Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “No, I know,” Mike stopped her. “You actually slept, not the other thing.”

  Lenny swallowed and waited for him to continue.

  “I just wanted you to know that I haven't told anyone. I know how weird Carl gets about our personal relationships and he doesn't need to know about this.”

  “Well, it won't happen again so...” Lenny wasn't sure what to say. Embarrassment was beginning to color her cheeks.

  “That's crazy, Lenny.” Mike finally looked up from the ground and she was surprised at his serious continence. “You work too fricken' hard to have to go without fricken' sleep. If Luke makes you feel like you can relax then I think you should take advantage of it.”

  “Mike, that's not exactly...professional.” Lenny felt a burning begin in the back of her eyes.

  Mike rolled his eyes. “Would you let it go for a minute? I'm serious about this.” His voice held an edge that she had never heard him use before. “I know what it's like to run away from something you love because of...mistakes.” He licked his bottom lip, looked back at the ground and then back to Lenny. “Luke's more than a friend to me. He's a brother. He aided in my recovery like no one else. If he can help you get through this last little bit of disrepair, then let him do it.”

  “I just don't...” Lenny's throat was dry and her head spun.

  “I know, you're embarrassed. You don't want to need help. You think you can figure this out on your own.”

  Lenny's stomach twisted at Mike's words. When he said out loud what she was thinking internally, it sounded selfish. And weak.

  “I enjoy the whole 'Girl Power' thing as much as any dude but you have to be able to admit when you've taken it too far.”

  A large tear splashed onto Lenny's cheek as Mike continued.

  “Sleep is so important. I can't stress that enough. If Luke can help you regain that part of your physiology then let him. I have a pretty solid theory that once you get back in the habit of sleeping regularly, you'll be able to face the rest of your recovery.”

  “But, I've recovered completely,” Lenny argued meekly.

  “Sure, physically,” Mike nodded and reached towards her, touching her temple softly. “What about all the stuff still happening up here?”

  Lenny's vision blurred with tears. Her heart thudded in her ribcage as her head spun, trying to figure out where all of Mike's insight had come from and how she had become so transparent. Did she really appear to be this weepy, broken girl, lost and needing help from strangers?

  “Hey.” Mike's voice had lost its confrontation and his hand gently pulled her face up so he could look her in the eye. “No one knows. And no one has to know unless you tell them.” He studied her face for a moment. “The only reason I overheard the whole thing is because figuring you out has become...an obsession for me.” He chuckled at his own words. “But after hearing the truth, it felt wrong for me to know without you giving me the permission to hold that knowledge...you know?”

  Lenny nodded but didn't reply. Mike's hand dropped from her chin back to his lap. His eyes tugged down on the sides, making him look older than usual.

  “You're a part of the band now, Lenny. Whatever happens from here on out, you need to know that we consider you the sixth member. And you're safe with us. All of us.”

  Tears began to collect in Lenny's eyelashes and she reached up to rub them off her face. Mike had brought out a tangle of emotions in her and she was ashamed at her reaction. She had no words for a reply. Just more tears. She wiped at them angrily.

  Mike put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. “Listen, kid. I get it, I really do.” He paused and rubbed her arm tenderly. “But you have to go back someday. You can’t give up your passions just because of a bad decision. Believe me, what do you think this tour is all about?”

  “But I’m not like you, Mike,” she softly reminded. “You’re awesome and I’m…not.”

  Mike chuckled at her reasoning. “We’re a lot more alike than you would think. You’re basically the chick version of me.”

  Lenny sniffed away her tears and laughed. She sat up straight as the pizza delivery guy pulled up at that moment and Lenny paid for the food. As she and Mike walked back to the buses Lenny asked, “What happens now?”

  “Now? Whatever you want, mama. We’ll follow your lead, just like always.” He winked and Lenny felt relieved.

  Now Mike and Luke knew. And it didn't seem so terrible anymore.

  Luke. Every feeling she had in regards to him caused conflict inside. She wanted to be next to him all the time and yet she wanted to run away as fast as possible. He could make her feel completely safe and completely exposed simultaneously.

