The Alone Alternative

by Linda MacDonald

  ‘A sudden meeting with Flying Owl,’ he says. ‘Arranged late last night. I wasn’t sure how much time it would take so I couldn’t make any plans to come here. And I have to be at work early tomorrow. But I have an hour or so to spare before I need to catch a train home and I’d love a cup of tea.’

  ‘What if I’d been out?’

  ‘You would have come home to find a mysterious bunch of flowers on your doorstep. I took a chance. I wanted to surprise you.’

  The flowers are a barrier to her giving him the biggest hug.

  He offers them to her and she thanks him and takes them through to the kitchen, babbling her delight and surprise, placing them in water in the sink.

  He follows her and removes his anorak. His hair is also slightly wet. ‘This weather,’ he says. ‘Will we have a summer?’ And then he wraps her in a tight embrace and she kisses his cheek.

  He feels cold against her lips. ‘I miss you,’ she says. ‘Will you stay for something to eat?’

  ‘I’d love to but I haven’t time. I need to be back at a reasonable hour.’

  She makes mugs of tea and they go through to the living room, where she sits in Johnny’s armchair and he relaxes into the sofa.

  ‘Any more phone calls?’ he asks.

  ‘Not since I put a block on the second number.’

  ‘Jessica’s not been round with food since Harriet had a go at her. Indeed, I haven’t seen her anywhere for a few days.’

  They talk trivia and family issues, an invisible charge seeming to fly in both directions across the narrow chasm that separates them. Edward elaborates his concerns about Harriet and Rick, and tells her of Rachel’s worries about him.

  ‘She thinks I might be having a midlife crisis and says she’s worried about her inheritance. But I think it’s more to do with jealousy; another woman competing for my affections.’

  ‘What woman might that be?’ says Marianne. She is still in flirtatious mood.

  He doesn’t reply but gives her a knowing look.

  Marianne says, ‘Do you think you are having a midlife crisis?’

  ‘If so, I’ve been having one for about eight years. If anything, I’m coming out of it; seeing a way to the future.’

  Marianne wonders if this is an opening for one of Taryn’s exploration rules. ‘And where do you see yourself, say, in the next five years?’ She says this unthreateningly, as if genuinely curious to know the answer.

  He hesitates. ‘In all seriousness, that might depend on you.’

  There is a pause. There have been many such pauses in their dealings over the years. Pauses filled with the sound of alternatives that have the power to change lives one way or another.

  ‘Holly has concerns,’ she says. ‘More to do with the idea of anyone replacing her dad. But she trusts you.’

  ‘And you, Mari? What about you?’

  ‘Felicity and Johnny were very different from either of us. With them we have each made a happy life for many years. I know we get on well; I know there is attraction. But is that enough? Are we too set in our ways to accommodate someone new? We need time together to understand our different ways. Not a weekend or a snatched moment like this. Proper time and a leap of faith. It will be easier when I have finished work.’

  They are disturbed by a knock on the door.

  ‘I think I know who this might be,’ says Marianne, ‘it being teatime.’ She grimaces, more concerned for his feelings than her own.

  *

  Edward hears words being exchanged on the doorstep but before he has had time to think, Taryn breezes into the room in her teacher’s gear: a plain black knee-length skirt and red fitted top with a fashionable draped neckline.

  ‘The unpredictable life,’ she says.

  Edward stands to greet her and is surprised when she holds out her hand to be shaken. She doesn’t even kiss him on the cheek, but keeps him at arm’s length. He assumes this is to tell him loud and clear that he doesn’t need to worry about her any more. She looks older; but then she would. And she is much less glossy magazine than before; more Sunday supplement. If anything, he prefers this more natural look.

  Marianne offers tea but Taryn says water or juice will be fine. ‘I won’t stay more than five minutes. Strict instructions. I understand you’re on a tight schedule,’ she says to Edward.

  Marianne disappears to the kitchen.

  ‘Who would have thought we would meet again like this?’ Taryn sits on the chair furthest away from Edward. ‘I hope your intentions are honourable.’

