Hold On, Pain Ends

by Shyla Colt

  “No man, we had the coolest shit, Nintendo, Moon shoes, the La gear light-ups and Nickelodeon. We were set.”

  “It’s true. I spent so much time playing Nintendo. Ardy always had her nose in a book, and my littler sister, Carilyn, was so girly it was all about dress up and Barbie.”

  “What was your favorite game?” Clue asked.

  “I have to go with the classic and say Super Mario Brothers.”

  “Which one, though?” Clue asked

  “Oh, hands down, three,” Birdie said.

  “Yes!” Clue let out a mock cheer.

  “But we can’t sleep on Zelda,” Birdie added.

  “Dude, truth.”

  “Flight number sixteen,” a voice called.

  “That’s our ride,” he said wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her through the door out to the tram. She tensed but relaxed as they loaded up and took a spot toward the front of the car. The car started to move, and he braced himself, taking her weight as she relaxed against his side.

  “Wow, these canyons are intense.”

  “Agreed. You should see them at sunset. It takes it to a whole other level.”

  “You sound like you like nature,” she observed.

  “I do. I like the outdoors, maybe more than most people because my job keeps me inside so much. I’m constantly plugged in, so when I get the chance to step away from it all, I appreciate it.”

  She nodded. “I understand that. On my day off, after I catch up on sleep I want to get out and do things. I take a lot of day trips.”

  “I don’t leave the city much, but I do like to go camping.”

  “Yeah?” she asked.

  “What? You don’t think I look capable?”

  “No I uh, just didn’t expect to find a biker who likes to camp,” she said bashfully.

  He laughed. “We put our pants on one leg at a time like everyone else. We’re like any other group. Our interests’ vary along with our personalities. As long as you show us respect, we’ll give you the same courtesy, period.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?” she countered.

  “Do you have a man waiting for you back home?”

  Her right eyebrow rose, and he wrapped his fingers around her hips.

  “N-no.”

  “No?” he asked bending down to gaze into her eyes. They were more than brown. They had specs of gold in them.

  She shook her head. Her lips parted, and her breathing increased. He pulled her frame to his. Her plump pink lips loomed in his sightline. She turned her head, and he missed his target hitting her cheek. Did I miss read shit?

  “You don’t have to do this, okay? I’ll help regardless. I’ll talk to your mother and be a sounding board. There’s no need to bring a physical aspect into it.”

  “What?” he asked lost.

  “Look, you don’t need to lay it down on me so thick, I agreed to help.”

  “What I want from you has nothing to do with your job skills and everything to do with those full lips and that banging ass. I’m trying to take it slow and show you I respect you. Fact is, if I could, I’d take you right here in this car.”

  Looking stunned, she gasped.

  “If I’m misreading you let me know, otherwise, us is just a matter of time.”

  “W-what?”

  Clue narrowed his eyes. Did she not know how sexy she was? “Someone did a number on you, sweetheart. I can see that. It makes me want to fuck him up. That not being an option, I’ll tell you this, I don’t say shit I don’t mean. I don’t do anything I don’t want to, and I was into you from the minute you sashayed your fine ass into the clubhouse yesterday, looking like a wet dream come to life.”

  She leaned back and stared up at him. Her brown eyes were dark and clouded with disbelief.

  He grabbed her hand and placed it over his crotch. “Does it feel like I’m faking it?”

  “Oh, my God—no.”

  Her thready voice made his cock twitch. He rocked his hips and rubbed against her hand. “Yes…”

  “I-I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t—”

  “You haven’t yet. But you will with me. I’m willing to wait. I like that you aren’t the type to spread your legs to anyone who shows you interest. Just remember…I’m not anyone. What I want from you requires a lot more than sex.”

  “You don’t even know me,” Birdie whispered.

  “Yet,” he whispered back. Her reluctance and rocky past increased her mystique. She was a puzzle he wanted to piece together and admire…thoroughly. “How about we start this over?” he asked releasing her hand and moving in to capture her lips before she could protest.

