by Toni Aleo
I have no logical reason to think I’ll lose her. She has never cheated on the guys she has been with. She can get a bit hangry and doesn’t like to be woken up. She has a tendency to jump on the defensive for the smallest things. But these are all things I know. I know her likes, her dislikes, and that her family means the world to her. I know she would die for me, and I for her. All this is what every person wants when they get into a relationship with someone, so what am I scared of? Why can’t I just be happy I may have hit the jackpot when it comes to love? Because I know things like this don’t happen out of nowhere. A perfect relationship doesn’t fall in your lap.
What the hell is wrong with me?
She brings my head toward her, pressing our foreheads together. “I know it’s overwhelming and doesn’t seem real—I feel that too. But then I look into your good eye, I feel your hands on me, and Asher, you make me feel everything I’ve wanted for so long. This. I wanted this. Us.”
I swallow hard. “I like how you made sure to point out my good eye.”
She fights back a grin. “I mean, it’s a damn good eye.”
I nod, my nose moving along hers. I need to know facts. “Are we telling our parents?”
She closes her eyes, a grin tugging at her lips. “Need all the facts, huh?”
“Yes,” I admit, and she kisses my top lip.
“I don’t know. Do you want to?”
“I want to tell everybody, but then I also want to hide you away and keep you all to myself,” I confess, and her face breaks in a grin as her eyes meet mine. “I don’t want anyone ridiculing us or telling us how we feel. I don’t want people rushing into things. I think I’m already expecting that, too.”
She nods slowly. “I get that.”
“But here,” I say, gathering her up in my arms. “Here, no one can say anything. We feel what we feel, and it’s ours alone. Is that crazy?”
“No,” she says on an exhale. “So, what are we doing?”
I search her eyes, and I only want one thing. “I want to date you.”
“Date me? I thought we were together.”
I smile. “Yeah, we are, but I want to do this right.” She makes a face, and my smirk turns into a grin. “Not that this wasn’t right, because it was really right, but I want to come to your dorm and pick you up. I want to take you out, show you off, and tell you how beautiful you are. I don’t want to assume just because you gave me the milk, the cow wants to come along.”
“What in the hell?” she asks with laughter in her voice.
“A guy won’t want the milk if he can see the cow’s udders.”
“I am so utterly confused, no pun intended.”
I smile because she’s grinning so wide. She intended the pun, and I love it. “I want you to know that I feel things for you because of you, not because you gave me your milk. Even if they are freaking me out and I don’t know how to handle them.”
Her grin falls away as she pinches my chin. “I know that.”
“Well, fine. I need you to date me so I know you aren’t just in it for the dick.”
“Jesus, your ego knows no bounds.”
I flash her a devilish grin. “Hey, it was just in your mouth. We know its powers.”
Soon, the room is full of our laughter as we tangle up with each other. Her arms are wrapped around my neck as mine are around her waist. Our bodies are flush while our legs are tangled together. She runs her toes up the back of my calf and whispers, “I am in it for the dick.”
I nip at her bottom lip. “I knew it—”
“But also, for your soul.”
Oh shit. That got real, fast. Divert. Abort! “I don’t think I can ignore these feelings for you anymore.”
Not a lie but it hides exactly what I am thinking.
“You don’t have to,” she answers, tilting her head back to look at me. “I’m yours.”
That’s the second time she has said that to me, and for the second time, it’s like taking a puck to the nuts. I may have only played a little bit of peewee hockey, but I remember that feeling. I cup her jaw as she tucks her hands behind my head. Two words—I’m yours—and my heart soars. Why is my heart soaring? Doesn’t it know we gotta stay on the ground? Stay level? This is something I never saw coming, and I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling.
And I’m unsure if I’m ready.
It’s well into the wee hours of the night when I lean over, kissing Ally’s jaw.
She’s fast asleep for good reason. We’ve been at it for hours on end, and she’s got a belly full of sushi. As do I, but my mind won’t let me sleep. I don’t understand what my issue is, and I don’t know how she isn’t freaking out like I am. She’s usually the one with crazy anxiety. Is he cheating on me? Did he steal money from me? She always worried about her relationships. I didn’t, but now, when I have the potential for the best one ever, I’m freaking out.
This is a blast.
I roll out of my bed, reaching for my shorts before grabbing her phone. Since I don’t have mine, I have to use hers to call Aiden. I probably should have called my mom, but I’m sure she knows where I am. Or that I’m with Ally. I slowly shut the door and go to the couch, dropping down onto it. I look through her contacts, finding my brother since I don’t have his number memorized. When I hit his name, he answers on the fifth ring.
“Hello?” he says all gruffly.
“Hey, whatcha doing?”
“Asher?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sleeping, you asshole, like a normal person does at three in the morning.”
“Okay, well, that’s a little dramatic. You’ve called me real early in the morning.”
“Because I was in New York and time zones are confusing.”
“Okay, so we’re even. I need to talk.”
“At three?”
“At three.”
“Ugh, what? Did your other eye fall out? Did you get into another fight with Nacho?”
I scoff. “No, but I slept with his ex, who is also my best friend and now…my girlfriend? Shit, how did this happen?”
