The Secret in His Heart

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t know. It just seems an imposition.’

  ‘It’s no imposition. How much is there? Is it furniture as well?’

  ‘Oh, no, I put the decent stuff into our own house and gave the rest away. It’s just personal stuff, really.’ She looked troubled, and he wondered whose stuff. Joe’s?

  ‘Think about it,’ he said, reaching for a pair of mugs and sticking them in front of the kettle. ‘Tea or coffee?’

  ‘Oh—tea. It’s way too early for coffee. Are you going to work already?’

  ‘Might as well. Why don’t you come in at nine? There’s always a rush then in Minors. I could do with someone reliable in there if you wouldn’t mind.’

  She gave him a wry smile. ‘Is this because you feel you can’t use me on the front line after Steve?’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Connie, I know I can use you on the front line, but I need someone I can trust in Minors. And I can call you if I need to. And I will, believe me.’

  ‘Promise?’

  He met her eyes, saw the challenge in them and smiled. ‘Promise.’

  ‘Thank you. Have you made that tea yet?’

  * * *

  She thought she’d be bored, but actually working in Minors was busy, varied and interesting, and she found herself enjoying it.

  And then he rang her, just when she was beginning to think he’d lied.

  ‘We’ve got an RTC, two vehicles, mother and child in a car, and a van driver, all trapped. They need a team on site and we need to leave now. I’m in the ambulance bay.’

  Her heart skipped. ‘I’m on my way.’

  She passed the fracture case she was dealing with to the SHO and met James in the ambulance bay. He handed her a coat that said ‘DOCTOR’ on the back in big letters, and they ran for the door.

  ‘So what do we know?’ she asked as the rapid response car pulled away, sirens blaring.

  ‘Not a lot. Three casualties, one’s a small child. It’s not far away.’

  It wasn’t, ten minutes, tops, but it was a white knuckle ride and she was glad when they got there. The police were already in attendance, and an officer came over as they pulled up and got out.

  ‘The woman in the car might have chest injuries, she’s complaining of shortness of breath and pain, and we can’t get to the child but it’s screaming so it’s alive. The car’s rolled a couple of times but it’s on its wheels. She swerved to avoid a cyclist and hit the van and it flipped her over into a field.’

  ‘And the van driver?’ James asked briskly. She could see him eyeing the scene and weighing up their priorities, and they could hear the child crying already.

  ‘He’s conscious, breathing, trapped by one leg but not complaining. She was clearly on the wrong side of the road and going too fast. Oh, and she’s pregnant.’

  Connie saw the blood drain from his face.

  ‘Right. Connie, come with me,’ he said tautly. ‘The van driver’ll keep till the ambulance gets here. Let’s look at the mother and child. Can we get in the car?’

  ‘Not yet. The fire crew’s on its way.’

  ‘Right.’

  He wasn’t impressed by what they found. It was a mess. All the windows were shattered, and the roof was bent and twisted. It wasn’t going to be quick or easy to open the doors, but they could probably get in if they had to.

  He crouched down and peered through the shattered glass of the driver’s door, and his heart rate kicked up another notch.

  The woman was pale, very distressed and covered in blood from superficial glass injuries, and he reached a hand in and touched her shoulder, smiling reassuringly—he hoped—as she turned back to face him.

  ‘Hi there. I’m James Slater, I’m a doctor. Can you tell me your name?’

  ‘Judith. Judith Meyers.’

  ‘OK, Judith. Can you tell me how you’re feeling? Any pain, shortness of breath, numbness, tingling?’

  ‘Can’t breathe. Banged my knee. Please, look after my little boy. Get him out—please, get him out!’ She pressed her hand to her chest and gave a little wail of distress, and then tried to open the door.

  ‘I can’t get out,’ she sobbed, her breath catching, and there was a blue tinge to her lips.

  Damn. He straightened up and tugged the door. Nothing.

  ‘Right, I need this door open now. Where the hell is the fire crew?’ he growled.

  ‘I can see them, they’ll be here in seconds,’ the police officer told him.

