The Alone Alternative

by Linda MacDonald

  27

  Strings Theory

  Edward accompanies Marianne to Victoria station, where she leaves him with nothing more than the briefest of hugs and a kiss on the cheek. By the time she has walked half the length of the Orpington train, she is regretting her coolness and castigating herself for being an idiot. The previous evening, she hadn’t wanted things to go too far and so was careful not to send what she thought were messages with sexual undertones. Consequently, it is hardly surprising his behaviour towards her was no more than it ever had been at Beechview Close.

  After supper he had explained how she could put a block on the number of the nuisance caller. It is one of BT’s add-on services and involves keying in a four digit number following the suspicious call. He still isn’t convinced by her theory that it is Jessica.

  ‘What can she possibly hope to achieve?’ he said. ‘You’re hardly going to disappear on the basis of a few random calls.’

  ‘It is malicious, though,’ said Marianne. ‘Twice I have been woken up in the dead of night.’

  She finds a seat by a window, opposite the direction of travel. If there is a choice, she prefers to travel backwards because she read somewhere that if you hit anything, you will be forced into your seat rather than out.

  She is playing by Taryn’s rules and waiting for Edward to take the lead with clear-cut declarations of intent: an acknowledgement of strong feelings at the very least, or even better, love. She wants reassurance that this isn’t going to be a fling. But she had wanted something to happen to move things forward, so when Scilly was raised and she said, ‘Strings?’ she wanted him to say ‘Let there be strings aplenty’ – or words to that effect. His answer, ‘No strings unless you’re ready’, suggested he was prepared to proceed at her pace. ‘I had hoped …’ was ambiguous and not indicative of the nature of the relationship he desired. It could mean that he merely wished for a repeat of the night after the party, or for sex with no commitment, no talk about the future. She needs something tangible to make her put the guilt aside and take the risk. If he is ambivalent, it isn’t worth it.

  She replays the conversations that took place on his bed after the party. He seemed to be responding to her, following her, agreeing with her. But is she remembering right? Perhaps he was carried away by the moment and alcohol. If it hadn’t been for Olivia in the post office, she might have been less reticent.

  ‘You can never be more than a stepping stone.’

  She is so different from Superwoman Felicity that the weight of comparison is making her anxious.

  She knows Edward is not like Johnny either. Yet if the differences don’t matter to her, then perhaps they don’t matter to him. Edward most certainly isn’t like Johnny when it comes to relationships. Johnny had always been decisive and sure of what he wanted; he had taken the lead from the start. Everything she knows about Edward suggests relationship naivety – especially after what Harriet has said. He is taking her at her word; that she needs time; that he shouldn’t push too hard. Yes, she needs time. And she doesn’t want to be pushed. But that doesn’t mean she wants nothing. She wants wooing; some good old-fashioned wooing. If he showed love, hers might be allowed to flourish instead of being stifled in a crate in the cellar of her heart. But from what her friends and colleagues say, it is typical of midlife men to have forgotten the importance of romance. She was lucky that Johnny was a romantic and rarely had to be reminded, except during the Charmaine episode.

  The commuter train disappears into the Sydenham tunnel and Marianne counts to a hundred until she sees the daylight again. She hates that tunnel. While in it, she senses the frustration and despair of a life with no immediate direction.

  Taryn reckons restraint by the woman eventually provokes a response in the form of traditional gestures like flowers and other gifts. ‘It’s in their genes,’ she said. ‘Hold off from the nookie and they tax their brains to see how to win you over.’

  Marianne remains unconvinced.

  *

  She has no sooner arrived home and turned on her computer, when she receives an email from Patrick.