  Whatever she planned to say was lost in the moan she released.

  He took advantage of her open mouth and slipped his tongue inside. She tasted sweet and clean. He tilted his head, and she opened to him like a flower, pressing their hips together. He framed her face, running his thumbs over her soft skin. She whimpered, and he sucked on her tongue.

  Birdie rose on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck then toyed with the hair at his nape.

  A chill slid down his spine, and he groaned. She nipped at his bottom lip, surprising him. She might be shy, but she’s sure as hell isn’t frigid. There’s so much more to her than I thought.

  Chapter Three

  BIRDIE

  She walked into the house, so high she might as well have been inside a spaceship hovering above the planet. It was everything she could do not to touch her lips and ponder once more if the afternoon was real. The last thing she expected when she asked to come out to New Mexico was dating. It was hard to believe Clue was into her. With his rugged good looks and humor, he was a catch. They had a lot in common, though.

  Still, part of her remained vigilant and ready to spot any signs of fraud. I’m only here for three months. Why not throw caution to the wind and have some fun? No emotional attachments need to be made. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against the solid surface and released a dreamy sigh.

  “That good, huh?”

  Her eyes popped open, and her face grew hot. “Oh.”

  Demon laughed. “Don’t get serious on my account.”

  She covered her mouth and giggled. “I didn’t expect you to be there.”

  “Clearly. I’m guessing you had a good time with Clue?”

  “Yeah, he was great. He took me to the Sandia tram, and we ate at a little brunch place.”

  “Did he talk to you? I been worried about the kid,” Demon admitted.

  She smirked. Kid? I see why he grew out the beard now. “He did, I think he needed to decompress and get some perspective. It’s not easy to accept the fact that your loved one is terminally ill.”

  Demon nodded. “I can’t even imagine. She was always his grounding force. His dad, Wild, was always over the place. Not that he didn’t love Clue. He was just in too much trouble to be consistent, and that’s the one thing kids need more than anything.”

  “It’s true. I’m not a shrink, but I know a few things about counseling and grief. If he wants me to be there, I will.”

  Demon nodded. “Thanks for that.”

  “I’m happy to help, really,” she said embarrassed by the attention the man was giving her.

  “You’re sweet. It figures Clue would be into you.”

  “No one said he was,” she replied, back pedaling. The last thing she wanted was Clue hearing she was crushing on him.

  “Are you serious? We all see it. It’d be nice to have you out here full time. Ardy misses you.”

  “I’m just here for the summer,” she reminded him.

  “Are you reminding yourself or me?” he asked.

  “Hey, you’re back,” Ardy greeted coming into the room. “The girls are down for their naps and Rocket’s not home yet from his friends, come on I want details.”

  Demon laughed. “I’m headed to the clubhouse.” He stood from the couch, wrapped hi
s arm around Ardy and devoured her lips.

  Embarrassed, Birdie glanced away. They were so open with their passion. Adrian always kept things between us so platonic in public. Though I guess, I know why now.

  “You girls have fun,” Demon said patting her shoulder and slipping away in that silent way that made her remember just how dangerous he was.

  “He really likes you,” Ardy noted.

  “Yeah? He’s suddenly less scary this visit,” Birdie said.

  “ ‘Cause you’re getting to know him. The last time you came for any amount of time, the whole family was staring him down. I thought Dad was going to protest any second.” Ardy shook her head.

  “He was just guilting,” Birdie explained.

  “I wished he’d guilted in private,” Ardy mumbled.

  Birdie laughed. “You know Dad has to have people to see him sulk, or it doesn’t matter.”

  Ardy laughed with her now. “I do know that. How are he and Mom doing?”

  Birdie shook her head. “It’s not good. I mean, I don’t think they’ll be filing for divorce anytime soon. But something is broken between them. They’re not the same as they once were.”

  Ardy sighed. “I hate the idea of that.”

