The Secret in His Heart

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘Mmm. Can we take it on the wall?’

  He made coffee, she scraped the ice cream off the sides of the container, licked the spoon one last time and put it in the dishwasher, and they headed to the sea wall with Saffy in tow.

  ‘So what are you wearing tomorrow night?’ he asked, trying not to think too hard about the flimsy thing in his dream and failing dismally. That kiss had been such a bad idea.

  She slurped the froth off her coffee and licked her lips. ‘Dunno. Define pretty in this part of the world. What do your dates wear?’

  He laughed at that. ‘I have no idea, Connie. You’re asking the wrong person. I thought I’d told you that. I don’t date, I never go out except for dinner with friends occasionally. I have absolutely no idea what women wear these days.’

  She turned and studied him curiously. ‘You don’t date at all?’ Not even for sex, she nearly asked, but shut her mouth in the nick of time.

  ‘Not any more. After Cathy died I went a bit crazy, sort of tried to lay her ghost, but I just ended up feeling dirty and disappointed and even more unhappy, so I gave up. So, no, I don’t date. Not even for that, before you ask. I was just scratching an itch, and frankly I can do that myself and it’s a lot less hassle.’

  Wow. She thought about that. Thought about his candid statement, and felt herself colouring slightly. It wasn’t the fact, it was his frankness that had—well, not shocked her, exactly, but taken her by surprise. Which was silly, because Joe had never been coy and she’d never blushed before. Maybe it was because it was James and his sex life they were suddenly and inexplicably talking about. She changed the subject hastily.

  ‘So—dress? Long linen skirt and top? Jeans and a pretty top? Or I’ve got a floaty little dress that’s rather lovely, but it might be too dressy.’

  Gauze. Pale, oyster pink gauze, almost the colour of your skin, with dusky highlights over the nipples and a darker shadow—

  He cleared his throat. ‘I don’t know. It’s an art exhibition. Something arty, maybe? Molly will probably wear some vintage creation.’

  Please don’t wear gauze.

  ‘So who will be there?’

  ‘Oh, all sorts of people. David’s family and the people he works with, his old friends, some of the doctors. They asked me to spread the word and gave me some invitations to hand out, but how many of them will come I don’t know. Andy and Lucy Gallagher probably won’t, with a three day old baby, but they might because they were seriously interested, and Ben and Daisy wanted to come because they’ve done up their house and they’re looking for artwork for it. Otherwise I’m not sure. The movers and shakers of Yoxburgh society, I imagine.’

  She gave a little splutter of laughter. ‘Does Yoxburgh society have movers and shakers?’ she asked, slightly incredulously.

  ‘Oh, yeah. David’s probably one of them. His family own that hotel and spa on the way in, near the hospital site. The big one with the Victorian facade.’

  ‘Wow. That’s pretty smart.’

  ‘It is. Ben and Daisy got married there and it was lovely.’

  ‘Is that the Ben I met today?’

  ‘Yes. Daisy’s an obstetrician, too, but I think she’s pretty much on permanent maternity leave and she’s loving every minute of it, apparently. They’ve got two little ones and Ben’s got an older daughter.’

  Another happy family twisting the knife. Yet it was interesting, she thought, that all of his friends seemed to be family-orientated. To replace his own family? He had no one. Like her, he was an only child, and he’d lost both his parents in his twenties, and then he’d lost Cathy and the baby. And if that wasn’t enough, he’d lost Joe, his closest friend. He must be so lonely, she thought. She knew she was. It was why she’d brought Saffy home, and part of the reason she wanted a baby, to have someone of her own to love.

  ‘Why are you frowning? You look as if you disapprove.’

  ‘No. Not at all. I was thinking about my clothes,’ she lied glibly.

  But Saffy was lying propped against him, her head on his lap, and he was fondling her ears absently as he sipped his coffee and stared out over the darkening sea. Maybe she should give Saffy to him? She seemed to adore him. At least that way he wouldn’t be alone. Or she could stay with him, and they could live together and have a family and all live happily ever after.

