Guilt Ridden

by Marie Johnston

  “Other than the fact that she has a little girl and doesn’t want to have the same reputation as Pam, there’s Michelle.”

  “I can see that, all of it. But it’s not like you and Kami are serious. Fuck what everyone else thinks.”

  Travis dropped his hands. Was that part of Kami’s hesitation? That people would think he was using her to get over Michelle? Fifteen months had gone by agonizingly slow, yet it’d passed in a blink. He was ready to move on, but at the same time, he wanted to savor the chemistry between them. Before parents and in-laws and passersby added their two cents. After all, there was a ten-year-old girl to consider. That was something Aaron would understand.

  “We don’t want our business affecting her daughter, so can you please keep this to yourself?”

  Aaron sobered. “Absolutely.”

  Travis rose, chose his dirty hat for a day in the field, and settled it on his head. “Mind if we take separate trucks? I’ve got plans this afternoon.”

  ***

  Travis adjusted Mandrell’s lead rope. The sway of the horses chased off the worries that had plagued him all day. A warm breeze kept the mosquitoes away but had gained in strength. Thick, puffy clouds blocked the sun for long periods of time, cooling the day enough to call it chilly. Then the sun would peek out and infuse his body with heat.

  A nearly perfect day to ride.

  The day he’d taken Reba to snoop on Kami had also been his first time out for the year. Unless he was helping with the ranch, he rarely rode for pleasure. Times like this made him wonder why he wasn’t out every day for a little equine therapy.

  Because when he wasn’t working, he was buried in his computer. His family thought the app he’d made was cool and constantly tossed out ideas of what he should do next. It was like his computer skills were an exotic talent, a point of awe for them. Sure, his cousins had their phones and their own laptops, but they only did what they needed to, spending the rest of their time working or socializing.

  But he’d had Michelle, who was usually out of town, and once he mentioned his idea for a game, they’d been so thrilled, he’d had to develop it.

  He should design another.

  A cloud drifted in front of the sun, momentarily shading the pasture he rode through. Continuing on its path, the cloud floated on and the sun brightened the day.

  His computer could wait. This was nice.

  He rode through the pasture closest to his property. There were no signs of Kami. He reached the road that would take him to Pam’s house. His house and hers weren’t far apart, but no road ran between them. His family’s pastures and a couple of the biggest fields they worked were in between. Pam’s land spread out from there, but to get to her place, he’d have to take the next turn off the highway.

  By horse was much better.

  Steering Reba through the ditch, Mandrell followed. They turned to go down the drive to Pam’s. A spindly form ran down the road to meet him.

  “Travis!” She jumped and did a cartwheel, as graceful her mom at that age. More so, because she’d probably been taught by her mom. She slowed as she reached them. “Mom said you might be coming by with Mandrell today. Can I really ride?”

  “After I talk to your mom.”

  “This way.” She darted off.

  Reba nickered. Travis patted her neck. “To have that energy again, am I right?”

  When he reached the circular driveway, Kami strode out of the sagging red barn with Kambria. A flutter of apprehension had him readjusting in his seat. His gaze swept from her to the barn. The large barn door was open. How, he didn’t know. The structure of the barn had altered so much from age and weather, the door should’ve been jammed closed.

  The mustiness grew stronger as he approached. No lights were on inside, but he could make out piles of boxes amid old equipment.

  Kami wiped an arm across her forehead, drawing his attention back. She murmured to Kambria, a smile lighting her face. She’d wrapped a bandanna around her forehead and was back in her frayed jeans and a snug, long-sleeved purple shirt. The sleeves were a good choice if she was digging around in the dump inside the barn.

  Kami turned her grin his way. “Hey, you made it. And made a young girl very happy.”

  “I was thinking on my way here that I owe her a thanks. I don’t know the last time I rode so much for fun instead of work.”

  “You ride for work?” The awe in Kambria’s voice made him feel ten feet tall.