  As if Mike were reading her thoughts he said, “Luke just wants to help you, you mean a lot to all of us. Try not to freak out about it.” She looked over at Mike with a stunned expression and he chuckled at her.

  Lenny considered his words for a moment, “You guys really are best friends, aren’t you?”

  Mike nodded, “I’d do anything for him. He saved my life. He’s the only reason I’m back on the road again.” Mike sucked air in through his nose and frowned, adding weight to his final words. “He doesn’t give up on the people he loves. I owe him more than I can ever repay.”

  Chapter 6

  Short Skirt/Long Jacket

  Luke's breathing was labored. His body hummed with adrenaline and he bent down hard against the guitar strings. Sweat poured off his face and his longish bangs stuck to his forehead. He stilled his mouth behind the microphone and looked out over the throbbing mass of people; his arm hovered over the overworked instrument. He felt a mischievous grin spread across his face as the audience screamed for him to continue. He heard the pulse of Mike on the kick drum behind him. Sway had his back turned to the crowd and he waited for Luke's signal. Harrison stood at rapt attention, a smile beaming across his expressive face as he surveyed the arena. Blake stood solemnly in his zone, guitar half-cocked, a statue of rock and roll.

  Luke laughed into the microphone and the crowd screamed louder.

  “What?” He asked them, knowing the reply. “Oh, you want us to keep going?”

  The reaction was physical, and the energy coming off the crowd pushed against him. He loved this moment. Holding the crowd on the precipice of complete rock and roll ecstasy.

  Luke nodded once to Sway and the band exploded in a flourish of lights, smoke, and sound. The crowd erupted with them, filling the stadium with even more madness than a few minutes before.

  Luke rode the high all way till the end of the show. He was still buzzing as he bounded up the steps of the bus. He flopped on the sofa as Mike threw him a bottle of water.

  “There's never enough.” He said to no one in particular.

  “Never enough what?” Lenny settled next to him, handing him a towel to wipe off his sweaty face. Luke smiled up at the ceiling. How did she do that? Make him relax in an instant?

  “Never enough time. Or music. Or voice.” He took a long drink of the water and sighed. “I want to do this everyday for the rest of my life.”

  “You and me both,” Mike agreed and Luke reached his hand in the air to fist-bump his drummer.

  Luke rolled his head to the side and took in Lenny's fresh appearance. She was in some old jeans and a too big t-shirt, her bare feet tucked up underneath her in the corner of the couch. He squinted to get a better look, yep, she was wearing eyeliner tonight. That was new. Made her eyes look even bluer, if that were possible. Her cheeks were flushed a healthy pink and Luke couldn't resist grinning openly at her. She gave a half-smile and looked away. He knew he was staring but he didn't care. She was too damn pretty to not look at.

  Lenny had let him hold her again last night while she slept. On the couch again, but he didn't mind. He'd take what he could get.

  Two consecutive nights of decent sleep and her complexion had brightened noticeably. Not only that, but her smiles came easier. And Luke loved to see that smile.

 
“Is that my shirt?” He gestured to the blue tee that was clearly too big for her.

  Lenny scrunched up her nose. “Ha, probably. I used to jack my brother's clothes all the time. I haven't had time to wash anything and I didn't feel like being a dirty girl today.” She picked at the hem. “I just grabbed one from the back. I hope that's okay.”

  “It's fine.” It was more than fine, he loved that she was feeling comfortable around them enough to borrow their clothes. And the fact that she had chosen his shirt, whether on purpose or not, gave him a small thrill.

  He tore his gaze from her and righted himself. If he didn't purpose to move on to the next task he'd stare at her all night.

  He retrieved his old acoustic guitar from his bunk, the one he'd had since he was in middle school, and took a seat in a chair facing Lenny. He began to explain the construction and shape of it, trying to be more conversational that clinical. He told her about the history of the instrument and what had first inspired him to play.