  To Marianne Hayward

  From: Patrick Shrubsole

  Date: 8th June 2012, 15.44

  Subject: Sustainability

  Marianne,

  Good of you to pop by today. Delighted by your enthusiasm and impressed by your ideas. Have spoken to Gillian, outlined your proposals and faxed her copies. Am sure she will give green light. Have given her your email and phone number. She will call you regarding terms and contract details. You can trust her. You will essentially be signing over partial intellectual property rights. They will have responsibility of final production based on your ideas and materials, but she says you can input at each stage if you wish. She will explain when you speak to her.

  Have you seen on the news about the floods in Aberystwyth?

  Do come to Scilly. The more we link the programme with the book and the Education Pack, the greater the impact. And I like your idea of a separate short film for schools.

  Best regards,

  Patrick

  *

  To Marianne Hayward

  From: Edward Harvey

  Date: 8th June 2012, 18.01

  Subject: Scilly

  Dear Mari,

  Thanks for your hospitality last night. Good to see you again – but alas, too short. Please do come to Scilly. Patrick has mailed me to say how impressed he was. Asked about your marital status and how I come to know you. Definitely think he fancies you! Would welcome your company at the Parsonage but wouldn’t wish to deter you from coming if you would prefer to be with the others (and Patrick!) at Lowertown Farm.

  James and Kate arriving tomorrow morning and say they have news to share – which I will tell you about when I know more.

  love,

  Edward

  How can he think for one moment that she would rather be with Patrick? Or is he teasing?

  She calls Taryn.

  Taryn says, ‘It’s a no-brainer. “Yes” to Scilly, “Yes” to Parsonage. By then you will have had more time to adjust to being without Johnny and more time to think about your future. He will have had time to convince you of serious intent.’

  ‘He’s being very cautious.’

  ‘Has he mentioned the L word?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘How many bedrooms at the Parsonage?’

  ‘One double, one single.’

  ‘The rules would say you start off in the single room. Otherwise there’s a danger of a holiday fling and you don’t want that. Your being in close proximity should provoke a response. If something happens before then, you can always revise your plan.’

  ‘Rules are not working very well at the moment. I did at least hope to make some progress this visit.’

  ‘You are giving the wrong vibes. Rules say you must send signals; let him know you are receptive to overtures. Think of a gas oven: you want to be about Mark 3, simmering. I think you have switched off since the party.’

  ‘During the three years Edward lodged with us, I was so careful not to flirt. This conditioning is very hard to break. The party was a performance. We are back in the real world now. My efforts are probably too oblique for him to interpret.’

  To Patrick Shrubsole

  From: Marianne Hayward

  Date: 8th June 2012, 22.11

  Subject: Re: Sustainability

  Hi Patrick,

  Thanks for this info. Gillian called and we are proceeding as you suggested.

  Am pleased to take up offer of trip to Scilly and will discuss details with Edward. Let’s hope weather better than it is at the moment!

  Thank you.

  Best wishes,

  Marianne

  *

  To: Edward Harvey

  From: Marianne Hayward

  Date: 8th June 2012, 22.32

  Subject: Re: Scilly

  Dear Edward,

  Will be pleased to come to Scilly with you. If what you say about Patrick
is true, I’d feel safer at the Parsonage. I’m too old for him anyway!

  love,

  Mari

  She doesn’t mention strings. This is a conversation for nearer the time when she knows how she feels and if she has more confidence in longevity of the relationship.

  Then she sends off a batch of emails to a dozen local libraries, offering to talk about how she came to write and publish Lydia. She also contacts a couple of local independent bookshops, asking if they might consider hosting a book signing event. She is beginning to realise that she needs to be more proactive in creating marketing opportunities.

  To: Marianne Hayward

  From: Edward Harvey

  Date: 8th June 2012, 22.58

  Subject: Re: Scilly

  That’s great news! Patrick thinks you are about forty-six. I didn’t tell him otherwise.

  Edward

  *

  To: Edward Harvey

  From: Marianne Hayward

  Date: 8th June 2012, 23.05

  Subject: Re: Scilly

  Men are so useless when it comes to age! However, would rather he underestimated than overestimated so will take as compliment.

