James in the Real World

by Owen Todhunter

  James pauses, his face emotionless as he looks at his own feet.

  “I’m going to look the other way.”

  Von wipes the tears from her face. She steadies herself on the slippery rocks, and steps towards James. With a firm pistol-grip under his chin, she turns his face towards her own.

  “You’re right. Choosing not to see it happening won’t change the outcome. But it will mean you gave up the same way they did.”

  James tries to wriggle out but Von forces him back. He starts to take rushed breaths.

  “Talk to me, James.”

  “What’s the point Von,” his broken voice manages. “Who is doing all of this? If it was my choice, I would never let her die. I wouldn’t let Dale die.”

  “You weren’t supposed to rescue Eryr. She saved us because that was her job. That was her purpose. Your purpose lies elsewhere.”

  She wraps him up in her skinny goose-bumped arms.

  “What about Dale?” James whimpers.

  “I don’t know what to tell you James.”

  The silence is short, but it casts a cloud across the sun. Von places a hand on James’ shoulders, urging him to sit down on the edge of the rocks. Their feet hang just above the water. Little droplets of salty water run down her legs, circle her ankle bone and continue to her feet. Finally, they pool between her two biggest toes. Von shivers, causing her foot to tap against his. James looks down and begins to count each drop. Each one is tiny but without the one before it the ocean would be empty. Their tiny ripples pierce the water’s black surface, and before long they become mighty waves upon the shore. They are cold, wet and lost for answers. But at least they have each other. He leans into her, attempting to put some warmth into her bones.

  “Why do you think it’s so dark here?” Von asks.

  “I don’t know,” James replies uncaringly.

  Von ignores his resistance.

  “Why do you think it’s so dark here?” she repeats.

  Same question. Same response. A wide-eyed glare from Von forces James to elaborate.

  “What do you want me to say?” he shoots back.

  He tries to break her stare, leaning in for effect. He soon realises he is ill-equipped to deal with such a dark puncturing gaze. They are pupil to pupil, and as James’ eye lashes flutter, he finally concedes. His focus returns to his feet.

  “Is it because I’m dark?” James continues, his delivery dripping with cynicism. “The sky is cloudy because my judgement is clouded? The darkness is my miserable, evil soul!”

  Von takes a deep breath, pulls her feet onto the rocks and crosses her legs.

  “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you James.”

  James looks to his side, and mirrors her movements. They sit cross-legged, hands on their laps, like children waiting obediently for the answers to present themselves.

  “These little talks don’t do me any good either, you know.”

  She passes off his comment, and probes a little deeper, throwing a little of her light upon the situation.

  “You know what I think is strange?” she asks.

  “What?”

  “When we were in the classroom, that was a memory. This is different. It’s more like a warning. Has that ever happened before? Have you been able to see something before it happens?”

  “No,” James replies with a hint of thought.

  “Well that’s something, isn’t it?”

  “But what good is a warning if I’m powerless to stop it from happening?”

  “What about Dr Shaw? Can’t she do something? You spoke to her once before.”

  “I guess.”

  “We could go back to the cliff. That’s where you spoke to her last time. Maybe if we go back there you can warn her about Dale.”

  “It doesn’t work like that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’d have to be sitting beside me in the hospital bed at the exact right moment.”

  “How do you know she won’t be?”

  “Come on Von. With my luck?”

  Von finally sees that a soft approach will no longer work. There is only so much capacity for kindness beneath the surface of one’s skin. Sympathy always has a shelf life, no matter what world you choose to live in. She goes in for the kill.

  “What about your luck James? If you’re so unlucky then how did we get here? We are safe and we’ve still got each other. Is that not that what you wanted the whole time?”

  “Yes but…”

  There is no stopping this cosmic freight train. James’ pathetic protest only strengthens her for the next onslaught.

  “But what?”

  There is a pause this time, long enough even for James to butt in. He knows it’s a trap, and he knows to keep his feet well clear.

  “You only ever want what you can’t have!” she begins. “You created this place so you could be here with me. Now all you want to do is go back. Explain that to me James. Explain it to me because I don’t understand.”

  “Can I speak now?” James asks warily.

  “You haven’t learnt a fucking thing!” comes the harsh response, her volume increasing with each new word.

  Her sudden outburst melts the pouty expression right off James’ face.

  “Von, why are you swearing at me?”

  Still smarting, Von continues at a ferocious speed.

  “Because you’re a stupid fucking idiot James! Would you prefer me to be a princess? Should I fall into your arms and call you my hero? Jesus Christ James. You still haven’t figured it out yet, have you?”

  “Figured what out?”

  “Helping someone is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do is be there for them. Just be with them. Be here with me, in this moment right now.”

  James’ heart drops as her voice begins to crack.

  “You’re a stupid fucking idiot,” she repeats.

  It is the same insult, but this time it seems more loving.

  “I know I am. And I know I should just be happy.”

