Bad Rep (Southern Ink Book 1)

by S. N. Garza

  I nodded and walked past him. The walk to his little out house made me nervous and scared to death. I had no idea what I was going to find out here. He said it was what he loved more than life. More than he loved me? I was about to find out.

  Chapter 36

  Penelope

  My heart was racing, my hands were shaking as I grabbed the door knob. I turned to look back at the house to see Deke at the screen door, his arms wide on the door jambs. With the night, the light that was behind him cast him in this low glow. A small, vulnerable smile tilted on his lips. I gave him one back then turned, pushing the door open. I closed it behind me to reveal myself in a small closet with a curtain covering an open doorway. I flipped the light switch, and stepped through.

  My heart stopped. It’s not possible.

  Canvases, sketch paper on tables. Hell, there was so many different types of surfaces in here that it didn't matter. Each piece had only one muse.

  Me.

  I looked to my left and there I was, fifteen, sitting on the couch at SoIn with cuts and bruises. Then that same night as I played my flute for him for the first time. And I thought he had fallen asleep. There were many pieces of when I was playing my flute. Then of me sleeping. A lot of me sleeping. A range of expressions marring my face. Me in my prom dress. The whole nine yards. He captured that night perfectly. Us dancing. Me as I undressed for him that night. Us making love for the first time. I never saw my body as art before, but Deke really made it look stunning and beautiful. And the one of him over me, the look on his face was one I remembered perfectly. The love he felt for me was there.

  Then I continued. Me when I went to SoIn the next morning. The look of complete agony on my face made my breath catch. Then us in the rain. The pain on my face was like a living, breathing thing. How could he capture such emotion like that? I kept going, me on graduation. I looked as if I was missing some huge part of me the way he drew my eyes. Of course, he did it justice. He had been such a big part of my life up to that point.

  I kept following the progression to that Christmas. Along with these sketches and paintings, were the photos that Trixie took. Hanging on a line above them. I remember her taking them and even offering to send them to me, but I had refused. I knew what I would see. Happiness. Excitement. Life. Then when I came in and saw Vera all over him. He drew every bruise and scratch on my face. The desolation I had felt then was palpable.

  Then my twenty-first birthday in Vegas. He came, we had sex and then in the morning he was gone. I had been pretty drunk that night. I don't remember what we talked about, but he definitely was forgiving because I remember waking up and looking in the mirror, and I looked like a devil woman. It made me smile because each painting, whether I was happy, sad, mad, or hurt, he always made it beautiful. Like he put careful, gentle thoughts into each stroke of his brush or shading of a pencil.

  There were a few of me when I came home after Patrick’s wedding. These though were more erotic. Just like the experience. Wild, passionate and intense. The fact we were in the back office at SoIn, well. I really hope no one else saw these photos. Johnny would be shocked to see what we did on that desk.

  I continued to see me lying in a hospital room. Alan. I could clearly see what Deke saw when he looked at me. Alan had smacked me a few times, called me names, and then pushed me so hard I fell down a flight of stairs. I had a few broken bones, big bruises. Any dream I had about joining one of the American Orchestras was gone. I'd never play as well I did before. I was able to continue playing for the university, but I ended up changing my major to teaching music. And then I got a minor in child education. I got lucky when I had called Mr. Eiling. The band director at Lilton High was happy I wanted to join his team. I told him about my hand and he was sympathetic and sweet. He knew how hard I practiced. Knew and understood the loss I had felt at not being able to play on a stage.

  After what Deke had done to me after prom, that had become my dream. To be a great flute player.

  I hated thinking about that. I passed that photo, thank God there was only one. Then there was a few of me now. There was ten years of memories in this room.

  "Why didn’t you ever tell me?" I whispered to no one. Ten years of a deep, seated love that showed me the heart of the man that I loved with my every breath; with every fiber of my being. Why did he hide so much from me? Why didn’t I see it? God, I was so blind.

  "Because I was afraid."

  I yelped as I turned to see him leaning against the door jamb. With a hand clutching over my heart, I looked back over the art. So much of Deke in this room. And of me but the heart, heat, love, pain he put in each piece was purely magnificent.

  "They are...stunning. When Trixie said you liked to paint, did she?" I gestured to the room and he quickly shook his head.