  Too bad he wasn’t, he could fix the roof of that barn—if there was any way to fix it. A match might be the best solution.

  He swung down from Reba and handed her lead rope to Kami. Their gazes met. Her cheeks pinked and she glanced away. Yeah, he probably wasn’t covering his thoughts about her well. All grimy and sweaty and he’d love nothing more than to ride off with her.

  But she had work, and he had a promise to keep.

  He went to give Kambria a boost, but she clambered onto Mandrell with little help.

  He turned back to Kami. “I feel awful riding off while you’re here working.”

  “Don’t be. I won’t have her asking me every ten minutes if it’s time to go home or time for supper.”

  Kambria scrunched her nose. “Grandma doesn’t have cable—or horses.”

  He jutted his chin toward the dilapidated barn. “Are you sure it’s safe to work in there?”

  “No. I figured if it didn’t collapse when I opened the door I should be okay for a while. I uncovered an old tractor I bet I could get running again with a YouTube video and a prayer.”

  He chuckled but kept the barn in the corner of his eye. “Be careful.”

  “Always. You, too.”

  They sauntered off. Kambria didn’t quit chatting the entire time, and he probably hadn’t quit grinning. His brother and sister didn’t make it home often, but Kambria reminded him of them when they were younger. None of them had kids, and neither did any of his cousins. He hadn’t realized how boring it could get without them.

  “You like my mom.”

  He glanced at Kambria, his brows lifted. There was no use lying. The girl was smart. “I do. We’ve known each other a long time.”

  “She’s known Austin a long time and he’s still a douche.”

  He snorted, tried to recover, but couldn’t help his snicker. “I agree.”

  “I didn’t like how he treated her.”

  “How’s that?” Could a grown man be nosy?

  “He’s always, um…disagreeing? Dismissing? I dunno, but he’s, like, rude enough that it makes me mad. And he doesn’t like me.”

  “Was he rude to you?” He sharpened his gaze on her. As if he needed any more reason to dislike that bastard.

  She shrugged. “He ignores me. I know he used to call Mom when I was at Grandma and Grandpa’s.”

  “And you didn’t like that?”

  “She can do better.”

  “I agree.”

  She shot him a small smile. Either she liked how much he agreed with her, or she liked him. Unless she just didn’t see him as a contender for her mom’s heart. They rode in silence for a few minutes before Kambria hit him with rapid-fire questions about horses and gear. The rest of the ride involved him spewing his knowledge of all things equine. After a couple of hours, he guided them back to Pam’s. Sunset was a couple of hours away, but the temperature had dropped slightly.

  Kami was sitting on the porch steps. Her smile when she saw Kambria was brighter than a clear summer day. When she turned it on Travis, he swallowed hard.

  She rose and sauntered toward them. Kambria handed off her lead and slid down while gushing her thanks. She ran off before Travis could reply.

  “Oh no,” Kami said. “Is she getting out of caring for the horses and tack?”

  “It’s no problem. I know she’d do it if we were at my place.”

  “You probably wouldn’t get her to stop brushing the horses.”

  He swung down, but kept an arm propped on the saddle. After his talk with
Kambria, he was more conscious of being too forward with Kami. The girl picked up on a lot for seeming to be constantly distracted.

  “I’d offer another ride for tomorrow, but I suppose she’s going back to Normandy.”

  Irritation rippled over Kami’s face. “Yep. They have it all planned.” She smiled shyly up at him. “Do you want me to go back to the supper arrangement tomorrow night?”

  Hell, yes. “If you want to save a starving man, it’s the right thing to do. But I know you’re busy here.”

  “I’ll head to your place and start cooking after they pick her up.”

  No one was around, but he lowered his voice. “Should I come prepared for dessert?”

  Her gaze darted to the house and back to him, a gleam of desire in the depths of her honey-brown eyes. “You better believe it.”

  She sashayed away, leaving him to figure out how to get back on Reba with a pounding erection.