  Von was right. He needed to be there. But him being with her right now does not help Dale. How can you be there for someone when you are stuck in a fantasy? The only way is to trust the ones who sit by his broken body. Von has already provided him the answer, but to execute his plan, he’ll need to upset the girl of his dreams. Again.

  “I need to go back to the cliff,” he says gravely.

  “Okay great, let’s go.”

  “No, Von. I have to go alone. It won’t work if you’re with me. And it’s safer if you stay here for now.”

  She stands up, holding her slender frame upright against the rock face.

  “I’m not a child, James!”

  “I know that. But if the Shadow follows me I need to know you’re safe. Okay?”

  “Fine!”

  “Fine?”

  “Yes fine. Just go, James.”

  He knows very well it’s not fine, but now is not the time to argue.

  “Good. Wait here until the storm passes over the castle. When I’m done I’ll meet you there.”

  “Fine,” she repeats.

  Suddenly, it is not just the frigid water making the situation cold. The air is thick, both with brine and tension.

  “I will come back for you Von, I promise. I love you.”

  “Yep,” she replies.

  James never thought he was capable of disappointing someone so greatly with his absence. He nods his head in defeat. He turns to walk away, careful to edge around the sharpened outcrop. He times his entry into the water, waiting for a break in the set. As he is about to dive, she pulls him back. She doesn’t speak a word, but her cold lips still do the talking. They scream desire. His tongue whispers back. She pulls away and lets her head fall on his shoulder. He holds her as close as humanly possible, as though she is the last thing left to hold onto in the world.

  “I didn’t mean to say those things James. I mean I did, but I didn’t. You know what I mean? I know in my heart that everything will be o
kay. But I can’t stand to think that those words would be the last thing I ever said to you. I never want you to walk away like that.”

  “Wow!” James says excitedly.

  “What?” she asks.

  “Did you just admit you were wrong?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about James. But I do have a sudden urge to slap you in the face. Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of you, James.”

  “Yep. There it is.”

  “You make me so god-damn angry and your indecisiveness will be the death of me. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. I love you, but after this you better not leave me behind again. You stupid fucking idiot.”

  “I promise I’ll come back. I love you too.”

  James now knows what truly matters. Time has forsaken him. The real world has forsaken him. His version of heaven is about to do the same. But she will never forsake him. When the universe won’t protect you, you must protect yourself. You must protect the one you love. It is what turns a boy into a man. He dives head-first into the water. As he surfaces, he looks back at Von. He hopes this strange ride will last forever. However long his forever is. However long hers may be. He guides his stroke towards the shore, beginning this one last treacherous journey. It is the comfort of her loving smile that keeps him swimming.

  CHAPTER 29: Cliff Diving Part II

  As he reaches the cliff, his old friend Nessa is there waiting. She has a habit of popping up at rather odd times.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were Von’s mother?” James asks her.

  “Why does it matter?”

  “It matters to Von. Why are you here?”

  “I have come to warn you. The end begins with a single death.”

  “I know. That’s why I came back. I’m here to save Dale.”

  “And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

  “I can contact Dr Shaw. I’m going to tell her to stop him before he does it.”

  “What if Dr Shaw isn’t at the hospital?”

  “I’ll wait ’til she comes back.”

  “What if she doesn’t come back?”

  “She will.”

  “What if she doesn’t?”

  “She just will! I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get angry with you. I just can’t think about that possibility right now. I need to move quickly.”

  “What about Von?”

  “What about her? She’ll be fine. I told her to meet me at the castle.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “Down on the beach.”

  “You mean that beach?”

  Nessa’s crooked finger points out towards where James left Von. A set of black clouds rolls in off the ocean, and quickly swallows up the entire bay. In a matter of seconds, the beach is literally wiped off the earth. James can already feel the temperature around him drop as the breeze reaches his exposed vantage point. Overhead, he hears a murder of crows as they screech through the air. James traces their flight path back to the golden meadows further inland. A wildfire has sparked at its edges, sending a dense plume of smoke into the sky. The cold breeze rises in temperature, as the smell of smoke carries the crows toward the castle. A few more seconds and the flock disappears into the misty veil that surrounds the castle walls.

  Suddenly the mist clears, and both James and Nessa watch in horror as the birds swarm in vicious circles. They collide mid-air, their wings tangling in a twisted black mess. They latch on with desperate talons and begin to peck at each other. A shower of feathers begins to fall from the birds’ mangled wings. In great sticky clumps, they begin to freefall to the earth below. Their dramatic descent concludes as they crash into a boggy marsh beside the castle. A collective drowning cry visibly shakes the castle’s foundations. James cringes at the sound. He looks back at Nessa, before his attention is brought back to the bubbling brown waters of the marsh. In a sickening progression, a set of creatures re-emerge from the crow’s muddy graves. This time though, the birds have transformed into the same wolves that perished in the forest fire. They claw at their matted fur. They cough up a tar-like substance, and sniff the smoky air until they catch a scent of something. As one, they turn towards the entrance of the castle.