  “Yeah, but not much. I had been in a bad mood and she needed me to come to the shop when Johnny was sick.”

  “You’ve been always such a good drawer.”

  “Yeah, well, the shop owners didn’t think so.

  "You were the tagger the police were looking for?"

  "Yeah. Wait. You know?"

  "I didn't know it was you, but I saw the art on the buildings. I really liked them. Wow. So you were a little trouble maker huh?"

  He shrugged. "That was until Johnny caught me. Helped me turn it all around. I never thought I’d want anything else in my life. After mom left, well, I figured I was unlovable." I went to speak, but he held his hand up, halting my words of protest. "Then I met you. I never thought I could be someone's friend. That first night in your house was the first night I slept peacefully. Even when Johnny let me stay at SoIn sometimes, it was still restless. The fact that you felt safe enough to lay down next to me and fall asleep with me in that little bed, well, I never knew I could feel so safe. You gave me that, Penelope. Your room became my sanctuary. Hearing you play your flute as if it was a natural part of you was like a day dream to me. I could finally relax and know that no one was going to come get me. Childish I suppose, but I loved watching you play. Hearing the music flow out like magic. I thought I only wanted a glimpse but you gave me so much more. When that son of a bitch took away your dream, he took away my dream for you. I knew you would become one of the greatest flutists in the world. And he took that from you. That was unforgivable. Johnny was with me. He saw you in that room. Trust me, it takes a lot for him to feel that kind of anger. Mine was already passing over the pot. He had connections, from the bike club he used to roll with and said they owed him a favor. That was the favor. Avenging you. I won't ever see backlash for it. Even when I went a few weeks later. I couldn’t let someone else met out justice on something they had no right to be meddling in. It was mine and I will never lose sleep over it. Penelope, if you know nothing else about me, know this. No one gets to hurt you. I know I have and please feel free to punch me, hurt me, but know that I love you. If you walk out this door, know that I have loved you since I was a punk kid who didn't know what love could truly be to the man who loves you beyond measure. You light me up and I never want to live without you. I don't want—

  He was close enough to me that I had about enough. I put my finger up to his lips, stalling any words he was going to say.

  "Deke? Shut the fuck up and kiss me already."

  I grabbed his shirt and crashed his lips home on mine. All this time, even when he was being a complete jerk to me, he did it because he wanted me to not look back and regret the life I could have had. Even if he couldn’t have come with me, he thought if I didn't go, if I had stayed here with him that I would regret my choice.

  Silly man. I let go only to have him look at me with surprise.

  "Penelope?"

  "You are so stupid." Tears were bubbling in my eyes at knowing he tried doing what he thought was best for me, but he had no idea he was what was best for me.

  His brows lifted high and an awkward laugh puffed out. "I know."

  "No, you don't. You really don't. All of this? Breaks my heart because i
t could have been avoided. You thought I wanted to leave this town? Deke, I only applied to college because it was what my parents wanted. I didn't know I was accepted. I only built that dream of being a part of some big orchestra because you rejected me."

  "Pen—

  "Shh. That was not my dream. I only ever wanted to play my flute because it made me happy. And playing it for you seemed to lessen whatever storm was raging inside of you. Deke, you were my dream. You saved me more than just that day. You got me like no one else ever has. I love you. I have loved you for so long. You are my dream. You always have been. Probably since I met you...officially anyway."

  "Why, did you want to unofficially meet me?"

  "You were the bad boy, Deke. And you were also a guy who sowed your oats all over this town whenever you could. I never believed someone like you would come to my aid. The nerdy, little nobody. You've been there for me more times than I can count. You always seemed to be rescuing me. But I know I saved you right back. You'll always be my rock. I don't need more than you. I never have. It's always been just you. You and me and this crazy thing called life. It's the only way I want to live it. With you next to me. So really, all this heartache, devastation. It's your fault." And I burst out laughing. "Easily avoidable if you had just let me have you."

  "How about having me forever?"

  "Now that, is something worth having. Because I know I can do anything as long as it's with you. I love you, Deke Leslie Morgan. Don't make me wait any longer."

  "Never again. I love you, Penelope. Can't wait to live the rest of my life with the girl of my dreams."

