199 Steps to Love

by Pauline George

Lucy circled Jamie’s clit with her thumb until she felt Jamie tense around her fingers as her climax took hold. Jamie lifted her hips off the bed and then she went rigid. Finally she flopped back on the bed with a strangled moan.

  “God, Lucy, that was really amazing, so—”

  “I was really worried, but I just did what I hoped you’d like.”

  “You succeeded there, it was definitely what I liked.”

  Lucy smiled at the pleasure she’d obviously given Jamie.

  “No need to look so smug.”

  “I can’t help it. This is the first time I’ve ever made love to a woman and I got it right. I can only improve with practice.”

  “I think we can manage plenty of that.”

  “Mmm sounds good to me.”

  With that Lucy kissed her way down Jamie’s body until she got to her goal. It was late in the afternoon before they came up for air.

  “Food, I need food,” Jamie said.

  “Let’s order a pizza then, you’re going to need your strength.”

  “My god, woman, you’re a quick learner that’s for sure.”

  “I had a good teacher.”

  While they waited for the pizza to arrive they lazily caressed each other, enjoying the feel of their bodies. Finding out what touch elicited what reaction, and just as it was getting more fevered, the doorbell rang.

  “Okay, hold that thought,” Jamie said as she jumped out of bed and quickly dressed.

  She returned with the pizza, beer and napkins and they proceeded to have a picnic in bed. Afterwards they cuddled under the duvet while they let the food settle.

  “I’ve never spent all day in bed before, well, only when I’ve been ill,” Lucy said.

  “Well, you don’t know what you’ve been missing.”

  “That’s for sure.”

  Lucy reached for Jamie and another round of love-making began.

  “No more, I need to sleep,” Jamie begged later.

  “Lightweight.”

  “Don’t forget I got drunk last night, got to bed late and had more exercise today than I’ve had in a long while.” Jamie sounded so forlorn Lucy took pity on her.

  “Okay, I must admit I’m feeling the effects of the drive down to see Alexi and of course the exercise.”

  “Let’s get some well-earned rest then, there’s always tomorrow,” Jamie said suggestively.

  Although it was only early evening, they were both very tired. Lucy snuggled into Jamie and as their breathing slowed down they both fell into a contented sleep.

  IT WAS JUST beginning to get light when Lucy woke up. She looked at the alarm clock and saw it was only six-thirty. She was still wrapped in Jamie’s arms, with her head on her shoulder and her right arm across her chest. Lucy’s hand cupped Jamie’s breast and she just left it there. She had never felt as relaxed and comfortable as she did now. As the sun slowly made its presence known she wondered what would happen now.

  She would go back home in a few days, but she didn’t want this to end. She couldn’t go back to how things were before she met Jamie.

  This was a whole new world for her. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do or where would her life go from here. Could she see herself in a relationship with a woman, and more importantly a relationship with Jamie? Everything just kept going round and round in her head and she couldn’t seem to make sense of it all.

  “If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions,” Jamie said, breaking into Lucy’s thoughts.

  She looked at Jamie and saw the arousal in her eyes and saw she was kneading Jamie's breast.

  “Sorry, I was just thinking and I must have been using your breast as a stress ball.”

  “I have a much better way of relieving stress,” Jamie said, as she pushed Lucy onto her back and lay on top of her.

  “And a great way it is too,” Lucy said, returning Jamie’s kiss.

  Chapter Nine

  “SO WHAT WERE you thinking that needed stress-busting?”

  They were sitting at the table eating breakfast. Their love making had continued in the shower and finally Jamie told Lucy to leave her alone, as she had to get ready to open the gallery.

  “I was thinking about how much has happened since I came to Whitby. Do you guys put something in the water?” Lucy asked, remembering what Alexi had said.

  “No, we rely on our charm, wit and good looks.”

  “Oh mind your head, you might not get out the door.”

  “Seriously, Lucy, if I can help with anything, I will. I know it must be strange to discover you’re gay so late in life, but I have to say you’re coping very well.”

  “I am aren’t I? I think that bothers me the most when I start to analyse it. Why am I coping so well, and when will the second shoe drop?”

  They sat quietly for a few moments before Lucy spoke again. She wanted to get her thoughts in some semblance of order before she voiced them.

  “I can’t believe I’m so fine with this and I have you to thank.” Lucy held up her hand to forestall Jamie’s words.

  “Yes I do. I owe you for helping me through this, and for being so patient in letting me dictate the pace. I know it must have been frustrating for you, waiting for me to catch up.”

  “And boy did you catch up and catch on,” Jamie said. “If you hadn’t told me you’d been married, I would never have believed it.”

  “I’ve been on my own for a couple of years and I have needs. I know my way round my own body, so I just did what I knew I liked.”

  “I can tell you it worked for me.”

  “And I can say it’s so much better than doing it myself.”

  They both laughed loudly at the way the conversation had gone.

  “So what’s really bugging you?”

  “I’m not sure where I go from here?” It was such a simple question but oh, so loaded.

  “I see your point. But you have a life in London, a job, a family who love you and your friends. You know where you go from here.”

