by K. A. Linde
That she had asked him to postpone.
“I can’t make a decision like that right now. It’s midnight. I’m exhausted. I still have to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…”
“Excuses,” he said quickly. “You already know you’re not happy. You wouldn’t be here if you were. Why did you stay friends with me, Lexi?”
Lexi bit her lip and turned away. She didn’t like to answer that question.
“You could have cut me loose. You could have used me for the D-Bags show and then never saw me again. You probably should have walked away from all the bullshit that I put you through, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you expect from me.”
“The only thing you’ve ever expected from me, Lex. The truth. Why? Why, after everything, did you stay friends with me? Why did you still see me? Why are you helping me with the divorce?” he asked, following her as she walked a few steps away from him. “I just want to hear what you have to say.”
“Because I couldn’t, all right?” she cried. “I couldn’t walk away. I was bound and determined to leave you in the dust after you married that fucking Bitch. You gave her a duplicate of my ring, and then you married her! I didn’t even want to think about you, let alone see you. And still, you managed to wiggle your way back in.”
She turned around and smacked his chest again. He let her lash out without even trying to stop her. She wasn’t really hurting him, but she wished that she had the energy to. She wished she had the energy to fight him and not cave to his words.
“I wanted you gone, but then when I was around you again, it felt right. It always feels so right and so easy. Then, you were my friend…even when I thought you were going to try something…even when I fucking wanted it, you held back. You were the only person aside from Chyna that I could count on. Do you know how fucking strange that has been? But I didn’t just like it…I started craving it. You were always there to pick me up. You even defended me against Bekah…your own fucked-up wife. I let you be that person. And now what?”
Lexi stopped fighting him and hung her head low. Her hands still rested on his chest where she had been hitting him.
“You’re still here. You’re still a part of me. I can’t seem to get rid of you, Jack. And I don’t want to,” she whispered, defeated.
“And I don’t want you to either,” he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Seth has always said that you’re my girl. Well…I’m your guy. I always have been. I’ve just been too damn scared to do anything about it. But I’ll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers again. I’m yours. You’re mine. Just…be mine.”
“It’s not that easy, Jack,” she said, tears pooling in her eyes.
His thumbs brushed against her cheeks, sweeping away the fallen tears. “Nothing is ever easy with us, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for. The best things in life are worth fighting for, and you’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.”
She couldn’t breathe. It was just like Jack to flip her world upside down. It was just like him to make her feel the most intense emotions. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jack continued, “I don’t want it to be easy. I just want it to be right, and the only way it’s ever going to be right is with you.”
“I need to…I need to sleep on it. I need to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…I’m not in the right mind-set to make a decision,” she said, trying to forestall this, trying to hold back. Because if she let loose, then she didn’t know what would happen. She had to change the subject, or she might combust. “What are you going to do about work?”
Jack waved off the question. “I don’t care. I’ll get another job. I’ve already been looking.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere. Does it even matter? I’ll go anywhere as long as I have you,” he said with earnest.
“Jack, you’re still married,” she reminded him, hoping to put some much-needed distance between them.
Jack groaned and shook his head. He looked like talking about his marriage at the moment was the last thing on his mind.
He wanted her. He fucking wanted her. How long had she been craving those words?
But could she even trust that they would last? Could she trust that if another predictable blonde walked by, he wouldn’t walk, too? Two years ago, she would have said with certainty that he would run scared. He would find another Danielle, another Kate, another Bekah. He would look for something stable and solid, just like he had said, and leave her behind in the dust.
Second-best.
That was what she had been for so long. But she didn’t feel second-best any longer. Sure, they hadn’t been working toward a romantic relationship for the past two years, but they had been working toward a relationship. They had been working toward a friendship. And it was as solid and stable and perfect as she could have ever wanted from anyone…let alone, Jack.
He hadn’t put her second.
He had exchanged the D-Bags tickets for the front row because he knew she wanted to be closer. He hadn’t put a move on her, and he had respected her relationship with Ramsey. He had defended her to Bitch Bekah against Elisa. He had followed her that night on the beach. Even drunk and desperate, he had told her to leave his place. He hadn’t wanted to fuck up her relationship. And then, when her relationship was in shambles, he had still waited four whole days before telling her how he felt and risking his feelings. And she was almost certain that he wouldn’t have said anything at all if he had thought that she was going to go running back to Ramsey on that first day.
“I’ll be divorced in three weeks. I’ll let Bekah say whatever she wants. I’ll just get it over with, and then I’ll be free.”
“You can’t let her win like that,” Lexi said, the lawyer in her coming out automatically.
“She’s not winning when I’m gone.”
“She won’t see it like that. You need to fight.”
“I don’t want to prolong the proceedings. I just want her gone,” he said earnestly.
Lexi bit her lip and closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this right now. She couldn’t think about this with Jack’s words spiraling through her mind.
“Lex, look at me,” he whispered. “Please.”
Her eyes fluttered open and she stared into his baby blue eyes.
