Full Metal Magic: An Urban Fantasy Anthology

by J. A. Cipriano

  She was right. The last time I’d alluded to her not being strong enough, she’d proven me wrong by using overwhelming force in the same way dropping a nuke on the kid’s house down the street after he put a firecracker in your mailbox was overwhelming. I had no desire to see it happen again because it scared the bejeezus out of me. Still, I needed this done. Fast.

  “Well…” I rubbed the back of my neck with my palm. “You know I don’t like to do it…”

  “Nonsense,” she replied, and turned around three times in the grass before lying down and burying her face in her paws. “I shall help you, but know I am displeased. Leave me.”

  It wasn’t like I had a choice. The moment she said it, the connection between us snapped, and the African plain faded from my vision. I found myself staring at the barrier, the weird overlay gone.

  “Where’d you go?” Ricky asked, staring at me with narrowed eyes. “I smell sulfur, so I’m guessing you visited your friend.” She tapped her temple with her index finger.

  “Yeah,” I said, somewhat relieved the cat seemed mildly interested in the spirit within. It meant she’d help. Unfortunately, I didn’t always like when she helped. Still, any port in a storm, right? “She’s going to help us get through.”

  “Five star,” Ricky replied, smirking. “I love that you have the ability to get through this because my plan to just set the place on fire probably wouldn’t end well for anyone. Well, it would for Chun since she’d heal the damage, but likely no one else.”

  “Were you really going to light the place on fire?” I asked, and she responded with a shrug that made me make a mental note to never cross her. She probably would do just that to save one of her pack. Hell, maybe she didn’t even need that much of a reason. It probably should have bothered me more, but it just didn’t, mostly because I didn’t know any of the people here. I’m sure if I did, they’d be more than a passing consideration, but I just didn’t. As it stood now, they were a statistic, and I was never really a big fan of math, anyway.

  Ricky reached out like she was about to touch me, but I stepped out of reach as my right hand raised on its own, which meant the cat was in control. It was a little weird when it happened because I wasn’t quite sure I liked the idea of a psychotic demoness able to control my body, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure what I’d do without her. I’d made her a deal. I couldn’t get out of that. Besides, the power was kind of cool, you know, in the way being partnered with Reed Richards was kind of cool. It was all fun and games until Dr. Doom found out.

  My tattoos smoldered as a touch of demonic energy flowed through my finger tips and hit the barrier, spreading concentric circles of Hellfire across its surface. The barrier reacted like a Tesla coil, shooting little arcs of crimson electricity between it and my fingers. I inhaled sharply as it rippled across my arm like a static shock before dissipating.

  “Child’s play,” the cat said, shaking her head. “You don’t need me for this. You are just lazy.” My right arm lashed out, tearing a horizontal slash through the air. The barrier shattered like an eggshell. Chunks of translucent energy blew inward across the ground before dissolving into green mist. “But it’s nice to be needed. Now don’t call me. I’ll call you.”

  The curtness of her statement was somewhat disconcerting, but I ignored it. She was always curt in a way I’d become familiar with. She liked to act like all things were both difficult and beneath her notice so that I felt in awe of her when she decided to do something. It was a bit annoying to be honest.

  My hand fell to my side as she left me to my own devices, and I turned toward Ricky. “After you, mon petit chou.” I swept my arm out in an exaggerated gesture.

  “Your French is absolutely terrible.” She rolled her eyes at me. “We both know you’re only letting me go first because I’m bulletproof.” She moved past me and entered through the barrier, anyway. She wasn’t bulletproof per se, but as long as they weren’t using silver, she might as well have been. I’d seen her shrug off blasts from assault rifles with less fuss than I’d have given a mosquito bite.

  “I also like you for your brain.” I smiled and followed behind her.

  “Whatever.” She glanced at me over her shoulder and gave me a long look. “Now watch my ass, so I don’t get offended.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Part of it was nerves. I never enjoyed walking into a place where I could get my ass kicked, even if it was a funhouse, but part of it was just that Ricky got me in a way I hadn’t expected. Sure, she was a bit crude, and I didn’t like her much when she hulked out, but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

  “Am I amusing you?” she asked, giving me a really good Bugsy Malone impression. Oh yeah, I forgot. She was good with voices. It had something to do with being able to actually change the physical makeup of her vocal chords.