  “But I read in Rolling Stone that you learned how to play guitar to pick up chicks.” Lenny raised an eyebrow. What a tease.

  Mike let out a large burst of laughter, “That's right! I remember when you said that!”

  Luke frowned at the two of them. “Of course that's what I told Rolling Stone...they're freaking Rolling Stone Magazine.” He shook his head as if to disapprove of their misunderstanding.

  Lenny's sudden giggle was unexpected and she tried to cover her mouth with her hand when they both looked at her with lifted eyebrows. Luke couldn't help but notice the flush on her cheeks and the nervous way she bit her bottom lip when she looked at him.

  Luke gave her a wink and continued on with his lesson. He explained chords, notes and calluses while the overhead lights bounced tiny reflections off the guitar and the mirrored ceiling.

  Mike, for his part, taught Lenny the basics of keeping a beat. He gave her a set of drumsticks and demonstrated how to use her legs to smack out a rhythm. She picked it up quickly and soon they were having an impromptu jam session.

  As Luke watched Mike and Lenny try to trip each other up he was filled with more appreciation for his drummer than before. Lenny was laughing easily and openly at this point and Luke knew it was due to the cozy atmosphere in the bus. And Mike was responsible for a lot of that.

  Mike caught Luke's eye and gave a slight nod. He got up and kissed the top of Lenny's head, “I have to go to bed or I'll be grumpy tomorrow.”

  Lenny let out a small groan of disappointment but it was halfhearted. Her eyes flicked to Luke's briefly as she said goodnight to the drummer and Luke felt his stomach do a somersault. He wondered when, if ever, she would stop affecting him with a single look.

  Mike retired to his bunk and Luke crossed over to the sofa and placed the guitar across Lenny's knees. She didn't resist as he guided her fingers to the correct positions, letting his hands linger too long on her soft skin.

  “Yikes, I can see why you have such thick calluses.” Lenny winced as she squeezed her fingers around the neck.

  “You’re tough; you’ll develop some of your own soon enough.” Luke could smell her shampoo and it took a fair amount of restraint for him to not lean over and bury his face in her hair. He watched the delicate features of her face as she concentrated on her finger placement. She was learning quickly, just like he had anticipated.

  “I like you in my shirt,” he softly murmured in her ear. Lenny stilled her motions. She didn’t look at him; instead, she readjusted the guitar on her lap and continued to focus.

  “It really brings out your eyes,” he spoke slow, leaning closer to her. He lightly brushed the hair off of her shoulder, exposing her neck. He wondered if her skin tasted as sweet as it smelled.

  Lenny sighed heavily and her shoulders fell. She pushed the guitar back towards Luke and stood up.

  “Goodnight, Luke.”

  Luke quickly put the guitar down, stood up and grabbed her hand. “I don’t understand. Where are you going?” His eyes searched her pained expression.

  “I’m going to bed. You should too. We’re both tired and I really don’t think you’re processing things rationally.” She tried to tug her hand out of his grasp but he held on.

  “Len, I’m sorry, please don’t go yet. I got carried away; I just like being near you.”

  Lenny's face was guarded. “When the sexy lead singer of the hottest band in the world starts talking about your eyes, it gets pretty weird.”

  “You think I’m sexy?” Luke tried to joke with her, hoping to get her to stay. Nope.

  Lenny made a face and yanked her hand away. “We’re friends, Luke. Don’t wreck it just cause you're horny,” she snapped.

  She was hurt. And offended. Luke was desperate to make it right. He wanted to kick himself for being too damn pushy. He thought she was feeling what he had been feeling; he had read the whole situation wrong. And now she was slipping away from him again.

  He gently grabbed her by her shoulders and waited till she looked him in the eye. “You’re right, we are friends. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.” He brushed a piece of hair off her face. “I realize our situation is...complicated. It's just...” he stumbled on his words. “You’re…this unstoppable force of nature and sometimes…I let myself get carried away when I’m around you.”