  “Me too. I wish I knew a way to help them. I try to stay as self-sufficient as possible to keep stress off them. I mean Carilyn is enough.”

  “Freaking wild child,” Ardy muttered.

  “To the fifth power. Ugh. She has the worst taste in men, and it’s driving them crazy.”

  “Good, it takes some of the heat off me. But back to your date.”

  Birdie beamed thinking of her day with Clue. “Well you were right, it was definitely a date.”

  “Did he kiss you?” Ardy asked leaning forward.

  She grinned. And then some.

  “Ahhh, he did. Tell me everything.”

  “We went to this brunch place first and just talked about his mom and how he felt about everything. Then we went to Sandia Tramway. He’s awesome. I mean, I can talk to him about whatever and there are no uncomfortable silences. I’m not worried about looking like a dork, or saying something unappealing. I figured we were both on the friend level, and I was good with that. Then he tried to kiss me and I turned my head.”

  “You what?” Ardy asked.

  “I didn’t want him thinking he had to woo me or something to get me to help with is Mom.”

  “Oh, my God, did you tell him that?” Ardy asked.

  “Umm, yes. Why not be upfront about it?”

  “Of all the times to decide to get bold. What did he do?” Ardy asked.

  “He showed me just how much he didn’t want us to be platonic.”

  “You little minx,” Ardy accused wagging her eyebrows.

  “Stop it,” Birdie chided unable to stop smiling as the tips of her ears heated.

  Ardy laughed. “Dude, you have it so bad.”

  “I barely know him,” Birdie protested.

  “Uh huh, like Dad says, when you know…you know. You described the rightness he felt with Mom right from the start.”

  Birdie turned her sisters’ words over in her head. Did she have a point? “I’m not looking to rush into anything, Ard. I’ve witnessed how bad that can go firsthand.”

  “Clue’s a good guy who doesn’t have a death wish. If he’s pursuing you, he’s serious. You better make sure you’re ready. From what I’ve seen and know…these guys don’t do subtle or casual, once they decide to settle down.”

  Part of her was thrilled at the thought of a man going all out for her. She stomped down the excitement. This time, she would keep her feet on the ground and her head on her shoulders. What kind of future could they have? Her life and career were in North Carolina and he had enough on his plate. If his mother went, the last thing he’d need to worry about was a female who didn’t know shit about relationships. At least not real ones.

  “Stop.”

  Birdie blinked. “Stop what?”

  “Thinking so hard. I can practically hear you talking yourself out of this before it’s even begun.” Ardy frowned.

  “I’m being practical.”

  “No, you’re running. You’re scared. Why are you scared? You were the one who believed in princes, and happy ever afters. How did that change?”

  “Reality set in.”

  “You’re too young to be so cynical, babe. What the hell did that prick do to you?”

  “Taught me a valuable lesson,” Birdie replied as her enthusiasm waned. “I’m going to get cleaned up. It was exhausting out there today.” She backed away before Ardy could press her.

  When it came to her big sister, she could never hide anything from her. Speed walking, she made her way to the guest room she’d claimed for herself and walked into the bathroom. Removing her clothes, she stepped underneath the cooling spray and closed her eyes. The lump in her belly made her slightly nauseous. Was I going to fall under a man’s spell again, so easily? Her heart protested. He’s not Adrian. This trip was about breaking the cycle and living. She thought back to her conversations with Ms. Lynne and pushed past the fear. It was the least she could do in memory of the wise woman who’d taught her so much.

  ~* * *~

  She stood outside the door of the condo, unsure how to proceed. Clue’s mom, Dana was expecting her, but it didn’t make this any less nerve wracking. It was such a sensitive topic to approach. Especially when you knew the family member on a personal level. Better to get it over with fast. She knocked on the door, shoved her hands into her jeans, and rocked back on her heels.

  A few moments later, the door opened and revealed a woman with the same hypnotic blue-green eyes of Clue.

  Despite her cancer ravaged body, Birdie could see the beauty. She had a fine bone structure that made her think of a porcelain doll.

