick with regret, he quietly murmured, “I tried to protect you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you were hurt.”

  “Why are you in a hospital gown? Are you okay?”

  “A bullet grazed me before it hit you.”

  “Oh my God. Kian…” My eyes filled with tears. He’d been hurt. He could have been killed.

  Because of me.

  “I’m fine, baby,” he reassured me. “It’s a scratch. I thought I’d lost you though. It was so close.”

  “You were hurt because of me,” I quietly whispered as the tears began to spill down my cheeks. The tears he’d taught me to release. “I tried to let you go.”

  “Brynn, this was nothing compared to losing you. I need you with me. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’m grouchy with the kids at class. I spend my days waiting for a glimpse of you, hoping you’re happy but also hoping that you’re as miserable without me as I am without you.”

  “I don’t want you to hurt because of me.”

  “Then come home to me. I need you with me. Because not having you is killing me.” His lips pressed against my forehead, against my tightly shut eyes. They trailed down my cheeks, wet from the onslaught of tears. “I need you, Brynn. You lit something in me that burns. And it’s torture without you.”

  My fingers tightened in the blankets, fisting and tangling in an attempt to keep from touching him, from trying to soothe the bitter pain I saw in his eyes. I knew if I touched him now, I’d never want to stop. It would kill me to pull away.

  “Kian, I’m not good for you.”

  “Don’t say that, Brynn. You’re fucking perfect for me. You were made for me. Every bit of you.” He smiled wryly. “I even love your special brand of crazy. I love how you think and react. I love how you respond to me. And I really love how you fight me because it gives me the excuse to go all alpha and fuck you silly.”

  My body hitched with a pained laugh, then began to shake with sobs. It hurt like a fucking son of a bitch, right around my heart. But it wasn’t the physical pain. It was the fragile cracking of my walls, realizing that I couldn’t fight it anymore. My strength, my desperate resolve to keep him at arm’s length, was failing. I’d tried to leave to protect him, to keep him noble and strong. But, in spite of everything I’d done to drive him away, he was here. He wanted me.