Loving His Forever

by LeAnn Ashers

  Biting my lip, I nod and walk back into my room. I feel uneasy already leaving Ethan’s presence, but I got this. I stand up taller and walk to the bathroom to get ready. This day will be life changing on so many levels. I’ll be away from Ethan; that thought alone makes me scared out of my mind, but I have to do this for myself. It’s also reassuring that Ethan trusts this place. He wouldn’t put me in harm’s way.

  Chapter Seven

  Ethan parks outside a building with a huge, tattooed man stationed at the front. Well, more like sitting in front of the building on the steps. Ethan steps out and walks up to him. They do that man handshake-hug thing. The man says something, and Ethan laughs then looks over at me. The man follows his gaze. He smiles at me kindly.

  Grabbing my new phone Ethan just gave me, I walk over to them on wobbly legs. Ethan wraps an arm around me. “This is Duke, Brae. Duke, this is Brae.”

  Duke steps forward and offers his hand with a kind smile. I lift my hand and take his slowly. “I got your back here, love.” He bends down so we’re eye level. Looking into his eyes, I can see he means every word he says.

  I turn around and wrap Ethan into a hug, whispering into his chest, “Bye, Ethan.”

  “Bye, baby. I’ll be back in a few hours,” he whispers against my ear.

  I step back and look at him. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I just want to cry and plead with him to take me with him. I’ve come to realize Ethan is my safe haven. My comfort. He looks torn himself, like he’s ready to snatch me up and take me away, but this is something I need to do.

  I mouth to him, “I’ll be okay.” He looks at me then closes his eyes. I can see the sad expression on his face. He knows how hard this will be for me.

  I turn around and walk up the steps to the door. Duke opens it, and I look back at Ethan one last time to give him a reassuring smile as I step inside.

  Duke shuts and locks the door behind me. At the sound of the lock, I jump ten feet. “Easy, lass, you’re safe here. Let’s take you to the boss man.” He places a gentle hand on my arm. I jerk slightly.

  The building has solid white walls but has a homey feel because of the couches, pictures, and other knickknacks lying around. It looks like a home but not entirely. I’m not sure it could ever look like a home.

  We walk down a series of hallways, farther into the building and farther from the door. My breathing starts to get ragged from the panic building up in my throat. You’ll be okay. Breathe, Braelyn. Ethan wouldn’t let you come to an unsafe place.

  I count to ten with my eyes closed to relax myself. Duke is standing by a door that leads to an office with two huge desks right in the middle. Yet another man, this one huge and scarred, sits on the one closest to the door. He’s scary, well, beyond scary, actually. Just as I am about to bolt, a five-foot-nothing blond, sweet-looking woman pops into view with the kindest smile I’ve ever seen.

  “Hi, honey! I’m Chrystal and that big oaf over there is my husband. You’re Ethan’s friend, correct?”

  “Yes,” I manage to squeak out.

  “Great, come on in,” she says soothingly. Her kind eyes calm me and let me know I will be okay. She pulls me to a seat in front of both desks before she goes and sits behind the desk of the one beside her husband.

  The door closing with a smack has me jumping in my seat. Feeling both of them looking at me, I bend my head and breathe in and out.

  “I know you’re scared, hon, but here you don’t have to be. I was you a couple of years ago until I met this man beside me.” She stops, and I look at her, shocked. Her? I never would have guessed; she looks so sweet.

  “I was you. I was so scared of the world, afraid of everything. Then I learned the world isn’t as scary as I thought it was. It’s full of bad apples, but there are just as many good people, if not more. We created this place for women like you, but your case is different. You have someone who cares and will protect you with every fiber of his being. I can see the fire in your eyes, and I need your help with these women here; help them find that fire. Will you help me?” She smiles hopefully.

  Unable to resist, I smile back at her. “Yes, I will help you.” I then tell her sadly, “I’m sorry for getting scared. It’s a habit.”