  "Good. Because you're the man of mine."

  Tears clouded his eyes too and the love we made in that studio room cemented everything. No one was going to ever tear us apart again.

  The next morning we went back to my mom’s house to tell her the good news when there was a truck in the drive.

  “That’s my dad’s truck.”

  I looked over to Deke with confusion. “Why would he be here?”

  “I don’t know.”

  We both got out and we walked in, only to hear feminine giggling coming from the back. I looked up at Deke who shrugged his shoulders.

  We continued walking until I looked behind the bar to only come to a sudden stop.

  Holy—

  “You’ve got to be fucking me.”

  Deke’s voice broke through static and my mom and his dad sprang apart. Both with red faces and surprise lighting their eyes.

  “What are y’all doing here?” My mother’s voice squeaked and I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I laughed so hard I bowled over, clutching my stomach.

  “You okay over there, Penny?” My mother’s voice came closer and I looked up to gesture between the both of them.

  “I knew you were up to something. But this?” I sobered before I asked her, “Are you happy?”

  She looked back to see Killian’s face had this possessive look I only knew too well from his son. Then she looked back to me and nodded.

  “Very.”

  “The hell?”

  The only one who seemed to have not gripped the situation was Deke. But it didn’t matter. As long as they were happy, it didn’t matter. I had exactly what I wanted and my mom was happy. Glowing in fact. That’s all I ever wanted for her. I gave her a wink, and turned to Deke. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

  “Deke?”

  He shook his head, “I had no idea.”

  “Deke.”

  He looked down to me, shock still registering in his face. “Yeah, Penelope?”

  “It looks like I’m moving in with you, too. So how about we go back to your place and you show me around?”

  His eyes softened and then lust sparkled in the grey depths. The sexy smirk that was uniquely his tilted on his face as he grabbed the lapels of his leather jacket I wore and planted a hot, searing, possessive kiss on my lips.

  “Yeah. I’ll show you around alright.” Then his hand slid in mine and he turned us back towards the front door. “Have fun, dad.”

  “You too, boy.”

  The front door slammed shut and a blush creeped up into my face. “Deke! You just implied—AH!”

  He turned and lifted me over his shoulder, his hand landed quickly over my bottom. “They already knew anyway. Trust me, babe. They weren’t having tea and biscuits.”

  I laughed and his chuckle mixed and mingled with mine.

  “God. I’ll never get over that sound. Just beautiful.”

  “I’ll never get over you, Deke.”

  He hadn’t bothered to get back in the car since we were so close to his house. He carried me like I weighed nothing and we made it to his house where he brought us in. His boot kicked the door shut and he carried me until another door shut and I was hefted over his shoulders. I landed and bounced on a soft bed with a fluffy comforter, but he was on me before I could settle myself.

  “I thought you were going to show me around.”

  “Baby, we got our whole lives for you to see our home.”

  “We have our whole lives for this, too.”

  “Damn right we do, but you have me so on fire that I’m so far gone I can’t think of anything until I hear you screaming my name and we’re going up in flames.”

  “Then light me up, Deke. Let’s burn it up until there’s nothing but our love shining through.”

  “God, you’ll never know how much I love you.”

  “I do.”

  “Nope. But you will. And soon.”

  Epilogue

  And we didn’t wait. That Monday after we confessed our feelings, we had gotten a license and then within a few weeks, my mom with the help of Trixie and Dessa had set up a beautiful display, thanks to Philip, who had said we could use his newly back yard for our ceremony. He really was a sweet guy. I could tell Trixie and he still had issues, but I really hope she gave him a chance. He seemed to really like her. At least to me. Deke was suspicious, but I quickly nipped that in the bud and told him to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

  He had just rolled his eyes and told Philip to not expect a return favor. Philip just rolled his eyes and said, I’m doing this for Trixie. What that meant, we’ll probably never know, but looking at how Trixie had fixed everything, it looked like a magical kingdom back here.

  Our wedding ceremony had went beautifully. Trixie, and Dessa were my bridesmaids and my mom was my maid-of-honor. Deke had his dad as best man, (they really had come a long way from their past). And Bunko, Castor and my brother as his groomsmen. Everything was ready for everyone to mingle and I happily threw my bouquet. When I turned to see who caught it, Philip must have been walking by because it smacked him in the head and he caught it. His eyes widened and then he snorted. Then he looked at Trixie who looked scared shitless. I couldn’t wait to see how they fell for each other.

