Break Me Down

by Tasha Gwartney

  More than his own pain, he remembered the pain of hearing the cries down the hall as his mother cried herself to sleep every single night. That was the first time he ever felt hatred for his father. How he could hurt the one woman who gave him everything was beyond Brice.

  “Brandon,” Kris said as she grabbed a coffee mug and filled it up. Her blonde hair was held up in a ponytail, and she wore one of her fancy court suits. It was a black skirt with a white shirt, and a black overcoat as a jacket.

  “What is it Mom? What’s so important,” he asked, cutting straight to the point.

  “I just want to say something before I tell you anything. Try to be open minded about this,” she started as she stood across from where he sat.

  “Just spit it out, Mom. Rip the Band-Aid off. I know it’s bad, or at least something I’m not going to want to hear, so just tell me what the hell it is,” Brice snapped. It was very rare when he would snap at his mother, but he needed her to just get on with the point of all of this.

  “Your father wants to see you,” she finally said, after many moments of silence.

  Brice said nothing. He just stared at his mother. His father wanted to see him? After four years with barely one word, now he wanted to come back into his life? Was his new life not enough anymore?

  Brice didn’t say anything as his mother continued to talk about how his father stopped by her office, gave her his number and begged for her forgiveness. He couldn’t believe any of this was happening. He’d finally gotten his life back on track.

  “There’s one more thing that you should know, Brice,” his mother told him as she snapped her fingers to try to get his attention.

  Blinking in surprise, he shrugged off his thoughts. “What is it, Mom?”

  “He has another family. Of course you knew he was married, but what you didn’t know was that he has kids, other than you. Three of them,” Kris told him nervously.

  Kids? He could be a father to those kids, but he didn’t have the decency to be one to him? Bastard.

  “How old are they?” Brice asked.

  “Two, four and five.”

  “Five? He only left four years ago,” Brice said as the painful realization set in. “He already had another kid when he left?”

  “He did. Brice, you have to know that he loves you. No matter what he’s done, this is your chance to repair your relationship with him. Don’t let this get in the way of that.” Kris was actually defending him.

  “Excuse me? Are you seriously defending him? After everything he’s done, you’re going to stand here and tell me to give him a chance?” Brice asked in disbelief. How could she of all people be defending him?

  “I know it’s hard for you to understand, but he thought it was what was best for you,” she said.

  “Just stop,” Brice said, moving from his chair and throwing it across the room. “I heard you cry for years after he left. Every single night. How can you stand here telling me to give him another chance?” Brice questioned, trying to figure out his mother’s motives.

  “I believe in forgiveness, and so should you.”

  “I don’t believe in it where it concerns him. He had a kid, Mom! A kid before he even left us,” Brice started. He had one more painful realization. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew that he had another child before he left.”

  Her silence gave him the answer he needed. How could she keep this from him? How in the world did the one person he trusted and believed in the most in this world, betray his trust? His parents had been lying to him for the past four years.

  He’d expected this from his father. His mother was another story. She’d always put him first, always there for him when he needed her. Kris rarely ever lied to him, but now he’d found that she’d been lying to him for the past four years and it sent a pain right through his heart.

  “How could you,” he whispered, disappointment on his face.

  “Brice, I just wanted to protect you,” she tried to defend herself.

  “No, you should have told me and you didn’t. I’m not a child. There were plenty of opportunities for you to tell me. How in the hell could you keep something that is so important from me?” Brice shouted at his mother. He never yelled at her, but today he’d had enough.

  “Brice, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you…”

  Cutting her off immediately, he pounded his fist on the counter, making her jump. “You did though, Mom. I expected this from Dad; I know who and what he is. But I never expected this kind of betrayal from you. You’ve been the one person I relied on most in the past four years. Hell, even before that. I trusted you to always be honest with me, but you weren’t.”

  “Brice, I’m so sorry,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “I just wanted to protect you from any more hurt. He caused you so much pain; I couldn’t bear to see you hurt anymore.”

  “That wasn’t your decision to make. You can’t protect me with a lie. God, I can’t do this not right now. I’m leaving,” Brice said, and without another word he grabbed the keys to his bike and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Shay took the headphones out of her ears as she closed the door to her bedroom behind her. She just returned from an hour long run with her father. It was really nice to finally be getting back to who she was, but at the same time, she was also becoming someone else.

  She was becoming someone who didn’t fear what tomorrow would bring. She had Brice to thank for her progress and, even if it took forever, she would somehow someday make it up to him. After taking a long bubble bath, with the scent of vanilla, she went into her bedroom to find six missed calls from an unknown number. She had two voicemails as well. Before she could check them though, her phone began to buzz again.

  “Hello?”

  “Shay, it’s Kris. I’m so glad you finally answered,” Kris told her through the phone. Shay could hear the relief in her voice.

  “Is something wrong,” she asked, unsure of the reason for the call.