  Chapter Ten

  Kami eyed the crowd. Good lord. She was going to be deaf by the time she was forty if she kept picking up bartending shifts. The steady roar of the crowd was even worse tonight because it was the night of the bar’s street dance. Even with a portion of the street roped off for the customers to spill out to, the bar was packed. The band would start soon, then bass would reverberate through the place. Her ears had rung for a full day after the last street dance she’d worked.

  Ugh, she should’ve asked some questions when her coworker frantically called her to fill in. She’d had a family conflict and Kami had zero conflict because Kambria wasn’t home this weekend. Waiting for Travis to call and invite her over since it wasn’t her assigned night to cook smacked too much of desperation, and she’d picked up the shift. What had motivated her was the dread of the phone not ringing.

  The entire week she’d ended up in his bed after they ate. As soon as dishes were loaded into the washer, he’d take her on the counter, on the table, on the floor—it didn’t matter. The man was insatiable, and she’d thought she had a healthy sexual appetite. He was inventive, too. Just the night before, she hadn’t even left her seat before he had her stripped down and had her legs over his shoulders.

  She cut off that line of thinking before she blushed and made the typical handsy customers think she was open to getting hit on and groped.

  Her manager draped a dishrag over his shoulder; she suspected because he thought it made him seem dapper and worldly as he flirted with all the single ladies. And Kyle had been doing this long enough that he knew who was single, who wasn’t, and who was single for the night.

  He lifted his chin to point to the door to the outdoor section. “Wanna help Megan out there? A big group just came in and she’s swamped already.”

  She wove her way through the crowd, excited for some fresh air. Only an hour to go on her shift and she’d get to hear some good country music and enjoy the beautiful night.

  “Oh, thank you Jesus.” Megan grabbed her arm and pointed to the far end where a crowd had gathered around one of the long tables. “Like ten of them walked in. I’m dying here, and I wish I could serve them. The Walkers are always good to us.”

  Excitement escalated while her stomach plummeted. The Walkers? That many of them? Her gut changed direction and crawled into her throat.

  Was Travis here? And if he was, what would he do when she waited on him? Would he dance with anyone? If he did, was it any of her business?

  She counted the Walkers as she made her way over. Eight. Five men and three women.

  Her palms were sweaty, and her heart rate kicked up. She’d rather face a hoard of annoyed badgers than pretend in front of Travis and his family that she hadn’t had sex with him every night this week. What would they do if they found out about her? He’d be on the receiving end of well-meaning family lectures, and they’d all be right. Kami would be the first to agree that she wasn’t good enough for him. But she wanted him more than anyone else. Did that count?

  She forced a smile to her face and prayed it didn’t look fake. At almost twenty-nine, she was too old for this shit. The death of a husband did that to a girl.

  Five pairs of blue eyes that varied in shade landed on her as soon as she approached. The Walkers were the golden boys of the county. Good kids who’d never been in trouble with the law, who defended each other religiously, and played a mean game of whatever sport they were involved in. They’d all grown up to be respectable men who lent a hand wherever needed. Travis should despise her after the trouble her dad gave his family but both he and Cash had helped her. She should despise Travis for the way his parents treated hers, but couldn’t. Those were problems for someone else; she had enough of her own.

  “What can I get you?” Her voice didn’t shake, which was quite a feat. She’d placed herself at the end of the table where Travis sat across from Aaron. As much as she wanted to avoid a potentially awkward situation, she was a damn adult.

  Her mind clicked through the talk around town to identify the women. Three of the Walker Five were engaged, including Cash. The news had sheared through the bar, devastating many ladies, all with wistful well-wishes.

  She’d been irritated and purposely ignored every one of those conversations. When she’d left town to marry Ben, all her mom had heard were outrageous inquiries and guffaws of how long it’d last.

  The attractive woman smashed into Dillon’s side spoke first. “We’ll each have a root beer.”

  Brock’s fiancée ordered for them both; Cash and his woman ordered separately. Aaron gave Kami a speculative look when he ordered, but overall, the rest of the table played it cool.