  “You must be Birdie,” she said.

  “I am. Hi, Dana,” Birdie said offering her hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you. Please, come in,” Dana said.

  Her voice was soft, but her eyes were full of life and a mirth she’d seen in Clue’s ocean-hued depths.

  “When Nigel came to me and asked if I’d meet you, I was stunned. He’d been so against my plans I wasn’t even sure if even took me seriously. Nigel’s always been a good boy, but he can be stubborn when he feels he’s right.”

  Birdie followed her into the house, taking in the crisp white walls, accented by brown couches and pops of turquoise. Interesting paintings filled the space along with photos of her and Clue through the years. One in particular caught her eye. The tall man with broad shoulders, a mass of tattoos, long dark hair, and a Dueling Devil’s cut. “Is that his father?” she asked.

  “Oh yeah, that’s Wild, about five years ago. The last time we saw him before he got put in jail for aggravated assault.”

  “Are the two of you still together?”

  “Oh, no,” Dana replied laughing. “That ended a long time ago. He was awesome to party with, but once we had Nigel, things changed swiftly. He decided to keep living like he was a bachelor in his twenties. He was a good dad but inconsistent. Kind of hard to be there for a kid when you’re so wrapped up in partying and the club. So, I had to grow up to provide stability. Our lifestyles were at odds then, which killed our relationship. He always took care of us though, so it wasn’t too bad. A lot of girls and their kids got treated a lot worse.”

  Wow. Times like this, Birdie realized how little she understood about this new world.

  “You’re the Pres’ sister-in-law, and I know you’re from out of town and this is all probably mind boggling. The man has the power in the M.C. Women, if they’re lucky, come a close second to the club. Their loyalty is to one another, and it can be a hard pill to swallow. At first, it’s fun, exciting, and then after a while it gets old. Unless you have the right kind of man, like Demon. Your sister is a lucky woman.”

  “I’m starting to see that firsthand,” Birdie replied, thoughtfully.

  “Clue’s one of the go
od one’s too, in case you’re wondering.”

  “Oh, we’re just friends—”

  “Right,” Dana cut in with a coy smile.

  Birdie shook her head and laughed. Dana was easy to like, and seemed at peace with her decision to end chemotherapy. “I’m sure he told you, I’m a hospice nurse.”

  “He did. Do you understand that there comes a time when staying alive isn’t worth the effort? I’m so sick from the treatments I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I have no energy to do anything, and we’re wasting time outweighing the good times we’ve had over the years with the bad ones. I don’t want him to remember me like this.” Dana ran her fingers through her spikey hair. “I want him to remember me smiling, laughing, and fighting to make every moment I have left a good one.”

  Birdie gazed thoughtfully at the proud woman clothed in a pair of sweats that hung off her hips and a Dueling Devils t-shirt that threatened to swallow her whole. “Did you tell Clue this?”

  “I tried, but he saw it as giving up. He doesn’t understand we always have a choice. Even if it’s how we die.”

  “It’s hard for him to wrap his head around. I can tell the two of you are very close.”

  “It’s my hope you can help me bring him around,” Dana said.

  Birdie reached out and grabbed the woman’s tiny hand. “I’ll do my best.”

  Dana sighed. “That’s all I can ask. It feels good just to have someone in my corner.”

  With that sentence, Birdie knew she couldn’t walk away. She’d come here looking to get away, but the universe had other plans. “I’m here to help any way I can, Dana.”

  The relief on the woman’s face was palatable. Dana grabbed her hands and squeezed. “Truly God sent you in my time of need. The hardest part of everything is worrying about what will happen to Clue once I’m gone. These men need an anchor. A person to keep them from drifting off into the darkest parts of the world. I could never be that for Wild, so I swore things would be different for my son. I need to leave knowing he has hope left.”

  “I’ll do my best to make sure that happens, Dana. I promise,” she vowed, locking herself in for the journey.