  And she was in fantasy land again.

  ‘I could sit here all night,’ she said to fill the silence, and he gave a slightly hollow laugh.

  ‘Sometimes I do. You know, on those nights when you can’t sleep and things keep going round and round your head? I don’t know what it is—the sound of the sea, maybe. It just seems to empty out all the irrelevancies, like when you clean up your computer and get rid of all the temporary files and other clutter, the cookies and all that rubbish, and everything seems to run faster then, more efficiently. Only the stuff that really matters is left.’

  She wondered what that was, the stuff that was left, the stuff that really mattered to him now.

  ‘Interesting theory. I might have to try it.’

  ‘Do. Be my guest.’

  She laughed softly. ‘Nice idea, but I’ll take a rain check. If I’m going to look pretty tomorrow night, I need my beauty sleep or I’ll look like a hag and frighten off all the potential buyers. Molly wouldn’t like that.’

  He chuckled and stood up, shifting Saffy out of the way, and the dog shambled to her feet and stretched, yawning and wagging her tail and looking lovingly up at him.

  ‘No way,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m not sharing my bed with a dog. I’ve done enough of that in my time.’

  ‘Are you sure? I’m happy to lend her to you.’

  Her voice was wry and made him chuckle. ‘No, thanks. Although I did wonder about her being shut in the crate all day.’

  ‘It’s not all day. And I don’t like it, either, but what else can I do?’

  ‘I could build her a kennel outside, and a run,’ he suggested. ‘She’d have access to water, then, and she wouldn’t have to cross her legs till you get home.’

  ‘She might bark.’

  ‘But she doesn’t, does she? I’ve never heard her bark.’

  ‘No, but I can’t guarantee it, and I wouldn’t want to annoy your neighbours,’ she said, but she was seriously tempted to take him up on it. ‘I could buy a kennel if you didn’t mind making her some kind of run. It would have to be pretty strong.’

  ‘I know that. Leave it with me. I’ll think about it.’

  They paused at the foot of the veranda steps and he stared down at her, his eyes in shadow. ‘Are your cuts really all right?’

  ‘Why, are you offering to dress them?’

  Why on earth had she said that?

  He frowned. ‘Do they need it?’

  ‘No. Really, James, I’m all right. They’re just little nicks. Tracy had a look for me.’

  He nodded, looking relieved. ‘OK. Well, keep an eye on them. I’ll see you tomorrow. Come in at nine again. It seems to work.’

  ‘OK. Thanks.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  His face was still in shadow, so she couldn’t read his expression, but she could feel his eyes on her, and for a moment she wondered if he was going to kiss her again. Apparently not.

  ‘Goodnight, Connie,’ he said eventually, his voice soft and a little gravelly. ‘Sleep tight.’

  ‘And you. ’Night, James.’

  She took Saffy into the cabin. By the time she’d finished in the bathroom, Saffy was ensconced on the bed, so she turned out the light and stood at the window for a minute, watching the house through a gap in the curtains.

  He was in the kitchen. Every now and then he walked past the window and she could see him. Then the light went off, and she watched the progress of the lights—the landing, then a thin
sliver of light across the roof from his bathroom. Then that went off, leaving a soft glow—from his bedroom?

  After a few minutes that, too, went off, plunging the house into darkness. She pressed her fingers to her lips and softly blew him a kiss.

  ‘Goodnight, James,’ she whispered. ‘Sleep tight.’

  And pushing Saffy out of the way she crawled into bed, curled on her side and tried to sleep.

  It was a long time coming.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  HE SPENT HALF the night wondering why the hell he’d kissed her again and the other half dreaming about her flitting around in the garden in that scrap of gauze he couldn’t get out of his mind.

  He really, really wasn’t thrilled when the alarm went off, but by the time he’d washed and dressed and gone down to the kitchen, Saffy was waiting for him on the veranda, tail wagging, and there was a little plume of steam coming from the kettle.

