“Oh, um, I don’t care. Whatever you want.”
“I was thinking champagne colored or maybe chartreuse.” I nodded blankly. I wasn’t really hearing anything she was saying.
“Noah, is everything okay? Did you do something at your bachelor party that you regret? You can tell me, I’ll forgive you.” She purred, running her nails up my forearm.
“No, I’m fine, just tired. I have some errands to run so I’m going to go shower.” I walked out of the kitchen and into my bedroom. I went to my dresser and pulled out the picture that Jules had taken on our last night together. She was kissing my cheek and we were both naked, but it only showed our faces. It used to sit on the end table next to my bed but Carrie had tried throwing it out on more than one occasion so I put it away.
I still couldn’t believe that I saw Jules; it was like seeing a ghost. I missed her every day, more than I’d like to admit. She looked amazing but she was always stunning. She just never saw what I saw. Her hair was shorter and she had thin, black streaks throughout. I liked it, it looked edgy. And her body… Wow! She was toned and lost the softness that she had as a teenager. She didn’t look hard and she still had the same killer curves.
I need to find a way to get her to talk to me.
I needed to know why she ran out on me like that last night. I convinced, well bribed, her friend Ellie to give me her contact information so I could get in touch with her. I gave her all the money that they had given me for the party, over fifteen hundred dollars. I pulled out the napkin and started a new text. I anxiously awaited a response. I felt a little guilty with Carrie being in the next room, but not enough to stay away from Jules. She was my kryptonite.
When she texted back agreeing to go to lunch I jumped in the shower happier than I had been in years and was out in five minutes. I threw on the first things my hands touched, not bothering to see if they matched. I waved to Carrie on the way out the door and didn’t even bother to say goodbye. I hoped she would be gone by the time I got back. Things were suddenly falling into perspective for me and I realized how unhappy I was with where my life was headed. I was doing what was expected of me instead of what I wanted to do.
I climbed into my Jeep and headed over to Happy Wok to pick up some take out. I wanted to talk to her, but I didn’t really want to do it in public knowing that one of us, most likely her, would probably start a scene. I ordered her General Tso’s chicken, and chicken and broccoli.
I paid and headed toward the address in Amityville that Ellie had given me.
I called Jackson on the way. He told me that I was crazy and tried to convince me to go home to Carrie even though he detested her.
“Bro, you’re opening up a can of worms. You should just leave well enough alone.”
“Dude, unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
“That’s funny. I’m definitely using that!”
“I’m almost there. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck, fool. Call me later and let me know how you made out.” I clicked him off the Bluetooth and pulled into the driveway of a little white house with black shutters. I knew it was hers because I recognized the car she got into last night. I headed to the black front door with take-out in hand. I took a deep breath and hoped she wasn’t going to toss me out on my ass.
I knocked quickly before I chickened out. She opened the door and gasped.
“Hi Jules. Can I come in?” I flashed her my best smile. She looked pissed.
She had on a cute pair of black framed glasses and her hair was in a messy bun. She had on a pair of tight-ass exercise pants that made her legs look fan-fucking-tastic and a tight hoodie that made her boobs look like a couple of floatation devices, but I knew they were all Jules. She was even more beautiful in the daylight then she was last night, and way better than I remembered.
“No.” She tried to slam the door in my face. I held my hand up preventing her from closing it the rest of the way. I was going to make her talk to me. “Since when did you resort to stalking, Noah?”
“Since it involved you.” I was being honest.
“Ha-ha, you’re funny. Seriously, I have a lot of work that I need to do, and you’re distracting me.” She spat.
“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”
“Listen Noah, I’ve had two helpings of flaming bitch this morning. Satan himself wouldn’t fuck with me right now. Now why are you here?” Wow, she was really cranky.
“I told you, I need to talk to you.”
“So talk.” She demanded.
“If you won’t let me come in can we at least go sit in my car or something?” She opened the door and I walked past her smirking. She pointed for me to take a seat. I placed the take-out on the table while I sat. I looked around at the room, which was a sage green, and the furniture was oversized black leather. They had a large flat-screen mounted over a brick fireplace. The walls were plastered with tons of black and white pictures of her and Ellie. The coffee table held a bunch of girly magazines and an arrangement of pink peonies. The décor, surprisingly, wasn’t overly feminine like I expected. The kitchen was off the living room and it was painted a tomato red with white cabinets and all white appliances. It looked spacious.
“Alright, you got what you wanted. Now start talking. I really do have a lot of work to do today.” She must really be harboring some grudge with the way that she’s talking to me.
“What are you working on that’s so important?” I asked, hoping to start on a neutral subject.
“My thesis.” I assumed she must be in grad school.
“What’s it on?” I attempted to distract her some more.
“Noah.” She said sternly. So much for small talk. I noticed a pull on my sweater. I always liked this sweater. Wow, I’m ADD today…
“Alright, sorry. Um. I just want to know what happened after you left. I swear I tried to get in touch with you. Just ask your mom.” I could have sworn I saw her wince, almost as if someone had shocked her.