  A gunshot rang out from the funhouse, shattering my words as they left my lips. The bullet struck Ricky in the forehead and flung her backward like a ragdoll. Thankfully, her head didn’t explode, probably thanks to her harder than normal head. Hell, for all I knew, she could heal that anyway. Still, blood was everywhere, and as she crashed to the dirt beside me, I had half a second to move before the next shot got me.

  It zipped right by my ear as I dropped flat and crawled toward Ricky on my belly. Thankfully, she was still breathing. That meant she’d heal. Good. I didn’t want to think about what would have happened if the sniper had been using silver. Still, I was going to kill the fuck out of the motherfucker who had shot her. And I was going to enjoy it. A lot.

  As the sound of the rifle’s crack faded into the distance, I summoned more power. “Tueri!”

  A sheath of magical flame engulfed my body like I was the Human Torch, surrounding me in a near impenetrable barrier of Hellfire. A bullet caught me in the side of the head an eye-blink later. It hurt like a motherfucker, and as I spun haphazardly to the ground, little tweety birds flapped around my head. I always hated getting shot, even through a shield spell because it hurt like a son of a bitch. Still, it was better than being dead.

  Flame surged around me, and I could feel the toll it took on my body. My shield spell was one of my most draining ones, and I was already starting to feel the effects. My chest heaved with effort and I was starting to feel a bit woozy. There’d been more than a few occasions when it’d faded away to leave me defenseless at inopportune times, and it always took a long time to recover from if I didn’t consume a ton of calories.

  Since I didn’t want my shield to die before I got to safety, I rolled onto my hands and knees and hoisted myself to my feet. Another shot rang out, catching me above the heart, and while it hurt through the shield, my spell-hardened trench was also in the way. I gritted my teeth and fought down the pain. I had to do something before the asshole decided shooting me wasn’t a good idea and tried to kill my ass with a bazooka. It wouldn’t work, but I was way too close to Ricky to risk it.

  “I hope you’re ready to take off all your clothes!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. Ricky’s plan seemed really good, especially since I didn’t see anyone around. It was time to light the fucking place on fire. “’Cause it’s about to get really hot in here.”

  I took off at a dead run toward the funhouse as much to get closer to my target as to distract whoever it was from Ricky. She was still recovering on the ground next to me, but given enough time, she’d get back up. With any luck, Mei would get her to safety before time ran out.

  Part of me wanted to help her directly, but something told me trying to drag her to safety while on fire wasn’t a good idea, and I didn’t have the strength to extend my shield around her for more than a few seconds. There was way too much open space between us and the closest cover for me to be able to get her to safety in time.

  As my foot hit the funhouse steps, the flames from my shield began to spread across them, catching the wooden frame and setting it ablaze like it was made of gasoline. Sometimes the shield was cool, but I knew from ex
perience the flames moving along the funhouse were real, unlike the ones surrounding me. While my shield could protect me for a while, as soon as it failed, it’d become difficult to move without getting charred to a crisp. That was an end I wanted to avoid if possible.

  I pushed through the double doors, setting them ablaze as I did so, and found myself staring at an enormous clown face with funhouse mirrors for teeth. Only, instead of making me look short, tall, or whatever, it made me look like a demon. My eyes were sunken holes of void and my skin was as pale as milk. The tattoos on my right hand writhed like live snakes.

  It made me hesitate. I looked like the cat demon when she decided to take human form, and the thought made me shudder. I wasn’t sure what was going on here, but I didn’t like it. Ignoring the mirror as best as I could, I dropped my shield in an effort to conserve energy and drew my Glock. Sure, I could have kept the spell up, but I had enough problems without setting the inside on fire too. Besides, I wanted to save some firepower in case the asshole sniper didn’t mind getting shot.