  He sits down again and gives an arch smile. ‘You know they are.’

  ‘And how would I know that, pray?’

  ‘You know, Taryn, because you told me my thoughts before I even recognised them myself. Remember? Of course, if my home life had continued on a more secure footing, they would have remained under wraps.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to see her suffer any more.’

  Edward wonders if this is the same woman who single-handedly wrecked both their friendships with Marianne almost a decade earlier. ‘And neither would I. She’s the one pulling the strings. She seems to be able to look after herself. I wait patiently. Indeed, I wondered if you might have had some input.’

  ‘And what makes you say that?’

  ‘A few of her reactions have been unexpected. And don’t forget, I know her quite well.’

  ‘But this is a new situation. She is still grieving for Johnny and she struggles with loyalty and guilt. Can’t imagine what it must be like to have been with one person for thirty years and then start again with someone new.’

  ‘Indeed,’ says Edward.

  ‘But she’s much livelier since you came back onto the scene. I have both your interests at heart. I think it would work. Does that allay your suspicions?’

  ‘Having a master schemer on my side can only be viewed as an advantage.’ He gives her a lingering stare.

  ‘In that case, may I advise you to wait actively?’

  ‘I just did,’ he says. ‘My coming here today was a spur of the moment decision.’

  ‘Promising,’ says Taryn. ‘But you will have to do more than that if you want to convince her that you’re not in it for the short term.’

  ‘Surely we cannot know exactly what we’re in it for until we try?’

  ‘Playing safe versus risk,’ says Taryn. ‘It’s a question of probabilities of a successful outcome. What are the odds? Two to one, or ten to one? Are you a gambling man, Edward? I think not. The price is higher the older you get. The cost of failure may be huge – especially if you give up a secure life to start afresh somewhere new.’

  ‘What odds would you give me and Marianne?’

  ‘Favourable, on balance. But staking your future on another human being will always be a game of chance.’

  Edward thinks this is something to mull over when he is on his own. ‘Are you happy, Taryn?’

  ‘I’m tickety-boo. Thanks to you I found a new way of being. My life is changed beyond recognition. As an educationalist, I know that much can be achieved with the right teacher, the right guidance. All people in our lives are teachers, but when it came to men, I had the wrong sort. From you I learnt that something else was possible; not so different from my evoking a love of Shakespeare in a twelve year old who has watched nothing but TV trash.’ She pauses and then stares him in the eye. ‘I would like to think you learned something from me too.’

  ‘A dramatic analogy in more than one sense.’ Edward privately acknowledges that he discovered much from her about the potential for midlife passion, but he decides not to comment.

  ‘It is likely that our paths will cross again,’ continues Taryn. ‘I wouldn’t wish you to be uncomfortable in my presence. I remember the night we shared. Do you?’

  Edward raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t answer.

  ‘I will assume you do,’ says Taryn. ‘And soon after, I became the epitome of a modern housewife.’

  ‘But you don’t live with your partner.’

 
; Marianne returns with Taryn’s juice and another pot of tea for herself and Edward. She brings malt loaf, cake and biscuits too.

  Taryn says, ‘Neil has moved to a nearby street. We are less than five minutes’ walk away from each other. We have space when we need it and company is a phone call away. We may combine resources when we retire. More people would do this if finances permitted and if it were more socially accepted. New roles for women require new attitudes to partnership that extend beyond couples cohabiting. There are many options available in later life, but few embrace the unusual for fear of ridicule. Why is it okay for a group of twenty-somethings to share a house, but not sixty-somethings? House-sharing for single and widowed men and women seems like an ideal antidote to loneliness. You could say this is behind the principle of sheltered accommodation, but it would be a completely different and much more positive experience to join forces with existing friends.’

  ‘Another solution to the housing shortage,’ says Edward.

  Taryn is as good as her word and leaves after she has drunk her juice, nibbled a biscuit and told Edward and Marianne she will await developments with interest.