“I can’t.” She snapped angrily.
“It was a misunderstanding. She was obviously trying to keep you away from me. I knew she didn’t exactly like me, but I didn’t think she liked anyone.” Something changed in her face, for a moment she looked horrified, but it quickly changed back to anger.
“Well, now that we’ve cleared that up you can be on your way. It doesn’t change anything. Besides, you’re getting married now.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married anymore. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“It was supposed to be us.” I mumbled to myself, but I knew she heard me.
“You obviously loved her enough to put a ring on her finger. Sound familiar?” I wanted to tell her that Carrie had pressured me into it and that I was too little of a man to tell her no.
“Jules, I said I was sorry. Please…” I pleaded, trying to get a glimpse of my Jules, but she had built quite the fortress around her.
“Fine, you want the truth Noah? You want the fucking truth? Here’s the truth! You got me pregnant. I was so scared. I felt like you abandoned me. My mom found out and beat the hell out of me. I lost the baby. Are you fucking happy now?!” I felt like I had been flayed alive. That was the last thing I was expecting her to say. A baby? With Jules? I felt my macho guy façade falter and tears started falling down my face. I was devastated.
“Jules that would never make me happy. I had no idea. Why didn’t you call my parent’s house? I would have come for you. I told you that before you left.” I reached for her, but she pulled away. She showed no emotion whatsoever.
“It’s the past. I’m stronger now. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to take care of me anymore Noah. I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”
“So being a stripper is you taking care of yourself?!” I felt bad as soon as it came out, but I was so angry that she kept that from me all these years.
“It pays the bills. It also means I’m in control, I happen to like what I do.”
“Th
e Jules I knew didn’t need anyone either, but I liked that she needed me.”
“Noah, you need to go. Go home to your fiancé. I hope you have a good life, but I don’t want to see you anymore.” She walked down the hall closing the door behind her.
I sat there on the couch for a couple minutes before Ellie came bouncing out of her room wearing a pair of boy shorts and a tank top. She was short, tan, and had black hair and blue eyes. She was built like a short Barbie, all T&A.
“Hey stud, what’s all the yelling about?” She smiled.
“Sorry about that. I’m gonna go now.” I stood up and headed for the door.
“Noah.” She called out.
“Yeah.” I turned.
“I’ll try to talk to her. Things were really bad after she came here. She’s never really dealt with what happened.” I knew she was referring to the baby and who knows what else.
“Thanks Ellie, but I think I got you in enough trouble already.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m a big girl.” She grinned.
I closed the door behind me and climbed into my car. As soon as my brain started working I called Jackson. I needed someone to vent to and that obviously couldn’t be Carrie. In less than twenty-four hours my world had turned completely upside-down.
“Brother-man! How did it go?”
“Not good. Not good at all.”
“Come pick me up. We’ll go out for a beer and talk about it like men.”
“I’ll be there in about twenty.” I hung up and ran through the conversation with Jules in my head. Again. I didn’t get any answers, only more questions. I wanted nothing more than to turn around, break her door down and make her talk to me.
Fifteen minutes later I pulled into the parking garage of Jackson’s exclusive complex. Just as I was getting ready to shut the car off ‘Don’t Go Away’ by Buckcherry came on the radio. The song summed up our situation perfectly so I texted a couple lyrics to Jules.
When I close my eyes your voice is all I hear. I will think of you tonight. I will hold back my tears. I’ve waited all these years. Please don’t go away. You’re making a mistake. You and I were meant to be. You opened my eyes and made me realize, now it’s changing everything. It’s hard to say. I wanna make you see what you mean to me. Don’t go away.
I hit send and then called Jackson to come down. We met on our first day at Fordham University and we’ve been friends ever since. Jackson is a trust fund baby. He’s a ladies’ man, he’s funny, loyal, and he gives just as much shit as he gets. I hopped out when I saw the elevator open.
“Hey, I need to head over to the Duane Reade before we hit the bar.”
“What do you need from there?”
“Lexi’s coming over later and I’m out of rubbers from the last time. We went through the whole box!” He said enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes.
We walked into the Duane Reade on the corner and he went and picked up his signature black box of Magnums. The emo kid behind the register rang him up.
“Fourteen-fifty please.” Jackson handed him a twenty.
“Would you like a bag?”
“Nah, she’s not that ugly.” He grabbed the condoms off the counter. We walked to Lola’s Bar and Grill and took a seat at the bar.
“I’ll have a Duval please and make sure you put it in the tulip glass.” I smacked him on the shoulder because he made it sound so pretentious. I guess it was because it was fourteen dollars a bottle, but still.
“For you, Sir.” The barman asked.
“I’ll have a Jack, neat please.” He placed our drinks in front of us.
“So, what happened when you went there? Was she happy to see you today?”
“No man, she wasn’t. I asked her to lunch and she agreed so I showed up with take-out thinking that maybe she would be more comfortable at her own place, but when she saw me she was freaking out. She tried to shut the door in my face. And then she mentioned something that happened after she moved.” He was laughing slightly, no doubt about her closing the door on me.