  ‘Good.’ He tried the handle again, tugged the door harder but it wouldn’t give, and he glanced across the dented roof and saw Connie leaning in the back window.

  ‘How does it look your end?’ he called, and she pulled her head back out and shrugged.

  ‘He’s still restrained by the car seat, seems OK, moving well but I can’t really assess him without getting in there. He’s yelling well, though.’

  He smiled thinly. ‘I can hear that. Just hang on, the fire crew’ll be here in a tick. Do what you can. OK, Judith, we’re going to get the door open soon so we can get a better look at you, and we’ll get your baby out as soon as we can, but yelling’s good. What’s his name?’

  ‘Zak,’ she said unevenly, her breathing worsening, and he frowned and checked her air entry again.

  ‘OK, Connie, we’ve got a— Connie? What are you doing?’ he asked, pointlessly, because he could see exactly what she was doing. She’d crawled into the car through the broken window and she was running her hands over Zak’s limbs, oblivious to the broken glass and shattered debris on the back seat. She was going to be cut to ribbons.

  ‘Checking the baby. He seems fine. Hey, Zak, you’re all right, Mummy’s just there.’

  ‘Can you get him out?’

  ‘Yes. He’s moving well, no obvious signs of injury. Frankly I think he just needs a cuddle more than anything at the moment. He’s fighting to get out but I’ll need someone to take him from me. How’s mum?’

  ‘Reduced air entry on the left. Query pneumothorax. I need to fit a chest drain. Can you help me from there?’

  ‘Not easily. Can you do it on your own?’

  ‘I can if you can hold stuff.’

  ‘Sure. I can do that. I’m going deaf but hey.’

  By that time the fire crew was there and managed to wrench the driver’s door open so he had better access, and Connie was leaning through the gap between the seats to help him when someone yelled.

  ‘Clear the vehicle, Doc,’ the fire officer in charge said quietly in his ear. ‘Fuel leak.’

  His heart rate went into hyperdrive, and he felt sick. He turned his head so Judith couldn’t lipread. ‘I can’t move her yet. I need to secure her airway, get a spinal board on her and lift her out.’

  ‘Not before we’ve made it safe.’

  He ducked out of the car for a second. ‘I can’t leave her, she’ll die. They’ll both die, her and her unborn baby, and the baby’ll die in the next few minutes if I can’t secure that airway,’ he said bluntly. ‘Just do what you have to do and leave me to do the same.’

  He stuck his head back in and met Connie’s challenging eyes. ‘Out,’ he said, but she just shook her head.

  ‘I’ll get Zak out. Here, someone, take the baby carefully, please!’ she said, and freeing little Zak, she lifted him up to the window and handed him over, then with a wriggle she was next to him on the passenger seat, sitting on another load of broken glass and debris.

  ‘Right, what can I do?’

  ‘You need to get out—’

  ‘Shut up, Slater. You’re wasting time. Where’s the cannula?’

  * * *

  He was going to kill her.

  Right after he’d hugged her for staying to hel
p him save Judith’s baby. He hoped.

  They’d got Judith out in the nick of time, and just moments after they’d loaded her into the ambulance the car had gone up. If it had happened sooner—

  ‘Hey, Slater, why the long face?’

  He just stared at her expressionlessly. ‘Your cuts need attention.’

  ‘Later. I’m not finished with Judith. How’s Zak?’

  ‘He’s fine. Check her over, make sure the baby’s all right and get an X-ray of those ribs if you can.’

  ‘James, I can manage,’ she said firmly, and turned her attention to Judith as they wheeled her into Resus.

  ‘Hi, Judith, remember me? Connie? I’m taking you over now from James Slater, the clinical lead, because he’s looking after Zak, OK? You don’t need to worry about him, he seems fine but James just wants to check him out.’

  ‘I want to see him!’ she sobbed hysterically. ‘Please, let me see Zak. I need to know he’s all right.’

  ‘He’s all right,’ James said from behind her. ‘Don’t worry, Judith, I’ll just look at him and do a few tests and then I’ll bring him over to you. You just lie still and let Connie check you over.’