  “Yes I do know, and you’re right of course. But what about you know—”

  “Do you mean us?”

  “What happens between you and me?”

  “It depends on what you want to happen with us, Lucy.”

  “You’re not making this easy for me.”

  “No, I’m not. I don’t know what you want from me. You’re the first woman I’ve felt anything for since Rachel. I know I would like to see where this goes, but you live three hundred miles away. I don’t know if we could sustain a long distance relationship. Do you want to?”

  Jamie laid it all out, and Lucy could tell she too was wondering what would happen next.

  “I know this is all very new for you. Maybe you’ll want to see what happens when you get back to London. You have a great gay scene down there, even for older chicks like us,” Jamie said and grinned at Lucy.

  “Are you telling me to go and meet other women when I go home?” Lucy couldn’t take in what Jamie was saying. She thought, or maybe hoped, they would at least explore whatever was happening to them.

  “Look, Lucy, we’re not a couple as yet. I have no hold on you, nor should I. Maybe you should go home and see what happens. You know where I live, and you have the gallery number, so we can stay in touch if you want to.”

  Lucy felt as if she’d just been dismissed by the head teacher. But she also felt there was hope. Jamie had said, we’re not a couple as yet, and Lucy would hold onto that one word, yet.

  “Yes of course, and I will keep in touch. Will I see you during my last week? I’m going to travel back early Saturday morning.” Lucy wanted time to work on Jamie.

  “I’m afraid not,” Jamie said. “I’ve booked this week off to see some friends in Newcastle. Selena will be holding the fort, but I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you.”

  “Okay, well I suppose this is goodbye then.”

  “For now. I really hope we can see each other again,” Jamie said, and Lucy could see the truth in he
r eyes.

  There was nothing more to be said so Lucy got her bag and coat, kissed Jamie and left to go back to her cottage.

  Jamie watched her walk away and her heart felt heavy. She now had to break the news to Selena that she was going to take the week off and at very short notice.

  “WHAT DO YOU mean you’re taking this week off?”

  “Sel, please, don’t give me a hard time, I really have to get away.”

  “Well it’s about time you had a holiday, but a little more notice would have been good.”

  “Sorry about that, Sel, but it was the first thing that popped into my head.”

  “Tell me what happened between you and Lucy after I left.”

  Jamie told Selena all that happened the previous day.

  “So if it was that good, how come you’re running out on her?”

  “I’m not sure. All I know is that I have to get away and put some time and space between us.”

  “Okay, but don’t you want to see where things will go with you and Lucy?”

  “Sel, look at it logically. I’ve barely known her a week. I virtually brought her out of the closet. How do I know she’ll stay with me and not go off with someone else farther down the road? And before you say anything, I know we’re not that young but it could still happen. This could be a case of hero worship.”

  “Oh, JJ, you’re both grown women. For goodness sake get real,” Selena said.

  “Okay, not hero worship but maybe she feels grateful and—I don’t know.”

  Jamie sat at the counter and put her head in her hands.

  “I think we need a brew,” Selena said. “I’ll go put the kettle on. You can try and get your brain into gear and think about what it is you’re afraid of.” Selena went into the little kitchen.

  Jamie Jones was not afraid. Surely it couldn’t be that, could it? Jamie's thoughts travelled where she didn’t want to follow. She didn’t want to admit that it had been a very long time since she’d been in this position. For all intents and purposes Jamie had virtually been a nun since Rachel's death. Now here was a woman who actually got under her skin and made her feel again. Jamie knew that part of her was feeling as if she were being unfaithful to Rachel. But another part of her knew Rachel wouldn’t want Jamie to live her life alone, without someone to love. Was Lucy that someone, and could they really have a relationship? The distance thing wasn’t that much of a barrier, just something Jamie could use to protect herself from getting hurt. But nothing in life comes with a guarantee, anything worth having had to be worked for and nurtured.

  Selena came back with two mugs of tea and put them on the counter.

  “Right, JJ, what’s going on and what are you afraid of?”

  “I’m her first and we both know how that usually goes.”

  “But it’s not always the case. There are lots of people who are first loves and stay together forever.”

  “I know there are, but she’s only just discovered that she likes women.”

  “Woman, JJ, she’s discovered you, not women.”

  “And that’s my point exactly. What happens when she goes home and starts looking around at other women? She’ll forget all about me.” Jamie laid out what was bugging her. “Maybe she isn’t gay but enjoying being with me.”

  “And tell me exactly what’s wrong with that.”

  “What’s wrong is that Lucy may realise that she’s still straight and go off with a man leaving me—”

  “That could happen anyway, JJ,” Selena said gently.

  “All right but tell me what about when she goes back home, and starts thinking that this was just a holiday romance? Let’s face it we’ve only known each other a few days and no promises have been made,” Jamie said, and drank her tea.

  “So you want to give her the opportunity to play the field?”

  “I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want to pursue anything with Lucy until she’s sure about wanting to be with women, and me in particular. If that means playing the field, as you put it, then so be it.”

  “So you’ve told her you’re going on holiday to Newcastle, giving her space and permission to explore her sexuality.”