  “I’m not sure. I was calling to see if you’ve seen Brice. We had a fight six hours ago, and he left. I haven’t seen him and it’s getting late. I’m really worried about him. He’s a lot of things, but it isn’t like him to do this,” Kris said, sounding as if she was crying.

  “I’m sorry, I haven’t heard from him. I can text him for you if you’d like. But I’m not sure he’d answer if he’s upset,” Shay offered.

  “Would you do that? Please,” she begged.

  “Hold on for a sec,” Shay said as she removed her phone from her ear and sent him a quick text.

  [Shay:] Where are you?

  “If I hear from him, I’ll have him call you. I promise,” Shay said just before her and Kris said their goodbyes.

  She wasn’t sure what to make of what Kris said. From what Brice told her, he rarely ever fought with his mother. Which led her to believe that whatever it was they were fighting about was really bad. She couldn’t stop herself from worrying as she paced around the room. She’d never worried this much before.

  An hour passed and she still heard nothing from him. She just wanted to know that he was okay; she wanted to know that he was safe.

  Her heart began to ache with worry when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She wasn’t ready to deal with her mom, dad, or Chris right now, but she knew if she didn’t answer the door they’d come barging in. The last thing she expected to see when she opened the door was Brice.

  He was a mess. His brown hair fell in his eyes. He was wearing a plaid shirt, blue jeans and a pair of Converse sneakers. His eyes were red, and she could see the evidence of old tears on his face. He just looked like a broken mess. It dawned on her in that moment, that Brice had saved her from herself so many times, and now it was time for her to save him.

  “Brice, I’ve been so worried about you,” she exclaimed as she pulled him inside and closed the door behind her.

  “I got your text, and I’m sorry I didn’t respond. I needed t
o see you though. Shay, I need you so much,” he told her, plopping on the bed and covering his eyes with his arm.

  “Your mom told me you ran out after a fight. Is everything okay?”

  “It’s far from okay, Shay. It’s bad. I’ve never had a fight like that with her before, but I can’t stand to look at her. She betrayed me, even worse than my father.”

  “What happened?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does matter. You pushed me to talk to you about my secret. Brice, you saved me, you helped, and now let me help you.”

  “My father has three new children. One of them was born before he and my mom even divorced.”

  “Brice, I’m sorry,” Shay said, wanting to take away his every ache and pain. It couldn’t be easy knowing your father abandoned you, let alone had a whole new family of his own.

  “She knew. She knew about that kid, and she didn’t tell me. She betrayed me,” Brice commented as Shay sat on her bed and pulled his head into her lap.

  “Brice, I’m sure she just wanted to protect you,” Shay said. His mother was a very generous woman. She’d never ever intentionally do anything to hurt Brice. She loved him more than life itself.

  “How is lying to me protecting me?” Brice yelled, getting off the bed and crossing the room. Shay never saw Brice angry until now. “How is the fact that she kept something very important from me protecting me? She lied to me, Shay! For four years, just like my dad did. I thought she trusted me enough to be honest with me. I thought my dad left because he fell in love with someone else, but it’s all a lie. It’s dawned on me that he didn’t just leave because of my mother; he didn’t want me either. He picked his other children over his first born and I’m sick and tired of trying to make sense of it all. The fact that she was dishonest with me tells me that we weren’t as close as I thought were. “

  “Brice, don’t do that. She loves you so much…”

  Not even bothering to hear the rest of her statement, Brice cut Shay off. “I don’t need you to defend her, Shay. What I need is for my girlfriend to be there for me. I just need you. Okay, I know you like her, but she lied to me. For four years. I can’t just get over that. Not yet,” Brice said. Shay could see tears forming in his eyes. It scared her. She’d never seen this side of him before and she just wanted to heal his pain.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m here, Brice, I’ll always be here, just like you were there for me.” She spoke gently as they stood face to face. Putting her hands to his face, she wiped away his tears the way he’d done for her the night all her secrets were exposed.

  “Shay, he wants to see me. How am I supposed to handle any of this when he walked out on me and barely maintained a residence in my life? How do I let him back in when the very thought of him makes me sick?” Brice asked her, in hopes that she’d have some kind of answer.

  “I can’t tell you what to do Brice, but I can tell you that if you don’t get some kind of closure it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You don’t have to have a relationship with him, not at all. If you want to tell him to fuck off, go for it. But if you don’t go to at least hear what he has to say, you’ll regret it.”

  Brice just stared at her as she wiped away his tears. She had a point, and he was curious as to why his father wanted anything to do with him now.

  “You’re right. God, where have you been all my life,” he asked, grabbing on to her and holding on for dear life. After his world crashed down today, he was glad to see one thing that had stayed the same. Something wonderful.

  “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  “Will you come with me?” Brice asked, afraid to look at her, not wanting to be rejected to his face.

  “Where?” Shay asked, confused by his question.