“Well, what was the thing that happened after?”
“I got her pregnant.” Jackson choked on his beer.
“So you guys have a kid. That’s why she was so pissed. Did you see it?” He stuttered.
“No, she lost the baby. She mentioned something to do with her mom being the reason, but I couldn’t get it out of her.”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. I think I’m going to call the engagement off. I need to process all of this and if there is any chance that I could have a future with Jules I have to take it.” Jackson eyes bugged out of his head.
“Carrie’s dad will cut your balls off. He’s already shelled out close to a quarter-mil for it.”
“I’ll give him the money, I don’t care. I just don’t love her like that. Seeing Jules made me realize that.” He gave me a pat on the back and changed the subject to Lexi, his plaything. She was a voluptuous blonde bombshell, gorgeous in every sense of the word. She was in love with him, but it was nothing more than friends with benefits sex for him. We settled our tab and headed back to Jackson’s to get my car.
I headed home to think about how I could call things off.
CHAPTER FIVE
I’m Okay, You’re Okay
Jules
I managed pick myself off the floor and climb into my bed after Noah left.
I was four and a half months pregnant when it happened and I haven’t talked about it since, it hurt too much. The only people that knew were the authorities and Ellie. My mom was given five years probation, hardly a punishment if you ask me. My dad had a new family in England, but agreed to keep footing the bill for private school. Ellie’s parents graciously welcomed me into their home over holidays and school breaks. I started hitting the gym in an effort to work out my frustrations. I liked the way it made me feel. I felt empowered. I liked what it did for my body too, the little bit of baby fat I had turned into lean muscle.
Once I turned eighteen my dad cut me off financially. Even though I had some scholarship money it wasn’t even enough to cover tuition, let alone living expenses. I was working odd jobs when one day I was checking out at a local supermarket and was approached by Adam. I thought he was just another sleezeball trying to get into my pants, but he gave me a business card and told me to check out his club. He promised I could make good money. When waitressing and babysitting weren’t cutting it anymore I made my first trip to Double D’s. I watched the dancers on stage and felt the music in my veins. Adam offered me a trial and after that first time I was hooked.
I was clearing well over a thousand dollars dancing a couple hours a week. Soon I had gained regulars that bumped my average up even higher. I was able to pay for school and one of the regulars owned an Infiniti dealership where he got me a good price on a brand new Infiniti ILP G convertible that I paid for in cash. Ellie started a couple months after me. She was better at it than I was, probably because she oozed confidence and was a natural born flirt. Pretty soon we had saved up enough of a down payment to buy a little two-bedroom house in nearby Amityville. From the outside no one would know what we did. I was the Masters student at Columbia University and Ellie was a design major at FIT. My life was exactly where I wanted it to be and now Noah comes crashing into it turning it upside down.
“Can I come in?” Ellie asked. She was standing in my doorway eating what I could only assume was the Chinese food that Noah had brought earlier.
“Sure.” I said picking at a piece of invisible lint on my comforter.
“Sorry about this morning. I didn’t know he was going to show up like that. So you told him, huh?” I knew she heard most of it.
“Yeah. I did.”
“Sorry sweetie. What now?” I could tell she was worried about me.
“What do you mean? I told him to go have a nice life.”
“Jules, don’t you think that you both deserve some closure? After talking to him I h
onestly think he wants another chance. He obviously still loves you if he’s going through all this trouble.”
“He’s engaged and I got closure years ago. I found it myself.” I spat.
“You know better than anyone that making a big life change is scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret. I think if you let this opportunity pass you by you’re going regret it. I think you owe yourself that. I think it would help. It’s not like you’re getting married. Just think about it okay?”
I nodded. She climbed off my bed and left me to think.
I had a few boyfriends over the years, but nothing serious and only Noah and one other fell into that category. It wasn’t their faults they didn’t last. I knew what I wanted in a partner and my standards were pretty high. I thought back to my unwanted visitor this morning, the one I probably subconsciously compared every man in my life to. When I was a little girl I felt like someone must have sent him to me. He was my knight, my safety. I don’t even want to think of what would have been without him all those years.
My phone alerted me that I had a new message. It was from him. I read it and knew they were lyrics to a Buckcherry song. I pulled out my iPod and put the song on repeat.
I closed my eyes and thought about the day I met Noah.
I was six and insecure, and I had just lost my two front teeth.
“Get out! Get out! Get out!” My mom was yelling as she dragged me to the front door by my pigtails and slammed the door behind me. I don’t know what made her so mad. I just asked her for help with my homework. I headed over to the giant oak tree in my front yard and sat on the tree swing my dad had made me. I heard leaves crunch and turned my head to see where the noise was coming from. The sun was shining on his face. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes with gray flecks.
“Hi.” I responded, shyly swinging my feet.
“Hi, I’m Noah Sinclair. We just moved next door.”
“My names Julia, but everyone calls me Jules. Except my mother, she calls me a brat.”
“I don’t think you’re a brat.” He was smiling. “Do you want a push?”
Second Chance Romance Page 3