  Moving forward, gun at the ready, I stepped past a pit of rubber snakes and found myself staring at a huge pink hamster wheel at least ten feet deep. It was too dark to make out the other side, but from the way the thing spun, I knew I had to go through if I wanted to continue into the depths of the funhouse. Well, at least it wasn’t stairs. I fucking hated stairs.

  I moved into the tube in a low crouch because I couldn’t stand to my full height. Evidently, this place was made for kids. Who knew?

  As I reached the center of the giant hamster wheel, a dude who sort of looked like Crocodile Dundee stepped onto the other side. He wore a stained leather vest, jeans, and a stupid fishing hat. More interesting though, was the scopeless sniper rifle slung over his back and the huge knife gleaming in one hand.

  “Ahoy, Mate.” He gestured at me with the knife. “Ready to tussle?”

  “Do we have to?” I asked, kind of wishing I’d brought more weapons with me. “I don’t even know who the fuck you are. I just want Chun.”

  He whipped the knife in front of him in a blur of steel. “Fancy that. The boss wants her too. Must have beer flavored nipples.” He gave me a lascivious grin that turned my stomach. “Ah well.”

  I fired the Glock at him. He caught the .45 caliber bullet with his knife, sending it ricocheting off into the spinning tube.

  “Of fucking course,” I muttered, holstering the gun as he took another step forward and drew another knife from the sheath on his leg. “Why can’t you just get shot like a normal fucking person?”

  “People always say I’m stupid for bringing a knife to gun fights.” He grinned. “They haven’t seen me with a knife.”

  The bastard rushed me. His knives slashed through the air as I leapt backward, and even still, the tip of the left one scraped against my trench. I decked him. My fist collided with the side of his chin.

  “Motherfuck!” I cried as agony exploded through my hand. It felt like I’d punched solid granite. He smirked, adjusted his stupid hat and head-butted me in the forehead. It felt like I’d been struck by a fucking statue.

  I stumbled backward and fell onto my ass. My vision was a sea of red haze as he stepped up to me and put one boot against my crotch and nudged my boys lightly.

  “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” He shrugged. “Don’t much matter to me.” He wiped at his nose with one sleeve. “But decide quick ‘cause this place is going to burn down any second, and I’d rather not be here when that happens.”

  “What’s the easy way?” I asked, reaching out and steadying myself against the still spinning tube. Any second, I was going to topple over.

  “It’s the one where I slit your throat and leave you to bleed out.” He grinned, revealing a mouthful of crooked teeth that’d probably never heard of a dentist, let alone seen one. “The hard way is where I tear your head off with my bare hands and shit down your fucking neck. You don’t want that ‘cause it’s Wednesday.” He must have seen the confusion on my face. “You’ve never heard of Taco Tuesday, have you, mate?”

  He adjusted again as the tube spun us. I took advantage of his movement and rolled backward on my shoulders. As he lunged forward to try to shiv me while still off balance, I threw my feet out, catching him in the stomach. The force of the blow reverberated down my legs, but it still knocked him backward. He stumbled a few steps, which was enough time for me to regain my balance.

  “Come on.” I put up my hands because I really didn’t want to fight his knife-wielding ass without a weapon of my own. “Let’s fight like gentlemen.”

  “I always hate the hard way.” He shook his head. “But if you insist.” He dropped the knives, and they clanged against the floor of the tube.

  “You’d better be careful. I’m harder to kill than I look.” I shadow boxed at the air in front of us, throwing some punches with my right hand in order to draw his eye to it and create an opening.

  “I’ve heard that a few times.” He took a step forward but stayed out of arms’ reach. “Haven’t been impressed yet.” He smirked. “Why this one time I beat up a silver backed gorilla with a bat. Had fifty to one odds.”

  “You just stole that from Preacher,” I said, taking a quick hop backward, so I was just outside the spinning tube. “Fancy yourself Jody or something?”

  “You read that one too?” he asked and the smile on his face made me shudder. He took another step closer. “And yes, I quite liked that arc.”