  The room is so much emptier and quieter after she has gone.

  ‘An interesting woman,’ says Edward. ‘I’m glad you two have patched things up.’

  ‘She has changed. It took a while, but I trust her now.’

  ‘So,’ says Edward. ‘Here we are alone again. So much I would like to say, but so little time.’ He remembers what Taryn said about waiting actively and decides to be bold. ‘I think about our night after the party. I think about you constantly.’

  ‘And I you.’ Her pupils have dilated and her breathing has quickened.

  ‘You were saying something about a leap of faith. Might that be when we can spend a block of time together?’ he asks. ‘Perhaps on Scilly, if not before?’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  34

  Meg

  After his impromptu visit to London, Edward is optimistic about Marianne and clearer in his thinking about his problems with Rachel and Harriet. He has decided to say nothing to Rick and to proceed with the productivity side of the garden as normally as possible.

  The preparations for the documentary and filming are occupying much of his spare time but all seems relatively calm, until he comes home from the university on Friday and is surprised not to be greeted at the door by Meg. He drops his case and calls for her, but there is no sound of trotting paws from any part of the house. This is most unusual. She always heads for the door as soon as she hears the car. Harriet is not yet home so she can’t have taken her anywhere.

  He turns cold. His mind spins with unpalatable thoughts as he rushes from room to room downstairs, calling, wondering, thinking the worst. She is not in any of her usual favoured places. He climbs the stairs two at a time and in his room on his bed she is lying motionless, her tongue lolling from her mouth, bluish tinged, a deathly shade. A trickle of blood escapes from her nose onto the duvet.

  Time slows and does that weird thing when a multitude of thoughts that would take minutes to write or read, all clamour for attention simultaneously.

  He strokes her. She is warm and he realises she is still breathing, a faint rattling sound. Her belly is swollen. He grabs the phone by the bed and the pop-up directory of emergency numbers which Felicity always kept close at hand in case there was an animal problem at night. He wonders if Meg has had a fit.

  Thankfully the nearest vet’s practice is holding an evening surgery. He speaks to one of the vets and she asks a few questions about symptoms. Then she asks if Meg had access to any toxic substances.

  ‘So you think it might be poison?’ asks Edward.

  The vet tells him to bring her in as quickly as possible.

  He carries her downstairs, her weight awkward in his arms. He speaks soothing words to her, while inside he is frantic. He has to put her down on the sofa to open the back door and then the car door, then return to collect her and slide her gently onto the back seat. He covers her with the tartan rug that he keeps in the boot. Every second is crucial; he knows he must make haste. Apart from her breathing, she makes no sound, she does not move; he feels the hope draining away that she can be saved.

  He returns to lock the house, then leaps into the car and with wheels spinning on the gravel, he heads in the direction of the vet’s. He remembers the speed cameras on the road but travels as fast as safety will allow.

  He calls Harriet on his hands-free speakerphone. She is shocked and says she will come home as soon as she can. Meg had seemed fine when they both left in the morning. ‘Could be the witch’s revenge for the cake incident,’ she adds.

  ‘Steady on, Harriet, you can’t make accusations like that. This is serious.’

  ‘Exactly. And she’s bonkers. You saw her go for me.’

  Edward processes this possibility. It is an uncomfortable thought but true that Jessica’s pursuit of him was veering on the obsessional. ‘Don’t for God’s sake mention this to anyone else yet. We can’t make such inflammatory accusations without a shred of evidence.’

  ‘Her husband was in pest control,’ says Harriet.

  A shiver runs down Edward’s spine. ‘I’d forgotten about that. But we still can’t be sure it’s poison.’

  Another chilling thought.

  ‘Harriet!’ His tone is urgent now, his mind on full alert. ‘Don’t leave school. If you’re right, you may be a target too. Stay put until you hear from me. Promise me. I’m calling Rick. He’ll come for you.’