  Fat chance. She stopped fighting the restraints, but moved on to another worry that was obviously eating holes in her, her hand grabbing at Connie and hanging on for dear life. ‘How’s the baby?’ she asked, her eyes fixed on Connie’s. ‘Tell me it’s all right, please. It has to be all right.’

  ‘I’m going to do an ultrasound now. Cold gel coming.’ She swept the head of the ultrasound over Judith’s bump, and the sound of the baby’s strong, steady heartbeat filled Resus.

  Judith sobbed with relief, and behind her Connie heard James let out a ragged sigh.

  ‘There you are,’ Connie said with more confidence than she felt, her legs suddenly like jelly. ‘Good and solid. Let me just get a look at the placenta—it’s fine, no obvious signs of bleeding. How many weeks are you?’

  ‘Thirty-one tomorrow.’

  ‘So even if you did go into labour the baby’s viable now. We just need to make sure that you don’t if possible, so I want you to lie here and relax as much as you can, and I’ll get an obstetrician to come down and look at you.’

  She checked her thoroughly, did a full set of neuro obs, and the neck X-rays came back clear and so did the ribs.

  ‘Any back ache? Leg pain?’

  ‘No. Only from lying flat, and no leg pain.’

  ‘We’ll log-roll her to check and then she can come off the spinal board,’ James said, appearing at her side with the little boy in his arms. ‘Here, Judith, have a cuddle with your little man for a moment. He’s fine.’

  ‘Mumum,’ he said, reaching out to her, and James laid him carefully down in his mother’s arms.

  Then he glanced up and met Connie’s eyes, and she smiled at him, searching his face.

  ‘OK?’ she said softly, and his mouth twisted in a cynical smile.

  ‘Apart from being ready to kill you,’ he said, so softly that only she could hear, but it didn’t faze her, it was exactly how Joe would have reacted.

  She held his eyes for a moment, just long enough to say she understood, and he frowned and looked down at the mother and child snuggled up together.

  ‘I don’t want to break up the party, but could I have Zak, Judith? We need to take you off the board and check your back.’

  ‘Oh—yes, of course. Sorry, I’m being so pathetic but I just can’t believe we’re all all right.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’d expect you to be concerned. I’d worry much more if you weren’t.’

  Her back was fine, and apart from a few cuts and bruises and the pneumothorax, so was the rest of her. More or less.

  ‘There’s a bruise on her temple,’ Connie told James, and he knew instantly that she was thinking of Steve and his head injury.

  ‘I think we’ll keep her here under observation overnight, check her head injury, keep an eye on the baby, unless you want to do it in Maternity?’

  He glanced past her with a smile, and she looked up as a man in scrubs approached.

  ‘Do what in Maternity?’

  ‘Observe a pregnant patient overnight. Minor head injury, pneumothorax from seat belt injury, a few cuts and bruises, thirty-one weeks tomorrow, rolled the car. We’ve just got back from freeing her.’

  ‘Yikes. OK. Shall I take a look at her?’

  ‘Please. Connie, this is Ben Walker. Ben, Connie. Want to talk him through it?’

  She shook his hand, introduced him to Judith and filled him in on her findings. He was gentle, reassuring and happy to have her for the night.

  ‘Just to be on the safe side,’ he said with a smile. ‘I’ll make sure we’ve got an antenatal bed for you when they’re ready to transfer you.’

  He turned back to James with a grin. ‘So, met little Daniel Gallagher yet?’

  James ignored the odd sensation in his chest. ‘No. How is he?’

  ‘Fine. Gorgeous. Lovely healthy baby. Fighting fit. They’re still here—he was a little bit jaundiced so we’ve kept them in till this afternoon. You ought to pop up and say hello.’

  He could feel that his smile was strained, but there was nothing he could do about it. ‘I think we’re probably a bit busy. I’m sure I’ll see him soon enough. We’ll send Judith up as soon as we’re done with her.’

  ‘Do that. Cheers. Nice to meet you, Connie.’

  ‘You, too.’