  “Honey, it’s normal, but the important thing is to not let it control you anymore. When you do that, then they are winning.” Her bottom lip trembles. Her husband rubs his finger over her bottom lip to stop her trembling lip. He kisses her temple and it’s like magic; a few simple touches and she’s completely calm again.

  Seeing a survivor who can be this happy gives me hope. Hope I am grabbing hold of and holding on to for dear life.

  “I need to know why you’re in danger,” a voice so deep it startles me says. I look over at its owner. Chrystal’s husband stares at me pointedly. Not unkindly, but like he is ready for anything.

  “I have a stalker...” I tell them my story. Even though it’s taking everything in me to do so; even though it makes everything so real and I don’t want to relive it.

  As I finish, a soul-tearing sob escapes as my heart breaks all over again. Gentle arms wrap around me, and I lay my head on Chrystal’s shoulder. Wiping my eyes, I look down at my hands while tears fall down my face. “So I ran. I left everything behind and became a shell of the woman I used to be. I was homeless for three years, living on the streets, scrounging for food, whatever I could get. I grew so scared I almost blacked out. Then he found me, and I managed to get away. Jumped onto a bus and went to my friend’s house. Then Ethan took me in and became my safe haven. Today, someone came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower. I thought it was Ethan because we were playing pranks on each other, but it wasn’t him.” I let out a ragged breath, trying to find the courage to look at the gentle lady and the scary-looking man.

  Sadness fills her eyes, but I also see understanding. Her husband just looks pissed off.

  “All right, let’s get you to meet everyone.” She smiles and claps her hands, distracting me from my emotions. I push myself up off the chair to stand behind her.

  She opens the door, and a little girl around five runs inside, yelling, “DADDY!” She flies past Chrystal and me into the man’s, whose name is Kyle, arms. The huge man turns into a gentle giant with a huge smile on his face. It’s amazing how someone can transform so easily. He scoops her up in his arms. She has tears in her little eyes.

  He sees them and growls, “What’s the matter, cupcake?”

  “A mean boy pushed me at school!” she cries out and shows him her scratched-up hands. His face turns from gentle to downright scary, seeing his little girl was hurt.

  “Why did he push you?” he asks in an eerily calm voice.

  “Because I told him to not be mean to my friend He called her ugly” She wipes away her little tears while her bottom lip trembles.

  “Did you hit the boy back?” he asks her angrily.

  I almost laugh because it’s such a dad response.

  “No, my boyfriend punched him.” She smiles a little when she says boyfriend. Kyle’s eyes almost pop out of his head. Putting my hand over my mouth, I try to quiet my laughter.

  “You do not have a boyfriend,” he tells her sternly and gives her they eye.

  “But I do... His name is Nathan. His daddy drives a motorcycle with leather.” Her little dimples pop out.

  He falls back into his chair and rubs his face roughly while mumbling, “God help me, I’m screwed.”

  Unable to hold back any longer, I let out a big laugh. Chrystal laughs with me. She grabs my hands and leads me out the door. “Come on, lady, let’s go meet the girls and kiddos.”

  Chrystal turns around the corner and into this big room with bunk beds and full-size beds beside them. Women are sitting throughout the room, playing with their kids. Huge men are sitting by the entrances, like guards. I’m guessing they are there because all of these women are escaping some from of abuse. What breaks my heart the most are the kids’ eyes. They see their mother being be
aten down and have maybe even been beaten themselves.

  I was that kid. I watched my mother getting struck on a daily basis over stupid things like the food not being warm enough when something so simple as warming it in the microwave could have solved it all.

  I spot a boy around seven years old. His posture calls to me and has me moving toward him, without even knowing what I’m doing. He’s sitting on the bed, hunched over, staring idly at something on the bed. Looking around, I try to spot his mother, but she is nowhere around him.

  “Hi,” I tell him softly and sit down on the bed beside him. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, then with a shaky hand I touch his shoulder to get his attention. He jerks away and looks at me wildly.

  I pull my hand back as if it was burned. His light eyes search me to see if I’m a threat before he relaxes. “Where’s your mom, sweetie?”