  He stuck his head out of the door and found Connie with her feet up on the veranda rail, dressed in another pair of those crazy pyjamas, her nose buried in a mug.

  ‘More tea?’ he asked, and she shook her head, so he made himself a lethal coffee and took it out and sat himself on the bench beside her. Her feet were in sun, the bright clear sun of an early summer’s morning, slanting across the corner of the house and bathing them in gold.

  Her toenails had changed colour. They were greeny-blue today, and pearly, the colour changing according to the angle of the light, and the sun made them sparkle dazzlingly bright.

  ‘Interesting nail varnish.’

  ‘Mmm. I thought I’d go arty, for tonight,’ she said, grinning at her toes. ‘Cool, aren’t they?’

  ‘I don’t think they’d suit me.’

  ‘Well, we’ve already established I do pretty better than you.’

  Their eyes locked for a moment, something—an invitation?—glimmering in hers for the briefest instant. Surely not. Really, he needed more sleep. He grunted and stretched his legs out, turning his attention to his coffee as a potential means of keeping his sanity. ‘So, about this dog run.’

  ‘Really? It’s a lot of effort, and where would you put it?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about that. There’s a little store room under here. I could divide it off so there was a kennel one side and a store the other, and build a run off it against the fence. What do you think?’

  ‘Are you sure? Because I do worry about her and that would be amazing. I’d pay for all the materials.’

  ‘OK. It shouldn’t take much. We’ll have a look at it after work.’

  ‘No we won’t, because we’re going out. You hadn’t forgotten, had you?’

  Fat chance. How could he forget, with ‘pretty’ haunting his every waking moment and tantalising him in his sleep? Never mind those kisses he couldn’t seem to stop giving her.

  ‘Of course I haven’t forgotten.’ He downed his coffee and went back into the kitchen, grabbed a banana, slung his jacket on and headed out of the door.

  ‘I’ll see you later,’ he muttered, running down the steps, and she dropped her feet to the veranda floor and wriggled them back into her flip-flops as she watched him go. He looked hunted, for some reason. Because of the private view?

  She had no idea, but it was the last thing they’d talked about and he’d taken off like a scalded cat.

  ‘Fancy a run, Saffy?’ she asked, and Saffy leapt to her feet, tail lashing. ‘That’s a yes, then,’ she said, and pulled her clothes on, locked up the cabin and the house and headed off.

  She went on the sea wall for a change, and ran along to the end of the sea defences, then up a long set of steps to the top of the cliff and back down towards the harbour through the quiet residential streets.

  She’d never been along them before, but it was obviously where the movers and shakers lived, she thought with a smile, and she wondered how many of them would be coming tonight.

  She felt a tingle of anticipation, and realised she was actually looking forward to it. It was ages since she’d been out, ages since she’d had an occasion to dress up for, and she was determined to enjoy herself. And if she had anything to do with it, James would enjoy himself, too.

  * * *

  He felt ridiculously nervous.

  He didn’t know what to wear, so in the end he wore a lightweight suit with a silk shirt. No tie, because that would be overdoing it, but a decent silk shirt, open at the neck because it was a warm night.

  Maybe not as warm as he felt it was, though. That was probably because he was waiting for Connie to come out of her cabin, and he was on edge.

  She’d left him out something to eat, and he hadn’t seen her since he’d got home. Saffy was in the garden, though, so he sat on the veranda and watched the cabin door and waited.

  * * *

  Was it all right?

  She’d settled on a knee-length dress with a flirty hem in a range of sea colours from palest turquoise to deep, deep green, and it was soft and floaty and fitted like a dream. She’d bought it last year for a friend’s wedding and she’d thought it would be perfect for tonight, but now she wasn’t sure.

  What if she’d overdone it? There was no long mirror in the cabin, so she’d had to make do with peering at the one in the shower room and trying to angle her head to see herself, but she couldn’t. Not adequately.

  And it was five to seven, and James was on the veranda, watching her door and tapping his fingers on the bench.

  She took a steadying breath, slipped her feet into her favourite strappy sandals with killer heels, because, damn it, why not, and opened the door.