  Connie watched him go out of the corner of her eye, most of her attention on James. Wall to wall babies today, or so it seemed, and he wasn’t enjoying it one bit. It was right what he’d said last night, he couldn’t avoid it, he was surrounded by children in one way or another, and so was she. They just had to deal with it, but it didn’t make it easy.

  She did the paperwork for Judith’s transfer, handed little Zak over to the woman’s harassed husband when he arrived and then went over to James.

  ‘Anything else I can do?’

  He shook his head. ‘Just get your cuts seen to,’ he said tightly.

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  He sighed. ‘Thank you, Connie. Really, thank you. Now, please, get your cuts seen to.’

  She did. They were worse than she’d realised, little nicks all over her legs and bottom from the car seats, but she wasn’t worried about herself. She’d seen his face in the car, seen the tension in his shoulders in Resus until they’d heard the baby’s heartbeat. He wasn’t alone, everyone in there had been worried for them, and if she hadn’t known about Cathy she probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but there was just something else, another element to his concern that underlined his lingering grief.

  And Andy’s baby. He’d definitely not wanted to go up and see it. OK, so they probably were busy, but even if they hadn’t been he wouldn’t have gone. Because it hurt too much?

  She changed into scrubs, because her trousers were ruined, and went back to work to carry on with her fractures and squashed fingers and foreign bodies up the noses of small children, but he was at the back of her mind for the rest of the day.

  * * *

  ‘How are the cuts?’

  ‘I’ll live.’

  He snorted. ‘Not for want of trying, you crazy woman. You should have got out when I told you.’

  ‘What, and leave a pregnant woman stuck in a car that was about to blow? Not to mention you. No way was I going anywhere without both of you, so save your breath, Slater.’

  ‘Damn you, Connie,’ he growled, and with a ragged sigh he hauled her into his arms and hugged her hard. ‘Don’t ever do that to me again.’

  ‘What, stand up to you?’

  ‘Put your life in danger.’

  ‘Don’t get carried away, I didn’t do it for you,’ she said, leaning o
n him because it felt so good and she’d been worried sick about him underneath the calm.

  ‘I know that.’

  He rested his head against hers and let out a long, slow sigh. ‘Thanks for staying. You were good with her. She was pretty hysterical.’

  ‘She was scared. All I did was reassure her and try and keep her calm.’

  ‘And you did it well. You were really good. Calm, methodical, systematic—and you didn’t waste any time.’

  ‘Well, I wonder who I got that from?’ she teased, and he gave a soft huff of laughter. ‘It’s true,’ she protested. ‘I modelled myself on you. I always loved watching you work. You’re funny, warm, gentle, cool as a cucumber—and terrifyingly efficient.’

  He lifted his head and stared down into her eyes. ‘Terrifyingly?’

  ‘Absolutely. You were a brilliant role model, though.’

  ‘You were a pretty good student.’

  ‘Then I guess we’re both pretty marvellous.’

  He laughed softly, then the laughter died and he stared down at her mouth.

  It was the lightest kiss. Fleeting. Tender, like the kiss of the night before.

  The kiss of a friend?

  Probably not, but it was over so soon she couldn’t really assess it. She just knew it was too short.

  He stepped back, dropping his arms and moving away from her, and she swayed slightly without his support.

  He frowned at her. ‘Have you eaten?’

  ‘Um—no. I wasn’t really hungry. I had some chocolate.’

  ‘Nice balanced diet. Good one, Connie.’

  ‘What about you? It’s late, James. Surely you’ve eaten something at work?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ll have some cheese on toast. Want some?’

  ‘Yeah. Just a slice.’

  She followed him into the kitchen, Saffy following hopefully at her heels, and perched on the stool and watched him as he made bubbly cheese on toast, and then afterwards he found some ice cream and dished it up, and they all ate it in silence.

  Too tired to talk? Or was the kiss troubling him as much as it was troubling her?

  ‘Is there any more of that ice cream left?’

  ‘A scraping.’ He opened the freezer and handed her the plastic container. ‘Here. Be my guest. Coffee?’