  Mari

  It has been a very productive day from several perspectives and she goes to bed in a positive and optimistic mood, mulling over romantic developments on sun-drenched islands.

  28

  Proposals

  The following morning, Edward wakes at the Deer Orchard and his first thought is of Marianne coming to Scilly. He imagines gazing at the wide vistas with her by his side, perhaps holding hands, doing the young-love romance things that now seem so long ago. After a day filming, they might take a boat trip to watch the evening gig racing, then have a drink at the Turk’s Head before returning as the darkness falls to stare into the vast blackness of the universe through unpolluted skies and then creep upstairs for some shared moments of closeness under the duvet. In his mind he moves things on from the night after the party; moves on from outside to inside, from top to below; moves on from Moota.

  Soon after breakfast, James and Kate arrive in a red hatchback car. The previous night they had stayed over at a newly married friend of James’s in Budleigh Salterton.

  James is tall, tanned and angular, his long wavy hair in a ponytail. He would not have looked out of place in a 1970s commune. Kate floats beside him in a floral maxi dress, cardigan and sandals, brown hair in two plaits, girlish and bohemian. Both are now aged twenty-seven and there is an ease of maturity and coupledom about them as they walk towards the house with their overnight bags.

  Edward is delighted to see them – the first time since their fleeting visit at New Year and many months since they had spent significant time together the previous summer. Hands are shaken, hugs exchanged. Edward is pleased that at least one of his children is settled in a relationship. They may not be married yet, but they are a perfect match. He loves Kate’s enthusiasm and gung-ho approach to the outdoors. She is never defeated by weather. He is impressed by that.

  It is starting to rain yet again and Kate mentions the inclement conditions that have leapt from drought to flood and her concerns for the fruit crop with the general lack of insects, the saturated blossom in April and May and now the wind.

  ‘Good for our electricity production, though,’ says Edward, nodding in the direction of the orchard and the towering structure with its white blades going lickety-split. ‘Felicity was right about the turbine paying for itself and then some. We are just about beginning to reap the benefits.’

  James says, ‘The ones at Robin Rigg make ours look small.’

  Inside they gather in the kitchen and make tea. Harriet rushes down from upstairs and beams greetings.

  ‘I’ve booked a table for the four of us at the Retreat for one o’clock,’ continues James. ‘Kate and I have news to share. Not babies – before you jump to any conclusions. Work-related news.’

  Edward is intrigued and also pleased that neither he nor Harriet has to bother to think about lunch. He found it difficult at first to accept his children making arrangements without his input, but since Felicity left and Harriet took over most of the day-to-day running of the home, he has begun to enjoy relinquishing some of the responsibility.

  They sit round the breakfast bar.

  James says, ‘Rachel tells us you’re having a midlife crisis and are in hot pursuit of another woman. Is this true or is she exaggerating?’

  Edward is taken aback and looks sternly at Harriet.

  She says, ‘I know, I shouldn’t have said anything but we were talking on the phone a couple of days ago and Rach wanted more details about Marianne’s visit. She said she was worried about you. I thought a few details might reassure her that you were okay.’

  ‘That backfired,’ says James. ‘Rach is in meltdown. Expect her to vent her thoughts soon.’

  ‘I asked you to wait,’ says Edward to Harriet.

  ‘So?’ says James.

  Edward chooses his words carefully, ‘Warm pursuit, perhaps. Too old for “hot”.’

  Kate says, ‘I think you should grab happiness when you can. Rachel would feel differently if she were settled. You are still the main man in her life – even though she doesn’t see you often. She may be jealous of someone other than her mum, being of importance to you.’

  ‘Delayed Electra complex,’ says James. ‘We both liked Marianne when we met her years ago. There are worse people you could shack up with.’

  ‘Like Jessica,’ says Harriet.

  ‘We are nowhere near “shacking-up”,’ says Edward. ‘Marianne has been a shade evasive since Harriet persuaded her to pretend to be my girlfriend at Jessica’s party.’