  “It’s fine,” Lenny replied coolly. “Sway explained the rules to me: What happens on the bus, stays on the bus.” She pulled back and tried to give a small smile but she looked entirely too sad. “Old habits are hard to break...I get it.”

  Luke frowned down at her. “Sometimes I don’t think you listen to a word I say.”

  “I will give you credit, though,” she continued, “You rock stars sure have a way with words.” She started to back towards the bunk area. “We’ll just pretend that this didn’t happen and then no one has to feel awkward.” She tugged at the hem of the shirt she was wearing. “I’ll wash this and get it back to you.”

  “You can keep it,” he waived her words off and tried again. “What about you getting some sleep? Can't we still...?” He gestured to the couch where he had automatically planned on spending every night holding her until the tour ended.

  “I don't think that's a good idea anymore.” Lenny's eyes pulled down on the sides with a deeper sadness than Luke had seen before and he felt like he'd gotten kicked in the stomach. “I'll see you in the morning.” She turned and disappeared into the center of the bus.

  Luke slumped back on the sofa, giving up. Not having the strength or mental clarity to convince her she was wrong. He hadn't been trying to take advantage of her, he'd simply gotten caught up in her presence. Caught up in her smile, her laugh, her very being. It had been a long time since a girl had made him feel this crazy. And she had no idea. Not even a clue.

  He sat in the quiet of the cabin, listening to the hum of the wheels. He picked softly on the guitar, and jotted notes on a sheet of paper he’d been carrying in his back pocket. If nothing else, this girl had inspired some of his best writing.

  He rubbed the scruff on his face. No one, ever, in his life had started a fire like this inside of him. He thought about what might happen when the tour was over and his heart ached at the idea of her disappearing from his life.

  ***

  Lenny lay in the bunk facing the wall with her arms crossed over her middle. She felt like she was tearing apart her insides. She wanted to go to Luke and crash into him. Wrap her arms around him and not let go. But it would ruin everything. It would ruin him. She would ruin him.

  Every moment she spent with him was intense. It was all she could do to keep her wits about her. Walking away from him had required more mental fortitude than she could have foreseen. If he would have kissed her... She closed her eyes at the idea; that would have been the end of her. She would have came apart completely and she doubted very heavily that she'd be able to survive that kind of a wreck. Different worlds. Different people. Different futures.

  She woul
d stay away for a few days; they needed to clear their heads. A little time apart and they would be feeling...differently.

  ***

  Three days. That's how long it had been since Lenny had left Luke standing in the cabin on the bus with a broken look on his perfect face.For three days she had successfully avoided seeing him and talking to him. Except for those ninety minutes where DBS took the stage. Then she couldn't take her eyes off him. Couldn't stop imagining what that kiss would have felt like had she let that moment continue. Couldn't stop wanting him to make another attempt.

  She rubbed her tired face with her fingertips and tried to suppress a yawn. Three days since she'd slept. Yep, it was back to that. She looked at her empty coffee cup and wondered if a fifth refill would be a bad idea. She looked around the small coffee shop, planning on waving down the attendant.

  She froze when she saw Luke standing in the doorway. Looking directly at her. At first, she thought maybe she had been daydreaming about him so intensely that she had imagined him. But no, he was as real as he'd ever been. Tall, lean, and perfectly created like a work of art. A sculpture come to life. Her fantasy with living breath.

  She was trapped. She couldn't exit without causing a scene. Of course he's going to come over here, she thought with barely controlled panic as he made his way towards her. He settled into the vacant seat across from her, never breaking eye contact.

  “Hey,” she said with a small, sideways smile.

  “I’ve missed you,” Luke responded and then winced at his own words.

  “I’ve been busy. This leg of the tour is pretty…intense.” His eyes were bluer than normal today. She felt her traitor of a heart speed up at his close proximity.

  Luke visibly swallowed. He was obviously trying to keep from spooking her again and she felt a stab of guilt.

  “What’s that?” He nodded at her notebook.

  “Just some poems…stupid stuff, really.” Lenny closed the weathered book and laid her arms on top.