  “To see him,” Brice answered. He knew this would be something he had to do, but at this point, he just wasn’t sure that he could face this alone. He needed something to make him feel secure, something that wouldn’t send him over the edge. He knew himself well enough to know that he was he was capable of self-destructive. When he got pissed off, he did something reckless, and he didn’t want to be that man anymore. If anything, he wanted to be the better man, he wanted to be the better man for Shay.

  “Is that what you want,” she asked.

  “More than anything,” he admitted, not caring how vulnerable and naive he sounded in the moment.

  “Then yes, I’ll go with you. Brice, I promise that everything is going to be okay. You trust me, right?” Shay asked. The whole time they’d been together, it was always about her trusting Brice, it had never been about him trusting her until now.

  “With my life, Shay,” he said as he leaned in to kiss her for the first time since he’d arrived.

  “You mean so much to me.”

  “I know, handsome. You mean just as much to me.”

  “Handsome?” He blinked in surprise. The only thing she’d ever called him was Mr. Hotshot.

  “Are you not handsome?”

  “Well, I’m not one to brag, but I’m definitely handsome. In fact, I’m the most handsome guy in this town. Not that you need to check that out,” Brice informed her, forming a smile.

  “I believe you,” she laughed. “Are you going to go home tonight?”

  “No, I’ll probably just crash at my buddy’s house tonight. I can’t face her. Not right now.”

  “You could stay here,” she suggested in a whisper.

  Brice stared at her with wide eyes. Of course he and Shay had spent the night together before. Twice, in fact. But it was never once her suggestion. Was this really what she wanted, or was she just being the giving person that she was?

  “I couldn’t impose. Shay, I don’t want you to feel like you have to offer me a place to stay just because I’m upset,” he told her in a firm voice. He didn’t want her pity, he just wanted her.

  “I didn’t offer you a place to stay because I feel sorry for you. I don’t. I don’t pity you. You of all people should know that I’d never do that, especially after everything I’ve told you. I offered you a place to say because I care about you. More than that, I feel safe in your arms and hope you feel safe in mine.”

  “Are you sure it’s okay?” Brice asked, not wanting to get her into trouble. “What about your parents?”

  “They each have a career Brice. They get up really early. As for Chris, he’d never say anything. He likes you and he wouldn’t rat you out.”

  “Then I’d be honored. I just want to hold you. I want to feel you against me, and I want to feel like all is right again in the world,” Brice confessed as he led her to the bed and pulled is shirt over his head.

  “There’s something we should talk about though,” Shay confessed as she lay her head on Brice’s chest.

  “What’s the matter?” Brice asked.

  “It’s my dad. He wants you to come over for dinner,” Shay announced. She could see Brice’s facial expression change soon after.

  “What,” he asked in disbelief. The last he’d heard, her father was still dead set on them not being together.

  “I don’t know how it happened, but he’s accepted the fact that you make me happy. He wants me to be happy, Brice, and he knows that you do that. He wants to get to know you. And I know you have every right to say no, but please. This is the dad I know and love. This is the one that I wanted you to know,” Shay explained.

  “I’ll do it for you,” Brice told her.

  “Okay,” she said, closing her eyes against his chest as his hair prickled on her cheek.

  “Shay?” Brice said her name as if he wanted to tell her something important.

  “Yes?” She asked, still relaxing against his chest.

  “I love you.”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Shay woke up wrapped in Brice’s arms. She was still freaking about his declaration from last night. He told her he loved her and she had said nothing in return. She was a coward; instead of saying something, she j
ust lay on his chest and said, “Oh.”

  How stupid could she be?

  He confessed something that was probably really hard for him to say and all she could say was, “oh”. That was the worst response she could have given him, especially after the night he had. She imagined that Brice was disappointed in her for not giving him a real response. She didn’t blame him one bit.

  Slowly getting out of her bed, she left him to sleep as the sunlight bounced off his skin. He looked so peaceful. She could watch him sleep forever. He looked relaxed and comforted as he began to softly snore.

  “Why are you staring at me,” Brice asked, opening his eyes. His brown hair fell over his face as he rolled over and sat up.

  “I was just thinking,” Shay admitted.

  “About what?”

  “Brice, I’m sorry,” she said, feeling the emotions ready to consume her.

  “For what,” he asked, taking her hands in his.

  “You told me you loved me, and I just said oh. And I should have said…”

  “Stop talking. I’m not going to take back what I said; I meant it. I love you. I think I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you with those beautiful blue eyes, and these pretty little curls.” He started curling his finger around a strand of her hair. “I didn’t expect you to say it back. Sure, maybe I hoped a little bit, but I don’t want you to say it if you’re not there. I only want you to say it if you mean it.”

  “Okay,” was all that she said in response. “What are you doing today?”

  “Well, first I have to go by my house to shower and change. Then, I was going to drive out to see my dad,” Brice responded as he got out of bed and put his shirt on.

  “You’re leaving,” Shay asked him, disappointment rising inside her.