  I make sure not to take my eyes away from his. “She’s in the kitchen,” he answers curtly and looks toward a door behind us. A woman comes out and looks between the little boy and me. Her defenses come up, and she hurries over to us.

  “Is something wrong here?”

  Shaking my head no, I stand up. “No, I was just saying hello.” My voice stutters as I answer, not wanting a confrontation.

  “Oh well. Thanks.” She gives me a look of disgust and pulls her son roughly off the bed then moves him toward the kitchen. The little boy looks at me with pleading eyes. A woman who cared about her kid wouldn’t touch him so roughly.

  Sighing, I turn around and look for Chrystal, who is wearing a matching expression. That woman isn’t good business, especially for that little boy.

  She walks over to me and lays a gentle hand on my forearm. “We haven’t seen her actually physically abusing him, but sometimes her actions and his reactions prove it’s more than what we are seeing,” she whispers into my ear.

  “I don’t like it,” I tell her, concerned. I look back to the door the little boy went through. “Will you watch over him? If you feel like something is amiss, then there is probably a reason.”

  “Come, let’s meet the rest of the women.” She tugs at my hand and introduces me to everyone. I see a small part of myself or more in these women.

  “Momma’s home!” A woman yells as she pops around the side of the door, holding her baby bump. She has a blinding smile on her face, and the whole entire room perks up at the sight of her.

  “Jessica, come over and let me introduce you to Brae!” Chrystal waves her over. Shifting on my feet, I watch as Jessica smiles and greets everyone. She comes and stands in front of me, and for some reason, I instantly like her. Her presence alone makes everyone happier.

  “Nice to meet you, Brae. I’m Jessica. And this is Hunter!” She points down to her belly bump.

  “Nice to meet you.” I give her a kind smile.

  “Let’s go make lunch.” Jessica grins and walks ahead of me to the kitchen, blowing through the room like a whirlwind.

  Following closely behind her, I enter into a huge kitchen with stainless steel appliances. Some women are standing in the corner, waiting for Jessica’s instructions. I’m guessing she’s the cook around here.

  “Braelyn, come here and help me make some hamburgers. We don’t make pussy food here; we want to get these ladies fattened up,” Jessica yells in a sing-song voice. My mouth falls agape at her crude comment, but I can't help but giggle and move to stand beside her.

  She sets down a bowl of hamburger meat and some spices already pre-measured. She points to the bowl and then to the spices. “Mix those together. Roll them out then put them on the tray so one of those brutes can go out back and throw them on the grill.”

  Once the burgers are ready, I look around the room and notice another huge guy standing beside me. When I jump, I scrape my side against a table as I hit its corner. “Ouch!” I cry out and grab ahold of my side.

  “Are you okay?” He moves forward and tries to lift my shirt to check if I’m hurt. Shaking my head frantically, I move away, not wanting to be touched. I close my eyes and count to ten to calm down and not pass out from a panic attack.

  Opening my eyes, I see he is still standing in front of me, concern etched onto his face. “I’m sorry,” I say immediately, ashamed because I had been doing so well.

  “Honey, it’s okay.” His large arms reach and grab the tray of hamburgers. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a nose that looks like it’s been broken one too many times. He’s handsome, but nothing compared to Ethan. He walks out of the side door. The outside light gleams through the room as he walks outside.

  “Hey.” A hand touches my arm, and I jump ten feet into the air. Holding my chest, I turn around quickly. Jessica jumps back and holds her hands up in front of her.

  “You okay?” she says slowly.

  “I’m okay, just jumpy. Want me to do something else?” I ask, changing the subject.

  She tilts her head to the side, studying me. I know she wants to ask more questions, but I don’t want anyone else to know my demons. She lets it go and points to the cutting board. “Go cut up the tomatoes and onions.”

  I hurry past her and busy myself. I miss Ethan a lot more than I thought I would. I think back to the pranks we played on each other this morning, and it brings a huge smile to my face.

  “What’s the big smile about?” Jessica breaks through my Ethan fog. Blushing, I peek at her. She has a shit-eating grin on her face.