  “I don’t understand. How are they back?” James asks.

  “You let them back James,” Nessa responds

  “No, I didn’t. I watched them burn. I watched them die.”

  “Nothing stays dead James. That’s the gift and the curse you bring. We need to worry about what happens after you leave.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This world will cease to exist without you James. And that means Von will cease to exist.”

  “All I need to do is to get Dale admitted to hospital. If I get him some help he can be monitored until I get back. Then I’ll do the rest. I’ll only be gone for a moment.”

  “A moment, eh.”

  She balls up her fist, before opening it to reveal an hourglass identical to the one that James smashed on the beach.

  “How did you…?

  “Doesn’t matter,” she interrupts.

  “Do you see each grain of sand passing through James? Each grain of sand is one single moment. What if I turned the hourglass on its side? This moment right now could last a lifetime. Imagine what you could do with all that time. Then again, think how much could go wrong in that time. A moment is never just a moment James.”

  “I’m sorry Nessa. I don’t understand any of what you just said.”

  “Oh, but I think you do James.”

  “No, I really don’t.”

  “Take another look James.”

  Once again, her finger points at the scene unfolding at the entrance of the castle. Only, the scene is no longer unfolding. Each of the wolves is frozen in an attack-like pose. The black clouds hang suspended over the green pastures. A bolt of lightning protrudes from the cloud’s edges, static as it reaches towards the earth. Turning back towards the meadows, James sees that the wall of fire has halted its advance across the golden flower beds. The ringlets of smoke above it also cease their progress. The entire moment is captured in time.

  “How did you…?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she repeats.

  “What matters is that I can’t hold the hourglass on its side forever. Time will run out, because time is always against you. You cannot defeat it. But that is not the point, James.”

  “Well please get to the point, because ironically this pep talk is wasting my time.”

  “Ha! What a clever boy you are James Galinski,” she says sarcastically.

  “The point is this. You have failed to take full advantage of the time you’ve been gifted. You have not taken any chances. You have not taken a single risk. At least not since your mother died.”

  “But that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m ready to risk everything to save Dale. To save my friend.”

  Nessa pauses, and looks achingly back at the castle.

  “At the risk of losing Von?” she finally says. “The girl you love?” she adds.

  “So, what am I supposed to do? What are my choices?”

  “You already know the answer to that question James. Save your friend or save the girl. Time will not allow for both. And if you were smart about it you’d already know the answer to that question also.”

  “I can save both of them,” James says defiantly.

  “No, you can’t. Dale cannot be saved. You read his letter. Save her James. Take her with you, and never speak of this again.”

  “I have to at least try.”

  “Well you better hurry. My hand is getting weak.”

  “What’s going to happen to you?” James asks.

  “I’ll be fine. What’s the worst that can happen? I’m already dead.”

  “I know you don’t understand why I left Von. I do love her, but I have to help my friend. Everything I do otherwise will mean my time with her is tainted.”

  “Cariad yn breuddwyd,” Nessa says with
a signature rolling of the vowels.

  “What is that? Latin?”

  “No, my son. That’s the Language of my Fathers.”

  “What does it mean?”

  “You’ll find out. All in good time.”

  And at that, she disappears. Just like everyone else in James’ gigantic empty world. The smoke and fire and lightning and wolves and distant rain come roaring back to life. Not for the first time, he edges his way towards the cliff’s edge. He looks at the huge expanse between himself and the ground below. He wonders now why he didn’t choose a smaller cliff. It seems such a silly way to get someone’s attention. Even so, he leaps off and immediately begins to scream for Dr Shaw. The wind howls back. He screams harder. This time it is the thunder that drowns him out. He screams a third time. His voice bounces against the rock face and back towards him. Another failed attempt and he feels this may have not been his brightest idea so far. There is no lake to break his fall if he fails. The salted earth comes quickly closing in. He need to act fast. Several fruitless calls for his therapist and James needs to think outside the box. This time he yells a different name. And this time, a voice answers back.

  “James!” Richard yells. “James is that you? Can you hear me? James!”

  The progress between James body and the earth freezes.

  “Dad!”

  Though James screams it mid-air, it barely registers to his father as a grunt.

  “Yes, I can hear you! I’m here!” Richard cries enthusiastically. He grabs onto James’ hand and tries to compose his excitement.

  “I’m right here buddy,” he says calmly.

  “But James… I have something to tell you,” he quietly continues.

  “No time,” he hears James whisper. Richard leans in close as James tries to force the next few words out.

  “Dale needs help,” it eventually comes.

  Richard hangs his head. James’ three small words punch him squarely in the guts. He buries his face in the palms of his hands. Dr Shaw grimaces as he begins to deliver the bad news.

  “I’m so sorry James,” he tentatively begins. “There’s no easy way to say this.”

  James waits on tenterhooks.

  “Dad?”

  “Dale is dead,” Richard finally dispenses.

  “But…”