“I already told you what I think. I think you should leave him. Not because of me, but for you. To save this,” he said, pointing at her heart. “I just want you to open your eyes and do what your heart wants. Does it want that person, that life?”
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and then straightened, giving her the space she needed.
“I took what you said to heart, and I tried to listen to you. I tried to commit, to work through my issues, to let you go, to let you be happy. You were the catalyst, but I did those things for me. I did them to make me a better person,” he told her. “You once asked why you weren’t good enough for me when my eyes were open. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with what was wrong with me. And Lex, I just want you to feel good enough for yourself with your eyes open.”
PRESENT
Lexi pulled out her cell phone and prayed for Chyna to answer. She and Adam were returning from their honeymoon today. Lexi knew it was selfish to rain on Chyna’s parade as soon as she got back, but there wasn’t much else that she could do. She needed to talk to her best friend. She needed Chyna to calm her down.
Knowing it was her only opportunity to speak to Chyna before Lexi got off work later tonight, she had taken a break from court for an early dinner. She hadn’t been able to sleep last night, and she was worse for wear because of it. Sleeping in Jack’s bed, even alone, with all of his words pushing through her mind, demanding her attention, had been impossible. She had tossed and turned all night until she finally fell into a restless slumber a few hours before she had to be up.
She hadn’t seen Jack in the mor
ning, and Lexi had assumed that had been on purpose. He probably wanted to give her the space she needed.
Lose Jack and be with Ramsey.
Be with Jack and lose Ramsey.
Be by herself without either of them.
Move back to New York, start a new life, rebound-fuck John all over again.
Run from her past for a future that couldn’t even begin to handle her emotional baggage.
“Chica!” Chyna cried.
She sounded hella happy in that moment, and it made Lexi frown at the thought of bringing her down.
“I’m glad you’re back.”
“Oh my God. I’m not. I could live on the beach with the ocean and a private cabana on a private island, having marathon sex and drinking my life away. It was pure bliss. Pure fucking bliss, Alexa,” Chyna crooned.
“It’s good to hear that,” Lexi said sullenly. She knew Chyna didn’t have a picture-perfect life, but she had a life with Adam that was about as pristine as it could get since that last breakup when they had finally decided to commit.
“What did I miss? You sound like you’re…perpetually, emotionally distraught.”
“It’s not perpetual.”
Chyna snorted. “Yeah, okay.”
“Whatever.”
“What? Don’t act dumb. You’re a hot mess. I’ve come to live with it. At least you’re hot.”
She could practically see Chyna shrugging it off.
“Are you still drunk? You’re talking like an idiot. Or is that just your perpetual state?” Lexi asked harshly.
“Drunk is my perpetual state. We both know I’m a genius,” Chyna said with a giggle.
“Oh…totally. Genius.”
“Anyway, you shit. What’s up with you and that buzzkill sound coming out of your mouth?”
Really, she could always rely on Chyna for an understanding, caring pick-me-up.
“I walked out on Ramsey, left the house, and haven’t seen or spoken to him in, um…five days. I went to Jack’s, and he’s in love with me. So, I guess he wants to be with me. Now, I have to decide what I want to do, because I don’t think that they’re down for a threesome,” Lexi said, letting it all out in a rushed paraphrase of everything that had happened.
“Damn. That would be some really good hate sex,” Chyna mused aloud.
“Chyna!” Lexi cried. Sometimes, her best friend astounded her, but still, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“What? What do you want me to say? You’re in the same position you were three years ago, except this time, you have the baggage to boot with Ramsey and a diamond ring on your finger. This is the same conversation we had before I got married. What do you want?” Chyna implored. “You don’t need a guy to make you happy. You wouldn’t have spent three years in law school killing yourself if that were the case. If Ramsey doesn’t make you happy, then let him go. If Jack doesn’t make you happy, then let him go. If the only thing that will make you happy is a threesome, I know some people who could help with that.”
Lexi laughed again. “I think I’ll pass.”
“Your loss.”
“Chyna,” she said softly, contemplating what she had said, “what if I don’t know what I want?”
“You do. You’ve always known. You just have to stop thinking about what everyone else wants. Ramsey wants you. Jack wants you. I bet John still wants you. I fucking want you back in New York, but I’m not going to ask you to come back unless that’s what you want!”
“Well, I have to talk to Ramsey tonight and decide what I’m going to do.”
“Whatever you do, it will be the right choice because it’s for you, chica. No one can tell you that you made the wrong choice. No one. I’m certainly not going to. If anyone tries to say that what you decided to do wasn’t right, then you just remind that person that it’s your life. No one else is going to live it but you. So, why not live by my philosophy? Do whatever the hell you want and tell everyone else to just fuck off.”
Chyna made everything sound so easy. It was, after all, Lexi’s decision, and she was the one who would have to live with the choice that she made. It didn’t exactly make the decision easier because she still had to choose. She still had to hurt someone who she cared deeply for. But at least when she made the decision, she would know that it was the right one.