“No fucking way. I don’t believe you.”
“Why do you think I’m calling you from her phone?”
I’m met with silence. “Holy shit, you did?”
“Yeah,” I say and almost proudly. “Dude, I don’t know why I waited so long. I could have avoided all that time with Jasmine.”
“I’m impressed. I never thought you would find the balls to do it.”
I roll my eyes. “What does that mean?”
“Means you like being in an easy, comfortable, and controllable situation, and this is not that, my brother. This is adding sex to a solid relationship that didn’t need sex. This could mean ‘Oh no, real feelings.’”
I exhale heavily. “I know. I’m terrified.”
“Jesus. I can’t stand you,” he says, exasperated. “You gave me so much shit to leave my fucking-around ways behind, yet you have never ever felt anything for anyone.”
“That’s not true. I cared for Jasmine.”
“Cared for is not love, Asher. You only wanted to marry her because she liked Star Wars and made good food. You never loved her.”
“I know,” I admit. I feel like such an ass. “I wanted to, but I didn’t. I’ve never told anyone that. I think I’m high.”
He scoffs. “You’re not. You’re just feeling things you’ve never felt.”
I let my head fall into my palms. “I know, and I’m freaking the shit out. Make it better. It’s your job.”
“Want my advice?”
“Yes. That’s the reason I’m calling.”
He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “You need to tell Ally you’re scared because, with her, you could fall in love. You’ve probably already been in love with her, but you’ve told yourself it’s in a just-friends way. And now, it’s about to be different.”
I close my eyes. “She’s going to think I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Well, that’s a give
n. We all do,” he says simply. “I mean, you had everyone fooled with Jasmine but me—”
I lift my head and glare at the wall. “You only know because you got me drunk right after she dumped me.”
“Maybe so, but everyone knows you have real feelings for Ally. Unlike you, we can’t all ignore the sparks that fly between you two.”
“So many sparks,” I agree, swallowing hard. “They’re intense.”
“Exactly, and with Ally, it’s all or nothing. There is no hiding feelings or ignoring them or not wanting them. You will feel them, and you will have to learn to give that part of you to her.”
“She won’t understand,” I say slowly. “Shit, I don’t even understand why I’m like this.”
“You’re cautious, Ash. Everyone knows this, just not to the extent I do. But you crossed that line with Ally. Now, you have to own up to it.”
“That’s what Mom said in so many words. I don’t think she knows—”
“She does,” he says simply, and I narrow my eyes. “I told her, and I bet if you ask Dad, he’ll say the same. We all know Jasmine was someone you thought was safe and easy, and that’s why you ignored all her lesbian leanings. But like I said and will continue to say, with Ally, it’s going to be way different. And I pray, for your sake, you’re ready.”
“Why for my sake?”
“Because losing her would break you, dude.”
I press my lips together and close my eyes. I know he’s right, I do, which is why a part of me just wants to let it be and see what happens. She doesn’t have to know that; I don’t want to seem like a freak to her, because I’m not. I try to act normal, but I keep my heart on lock. While Aiden was out fucking whatever moved, I found someone I liked and stuck by her. Jasmine was safe. She wanted the things I wanted, and it was easy to tie her down. I didn’t soul-deep love her. I’ve never soul-deep loved anyone, but with Ally… Shit, she’s different, and Aiden’s right. I have to be honest. My only fear is that she’ll hate me for lying to her all these years and then end us before I even get a chance to really open up that side of me.
A side I’ve kept locked up for so long, I don’t even know if the key works. But I want to try—for her.
Even if it scares the living shit out of me.
Chapter Twenty
Ally
I feel lips along my stomach, and slowly, I stir. My vision is blurry as I open my eyes, but then I see him.
The man who stars in all of my dreams.
Asher moves down my stomach to my hip bones, all stealth-like. His body is big, but he moves so lithely and with such strength. I really hate that he didn’t play hockey; he would have been really good. His body was made for it, but his mind was made for other things. His mouth…well, it was made to bring me to the edge of the earth and back. Slowly, his tongue glides along my skin to my inner thigh as he moves between my legs. I swallow hard as I watch him, my heart picking up speed while my body starts to tremble. As he falls between my legs, kissing my pussy lips, his eye meets mine.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
I take in a deep breath, unable to grasp that this is my life now. I smile softly before I stroke my hand along his face. “Good morning yourself.”
He beams at me before running his tongue up the slit of my pussy. His eye is concentrated on me, and I can feel his gaze all over me. Like a warm blanket of happiness. And everything seems right in the world. It’s almost a dream that he is here, between my legs, spreading my lips open so he can run his tongue over me. I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember, and here we are. His hair is tousled, his body is thick, and I have never been so turned on in my life.