  ‘Does this count as pretty?’

  * * *

  He felt his jaw drop.

  He’d seen her looking beautiful before, lots of times, when she’d been with Joe. At their engagement party. On her wedding day. At a ball they’d all attended. Hell, sitting on the deck in her pyjamas this morning she’d nearly pushed him over the edge.

  But this...

  ‘I think you’ll do,’ he said, his voice sounding strangled.

  Her face fell. ‘Do?’

  He got up and went to the top of the steps, looking down at her as she walked towards him and climbed the steps on incredibly sexy, utterly ridiculous heels that showed off her legs to perfection, and stopped just beneath him.

  ‘Connie, you look—’ He closed his eyes, then opened them again and tried to smile. ‘You look beautiful,’ he said, and his voice had handfuls of gravel in it.

  ‘Oh.’ She laughed, and her whole body relaxed as the laugh went through her. ‘I thought, for a minute—you looked so—I don’t know. Shocked.’

  ‘Shocked?’

  Try stunned. Try captivated. Try completely, utterly blown away.

  ‘I’m not shocked,’ he said. ‘I just—’

  He didn’t like it. Damn. He was just being nice. ‘Look, I can go and change. There isn’t a mirror in there, but it’s probably a bit much. A bit too dressy. I just don’t have a lot to choose from, and—well, Molly did make a point—’

  ‘Connie, you look fine,’ he said firmly. ‘Utterly gorgeous. Believe me. There’s nothing wrong with the way you look. You’re lovely. Very, very lovely.’

  ‘Really?’

  Her eyes were soft and wide, and he so badly wanted to kiss her again. ‘Really,’ he said, even more firmly. ‘Let me just put Saffy away and then we’d better go.’

  He called the dog, put her in her crate in the cabin and breathed in the scent of Connie. It had been diluted in the garden, drifting away on the light sea breeze, but in the confined space of the cabin the perfume nearly blew his mind.

  ‘Good girl, Saff,’ he said, closing the door on her. She whined, and he promised her he’d make her a run, then closed the cabin door and braced himself for an eveni
ng in Connie’s company.

  Torture had never smelt so sweet.

  * * *

  It was already buzzing by the time they got there.

  She’d heard lots of cars going past on the gravel road, and so she wasn’t surprised. And she wasn’t overdressed, either, she realised with relief. All the women were in their designer best, diamonds sparkling on their fingers, and the men wore expensive, well cut suits.

  None of them looked as good as him, though, and she felt a shiver of something she hadn’t felt for years.

  ‘Connie, James, welcome!’ David said, pressing glasses of champagne into their hands. ‘Just mingle and enjoy—the pictures are all over the place, and there’s a pile of catalogues lying around somewhere on a table. Just help yourselves. And there are some canapés coming round.’

  ‘Wow,’ she said softly as he moved away, and James raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Indeed. The movers and shakers,’ he murmured.

  She suppressed a giggle, the bubbles of the champagne already tickling her nose. ‘I ran past some pretty smart houses this morning up on the clifftop. I guess they’re here.’

  ‘Undoubtedly. His friends are pretty well connected. Ah—Andy and Lucy are here. Come and say hello.’

  Not only were they there, she realised as he made the introductions, they had the baby with them, snug in the crook of Andy’s arm, and her heart turned over.

  James leant over and kissed Lucy’s cheek, his smile looking entirely genuine if you ignored the tiny tic in his cheek. ‘Congratulations. How are you? I didn’t really expect to see you here so soon.’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine,’ Lucy said, positively glowing. ‘My parents are here helping us out for a few days, and we really wanted to come, so we thought we’d sneak out while the going was good. And I’m really glad, because I get to meet Connie and say thank you for stepping in like that so I can have Andy at home.’

  ‘Oh, you’re welcome,’ Connie said with a laugh, liking Lucy instantly. ‘It’s nice to be back at work. I’ve had a sabbatical and I was beginning to feel a bit redundant.’