  ‘Is this for real?’ says James.

  Harriet folds her arms. ‘Jessica needed a deterrent. She’s being very persistent.’

  James asks, ‘Is this “Jessica” from down the road?’

  Kate says, ‘Not your type, surely?’

  ‘She’s a head-case,’ says Harriet. ‘But Dad likes her cooking.’

  Edward glares again at Harriet.

  ‘So how far did this girlfriend business go?’ says James.

  Edward thinks he might be blushing and is aware of Harriet’s raised eyebrow. ‘Marianne has been ignoring my suggestions that she comes down for another weekend and although I’ve just been to her place, I can assure you, it was all above board.’

  Harriet says, ‘I thought after Jessica’s, one thing would lead to another.’

  ‘You thought wrong,’ says Edward. ‘We have talked after a fashion, but you must remember her husband has only been dead a year.’ He decides not to mention Scilly yet. He doesn’t want that news filtering back to Rachel until he has had a chance to speak to her.

  ‘Are you in love with her?’ asks Kate.

  ‘Yes,’ says Edward, so shocked by the boldness of the question that he hasn’t time to think of a more obtuse reply. Perhaps Kate feels she can probe where his children fear to go.

  ‘Have you told her?’ says Kate.

  ‘No,’ says Edward.

  ‘Is she in love with you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ says Edward.

  ‘See what I mean?’ says Harriet. ‘Hopeless.’

  They all laugh and then Edward says he wants to stretch his legs. Kate asks if he would like some company and if he can wait while she puts on some jeans. While he waits for her, he says to James, ‘About this news, is it something I should be pleased about?’

  ‘That remains to be seen,’ says James. ‘But it’s nothing for you to worry about.’

  Soon Edward and Kate, attired in waterproof jackets, set off across the paddock with Meg. The rain has become more persistent and a cool breeze is gaining strength.

  Kate says, ‘I think it’s fantastic to fall in love again. Don’t be deterred by Rachel. Harriet clearly approves and James and I will be very happy for you if something comes of it.’

  ‘Relationships at my age take much consideration, not least because of
the other family members.’ He is anxious about James’s comment regarding Rachel. He wouldn’t be deterred by objections from his children, but he cares what they think and doesn’t want to upset them if at all possible.

  ‘My grandmother had an admirer after her husband died,’ says Kate. ‘They’d be in their sixties though. My mum and her brothers disapproved. Thought he was after her money. Constantly made sniping remarks both to her face and behind her back. They called him Penguin Bob because he walked like one.’

  ‘Was he called Bob?’

  ‘Oddly enough, no. He was called Fred. I don’t know where the Bob came from. But when my mum was widowed, she said even though she wouldn’t have wanted to get married again, she could see the advantages of a male companion. She said she was sorry to have been obstructive. If Rachel is awkward, refer her to me.’

  ‘Always assuming there’s anything to be awkward about.’

  They climb over the stile and turn down the lane that borders the Molwings’ farm. Edward asks Kate about their work at Robin Rigg and is aware that she answers hesitantly.

  In the Retreat at lunchtime, it is only when they have eaten their starters that James breaks the news that Edward has been wondering about all morning.

  ‘One of the reasons we are here this weekend – as well as seeing you – is that we both had interviews at Exeter uni yesterday. We didn’t want you to know earlier in case nothing came of it, but we have every reason to believe that we have both been successful. In my case it’s a full-time lecturing post in the biology department and for Kate, a part-time research assistant.’

  ‘Congratulations,’ says Edward, and glasses chink across the table. This is indeed exciting news because it means another child likely to settle close to home.

  ‘We thought you’d be pleased about that bit,’ says James.

  ‘What’s the catch?’ asks Edward.

  ‘We finish at Robin Rigg at the end of July so we’ll probably have a holiday before starting the new jobs in September.’