He runs the tip of his tongue excruciatingly slow from my entrance to my clit and then back down. Over and over, so unhurried, as if he is taking his time, savoring me. I arch up on the bed as my foot comes to his shoulder, pinching him with my toes. He hisses out a breath before he sucks my clit between his lips, sending jolts of desire through my body. I cry out, my body trembling beneath his mouth. He slides his thumb into me, and I slam my other foot into his shoulder, wide open for him to take all of me. I squeeze the sheets with my fingers, arching and rocking against his mouth as he sucks me hard and without restraint while he continues to fuck me with his thumb. The sensation is entirely too much to handle. My voice is hoarse as I scream his name, and fuck, what a beautiful sound it is. I always wondered what it would be like, but never did I expect this. To be able to do it so fully, and know in my soul it’s coming from a place of pure ecstasy where only Asher can bring me.
I dig my toes into his shoulders, and I feel my stomach tighten up with my release. I arch up into his mouth, and my body goes tight before my release takes over. I cry out something that doesn’t even make sense as my orgasm shakes every single part of me. When he replaces his thumb with his cock, I feel like I’ve been smacked dead in the face with a volleyball. Or hell, even a puck. Or shit, a jumbotron falling on me. He fills me completely and so fucking perfectly. His thrusts are hard, wanton, as my legs rest against his chest. He holds my hips, pounding into me, our passionate sounds of lovemaking filling the room. His grunts are loud, throaty while I just hold the bed and pray I make it through this. I am still coming, I swear. But then he leans his face into my calf, and as he comes, hard, he sinks his teeth into my flesh.
I squeeze his cock, milking him as I cry out. It doesn’t hurt, but it surprises me, nonetheless. He jerks into me, his body shaking against my legs before licking the spot he bit. He kisses my calf, my ankle before giving the same love to my other leg. He drops my legs and falls between them, cuddling my face between his hands. I welcome his weight as we both breathe hard, getting lost in each other’s eyes. He strokes his fingers along my jaw, my lips before squeezing my chin and capturing my mouth with his. Our lips move together, and I taste every bit of myself on his. He pulls away first, but not far enough to where his lips aren’t touching mine.
“Don’t leave.”
I curve my lips against his. “I have classes.”
He scrunches up his face. “I want to bribe you with orgasms.”
I beam. “After that, I might be bribable, but we both know I have to go.”
He kisses my top lip, cupping my cheeks as he runs his thumbs along them. “Fine, let me make you breakfast before you go.”
“I don’t say no to orgasms or food,” I say, and his gray eye turns darker than ever.
“Maybe I can give you both, at the same time?”
I blink. “I’ve never heard of anything more perfect.”
As we kiss, we smile, and I realize that Asher makes me want to ignore all my responsibilities and stay right here. I’m already in too deep, and I know this. Asher isn’t even halfway on my level. He is still trying to figure everything out. He needs facts; he needs reassurance. I know this. He wants me, I can tell, and he cares for me, but I already love him. Fully, more than friends—as in, let’s get married and buy a house with a white picket fence. We’ll need two dogs so we each have a leash in our hands as we walk in our perfect little suburb, holding each other’s other hand. Then I want little gray-eyed boys who will drive me crazy with sports and girls who will drive me into an early grave with their emotions.
I want it all. I want that life with him. But I know Asher isn’t anywhere near that. He’s still accepting that I can make him squeal my name, and that’s fine. He’ll get there; I know he will.
Because he is my forever and a day.
While I was in the shower, Asher made me eggs and bacon.
This isn’t the first time he’s cooked for me—he’s actually a great cook—but it’s the first time a guy I’m sleeping with has made me anything. As I sit at the bar, eating, he moves around the kitchen, cleaning and putting things away. Before putting a piece of bacon into my mouth, I ask, “What are your plans for today?”
As he loads the dishwasher, he says, “I’m supposed to rest. And since I can’t drive, I guess I’ll be watching Netflix, bored out of
my mind.”
I grimace. “That has to be hard. You don’t like sitting still.”
He shakes his head, looking as good as this bacon is. He isn’t wearing a shirt, just his gray sweat pants that hug his ass really nicely. His chest is so defined and thick. His hair is a mess and he probably needs to shave, but I like the rugged look of him right now. I actually like everything about him. Ah, who am I kidding? I love everything about him.
Don’t want to scare him any more than he already is.
“I don’t, which is why I’ll work out.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
He winks with his only eye, which is kind of comical. “Aw, you worried?”
I arch a brow. “You know I am.”
He leans toward me, and I meet him halfway across the breakfast bar for a kiss. “Same, sexy pants.”
I snort as he goes back to working. “Hey, can you go grab my phone for me?”
“From your mom?”
“Yeah, text and ask her where she is. She’ll let you know.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, but won’t she know we’re together?”
He shrugs. “We’re always together, it won’t be anything new. I thought we didn’t care?”
I bite into the inside of my cheek. “I like the idea of keeping it to ourselves. You know, until we’re both sure.”
He gives me a sideways glance. “What does that mean?”
I look down at my plate. “I know where I am in this, but I know you aren’t there.”
He leans his hip into the counter, that one eye scrutinizing me enough for two eyes. “Okay? Where am I not at?”
I swallow hard as I meet his gaze. “You want me, I know you do. But I don’t think you’re fully on board with the idea of moving into a romantic relationship with me.”
He brings his brows together. “How so?”
I give him a dry look. “Asher, you kept asking if I was sure. You hesitated like a billion times, and you’re terrified. I can see it all over your face. You forget, I know you.”