  His heart begins to pound as memories of his own encounter with danger explode into his consciousness like the bubbles of a geyser. He remembers the darkness, the flash of the blade, the pain, the fear. Perhaps he is over-reacting but now Harriet has put the thought in his head, it would be foolish to ignore it.

  Rick says Meg was fine at lunchtime when he let her out. He knows what Harriet thinks about Jessica and echoes Edward’s concern.

  ‘I’ll go fetch her, don’t worry.’

  The two-mile journey to the vet’s seems to take an age. He fears Meg will have died by the time he arrives.

  At the surgery, Edward is ushered immediately into a consulting room where he gently places Meg on the table. She is still breathing, just; long pauses between breaths. He feels a silky black ear, willing her to get better.

  The vet with whom he had spoken on the phone is a woman called Natalie Bell. She starts checking Meg over, asking Edward more questions about any events leading up to her collapse.

  ‘It does look as if she could have been poisoned. Obviously it would help us if we knew with what. The bleeding is indicative of a rat poison. We’ll treat her with that in mind; there’s no time to waste.’ She turns to a nurse and asks for various things to be prepared, all the while examining Meg: her eyes, her mouth, her heartbeat, her temperature. She glances up at Edward. ‘Check your house to see if there are any signs that she could have accessed any chemicals so we can rule them out. Call if you find anything. We’ll do what we can, but be prepared.’

  Edward knows what this means. ‘Be prepared’ is what the vet said when Felicity lost a sheep, and when the first of the spaniels died. ‘I know you’ll do your best,’ he says. ‘I’ll call when I’ve checked the house.’

  Edward drives back home in a state of high anxiety. Poisoned? They were always so careful in shutting away anything that could cause harm to children or animals. And they have never used rat poison. He wonders about Rick and the garden, but as everything is organic, there is no use of chemical fertilisers or pesticides. Could Jessica be the only logical explanation, no matter how far-fetched?

  He tries to get hold of Rick again on his mobile but is diverted to his answerphone. He leaves a message to call him as soon as possible.

  Back at the house he goes through each room, checking cupboards are closed and that everything is where he expects it to be. Then he searches the outbuildings and finds nothing sinister. He calls the vet and is informed that Me
g is very poorly, but hanging on. They have taken blood samples, but it will be a while before the toxicology report comes back. They are giving her a blood transfusion and vitamin K to aid clotting. They tell him to call again in the morning and they will ring him if there is any change for the worse.

  He puts down the phone and is lost as to what to do. Normally, he would be off for a walk with Meg but to go on his own seems pointless. And to work would be impossible. He calls Marianne at home but receives no reply. He opens the fridge, looking for clues as to what Harriet planned to cook for supper. He finds a chicken and starts to peel some potatoes.

  Soon Harriet returns with Rick. When she hears the details, she is visibly upset. After she has recovered from the shock and sat down with a coffee, she says, ‘Why don’t I go and ask Jessica straight?’

  ‘You are going nowhere without me until this is sorted,’ says Rick, hovering and looking uncomfortable and out of place in the kitchen.

  Edward says, ‘Because she’d deny it and if it has nothing to do with her, it is a terrible thing to suggest. I’ll have a quiet word with Olivia.’ He goes to pick up the landline.

  ‘Hello, darling Ted. What can I do for you?’

  ‘Olivia, have you seen Jessica lately?’

  ‘Come to think of it, not for a week or so.’

  ‘It is difficult for me to say this, but she’s been paying me rather too much attention since we had that meal at the Retreat.’

  ‘Aren’t you the lucky one?’

  ‘This is serious, Olivia. It’s as if she’s stalking me.’

  Olivia laughs. ‘Oh Ted, don’t be silly.’

  ‘I know you were matchmaking, but it would never have worked. I believe she was quite rude to Marianne at the party.’ He didn’t add that he thought Olivia had been rude too. ‘Hear me out before you say anything else.’ He tells her about the repeated references to a relationship in waiting; about the continued attempts to give him food, even when he asked her not to; about her coming to the university and about the cake incident. Then he tells her about Meg.