  “Yeah. I read it. Garth Ennis is a genius.” I drew the Glock and fired in one smooth motion. The bullet caught him square in the forehead and blew his brain out the back of his skull. Bits of gooey bone sprayed across the tube as he toppled to the ground. Guess he wasn’t bulletproof. “But I enjoy the Saint of Killers more.”

  Glad the motherfucker hadn’t seen through my ruse, I moved past the corpse. I left the tube as his body moved up the side and toppled back into the center in a heap. It was kind of gross, and I sort of felt bad for whoever would be cleaning it up. Hopefully, they got paid well.

  I turned away from it and made my way forward. The pathway was full of mirrors, but that didn’t bother me. I’d been in a literal forest of mirrors guarded by a demon biker who could smash my skull like a casaba melon. After that, mirrors weren’t particularly scary, the things that lived within them? That was a different story.

  Still, none of these mirrors cast my normal reflection. Instead they showed that demon-eyed one in a way that made me start to think maybe I’d bonded with the cat demon a little too closely. Man, I really needed to visit someone who could tell me more about what was going on with that, but at the same time, I had a kid to save. Priorities.

  I edged forward past the mirrors, moving slowly right up until the room began to fill with emerald smoke. I inhaled a lungful that tasted like burnt cinnamon and sandalwood, which yes, are scents I’m familiar with. My eyes began to water and burn as it swirled around me. Then what felt like a fucking chainsaw hit me in the brain. A cry of pain left my lips as white-hot claws tore at my mind, tearing into it and looking around for the tender bits inside.

  My grip on the pistol faltered, and it slipped from my fingers and clattered to the ground at my feet. My body followed it a moment later. I collapsed to my knees as the mist pushed in through my nose and mouth. The presence crashed into me hard, forcing my mind backward and trying to fill me up like a glove.

  I threw what meager mental defenses I had at it, envisioning myself behind a wall lined with landmines and razor wire. As soon as I conjured the image, the wall exploded inward to reveal a red-eyed shadow. Its twisted face lit up like a jack-o'-lantern as it reached out one shadowy tendril and grabbed me by the throat.

  “Your body is mine,” it snarled as it drew me close. A woman with skin like milk and hair like spun gold appeared behind the creature. She tapped it lightly on the shoulder with one crimson-nailed hand.

  “You are mistaken,” my inner cat demon said. She had taken her human for
m and her voice was rolling thunder. No, that wasn’t correct. It was the hurricane, the tidal wave, the volcanic eruption. It was the end times. It was the alien motherfuckers in Independence Day (the first one) raining down unholy Hell upon the Earth. “He is mine. Body and soul.”

  The thing holding me turned toward her, and as it did, she exhaled sharply through her nose. Its body literally evaporated, which was altogether weird because he’d been made of shadow. As blackened bits of him fell around me like a slowly settling dust cloud, she kicked at it with one bare foot.

  “Thanks,” I said, regarding the demoness. She’d saved me, but I was pretty sure she’d done it more to assert her dominance than because she cared for me personally. The fact that she’d claimed me like property was pretty fucking terrifying.

  “You’re welcome.” The way she said it didn’t make me feel very welcome, but before I could reply, the scene in my head shattered. I found myself lying on the ground in a puddle of drool. That same shadowy creature from my mind lay on the ground beside me. Well, that wasn’t true. Bits of the shadowy creature lay beside me.

  Evidently, whatever she’d done to it in my head had a real world effect. The thought made me shudder. I didn’t know who she was, but I’d seen her eat Kings and Queens of Hell. Still, she’d never done anything like this. She was getting stronger. The thought made my gut churn with dread. What would happen when she got strong enough to cast me aside?

  I tried to push that thought from my mind as I got myself to my feet and collected my Glock. I popped the mag out and checked it. I only had four rounds left in the ten round magazine, and I didn’t have spares. That didn’t make me feel very good, especially since I’d faced lots of guys who seemed to be able to deflect bullets. Well, I’d just have to make my next shots count.

  Shoving the magazine back into the weapon, I moved past the remains of the shadow creature and entered a room that was as white as snow from top to bottom. Sitting in the center was a single red chair. The smell of lilacs filled my nose as I took a hesitant step inside.