“Thanks, C.”
“Good luck tonight. Call me later to let me know how it goes. I want to book you a flight back up to celebrate.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to do,” Lexi said.
“First, I so know what you’re going to do. I’m just waiting for you to know what you’re going to do. And second, we’re not celebrating you choosing someone. We’re celebrating you putting yourself first and making the right choice for you,” Chyna told her. “That’s the Lexi I knew who called me a slut and a whore outside of the club and fucking smirked at me like you knew it was true. That’s the Lexi who placed in the top ten of her class and passed the New York and Georgia bar in the same summer. You’ve got it all, chica. Now, take what you want.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Oh no! I’m not telling you what to do. I love you, but I’m not making that decision. I chose Adam. Now, it’s your turn.”
Lexi nodded and took a deep breath. It was time for that. Chyna was right. Glancing down at her watch, she realized how quickly her break was disappearing, and if she wanted to eat anything, then she needed to get off the phone.
After ending her call with Chyna, Lexi shot off a quick text message to Ramsey.
We need to talk tonight. Can I call you when I get off work, so we can meet up?
Of course. I can’t wait to see you and hear your voice.
Lexi bit her lip and thought about the decision she had to make going forward. It was all she could think about throughout her meal, in the courtroom, and back in her office late that night. Her boss cut her out early because she was so out of it. He told her to be better prepared tomorrow, or he was cutting her from the case, too. That was hardly true since she had done all the legwork on the project, but it still stung when he said that to her.
It also didn’t help that by sending her home early, he was forcing her to face her problems hours before she was ready. Though, she would likely never be ready. She just had to suck it up and face what she was walking into.
Lexi pulled her phone out and stared down at Ramsey’s number. She had to do this. There wasn’t anywhere else for her to go, nowhere else for her to hide. And she didn’t want to anymore. She was tired of this feeling, and having this conversation was the only way to get rid of it.
“Hey,” she said when Ramsey answered the phone.
“Hey,” he said just as softly. “It’s really good to hear from you.”
“Yeah. Same,” she said truthfully. It was good to hear from him. She had missed him in the short time they had been apart…as much from the physical distance as the emotional. “Can we meet to talk? I’d rather have this conversation in person.”
“Sure. Do you want to come home?” he asked, using that last word like he was tightening a vise grip on her heart.
“I think I would rather talk somewhere else.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Do you want to meet me at the hospital or something? I don’t know many other places that will be open and conducive to a conversation at this time of night.”
Ugh! One of the last places she wanted to be was at the hospital, surrounded by Bridges Enterprise with the knowledge that Parker was such an important actor in that company. But Lexi hadn’t thought about the fact that everything was closing soon.
“Is Parker going to be there?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t keep tabs on her, and since our conversation last week, she has made herself scarce,” he said stiffly.
“Scarce in her own hospital?”
“I might have had words with her.”
Lexi could imagine how that had gone. She didn’t doubt that Ramsey had probably blown up
on Parker about the abortion paperwork. He had a short temper when it came to Parker, and Lexi had seen his short fuse unleash on Parker before. Lexi didn’t think Parker was necessarily a bad person, and she wondered in that moment what she thought about all of this, not that she wanted to talk to Parker to find out. Lexi was still pretty pissed that Parker had the audacity to bring that paperwork to Ramsey in the first place.
“All right. If you think she won’t be around, then I’ll come by.”
“Okay, I’ll head over there now,” he said eagerly.
Lexi hung up the phone with a sigh and placed it back in her purse. It was strange, as a lawyer, to hate confrontation, but she really did. Maybe it was just different because this was her personal life, and work had nothing to do with her, but it felt so much worse.
She drove across town to the hospital and parked in the staff parking lot as normal. She knew that Ramsey had likely beaten her here, and he was probably already waiting for her in his office. She tapped her foot anxiously in her car before getting up the nerve to head out. She knew she shouldn’t drag her feet and put off the inevitable.
Lexi breezed through the sliding glass doors and into the massive hospital entranceway. Her feet carried her toward the elevator when she heard her name being called out through the haze she was in. She shook her head and turned to face the direction where she had heard her name.
“Lexi!” Cierra said, waving at her. “What are you doing here? It’s late!”
“Oh, hey,” Lexi said softly. She hadn’t wanted to run into anyone. “Just coming to see Ramsey. I didn’t think you worked the late shift.”
“They started requiring us all to work one a week. I guess enough people didn’t want to work the night shifts.”
“Oh.” That was all she could manage. Her mind was elsewhere.
“I’m glad I got to see you. I really wanted to talk about the wedding. Just let me know if I need to help with anything or meet up with the other bridesmaids for anything for you,” Cierra said, her face an open book as far as emotions went.
Lexi sighed and bit her lip. She liked Cierra, and she had wanted her as part of the wedding party, but she didn’t really trust anyone but Chyna with what had happened between her and Ramsey and Jack. And she couldn’t talk about a wedding right now.