  Finally, it was Travis’s turn. “How’s it going?”

  Relief that he didn’t “play it cool” mixed with a spike of anxiety that all attention would be on her.

  And it was.

  “Good. It’s a busy night.”

  “You worked at your mom’s all day before this?”

  She nodded. “Trying to get that little John Deere running. I think it will with a new battery.”

  “Hey, Kami.” Cash leaned over so he didn’t have to shout. “Have you gotten anyone to hay your north pasture yet?”

  “No, I was going to talk to…” She couldn’t summon a name—because she hadn’t gotten around to thinking about it yet. Cash pointed to himself, his eyes bright. “You?”

  “Sure.” He grinned. “I’d have to haul a load from across the county and Old Man Furness raised his rates.”

  “Call me with the details and we’ll talk.” She glanced back to Travis. Her heart waltzed into her throat at the gleam in his yes. “What are you drinking tonight?”

  “Bud Light. Are you almost done working?”

  She hesitated. The entire table was watching them.

  “I have a little time left,” she said. “But I think I might go home.” And she would. This drama was killing her after a long day in the dust, tinkering with old engines that might never run again.

  “You’re welcome to hang out with us for a bit. I hear the band is great.” The open invitation in his voice almost swayed her. They enjoyed conversation over dinner each night and every time her hopes rose. Could they really work?

  Every morning, she’d wake up and talk sense into herself. Without Kambria home, the solitude rushed back with all the feelings of abandonment and loneliness after Ben’s death. The crash back to reality was getting harder and harder, like the excitement of what could be forming with Travis amplified those emotions. Because if she had to go back to that state of mind, it’d be ten times worse.

  “We’ll see.” Her resolve to head home wavered. A fun night out with other adults was tempting, but she didn’t want to undo the reputation she was building. “I’ll be back with your order.”

  Her last hour passed way too fast. The night was so busy that she only had time to check on the Walker’s group once, but the burn of Travis’s gaze followed her all over the outdoor seating area.

  She clocked out with her manager and wistfully glanced toward th
e band. Their music filtered through the din of the bar and started her boot tapping. Gymnastics was tied closely to dance; it was natural for her to want to move to any beat she heard. Moore never had an official dance program, but she and the other cheerleaders infused their routines with rhythm.

  All the Walkers were out on the dance floor, even Travis. They were stomping through a line dance. A smile played across her lips. The guy could move, on and off the dance floor. Had he and his fiancée been one of those couples that glided across the floor, completely in sync?

  Bless Ben’s heart, but he’d only been able to do the side-to-side shuffle. They’d had some good laughs over it, and he’d made up for the defect by being a superb father and an excellent partner.

  She blinked back a sudden sting of tears. Finding both qualities in another man sometimes seemed impossible. Staying felt like she was handing Travis a lot of power over her heart.

  The bass-thumping song ended, and a slower one started. Every Walker but Travis twirled a woman into their arms. Travis meandered back to the table, looking around, probably for her.

  She couldn’t leave him hanging. Pushing her way back out to the street, she kept her eyes on him. All the single ladies he walked past eyed him with a spark of hope. She knew how they felt.

  Large clusters of people blocked what should’ve been a straight path to Travis. She side-stepped one crowd when a young woman tugged on Travis’s elbow. Kami stopped in her indecision to watch it play out or stomp over and claim her man.

  Travis’s smile was real and he gave the lady a huge hug.

  Kami’s feet were rooted. Stay or go? Dancing was either a fun activity between two partners or an intimate moment between a couple. She didn’t know how Travis perceived it.

  He slung his arms around the girl’s shoulder, laughing, and strode to the dance floor.

  Kami heart cracked. She spun as he happened to glance her way. He might’ve seen her, but she kept pushing through the crowd.

  “Kami!” Travis reached her. Did the crowd part just for him when she’d had to elbow her way through? “Is everything okay?” His voice wasn’t full of challenge, just concern aimed at her.