  “Nothing.” I blush again and cut another slice of tomato.

  “Come on, do tell!” she squeals and jumps up and down. I laugh at her antics.

  “What do you want to know?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Umm, everything, duh?”

  Leaning my hip against the counter, I turn to her. “There’s nothing to really tell.”

  “If there weren’t, you wouldn’t be smiling the way you are. I won’t tell a soul, scouts honor!” She puts her two fingers up.

  “We met three weeks ago, and it’s not like that. He’s just my friend,” I tell her blandly.

  “Yeah, right. Is that what they call it nowadays?” she says with a laugh and waves her hand around.

  Could I feel more for Ethan? No way could I possibly want a relationship after all that happened to me... Right? Plus, what man would want a broken woman who could possibly never be emotionally ready to have sex? Sadness overwhelms me. What person would want someone like me? I’m unstable and ugly on the inside. Tears well up in my eyes. God, why me? Why do I have to deal with this every single second of my life? Why?

  My legs give out from under me, and I sink to the floor in a sobbing mess, feeling so broken. So unwanted. So alone.

  “Sweetheart,” Jessica says in a tear-filled voice. I need this cry, need to get it out of my system. My heart hurts so freaking much.

  A few minutes later, I compose myself. I wipe away my tears and look at Jessica, who’s still hugging me tightly.

  “You’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not true. I can guarantee that.” She kisses my forehead and helps me off the floor before returning back to her kitchen duties.

  For the first time in forever, I feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I almost want to weep with joy because I don’t feel so broken anymore. I’m not weak. I have fought all these years and have coped in my own way. I know I will never be the same and it will take a very long time for me to become semi normal again, but in this moment, I know I will get better. I’m strong and a fierce warrior.

  I laugh as tears fall down my face, the joy of being free from the grips of my attacker washing over me. He’s not winning anymore, because I’m in control.

  Chapter Eight

  Braelyn

  “Angel.”

  I turn around and see Ethan standing behind me. A huge smile breaks out over my face. Unable to stop myself, I run to him. He smiles and walks toward me. I jump and wrap my arms around his neck, immediately feeling like I’m home.
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br />   His warm breath tickles my ear as he whispers, “I missed you.”

  I close my eyes and lay my head against his shoulder, “I missed you too, Ethan.” I tighten my arms around his neck. His hands slide down my thighs and lift me so my legs are wrapped around his waist. He wraps both arms around me and squeezes. His nose goes to where my neck meets my shoulder.

  “Let’s go home.” He walks toward the building exit. Looking up, I see Jessica standing by the door with her shit-eating grin on her face. I shake my head before I rest back down against Ethan, who’s in his police uniform. His patrol car, a Dodge Charger, sits outside.

  He sets me inside the car and buckles me in. I press myself against the seat and just watch him. It’s like I’m seeing him with new eyes. He catches me looking and smirks cockily at me. Rolling my eyes, I rest my head against the headrest.

  He gets in the driver’s side and starts the car. “How was your day, Angel?”

  “Life changing,” I tell him breathlessly. I feel like I’ve been through the ringer.

  He looks at me, concerned, before his eyes return to the windshield. “I realized today I’m not weak. I’m tired of letting what happened to me control my life. It’s time I take it back.” My vision blurs as tears cloud them.

  “Angel,” he says proudly. He pulls over on the side of the road, unbuckles my seat belt, and pulls me into his lap, holding me. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Angel.” He kisses my temple before he gently sets me back into my seat.

  ~*~

  Cuddling with Ethan on the couch while watching ‘The Walking Dead’ is relaxing. My feet hurt from being on them all day. My head is on his chest, while his hand trails up and down my arm, leaving goose bumps behind.

  “Braelyn?”

  “Hmm?” I raise my head and look up him.

  “You’re beautiful,” he tells me softly. My heart skips a beat, and a huge pile of butterflies combust in my stomach. Blushing, I bury my face back into his chest, unable to hide my smile.