  A soft hand tapped my shoulder, and Deke was waiting behind me. Normally, it would have been the father-daughter dance but my father refused to come and before Patrick could dance with me, Deke had said he had a surprise for me first.

  "Penelope, I want to dance to our song."

  "Lee Brice?"

  Deke shook his head.

  "It's not?"

  "It's probably our second song. But it's not our first." Deke cued the DJ, and then static comes on the speakers.

  Deke’s voice popped up and he was singing happy birthday to me. I had just turned eighteen. Oh, my God. Tears sparked into my eyes.

  "You recorded this? But how?"

  "Keep listening." I looked confused but then his beautiful, deep voice came on the speaker.

  "Penelope, play for me. But not just some song. Remember when we first met and you played that...that song that you were trying out for your Christmas solo? That one? Do you remember it?"

  "Yeah. It's my favorite of all the songs. I don't know why, it's just peaceful. Better with a piano, but it's simply beautiful anyway you play it."

  "Just like you."


  "You are acting so strange. You okay?"

  "Yeah, Penelope. Just do as I say."

  "Okay, Mr. Bossy Pants."

  I looked at Deke and laughed. “I remember that. You still are a very Mr. Bossy Pants.”

  He chuckled but said, "Shh...We’re going to dance now."

  He took me in his arms, and like we've done so many times before, I kicked my heels out of the way and my eighteen year old self began playing the song, Can’t Help Falling in Love. We didn’t stop dancing because I remember that night. I hadn’t stopped playing. I played it over and over. Knowing it had pleased him so much to hear me play. And he was right. I loved playing for him. Just for him. It was ours. The one thing that made us so special was when he would watch me play. Then when the second repeat played, a live sound came on and I looked to where the DJ was standing, and he was playing his keyboard to my flute.

  "Deke." I looked to him, but he didn't stop spinning me around the dance floor. I was so close to tears. This man. He really knew me. Right down to the very heart of me. Then when the third repeat came on, a voice startled me but Deke wasn’t having it.

  "Look at me, beautiful. Just at me."

  And I did. Because I was about to lose it. Dessa's voice came on the microphone and she began singing in that honey sweet voice she had.

  It was sweet, and beautiful. But it wasn't until the music stopped and my younger voice came on the recorder that my heart almost stopped.

  "Why do you like listening to me play?"

  "You were meant to play for me."

  My voice giggled and said, "You are such a dork. I'm gonna to grab us something to drink."

  Then a door shut and then a quick sigh had come from Deke’s voice on the speaker.

  "I don't have a lot of time to say this, but I know, deep down in my heart that you're the girl I was born to make happy. I'm going to fight it. I know I’m going to screw up and make you hate me one day, but know that hearing you play, have been the happiest times of my life. Besides falling asleep next to you. After mom left, I didn't have a lot of those. Not even on the couch at SoIn. Sorry, Johnny. Not until meeting you. You became my peace. Meeting you wasn't an accident. I needed you like I needed to breathe. So...when you hear this. Forgive me. Give me a good smack, because we are meant to be together. I don't really know what love is. But I know with you, I’ll never be without it. This deep, chest tightening feeling that I get when I’m near you or think about you has to be something. So let this be the first time I say it. I love you, Penelope Marie Handleman. Even if I don't really understand the meaning. You mean everything to me. Like our song, I can't help falling in love with you. Don't you know I belong to you, my beautiful Penelope? And if you never hear this, I better be a dead man. Because I won't be able to take seeing you with anyone other than me. You own me. Heart, body and soul. You let me stay when I should have left you alone. Your room was my safe place to land so I could rest. Damn, I hope I don’t fuck this up. You gave me a home when I thought I wouldn’t ever have one. Your heart is my home. A place to come to when my life falls apart. I love you. Whatever I do, I’ll make it up to you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Always and forevermore. And I can promise you this. One. I’ll always look this good. Two. I’ll never give up on you. Ever. I pray to God I get to have you for keeps one day."