  “Yeah, that just about sums up what I was thinking.”

  “Does Lucy know that’s what you’re thinking?”

  “Yes, and I’m not so sure she was happy about it.”

  “I don’t suppose she was.”

  “Look, Sel, I know it seems harsh, but this is probably as scary for me as it is for Lucy, albeit for different reasons. Suppose she does the U-Haul thing and then meets someone else or feels she should have had the chance to explore her sexuality first.”

  “JJ, for god’s sake. I think you’re both a bit too old for this teenage angst.”

  “Don’t mock me. You know exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Yes I do, but you’re not saying it in a way that makes a lot of sense,” Selena said. “So explain it to me in simple terms, please.”

  “Okay, in a nutshell, I want Lucy to have the chance to see what it’s like to be an out lesbian.”

  “Surely she can experience that up here with you.”

  “I want her to be comfortable about dating other women, not worrying about what people think. She can hardly do that with me in the background. No. Going back home is the best thing for Lucy. I’ve had years to come to terms with who I am. Lucy’s had barely a week. She needs to experience it before she makes a big decision like the one she was contemplating.”

  “I’m not sure I know what you’re trying to say.”

  “I think she was all for moving up here to be with me, which is far too hasty even by lesbian standards. We haven’t even had one real date, let alone the obligatory two.”

  “Oh I see.”

  “What do you see?”

  “That it’s more to do with you feeling rail-roaded than giving Lucy time and space.”

  “No it’s not. It’s more about me needing time and space,” Jamie said, not looking at Selena.

  “Oh. My. God. You’ve fallen for Lucy, it’s written all over your face,” Selena said, her eyes twinkling.

  Jamie was quiet for a moment before she answered Selena. She’d only just met Lucy, surely she couldn’t have such strong feelings in so short a space of time. Instant attraction that turned into a lasting love only happened in romantic fiction. So, had she fallen for Lucy?

  “Yes, all right, I’ve fallen for her and I don’t want to get hurt.” Jamie sat with her head down waiting for a Selena come-back.

  “Oh, JJ, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how far things had gone,” Selena said, sounding sincere.

  “Selena, I can’t believe how far I’ve let things go. I feel Lucy needs to find out who she really is now, and I don’t want it to be at my expense.”

  “I can see that. Look, JJ, go away and have a good rest. When you come back I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

  “Thanks, Sel, you’re a real friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  Jamie got up and pulled Selena into a tight hug.

  “Go, before I burst into tears. I’ll take care of everything here.”

  “I know you will, thanks.”

  Jamie left the gallery in Selena’s capable hands while she set off for—she really had no idea what to do. She did know her friends Grace and Aiden would put her up in a heart-beat, so she’d pack a bag, jump in the car and drive to Newcastle.

  With that, Jamie made her way home to get organised.

  WHEN LUCY GOT back to the cottage she was still in shock with what Jamie had said. She sat in the window seat staring out at the green, thinking. Wondering what Jamie meant about a great gay scene for older chicks like them.

  Lucy gave some thought to the earlier conversation with Jamie. She tried to see it from her point of view. To a degree Jamie was right. Lucy was only now finding out who she was. But why would Jamie want her to go away and explore that? She could just as easily do that anywhere.

  Not finding an
answer she got up and went into the kitchen to make some lunch. She looked at her watch and realised why she was so hungry, it was nearly one o’clock.

  As she sat eating she thought about what she’d do for the rest of the week. She pulled her North Yorkshire Moors guide book across the table and started to browse through it.

  Tomorrow, Goathland would be her next port of call.

  Lucy decided to go down to the beach after lunch and take some photos. She didn’t feel like going far as she was feeling quite deflated. She rummaged in her bag for her purse to take with her and found the novel she’d been looking at when she was at Jamie’s house.

  “What the—? Jamie!” Lucy’s smile was bitter sweet as she realised what Jamie had done. She looked at the back cover and read the synopsis. It was about a young woman who’d married her childhood sweetheart but now her life wasn’t going the way it should. She meets a woman and her life changes dramatically.

  “Oh, very subtle, Jamie.” Lucy put the book on the table to read later.

  She made her way to the beach, resisting the temptation to go to the gallery and pump Selena for Jamie’s whereabouts. But she knew she had to give Jamie the space she obviously wanted.

  Lucy loved the sea and could spend hours just watching the waves roll in and out, sucking at the sandy beach. The weather was still relatively warm, and she was able to spend time setting up some good shots of the waves rolling up onto the beach. Lucy walked along the shoreline enjoying the late summer warmth. There were some children playing with a dog and Lucy got off a few shots of them throwing a ball into the sea. The dog would rush after it, and then soak the children as he shook the seawater from his coat. Lucy always found children’s laughter infectious and she ended up laughing, despite her saddened mood.

  She had a good afternoon and hoped the photos she’d taken would look okay when she downloaded them.

  IT WAS NEARLY five o’clock when she finally made her way back to the cottage. She was extremely tired and a lot of that was emotional stress. Lucy couldn’t really be bothered to eat but knew she had to. She decided to throw something in the microwave, it was quick and easy.